The Redneck Ninja
*KA-SHING!* "Not today, you abomidable witch of the damned!" The redneck ninja spoke, as he steadied his glowing sword. "Take that, and that, and THAT! That will teach you to try serving Mushroom pasta to poor people on weekends!"
"Johnathan, what are you doing?"
Startled, the controller flew into the air, while zombies continued to pound on the ninja. "You have died, Press ESC to continue..." read across the screen of the monitor. Startled, Johnathan stands up from his chair, muttering, "Er, I, ee, uhm...nothing. What are you doing?"
Retoring, the woman says, "I was doing the dishes, and with all the talk of death-threats and yelling in here, I just broke three glasses!"
"So? I blew up and enitre Zombie warehouse, but you don't see ME shouting about it!"
"Ok, Johnathan, that was a nightclub, NOT, A, ZOMBIE STRONGHOLD! And yes, you were prattling on about it to me for a week!"
"Hah, yeah...but, Rachel, those pale faced abominations were plotting something! What with their dark curses and magic, and-"
"They're Goths John, and it was poetry. It was'nt hurting anyone."
"Did'nt hurt anyone? You did'nt have to listen to it! I was overcome with the urge to rip off my ears! Imagine what other diabolical purposes that kind of magical control could have had!"
"I cannot BELEIVE, I am having this discussion with you again. Why the hell do I continue to stick up for you?!"
"You go around killing people, which, I must admit they are'nt missed much, by, anyone, but, still, our son is going to turn out like you some day!"
"D*mnit Johnathan! This is'nt funny!"
"You're darn right it is'nt! If I can't end this unholy war against these monsters, then I'll have to pass that legacy on. Just like My great uncle passed it on to me, which was passed on to him by his-"
"Have you even thought that kids are going to make fun of him in school because his dad is a deluded idiot?! Have you ever even bothered to think what would happen if someone found out about you? James and I would be-"
"No, not you, -"
"He's Johnathan Juniour."
"His birth certificate says James."
"Only because you flirted with the judge!"
Rubbing her head, Rachel says to herself, "And I still can't beleive we went to court over it either."
Suddenly, the phone rang. Rachel, looking akwardly at it, looks at her watch. "Who the hell could be calling this late?"