EagleMan wrote:Well, do you still actually like her or are you just telling yourself you don't? It's not fair to her if you're still trying to be her friend when you have a romantic attraction to her, and she doesn't want to be in a relationship.
I don't. I've come to realize that friendship is much more important that having a relationship.
If you have genuinely moved beyond such romantic affections, and still want to remain her friend, then you can try telling her that you've moved on and you can be friends again. If she accepts that, you have to be serious. So if you went above and beyond for her before just to try to win her affections over (maybe always giving her a ride, extra nice things, and so on) that you don't do for others, then you need to stop that. If you stop that and she gets mad over that (we're getting into a lot of what ifs here but I'm just being comprehensive), then that means she just liked having a friend that fawned over her and you're better off without that friendship.
I've done that (give her things) and after my rejection I've stopped. After what you said I feel like a fool, trying to win a girl's heart with gifts. How pathetic am I? And no, she not that kind of person who would get mad when someone doesn't give her gifts.
The reason most women will hate being surprised like that is because it makes them question the history of your relationship. Was he being nice to me because he was my friend? Or just because he wanted to get into my pants? It can seem like a breach of trust to them.
After reading that just makes me feel more depressed and angry at myself. I'm just frustrated more because I failed extremely on trustworthiness. I want to win back her trust, but I can't talk to her straight about it. I just fucking can't. It's extremely difficult to me to just "speak out". Just endless words, trapped in my thought... If only she could read this.
You might have to accept there's no way to salvage the relationship even if you do everything right, because some people just won't be able to get over it. There's a fine line to walk here and you can accidentally cross it based on her just interpreting things wrongly.
I hope this isn't the conclusion as I will probably go insane at how much I can fuck up by just 1. Fucking. Sentence.
It can be quite easy, and fair of her, to interpret a strong push from you wanting to be her friend again as you hoping to just be around her again because you still like her.
I like her, but as a friend. I want to be with her and her other friends but it just seems so damn hard. So close to reach but so far to grasp it.
If possible, hang out with her in group settings. She may be uneasy with one-on-one contact, whether that be hanging out together or personal texting. If you can be at parties with her, or hang out with her in a big group, then that could help her feel comfortable with you again and allow you to build back that trust with her. And if you do get that opportunity, do not put too much attention on her. Just treat her like anyone else there, and don't make it seem like you're nursing a crush on her by paying too much attention to her, or trying to win her over.
I try and try hard to hang out with her and friends. But when I ask with a text, it's either
A) "I don't know if I'll be busy" with no follow up, or
B) No reply
I know texting isn't the best to communicate her with, but what else can I do? Go up her doorstep? That'd just seem like an excuse for her not to hangout with me. Plus, I'm the one who has to text her. Before she would text me, but now... fuck me, am I despicable.
It is a very fine line to walk, because any emotional spilling that demonstrates how much you still want to be her friend can to her seem like you're still having a crazy crush on her and she can't trust you as a friend again.
It might help to pretend like you're starting from scratch again with your friendship - it is impossible for you two to just pick it up where you left it.
I really wish for this, just to start over from scratch. I just want to be friends with her, and not end up strangers in the future. It pains me a lot whenever I pass by her and see doesn't recognize me even if she does. I try to greet her but no... I just watch and sulk. Woe is me...
Yog wrote:Now listen. If you were doing nice things for her in order to ask her out, then stop. And after you asked her out, and she said no, then that's reasonable. She thought of you as a very good friend, and because of that, chances are that she didn't want to lose that friendship by chance.
I don't want to lose our friendship either, but it's probably deteriorating and I'm trying my best to stop it.
So. Like EM said, tell her that you moved on, and that you don't want to lose that friendship. But don't grovel or beg.
Like I said, it's hard for me to speak out as I bundle up my thoughts inside. I want to try, but I fear what will happen afterwards.
And this thing about relationships. Trust me when I say that having a girlfriend is not the most important thing in the world.
Which comes to my conclusion: I care more about friendship than relationships. I'm done trying to find love and a relationship. I'll probably continue in the future (1-2 years?) but, as of right now, I'm done. Her rejection was the last straw. If anyone asks me out, then I'll probably break this and return to my relationship phase. But, as of right now, I'm fucking done.
Sorry for the huge post, just want to get the best of help that I need... again, I apologize.