Angeliqua's stories.

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Angeliqua's stories.

Postby AngelofGeek » Fri Oct 18, 2013 7:00 pm

This is my entry for the Halloween Literacy contest.

Fright Night

It is naught but the night of Halloween, the bats take flight in their little colony‘s, the ghosties rise from their tombstones, while the corpses sleep deep underneath. It is here we join our main character Angeliqua, the mega absol; dressed in but her favorite costume at that time of year, a long black billowing cloak, and a plastic scythe, is the grim reaper, as she is so lovingly called by superstitions, like every Halloween she would go out and trick-or-treat, and it being the last year she would be going, she decided to make it quite the fright night of her, and her friends night, she had planned to spend the night in House 4666 at the end of the curb, up the hill, past the large rusted iron gates, long rumored to be haunted and the house of a murder.

As she stepped down from her porch, approaching her friends with a big black treat bag, and a flashlight in her other hand, while she kept her plastic scythe hung over her shoulder. “Shall we go?” She asked her friends, a tall black cat girl, named Talia, with short spiked hair, dressed up as a lust demon that year, a short corgi boy, Emmet was his name, with thick rimmed glasses, who was dressed up as a mummy. Angeliqua glanced to her last friend, Regina, who was ever under a ghost costume like many years past, Funny, she thought to herself, I don’t recall ever seeing her face before. She had been a new kid in town who moved in three years ago, and had never shown her face, always opting to wear her hood up, and keeping sunglasses on, claiming to be an albino to their teacher as an excuse.

As the night drew on, and they collected their candy, they drew closer and closer towards House 4666, on the curb of Short End Dr., their treat bags filled with candy, and everyone talking excitedly about what they had, slowly everyone was closing up for the night, either devoid of candy, or just too tired to keep open any longer, Angeliqua checked her watch, half past eleven. “Ah, it’s nearly Witching Hour.” She told her friends, smirking as she turned to them while she stood in front of those rusted old iron gates. “Why don’t we go and spend the night in House 4666?” She asked her friends, everyone, except Regina giving her a scared look. “Come on! It’ll be fun! Why not make our last Halloween together a fun one?!” She exclaimed. With a glance around among her friends and a simultaneous nod, they would make their way past the gate, which wasn’t locked that night, strangely enough.

Approaching the big old house Emmet stopped in his tracks. “I saw someone in the window!” He barked, his tail moving between his legs. “Oh don’t be silly!” Talia hissed at him as she helped Angeliqua remove the looser boards over the door. “I swear!” But it seems his words fell upon deaf ears and he would follow them inside. It was dark and dusty inside, many cobwebs littered the house, and covers thrown over old furniture. “Yuck…” Talia exclaimed, as she had always been quite the neat freak. “Alright, I’ll sleep in the main bedroom.” Angeliqua told everyone. “But that’s where that kid was murdered!” Emmet once again cried. “Oh shut up you coward! It’s just a rumor!” She sighed out, shaking her head. “Come on…everyone pick a place to sleep.” She said as she ascended the stairs.

Once in the room she would settle onto the bed, it smelled musty, and was holey from where the moths had eaten it over the years. She was quite scared, but she was going to steel her nerves and show everyone she was a brave woman, not a scared child anymore. Slowly, as she drifted off to sleep, she thought she saw a person standing at the end of the bed out of the corner of her eye, but was fast asleep before she could think further on it.

