Waltz. Serenity. (PG.) Original. Part I, II(unfinished)

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Waltz. Serenity. (PG.) Original. Part I, II(unfinished)

Postby LabrysWaltz » Fri Apr 06, 2007 6:35 pm

This is the first part of a short story I'm writing. Ideally it'll actually be as long as a novella but I'm being realistic for now and calling it a short story.

So yeah I know I keep saying I'm a writer but please don't expect much of it. I just like writing a lot and feel I'm a tiny bit better at it than I am at other things (except maybe videogames :P). Its probably not that good, so please any opinions, comments, or critiques would be greatly appreciated.

In case you want a heads up this story is a fantasy although it is hard to tell this early. The main character is a young woman. There is really not much else to tell at this point. The first part doesn't really explain much or give a ton of info, it more sets the mood.

Anyway here it is on my deviantart:
http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/52590698/

I also decided to put the whole thing here too, so here it is again:
====================================================
Serenity- Part I

Twilight came as the stars rose to their summer homes in the sky. The silver light of the moon was accented only by the surrounding blackness of the night. It was a cloudless and clear night with a slight breeze. It felt comfortable, and no light was necessary as nature gave her its candles from above. The girl’s long, light brown hair waved in the breeze as she held her arms crossed lightly. She was alone in the field of soft grass which bent in the wind, dancing around her ankles. Still her emerald eyes looked past the rolling hills to the forest beyond. The girl was far from what others had once called her home. Now she stood alone in thought. She was not running away, she was just running. The field she was in was just one stopping point, one pause, in her journey. Sweet serenity consumed her, but only for one brief and fleeting moment. One day she would find somewhere she belonged and a new place would be called by both others and herself home.

She slept in the open that night as the celestial heavens looked down upon her. Her sleep was as silent as the night around her and yet she was troubled inside. Dreams overtook her peaceful slumber. They were dreams of the past, the present, and dreams of things she had yet to understand. The cryptic messages invaded her mind more than usual that particular night. It seemed that the events gone by were still haunting her. But she was strong now. She had to be.

The girl woke up as the sun lazily climbed above the trees to bathe her in its warm rays. With no real idea where she was going she had no worries of being late to wherever it was. So she lay in the grass for a few moments and stretched out before getting up and brushing herself off. Then it was time to move again. For the time being she wasn’t keen on staying in the same place too long, it had only ever created more problems. Trouble seemed to follow her, and even the peaceful surroundings did not remedy the feeling of agitation which crept over her. She had to keep moving.

The day’s travel was mostly uneventful and undisturbed. The paths were empty and barely visible. The roads she took were largely abandoned and had not been traveled for years. These are the types of roads she always took though, as she preferred it if she did not run into another human soul when she was traveling between stops. Distractions were commonplace on the busy routes and she had been many times guilty of letting those distractions get the better of her. She felt the need to keep moving, but if she never stopped she would never find out where she was or get a clue as to where she was going. If she had no reason to stop, though, she could get away without having to. Soon she entered the forest again and continued to follow the ragged path she was on. Deeper into the woods she reached a fork in the path. There was an old rotten wooden sign pointing to continue going straight towards some town. The letters were long ago worn away. Another marker next to the sign was stone and simply pointed towards a new looking and well kept path that branched out eastward. The girl decided to try this new road and followed it. With the low sun watching her, she set out again.

Silence. It was the first thing that hit her as she entered the village. Perhaps it was abandoned… or perhaps not. A lone window spoke soft candlelight onto the wall of a neighboring building. However as she looked towards the light it quickly went out like a mouse ducking back into its hole when a cat appears. As she walked forward it became more apparent that the town was not abandoned after all. The village was lacking the characteristic fine layer of dirt and dust abandoned villages have. Usually as the voices of people fade, the voices of nature replace them. It was too clean and too quiet.

It was like the town was preparing for war or some sort of bandit raid. It makes no sense though, she thought. If there was one thing she noticed near the village, it was the actual lack of anything. No dark presences, no evil beings, no pirates, no bandits, no armies, no other travelers for that matter. There weren’t even shadows for anything to hide in… no shadows? After a day’s travel it was night again and another crisp and clear one. The wind was gone and the moon illuminated the village, yet there were no shadows. She looked down. Her shadow was there and acting like a normal shadow, yet the rest of the village was shadowless. What was going on?

She knocked on the first door and was greeted with nothing. Second… nothing… third… nothing… fourth… nothing... She came to another door near the middle of the village and tried her luck. She knocked once… one knock answered… she knocked twice… two knocks responded. She didn’t know what compelled her to, but suddenly she decided to look up and she noticed an open window. It was oddly familiar in fact. Then she realized it was the same window that was lit before. She finally decided to yell so her voice could penetrate the heavy wooden door to whoever might be inside. The only response was the creak of the door opening. A small old man was in the doorway and behind him showed a tiny room with one candle in the corner. The man blankly looked at her and she looked at him. The candle projected shadows in the room… including his. She gave a quiet sigh of relief and suddenly the man walked toward her and she backed away until they were both in the street. His shadow had disappeared. With silence enveloping both of them the man raised his arm straight and pointed in one direction. Out.

