RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nms)

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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Princess » Mon Oct 18, 2010 3:48 am

So smart.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Wed Jan 26, 2011 12:59 am

BHUMO
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Princess » Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:17 am

<3
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Mirak's Mod Ghost » Wed Jan 26, 2011 1:47 am

moar
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:26 am

The Foam Dad Saga, arranged by BR.

dad composes steel guitar symphony as a tribute to lesbain message while i'm home for christmas break ugh

Dad won Floam for life. Mike O'malley dumped tubs of the stuff from a Nick GUTS truck. Those were the salad days, the Summer of Floam. Now I'm adult. Now all the Floam dried up. I just put dad in a home. Oh dad oh dad, if only you had had the guts for gak....

is it normal? dad masturbates into biiig foam fingers that say "NUMBER ONE DAD" and leaves them all around the house

Foam dad was brought into existence through unconventional means, so it is understandable that he was an unconventional sort of dad. His existence was based around the replenishing of his foamy contour so that he could continue to please mother.

dad is a chef and recently gotten into molecular cooking. dinner has been foam for the past week. please help we are eating 90% air and starving.

dad says hes going to take us out to dinner. jokes on us its foam night at the restaurant he picks.

middle of post recital, foam dad stands + gives resounding ovation. other dads grumble, foam dad cries. foam dad claps. his hands start to peel, foam flesh flapping. a proud foam dad

dad comes home from work obviously very tired and collapses into his memfoam mattress. his groan echoes all over the house and he sinks deeeper and deeper into the foam and now hes pretty much gone. the hole in his mattress must be 100 stone deep (estimate, im american) at this pt it's all black and i can't even see him down there in the foam. can barely hear the groan coming from down there anymore

dads gone
dads gone
help daddy
the mattress shifts about corner after corner touching the floor, lwalks like a man, walks like dad did. semisentient foam bas relief of father figure is all we have now. moms already used the Well you certainly make a nice impression joke like 6 times now. help daddy

The dad vet diagnosed him. There’s nothing we can do. We have to put dad down. He’s foaming at the mouth. He bit me and mom. He shit on the ground. I comb his long hair. His eyes meet mine. For a moment, he is lucid and calm. Good bye, foamy dad. I love you so much. Too much to let you stay.

Everything changed when father summoned the foam to take him away. I was promoted by mother. Now I work at the firm to make sure our children are fed. Now I sleep in the big bed and tup mother when she tells me, to make more children. There are so many children now. Last night she woke me; I was tossing like I’d had an awful dream. I told her I could not remember. But I dreamt I was drowning. I dreamt of freedom. I dreamt of the foam.

now dad is gone because the foam. the house is gone, the garden, mom. foam all foam. we homeless sibs linger in dark city arches fizzing, we bum in vein for some prolonging balm. we shuffle toeless as the fluffy foam dissolves our leprous frothskin. im down to nearly ribs, im only bones. ive seen my family scatter in the wind. listen to it hiss. see, were all foam in the end.

MANY YEARS LATER
It was a dark and foamy night. Connelly stood at the edge of the night and he spat. His spit left a long trail as it clung to the dusty air and he wiped it from his chin. It was rude and he spit again. He needed to piss. Pissing hadn’t been the same since his daughter got took by the foam. What is America, I wonder, but a speck of dust ain’t nobody owns in an ocean of frothing, hostile foam. “It won’t be long,” he grunt, as the boxcar clacked along the dust red tracks into the blood red sun, kicking up dust as it clacked, “not long atall till I become a foam myself.” A hobo spat up dust.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Princess » Wed Jan 26, 2011 2:27 am

OHGODMOAR.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Mirak's Mod Ghost » Wed Jan 26, 2011 3:32 am

nice
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(ns

Postby BeeAre » Wed Dec 12, 2012 12:30 am

[Twisty is pictured kind of stumbling around in an open field with a pack of dogs]

*Movie trailer voice guy speaks* This Holiday Season...

[Twisty looks at a deer, or is it a loaf of bread in a bakery? Is this guy retarded?]

Twisty: "My time as a virgin is over."

He dared do the impossible...

[A frog-faced, flat-assed asian teenager walks into the bakery he works at and orders some bread]

Twisty [talking to himself]: There is Cowboy Bebop. And Princess Mononoke. And what else? Oh. The Gameboy Advance. And Black Bible Saga. And the Sega Genesis. No... NOT the Sega Genesis.

Two races...

Frog-faced, flat-assed asian teenager: Herro, I'd rike some bread.
Twisty: I just make the bread. I don't sell the bread. You will have to purchase the bread from my associate.

