Tabby: Sun & Moon: Young Adult: Original: chapter 2 now

Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.

Moderator: Mod Squad

Tabby: Sun & Moon: Young Adult: Original: chapter 2 now

Postby wicca_vamp » Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:44 pm

Hello this is my first online storie and it just happens to be the one that i want to turn into an online comic. But before that happends i want to get some feedback on if it would make a good comic. I can tell you it is about 2 kids that are born from the sun god and the moon goddess( i am a wiccan and it shows in my writing). The kids are split up until they are about 10 yrs old. When they first meet they can each control one elemant. But i am hoping by the end of this story they will each cotrol many elemants. I still dont know what is going to happen to them but i hope you will tell me what you think of it so far. ^_^ I hope that i did this right. I dont know ratings. I figure age would start @ 15.

Added after 1 minutes:

The Brilliant
Sun
&
Moon


by: Tabby

Once long ago there was this group that believed that the sun and moon held special powers over the planets and their people. This group was best know as the Mati Syra Zemlya which comes out to be the moist mother earth. They would pray to Phoebe the Moon Goddess and Helios the God of the Sun. During one of these prayer times the Mati Syra Zemlya saw 2 kids being born from the Sun and Moon. The leader Eros sent 2 smaller groups to find the kids. Only one kids was found and he was still a baby. He was found in a town by the ocean in a small village. He was given the name Adien. The other child was never found. The boy was the son of the moon, as a baby it looked like he had angel wings and as he turned five the wings had disappeared and his looks where more angel like then when he was a baby. From the time that he could walk he was trained in martial arts. By the age of ten the group found out that he could control the element air. Adien had asked Eros a question.

Adien: Eros may I please come in, I need to ask you something.
Eros: Sure my boy, what is it that you need to know.
Adien: May I and a small group of the Mati Syra Zemlya go looking for this other child of the sun and moon. I think that I can find them.
Eros: Why do you want to go looking for this other child?
Adien: Because something is missing. I can fell it every where.
Eros: I will let you go, but please be careful.
Adien: Oh, thank you Eros. Will you please select the one that will go with me.
Eros: Yes i will. Now you need to go get ready. You will leave in the morning after first meal.
Adien: Yes Sir.

Adien then goes back to his room and packs for his journey to find the other child. During the travels the group runs into many dangers. After three months the group comes to a small underground cave in the desert. Adien tells the others to stay outside and make sure that nothing enters or leaves the cave. The other child is around here, I can feel it in the air. As he enters that cave the entrance slams shut like there was a door there. When is eyes focus to the darkness he can see a small light further down the tunnel. Adien yells out to see if anyone answers but no one does.
Last edited by wicca_vamp on Tue Jul 25, 2006 3:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:46 pm

Like the idea Wicca_Vamp. But please read the rules and change the tittle of the thread so it has the following information.
Your name, Story name, Rating, fanfic/Original story.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby Emerald Emblem » Wed Jul 19, 2006 7:48 pm

Interesting, very interesting
Keep it up and we'll how this develops
Image
Lily: few people here are worthy of my rape
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 11975
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 11:36 am
Location: Wherever I please
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:39 pm

As he walks further down the tunnel the light get brighter, when he gets to the sources of the light it all of a sudden gets very dim and makes it hard for him to see. Out of nowhere he gets hit in the middle of his back, and makes him spin around to face his opponent. When Adien look that this person he can see that it is a girl, but that is all he can tell. The girl yells at him.

Girl: You are from the village. You going to try and kill me too. You are going to pay for it.
Adien: I have no idea what you are talking about. What village?
Girl: You know what village. You had to go through it when you came here.
Adien: I did not pass any village to get here. There was no village. Just an old temple that was destroyed.

Adien makes it the air in the cave start to spin around him, causing a small storm. The girl doesn't seem to be affected but the storm.

Girl: Is that the best that you can do?

the girl make the light source explode into brilliant flames that get caught up in the wind storm. When Adien see what she has done, he realizes who she is and drops the storm. The girl does not stop with her fire attacks.

Adien: I know who you are. I came here to take you home.
Girl: You don't know anything about me.
Adien: I know your name is Mint. And you are just like me.
Girl: So what you know my name, who doesn't. We are nothing alike.
Adien: You were born from the sun and moon. And you are older them me by a year or two. That is why they could not find you.
Mint: I will destroy anyone who thinks they are my equal. I am 13 and can control many things. so chose your next words wisely, for they maybe you last.
Adien: Ok, i understand. I dont care what you do to me because i can see the true you...
Adien: The you that you keep hidden because it hurts to much to let it out.
Mint: That is it, you are going to die for that.