The door closed as the man retreated into the house. The girl knocked… nothing. Figures, she thought. She looked up and the window was shut. It had somehow closed while the man was outside. Now the house blended in with the rest, just another quiet and dark building like every other. The man had left nothing answered.

Serenity- Part II (unfinished)

A tree here, a boulder there, right turn, left turn, about 30 paces forward; she remembered each step almost as though she was planning an escape route. The small creepy village was useless to investigate further but she decided to remember where it was anyway. There apparently was something magic about it and she knew she might end up visiting there again one day. She had yet to find a single new mystery that did not end up relating back to the ones she already had. Her life since she started traveling always felt like one large game where someone else was controlling all the pieces. Everything was always too convenient.

The girl continued on her path, stopping rarely only to eat what little hard bread she had. The next town was coming soon and she was looking forward to a real meal for once. Cavrerville was the next town if she was correct in her navigations. At this point she was running on a map only available in her mind, but she was relatively sure it was accurate. She had been to Cavrerville before, it was a cozy town, small enough to be called a town, but large enough that its inhabitants were well off. It was a crossroads and they made enough money from travelers to do good for themselves. Still it remained personal and warm enough that the regulars would always be recognized. The girl had been there just often enough that the bartenders and innkeepers knew her. A few others would probably recognize her too.

She thought about skipping past Cavrerville, it would be nice to visit but she did not want to end up getting stuck staying there. Last time she continually performed favors for everyone so just as she finished something she would begin something else. Then everyone would pay her back with meals and presents. She enjoyed staying there, but after being there for nearly two weeks she didn’t want to stay any longer. She didn’t want that to happen again and wanted to keep moving. However she was desperately in need of a real bed and meal that Cavrerville offered, so she continued moving onwards.

Here and there the sunlight glinted off a metal chimney top or a glass window. She could smell the fires burning in their places and see the buildings through the forest trees which were getting progressively more and more sparse. The path she was on stretched forward perhaps half a mile and then the town began. She caught herself smiling widely and proceeded to cover her mouth in her hands hiding it. It was a habit she had gotten in to even though no one was around yet. She let her hands fall back to her side and they hit her waist with a small noise. At that same instance she heard a rustling in the shadows near the path. She stopped. She listened. She looked. Nothing. Was it her imagination? She was admittedly tired and getting anxious, so she let it go and continued.

Soon she was walking amidst the roads and paths of Cavrerville. The buildings where scrunched together like fish in a crate, but they stood tall. Hues of grey and tan covered the walls and bright blue and greens showed off the rooftops. Square windows with always shining glass reflected the same sun that glinted off the twisted metal chimneys. Shops, Taverns, homes, apartments, and Inns made up the buildings. Meanwhile vendors, merchants, traders, townsfolk and travelers crowded the streets. No one gave her a second look as most people were used to the strangest of travelers passing through, and she did not stand out that much. So she headed for her favorite tavern and inn, it was one building, like most in the town. The bottom was a tavern while the top contained the inn. She knew if she could find both food and bed, then that would be the place.

The door swung open and the girl walked in slowly but purposely. Everyone stared at her for a minute, and then returned to their own affairs. The bar of the tavern with its warm light and yet dark atmosphere made her glad to be off the street. A few people spoke words of both greetings and jests but the girl remained silent. She approached the counter and sat down staring at a bottle on the wall. The bartender caught her gaze and raised an eyebrow at her. Then he just shrugged and poured her a glass from that bottle. She drank it thirstily and produced some coins that she flipped to the bartender. He caught and pocketed them, then returned to some other customers. The girl sat still for awhile staring at her drink in silence.
Last edited by LabrysWaltz on Mon Apr 30, 2007 5:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby whispersoul » Sun Apr 08, 2007 1:57 pm

Oh my god. Perfect Writings; Check. Awesome storyline; Check. Cool Details; Check.

I say this fits to be a novel, even if it's a short story. Amazing. And it isn't half-bad at all. It's all part of what you call "Perfect Writing".

Great part of your short story. Please continue Updating.
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McDurg- I dunno' whispaho, I've seen some pretty hot things in my life. Like myself. I masturbate to my own image every day. :D Naw. How about all three of us combine, in the form of a sexy Godzilla? We would totally fuck Mothra.
Alfimi - *sighs*....things i have to do *corners whisper against the wall* *unbutons shirt**flashes**butons shirt up again* there, enjoy your hearty.
Coos - Whisper's a bitch. :D
Malumultimus - Whisper...you are my favorite worshipper.
Mal again - Nyaaaa~
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Postby LabrysWaltz » Mon Apr 30, 2007 5:39 pm

I added what I have down for the second part even though it's not finished. I'm not adding the second part to DeviantArt until it is finished.

PLEASE leave comments if you actually read it. I can't get better if I have no feed back. Even simple opinions are good. I need to know what I'm doing right to keep doing it and what I'm doing wrong to fix it. Comments make me feel good too, don't you want me to feel good? Pretty Pretty Please? ^_^
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Postby Kyuu » Sat May 05, 2007 9:37 pm

Wow, it's really good. I liked it. ^^
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