[Cut to Twisty outside his parents mansion, picking at some scabs and cryeing]

He just wanted an asian girlfriend

[Twisty is flying through a waterfall. Oh, no he isn't. He is pawing at a Samsung Galaxy S3, trying to remember his password to MrChewsAsianBeaver.com. I guess he was just imagining the waterfall? Who the fuck knows, this retard is autistic.]

Twisty [screaming]: I was not bitten autistic! I was born autistic!
Frog-faced, flat-assed asian teenager: Who sel bread here? [flustered] Herro? Who dis retard? Wheres bread manager?

But they stood in his way

[Action shot - Twisty is getting beaten up by a pack of middle school black children. "Take retard boy's pants." "They won't fit you!" "Who cares, nigga. Humiliate this retard." "Yeah!"]

Twisty [screaming, naked]: I am going to have to purchase a new Mr. Chew's Asian Beaver account.
Twisty's Mom: No. You are going to have to get electro shock therapy.

The saga ends...

[Frog-faced, flat-assed asian teen is seen walking down the street with some Materials Science Ph.D candidate from Chengdu]

Twisty [screaming, naked, picking scabs and surrounded by dogs in a field]: This was my last chance...[Hes crying, little idiot baby retardling]

[Twisty gets stepped on by one of the dogs, which looks like it is going to pee on him. Nobody know what chance he is talking about, 'last chance' and shit, that little retard autism loser. A bird freakeing poops right on his face and his parents roll up in a brand new Audi S6 to pick up their gay son. Everyone is crying.]

[Fade to black]
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(ns

Postby Yog » Wed Dec 12, 2012 9:24 am

Where has this thread been all my life.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(ns

Postby Saint Soul » Wed Dec 12, 2012 5:44 pm

Ah yes. This old thing.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Exodis » Mon Dec 24, 2012 5:41 pm

Just read through this fuck feast of porn and sexiness... good god have I been missing out!
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Mir@k » Mon Dec 24, 2012 5:45 pm

It needs updating.

btw speaking of this thread, whenever you're ready br, i'm on my holidays so if there ever was a time for this, it's now. ;D
disregard this message if you're sick or ill
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Thu Dec 27, 2012 1:30 am

TWITAVERSE

just sprinkled a bunch of raisin bran on my chest to casually snack on at my leisure and mum said i have to move out
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Sun Jan 20, 2013 9:47 am

oh man

guys

this is a day of days for several reasons.

but this one is mine.

that is a double-entendre~ I have literally located something on my own that is so cohesive and irrational that it makes me laugh like the rest of the DeathIronic. I found it. I don't know who this person is, But My God, It's Beautifully Awful.

The hard part is: Troll, or attempt to describe legitimate feelings?

https://www.youtube.com/user/Hellobama12

it's so great. he comments on every single child-with-terrifying problem video and says HAHAHAG GOOD THING THEIR FUCKING DIEING for what must be the character limit

Is making me laugh, oh ho ho.

edit: it's even better than I thought. Posted sanguinely, with some degree of coherence about how Obama was a terrible person, and then, from three months of no activity, he has made all these posts IN THE LAST TWO DAYS.
Snafu Comics' Forum Alpha Bro, Staff Writer, Editor, Image, and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Mir@k » Thu Jan 24, 2013 7:20 am

It has nothing to do with your butt fucking lord Christ the Faggot Op
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Fri Jan 25, 2013 11:37 am

Mir@k wrote:It has nothing to do with your butt fucking lord Christ the Faggot Op


While this is technically true, I will not diminish the unintentionally irony merit of someone potentially being completely unironic as they say something like...

Hellobama12 wrote:HAHA!!! LOOK AT THESE FUCKING LITTLE SUICIDAL BITCHES!! I AM GLAD THEY DIED!!! THEIR MOMS SHOULD HAVE SURGERY ON THEIR PUSSIES SO THEY DON'T FUCK UP AND SHIT OUT ANYMORE SUICIDAL BITCHES!!! THERE WAS A SUICIDAL AT MY SCHOOL WHO LOST HER DAD IN 9-11 SO I TOLD MY KIDS TO PICK ON HER EVERYDAY!!! THAT MOTHER FUCKER KILLED HERSELF SO WE CELEBRATED BY PROTESTING ITS FUNERAL AND THROWING BRICKS AT HER MOM!! THEN WE STOMPED ON HER GRAVE AND PISSED ON IT EVERY NIGHT! FUCK YA! FUCKING SUICIDAL BITCHES!!!


lol.

it's like a Zalgo-grade tourette's is gushing black slime through my monitor. It's like seeing Goatse after like, a year after you haven't seen it but saw it like every week a couple years ago. It's like the Meatspin counter was just left on somewhere in the world.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby Q.U. » Fri Jan 25, 2013 12:28 pm

No, wait.