Mint had kept up the attacks on Adien while they were talking. When Adien sits down and just looks at her with is crystal blue eyes, Mint seems to make her attacks stronger and stronger as if she was really going to kill him.

Adien: Are you finished yet, my demonic angel? I can see the wings that you are hiding.
Adien: I know it hurts to hid them. I can see that pain. Please let them out.
Mint: No i will not, i can not, not anymore.
Adien: Why cant you?
Mint: They are bound to me by a spell that i can not break. I have tried for so long.
Adien: I am so sorry. Please let me look at them. I know you can see the wings that i am hiding. It is painful for me too.
Mint: No one can touch them and look the marks with out getting hurt.
Adien: I can because i am the son of the moon. and that would make you the daughter of the sun.
Mint: daughter of the sun. What do you mean.
Adien: it will be explained to you when we get back. but please just trust me know one is here to hurt you.
Mint: I will go but i do not trust anyone.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:44 pm

Good update Wicca_Vamp.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:47 pm

thank you. I am trying to keep the ideas going. the longest story that i wrote was 7 pages long. other then that i just write a couple of pages here and there before i loss my train of thought ( dyslexcia).
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Thu Jul 20, 2006 12:51 pm

Sorry to hear that. I hope you can keep the ideas going.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:27 pm

As Mint goes with Adien out of the cave they find that all but 2 of the warriors that came with Adien had been slaughtered. The remaining 2 warriors had fallen unconscious when the battle started. Adien told Mint to say inside of the cave where she will be safe until he finds out what had happened there. As Adien looked around for some clue as to what happened. As he was looking all he could find were mounds of sand and dirt, No foot print or paw prints. By the time he got back to Mint the sun had started to set. Mint was not in the cave but trying to wake the 2 fallen warriors. Once the warriors are up they get on there way back to the Mati Syra Zemlya. Adien tries to make her fell comfortable on her long journey. Once they get back, The leader lets everyone go to sleep before the big meeting.

Adien: Mint you may use my room. It was set up to hold 2 people.
Mint: No i am a girl, I need my own room.
Adien: The room is split into 2. Both the same size and shape. There are markings to make it a boy's or girls room.
Mint: Fine but if i don't like it i am not stay here.
Adien: That is fine, then i would help you find the right room for you. Sound good?
Mine: yes that does.

As Mint walks into the room she notices that there is a moveable wall to separate the 2 beds. The beds are bigger then what is needed, and so is everything else in the room.

Mint: This room is so big, Why?
Adien: Well we are special, so they want to make sure that we are happy. At lest that is what.......

Some one is knocking at the door.

Both: Yes
Man: Is everything to your liking my Lady.
Mint: Is he talking to me Adien?
Adien: Yes he is, I am know as Sir Adien, by everyone but Eros.
Mint: Yes everything is fine. hey Adien, who is Eros?
Adien: You will meet him tomorrow with me. We must get some sleep now. I will close the wall, but i will leave a small space so that you can get out to use the bathing room if needed.
Mint: Thank you. But could you just close it half way.
Adien: yes i can close it to any spot that you want. Lady Mint.

before he closes the wall he take Mint's hand the lightly kisses it. Adien then goes and lays down in his bed. Neither Mint or Adien where able to get any sleep because they where thinking about what the other one is doing. By the time the sun rises they are both up and dressed, ready to see Eros and find out what is going on.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Thu Jul 20, 2006 4:31 pm

Good update Wicca_Vamp. Just a tip you might want to describe your main characters.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 5:13 pm

okay. I can do that, I hope. My nest post will be character descriptions.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Re: Tabby: Sun & Moon: Young Adult: Original: chapter 1

Postby whispersoul » Thu Jul 20, 2006 5:20 pm

hello Wicca ^_^
I've just saw your fic and i must say that its good ^_^
if you need help,i can help you ^_^
Cause im also making fics and blablabla stuffs ^_^
Just ask us or something of you need help
Image
McDurg- I dunno' whispaho, I've seen some pretty hot things in my life. Like myself. I masturbate to my own image every day. :D Naw. How about all three of us combine, in the form of a sexy Godzilla? We would totally fuck Mothra.
Alfimi - *sighs*....things i have to do *corners whisper against the wall* *unbutons shirt**flashes**butons shirt up again* there, enjoy your hearty.
Coos - Whisper's a bitch. :D
Malumultimus - Whisper...you are my favorite worshipper.
Mal again - Nyaaaa~
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 10942
Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:45 am
Location: Awoo~ Hawooo~
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:19 pm

thank you wispersoul25. Here is the character info.