“Aaah!” The screaming woke Angeliqua from her sound sleep, and she jumped with a start, running to the window that faced the front yard, she saw her friends, Talia, and Emmet run screaming from the house. “Wha-?! HEY!” She exclaimed, running from the room and down the stairs, heading for the door it slammed shut in front of her, and she found it locked! “What the-? Let me out! Help! Help!” She cried, banging on the door. “I apologize for all of this.” She heard her friend Regina speak from behind her. “Reginar?” She whirled around “The door! The door it won’t open! Wait…what did you say?!” “You..see, every sixty years I am allowed to leave the house, but only to attempt draw someone in, so that I may live again. It was I who convinced you to come to the house, to spend the night.” Slowly the ghost costume started slipping, falling to the floor to reveal the hollow eyes of the white furred Persian cat who stood before her, transparent and bloodied all over some period clothing. “I’m afraid, Angeliqua…” He stated. “Tonight, you die, and I live.” “What? What?! No! No! Noooo!” She screamed out as her once friend, Regina grabbed her neck.

“Hey Angeliqua, sorry for abandoning you last night.” Talia told her as they took their seats in class. “Oh, it’s no problem, Regina showed me a way out, I guess the front doors lock was screwed up some how.” “Where is she anyways? Is she out sick?” She asked. “I guess, I didn’t see where she went last night…” “Alright class, today we will be learning about…” Slowly Angeliqua turned her head towards the window and grinned, her long canine teeth gleaming back at her, and her red eyes glowed. Soon…this world will be mine. Very…very…soon. Ahahaha!

And so ends our lovely little Halloween tale. Sleep tight.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:28 pm

Awesome story AngelofGreek. I liked the ending a lot, it was clever, it was creative, it was fun, what more can I say. But I'm afraid I'm going to have to be a git and mention things I didn't like. For one, there was a lot of stuff I believe you could've cut out and I mean a lot of stuff, but hey I'm a word-cutting freak, people in white jackets will be coming to give me stuff that helps control myself shortly. For example there were a few speech tags I could've taken out, as well as descriptions. A lot of the opening could've been taken out, while yes it sets the mood, you only have 1,000words to spend, spend it more wisely like during the story. I feel if you hadn't constrained yourself, we would've had a much better story. That's my opinion anyhows, feel free to brush aside if you disagree or just plain think I'm wrong.

Here's also a couple of notes I picked up while reading your work that I just wanted to bring up.

As she stepped down from her porch, I think the correct term is 'the porch', but it would've read better if you said 'from her house'.
I don’t recall ever seeing her face before The following information you bring up makes this sentence redundant.
House 4666 Don't use numbers. I don't know why you're not allowed but you can't.
she was going to steel her nerves How do you 'steel' something. Not trying to be cheeky, just trying to highlight why I find that term a problem.

Again awesome work AngelofGeeks, be sure to write more AngelofGeeks besides just your entry for Halloween. :grin:
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Tuor » Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:52 pm

You've never heard of steeling your nerves before?
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Sat Oct 19, 2013 4:58 pm

nope, but never heard of she was going to steel her nerves either.

Just like I never heard of 'She cracked her eye open', it was weird when I read that one.
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

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The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Tuor » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:02 pm

It's a pretty common phrase.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:13 pm

Tuor wrote:It's a pretty common phrase.


Well it's not that common apparently
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby AngelofGeek » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:42 pm

Thanks, I really like writing, it's one of my favorite pass times, and through it I have actually taught myself a bit about spelling. Grammar I'm still trying to grasp on, but I think I'd pass with a C. Steeling ones nerves means most commonly to ignore ones fears and face them head on. And with the eye creaking open part mostly means to opens one eye slowly, most commonly happens when ones character is waking from a sound sleep, or just too scared to open their eyes immediantly, or they are trying to peek sneakily.

Edit: Ahaha, I misread your post. To crack ones eye open can also mean to force ones self to open their eye immediantly, also could be from being scared with their eyes closed, and thus forced to look that way. Also applies to being startled out of a sound sleep.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Sigment » Sat Oct 19, 2013 5:50 pm

Thy_Obsessive_Freak wrote:
Tuor wrote:It's a pretty common phrase.


Well it's not that common apparently

It's probably more common in the U.S. than in the U.K. Both have their own turns of phrase for things.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Hallow Nova » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:56 pm

A common example would be the perception of the word 'fag'.