He's got a point.


I like this guy.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:39 pm

Thread background music:

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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby ._. the fag african » Fri Jun 21, 2013 9:42 am

The site http://www.tehposts.com is a goldmine for these kind of posts.

Hey all, Matt here. My sobriety date is never. To sum things up I am simply an alcoholic, addict piece of crap. I struggle to feed, dress, and bath myself. I sometimes brush my teeth once a week if that, because I see no point. I am alone. I always have been. I some times free myself from the void via exotic designer drugs. I have been to diffrent dimensions — I have seen the entitys that inhabit them. I’ve had dialogues with trees and I know it was real.

I began my drug career in 2nd grade when my friend Clem insisted we smoke weed while riding our bikes to school. From there I started doing coke and other hard drugs, Im pretty sure tghat by 10th grade I had alreadt been on the DMT voyage,. I struggle to get out of bed and facing the day ahead of me makes me want to die. Taking the bread out of a bag, puitting meat & lettuce on it, and some condiments like mayo, mustard etc feels like it takes an eternity so I usually find myself starving while I glue myself to my TV, its way to late into the next day already so I go to Taco Bell before it closes. My desk is marely but a surface on which I cut/grind whatever Pills I have available into a snortable powder.

All this leads me to this trouble Ive been expereiencing with my network card — I am unable to find the drivers for it. If any goons could lend some experience, I am all ears. Thanks.


I formed an impromptu cadre with some of the others who were among the rearguard at the battle for Shitty Towels. We threw a VCR as a distraction and headed back through an empty aisle. A man in a watch cap swung a length of uprooted rebar into the wall, tearing out a ragged hunk of Walmart flesh. We recoiled in horror as he wailed beneath the smoking effluent that squeezed forth from the wound.

A woman named Susan started screaming. A 12 year old child with Spider Mans in each hand dropped one and slapped her. The child ran off. We never saw him again. Darius turned, his eyes scanning the eerily quiet corner of the store. “There”, he said, pointing to the relative calmness of the pharmacy aisle. “Are you going to be able to handle this?” I asked Hector, who had thrown up on himself, while pointing to the bubbling, screaming man in the watch cap. Hector nodded, barfily.
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby BeeAre » Fri Jun 21, 2013 4:48 pm

I dunno who you are but anybody who is not gay and black and not in this thread is not appreciated as much as they should be so your downcast eyes need to flippity flop upwerdz and SKILLBAM THIS SHIT because you are b-b-b-b-ballin'

because i mean. literally that right there is a blog of FYAD posts. that's got stuff LITERALLY from the LITERAL FYAD goldmine. holy ground son. holla holy nigga oh my grood god

with thy post, this thread here becomes sticky officiato, so all y'all understand the important that reeks out of this motherfucker.
Snafu Comics' Forum Alpha Bro, Staff Writer, Editor, Image, and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nms)

Postby Birdofterror » Fri Jun 21, 2013 7:21 pm

i dont get it
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nsfw)

Postby ._. the fag african » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:21 am

BeeAre wrote:I dunno who you are but anybody who is not gay and black and not in this thread is not appreciated as much as they should be so your downcast eyes need to flippity flop upwerdz and SKILLBAM THIS SHIT because you are b-b-b-b-ballin'

because i mean. literally that right there is a blog of FYAD posts. that's got stuff LITERALLY from the LITERAL FYAD goldmine. holy ground son. holla holy nigga oh my grood god

with thy post, this thread here becomes sticky officiato, so all y'all understand the important that reeks out of this motherfucker.


after rereading this post a few times i think it is a compliment
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nms)

Postby ._. the fag african » Sat Jun 22, 2013 12:22 am

Birdofterror wrote:i dont get it


what dont you get
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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nms)

Postby Birdofterror » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:47 am

._. the fag african wrote:what dont you get
   Everything   
"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."

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Re: RE: if: you are having trouble: read the deathironic:(nms)

Postby Mir@k » Mon Aug 19, 2013 7:29 am

its cool to go to Subway and be like yeah ill take a sub. no meat and no bread thanks hahah and watch as the mindless faggot just starts sprinkling toppings on the counter
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