Adien- @ age 10- Stands @ 5'3"
@ age 15- Stands @ 5'11"
@ age 20+ - Stands @ 6'0"

Adien has short straight strawberry blond hair with crystal blue eyes that look like they can see right into your soul. He has a Tattoo on the top of his left foot of the sun and moon. When he was found he had angel wings that seem to have disappeared when he was five. He has this natural charismatic glow around him. There is nothing that can escape his grasp if he really want is bad enough. His skin has a light tan to it.

Mint- @ age 13- Stands @ 5'5"
@ age 18- Stands @ 5'8"
@ age 23- Stands @ 5'11"

Mint has long wavy raven black hair with bight sea green eyes. Her skin has a copper tone to it from being out in the sun and cave. On the right shoulder is a tattoo of the sun and moon. When she was born she was put into the cave because of her demonic aura. She had demon like wings and at the age of 3 a priest from the village came and sealed her wings so that she could not use them and no one would be able to see them. He was the great pain. Mint no longer trust anyone that comes near her because they always betray her in the end.

Eros- Age unknown, Height Unknown

The leader of the Mati Syra Zemlya. No one has ever seen what he looks like or how tall he is because he is always in a clock and is standing above or is sitting in a chair. From the sound in his voice Eros could be hundreds of years old.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:25 pm

The description is very good Wicca_Vamp.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:26 pm

that is how i pictured them in my mind but i cant draw them, i cant draw at all.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Thu Jul 20, 2006 7:33 pm

I am also not good at drawing. But the way you describe the characters is really good.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Re: Tabby: Sun & Moon: Young Adult: Original: chapter 1

Postby whispersoul » Fri Jul 21, 2006 5:22 am

Ok wicca, Here's what i think ^_^
^_^ if you really needed help,then pm me ^_^
and oh yeah,character description does look good ^_^

^_^ if you needed some events for your fic or other happenings,just ask us ^_^ youll get your help
Image
McDurg- I dunno' whispaho, I've seen some pretty hot things in my life. Like myself. I masturbate to my own image every day. :D Naw. How about all three of us combine, in the form of a sexy Godzilla? We would totally fuck Mothra.
Alfimi - *sighs*....things i have to do *corners whisper against the wall* *unbutons shirt**flashes**butons shirt up again* there, enjoy your hearty.
Coos - Whisper's a bitch. :D
Malumultimus - Whisper...you are my favorite worshipper.
Mal again - Nyaaaa~
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 10942
Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:45 am
Location: Awoo~ Hawooo~
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:10 am

ok thanks whispersoul25. I think that i might. right after i post the next part of the storie. because it is goin to have a twist with Eros. I hope everyone will like it.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby emblaze » Fri Jul 21, 2006 10:14 am

i cant wait for your update....... really! w00t

so much that i cant stop >.@
the net's dark angel
Image
my FanFic - The Two Kingdoms
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:57 am
Location: in my mind... your all in my mind
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Fri Jul 21, 2006 11:59 am

Eclipse- An eclipse happens every 150 yrs. It is just like a total solar eclipse. They are taken as a sign of bad luck or evil is coming.

Added after 37 seconds:

As they leave the room, Mint has her head down as so no one will see her face and be scared. When Adien and Mint finally get to Eros's Room, Eros locks the door so that no one can come in and disturbed them.

Eros: Adien and Mint I have something every important to tell you both.
Both: Important? What could be so Important that you had to lock the door!?
Eros: I was sent here many years ago. I can down to this planet 2 eclipses ago.
Adien: That means you are like 300 yrs old then.....
Mint: You would be dead if that is true.
Eros: I will never die as long as i can keep you 2 safe and together.
Mint: What do you mean!?
Adien: Yea what do you mean.
Eros: let me show you.

Eros takes off his clock and they can see that his body is strangle familiar. he has one angel wing and one demon wing. He has black eyes and Long flaming red hair. His skin is that not of a normal person, its all gray and had some scales like a dragon or snake. Eros turns around and he has the same tattoo as Adien and Mint. But this tattoo covers his entire backside, it is even on his wings. Eros then puts his clock back on and spins around fast.