I couldn't tell if the characters were humans or pokemons. :p
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby AngelofGeek » Sat Oct 19, 2013 6:59 pm

Tenshi Nova wrote:A common example would be the perception of the word 'fag'.

I couldn't tell if the characters were humans or pokemons. :p


Wrong on both counts! Furries :3
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Hallow Nova » Sat Oct 19, 2013 7:01 pm

Eh, I count that as humanoids.
Cute read btw :3
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Birdofterror » Sun Oct 20, 2013 1:12 am

AngelofGeek wrote:Wrong on both counts! Furries :3
Understandable, yet I suffered from a similar problem.

I was all onboard for an Absol being the main character, cool, sweet, then it was said she was carrying stuff in her "hands."

Then it kind of hit me. It's not "really" an Absol, it's a person that Looks like an Absol. But- regardless, I read on and found that you have a talent for setting the scene.

My opinions contrary to Walrus', I think you could have put a few 'more' details into the 4666. Sure, it was dusty, sure it was musty, but we didn't get much more into that. I feel like if you had a few hundred more words to work with, we could have had a real spooky house to imagine up as we read. But, regardless, yeah this was a really nice read!
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Sun Oct 20, 2013 4:47 am

Birdofterror wrote:
AngelofGeek wrote:Wrong on both counts! Furries :3
Understandable, yet I suffered from a similar problem.

I was all onboard for an Absol being the main character, cool, sweet, then it was said she was carrying stuff in her "hands."

Then it kind of hit me. It's not "really" an Absol, it's a person that Looks like an Absol. But- regardless, I read on and found that you have a talent for setting the scene.

My opinions contrary to Walrus', I think you could have put a few 'more' details into the 4666. Sure, it was dusty, sure it was musty, but we didn't get much more into that. I feel like if you had a few hundred more words to work with, we could have had a real spooky house to imagine up as we read. But, regardless, yeah this was a really nice read!


It was one-thousand words Birdofterror, anymore and it wouldn't have been a short-short story, where you much use your words where they're most valued :roll: . What I was trying to say was that I would've rathered more story than detail
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby Birdofterror » Sun Oct 20, 2013 2:39 pm

Ah, yes, of course it was 1000 words, after all that was the rule. I'm just belly aching about the 1K word limit again. I remember hitting 995 just one day into writing and it's left a sour taste in my mouth ever since.

Judging should be open soon. I await it eagerly.
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Re: Angeliqua's stories.

Postby AngelofGeek » Fri Nov 08, 2013 6:10 am

Untitled


She had made up her mind that early morning, an argument with her mother just made the decision stronger.
She cleaned up her room, washed the dishes, did her laundry and pet the dogs one last time, sat down at her desk and wrote those who mattered a letter.
Told them farewell, wished them better, told them she would wish them dearly.
While everyone was out or asleep, she slipped into the bathroom, a knife in her hand, and a thought in her mind.
Nineteen years down the drain, her mother sat wondering how this all could of happened.
Well dear Mother, don't you wish you had listened?
There would be so many things she'd miss out on, the game she had waited so patiently for, a true loves kiss, the feeling of being wanted.
But those things didn't matter anymore, all that mattered was showing everyone she was right, that she wouldn't be missed much, or at all, that all she would be was a burden.
Oh how her mother must hate her for dying, planning a funeral, and burying her daughter.
Maybe she should listen next time, maybe she shouldn't be so blind.
For so long she had thought suicide wrong, how many it hurt, how it never helped anything.
But now the pain did not matter to her anymore, the pain would just be a gateway to a peaceful rest, where those who did love her would greet her and never let her go.
She wondered how death was, how it felt, so many things she had left undone, or unsaid.
But those things did not need doing or saying anymore, she'd be happy now, hopefully.
Oh how she wished her mother had listened, how she wished her mother had payed attention. Maybe then she would of felt needed, she would of felt like she mattered.
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