Hiryu wrote:You want that broken down thing? You can have her.
*cracks neck* I'm feeling festive. I want to extend that analogy to an absurd limit.
*slides his mechanic jacket on, adjusts sewn name badge*
We're all having a party in the garage getting the hunk of shit you came out of to not spit up the fluids we put in her unnecessarily so she could get around town and generally be considered a reconstituted pile rather than the tragic spit-up pile of fuck-awful she is right now. The concrete floor is really dirty, and we got smears on her from dragging her in across it. We didn't think she'd fit in the normal pleats, so we used the farm equipment ones to be safe. Raised her a good six feet up, and of course, she starts dripping all kinds of lubricants, so we're like "Okay, we've gotta get to work. This is gonna be a chore, but we'll be proud when we're done." Though we had to choke back our vomit when we did it, because man the smells that were happening. Just oozing out of every hole on the damn thing. We poured an entire bucket of soap on her before we did anything. Washrag and a sandblaster damnit all but we got her shining--as much as could be expected. Still, you can bet everyone took a bath after that. Slapped around, checking her heads, fog and brights, her marks. Particularly flattering, that fucking, what? Spread paintjob just above that busted-ass trunk, was really pretty compared to all the terrible around it. Fuckin' appropriate. We still can't get the trunk to close all the way
, so we'll come back to that. Hopefully when we're done you won't have to keep using bungee-cords. Stopped any and all mirror work, obviously. God, that's a mess you'll need a specialist for. Something you might all
know is that we had to abandon all hope of getting all
the scuffs off. At a certain point it just becomes abuse, though--you know what I'm talking about. We hope we're not going to see more of that in the future. Aside from that, though. Real thorough bodywork. We're not done yet, but stick around, if you're into just watching or whatever. We'll get this fat crap-heap back to you better than you brought her in, that's for sure. Couldn't believe that shit when you staggered into the place with this trash. There was mud in places I still don't understand how it got there. Fuckin'... still! Gotta admit though, once you get her up and perky, she revs up pretty good. Purrs like a kitten sometimes, when she's not choking back on the pipes. Interior is pretty goddamn plush. Very slick. I mean, not gonna win any "best in show", but she'll keep you happy. Get you a few places. Gets real loud sometimes!
Anyway, I know you got shit to do. I'll get you the estimate when we're done fuckin' around out here. *spits into a near-full spittoon with audible splash and visible ripples, you can tell because of all the different colors wobbling around*