Eros: You must never tell anyone what you just saw.
Both: Why is that?
Eros: Because if you tell then we all will be put to death because we are considered evil.
Mint: I know i am evil but why is Adien evil?
Eros: We all came from the eclipse, and people around he see it as evil.
Mint: May i please go back to my room with Adien. This is to much to handle.
Eros: yes you can but i need to talk to Adien first so please wait outside the door.
Mint: Yes sir

Mint unlocks the door and leaves the room. she closes the door behind her and waits for Adien. back in the room Eros starts to talk to Adien about Mint.

Eros: You are going to have to look after Mint and help her train.
Adien: Yes i know this. that is why we have the biggest room in this whole building.
Eros: I thought something was up when you asked for it.
Adien: Well I want her to stay with me and only me. I need to keep her safe.
Eros: You always get what you want do you. Just don’t do anything now.
Adien: What do you mean by that. Don’t do anything now.
Eros: Well you are both to young to get anything started. it is in your future but not in this moment of time.
Adien: Yes sir. I will take Mint to our room now.

Adien turns and leaves. He finds Mint sitting in the windowsill across from the door. He walks over and taps her on the shoulder to get her to follow him to the room. When they get into their room the both lay down with the wall completely open. They just lay there facing each other thinking about what Eros had said and showed them.
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby emblaze » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:13 pm

cool....graet update with your discription it was like he is right in front of me.
the net's dark angel
Image
my FanFic - The Two Kingdoms
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 179
Joined: Wed Jun 14, 2006 9:57 am
Location: in my mind... your all in my mind
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Fri Jul 21, 2006 12:44 pm

Great update Wicca_Vamp. The description was very good.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Re: Tabby: Sun & Moon: Young Adult: Original: chapter 1

Postby whispersoul » Sat Jul 22, 2006 5:01 am

Wow,Another cool update there wicca ^_^
Keep going!
Image
McDurg- I dunno' whispaho, I've seen some pretty hot things in my life. Like myself. I masturbate to my own image every day. :D Naw. How about all three of us combine, in the form of a sexy Godzilla? We would totally fuck Mothra.
Alfimi - *sighs*....things i have to do *corners whisper against the wall* *unbutons shirt**flashes**butons shirt up again* there, enjoy your hearty.
Coos - Whisper's a bitch. :D
Malumultimus - Whisper...you are my favorite worshipper.
Mal again - Nyaaaa~
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 10942
Joined: Sat Jul 01, 2006 2:45 am
Location: Awoo~ Hawooo~
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Sat Jul 22, 2006 9:04 pm

Mint: Do you think that there was something else?
Adien: There has to be more. Maybe he will tell us later.
Mint: Yea your right. I just dont want to have to keep looking over my shoulder anymore.
Adien: Why do you say that?
Mint: I have always had to, but there is something different about you. I don't know what it is.
Adien: Like you found the missing piece in your life?
Mint: Something like that. I still don't trust you but i am okay being around you.
Adien: Well i will always be here to help you out in anyway. Now you just get some sleep. Lady Mint.
Mint: Okay i will but what are you going to do. Keep watch?
Adien: That is what i was planning on doing.
Mint: Oh okay. I will sleep but could you leave the wall open please.
Adien: Yes i will. G'night

Mint rolls over and falls fast a sleep what Adien watches her and thinks about what he is going to do with her. Adien hopes that Mint likes him the way that he likes her. Adien starts talking to himself. About what to do while she sleeps and if he can get away with giving her a kiss. As soon as he starts walking over to give her one a voice pops in his head and tells him that if he does what he is thinking then a great and evil doom will befall her and Eros. He will never have a companion for as long as he lives. It will be up to the girl on if he can give her the kiss. What Adien does not see is that Mint has a giant smile on her face. Could she be the one that is talking to Adien?

to be continued
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Postby dark psyghost » Sun Jul 23, 2006 6:26 am

Great update Wicca_Vamp.
Image
Image Image Image
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 4431
Joined: Mon May 15, 2006 3:58 pm
Location: Wandering through the undernet.
Gender: None specified

Postby wicca_vamp » Sun Jul 23, 2006 9:50 pm

thank you, I should have an update by wensday. chapter 2 starting poem
meery meet. Happy holidays
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 26
Joined: Wed Nov 30, 2005 8:32 pm
Location: Oregon
Gender: None specified

Next

Return to Literature

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest