Morpheus wrote:EagleMan, do you have any goals?
Anything that you would like to work towards?
In the mean time I would consider seeing someone about this.
I had once. She seemed highly confused as to why I was there and honestly didn't have a clue what was wrong with me. She expressed a wish that all her other patients were like me. Either way I got bounced around a few therapists, never doing anything more than intake sessions (so I never had a real session at any rate). I got tested for high functioning autism but I didn't qualify because I lacked the physical characteristics of it (e.g. arm flapping or something), though she suggested I may be a schizoid but she wouldn't diagnose since I'm still young which is fair enough.
I have had a similar experience as you're having now.
It feels like its not even worth it to get out of bed anymore, right?
Nothing feels real, or even matters, because in the end, nothing you do will really feel fulfilling.
I'd like to suggest something,
Get a puppy. I know it sounds weird, but think about it this way. To have a creature love you unconditionally, to entirely depend on you, will give your life some semblance of meaning, yes?
I personally felt like this before I made an effort at improving my life.
Remember when I was extremely cynical? That happened after I reached the end of the path that you're on.
I already had a puppy a year ago and he's still basically a puppy now. There's no cynicism. There's no negativity. There's nothing positive either. I recall the path you were on where you wanted to crush your feelings. I am not destroying them, I am losing them. I had made an effort to improve my life. And I achieved these "improvements" in many respects. And the return was nothing. There was no catharsis, no sudden clarity of mind, no burst of feeling nor flurry of passion. In a qualitative sense I have nothing to improve on, at least in the sense that I am not lacking for any foundation, as any person can always improve on something. If my life was condensed to a spreadsheet, the future would look promising, but what can be measured betrays what cannot be measured. My creative works beget me no pleasure. My grades give me nothing. Social interaction fails to stir anything in me. The good deeds I've done in the past rouse little. There is nothing recreational I care enough to spend money on, and any money I get just accumulates until a necessity rears its head. Life is just a blur. Yesterday I was a 12 year old kid who joined this forum from a link on Wikpedia. Tomorrow I'll be 26 and it'll be 2020. I ask today where the time has gone since then, and I will be asking the same question in 7 years, and I know I will be powerless to satisfy that question as it is a question I have already tried to fulfill. Spending my grade school years attempting to savor the moment, even consciously so at times knowing I would be vexed with that question soon enough again, as I am now, means nothing to me now. It is irrelevant what I do. Time decays it all into the same black shroud of memory. Cynicism does not fog it though. I hold a very optimistic view of the world, perhaps more than most, but such optimism can only be expressed intellectually.
NeoWarrior7 wrote:If he has an issue with it that bad, then I doubt he's that cool a guy. But that's me.
People aren't binary good/bad guys. He can still be a good guy but get jealous if some other guy is dating his ex. No one's perfect.