Snafu Therapy Thread.

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Saint Soul » Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:13 pm

No it wasn't. You made atleast two other threads.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:16 pm

Whatever, man. I don't remember.

Maybe later, I'll take a look.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mr. Sefrol » Sun Feb 17, 2013 7:06 am

So, bringing this over from the Valhallentines Day thread:

I want to think my now not ex-girlfriend has the same feelings back for me from before since I was really one of the only guys that listened and has given her actual useful advice to her and are the closest guy she knows. Seriously, all the other boyfriends she's had were either lying to her or were totally self centered or idiots.

It's always frustrated me that she'll often pick out these guys over me at times... Last time we broke up it was about not having enough time to spend with her, and since then it's just one liar/dick/idiot after another.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Q.U. » Sun Feb 17, 2013 9:07 am

Mr. Sefrol wrote:Women...

I know man. I know.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Icha » Sun Feb 17, 2013 2:04 pm

While there might have been something you or I might have glossed over, I'd say that if she breaks up again, you're better off trying not to get back even if she asks.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Sun Feb 17, 2013 6:31 pm

Mr. Sefrol wrote:So, bringing this over from the Valhallentines Day thread:

I want to think my now not ex-girlfriend has the same feelings back for me from before since I was really one of the only guys that listened and has given her actual useful advice to her and are the closest guy she knows. Seriously, all the other boyfriends she's had were either lying to her or were totally self centered or idiots.

It's always frustrated me that she'll often pick out these guys over me at times... Last time we broke up it was about not having enough time to spend with her, and since then it's just one liar/dick/idiot after another.

Don't you think you'd be happier with a girl that actually appreciated the things you do? You don't have a responsibility to take care of her. She's making her own decisions. Don't let a fixation get in the way of your own happiness, because you aren't responsible for hers. If of her own decision she comes back to you, great, maybe she's changed, but based on what you've said you should just drop your pursual of her, your energy might be better spent finding a girl who'd actually appreciate you.

Also, are you still friends with her, giving advice still and such things? Maybe you should stop. She won't know what she's got until you're gone.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mr. Sefrol » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:07 pm

Well yeah. It was pretty hard on me to try and persue her, so I did drop trying to for the longest time. But then she pops up again all saying she missed me so much and calling me and texting me and facebooking and dropping by my place all at the same time it feels like she wants me back even though I never thought we would be together again. That's what's so upsetting about it. She just came back with so much energy and lust it was out of left field.

Also, I have indeed. For 8 years I've been there for her giving her advice whenever she asked and helped her through rough patches whenever I was available even when we weren't together. I'd hate myself to just "stop". And it's not overall draining to talk to her about her problems. It's what I always do for everyone around me. It's natural for me to try and be helpful to those that need an ear.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:09 pm

Did she just break up with a boyfriend or something?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mr. Sefrol » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:11 pm

He broke up with her.

First time that's happened actually. She's always the one to break it off.
Last edited by Mr. Sefrol on Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:11 pm

That's what I suspected. So she coming back to you now because she knows she can
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Calek » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:14 pm

Bad news bears man, abort abort!
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Whatis6times9 » Sun Feb 17, 2013 8:25 pm

Dude, you are the eternal back up option, that's all you will likely be to her. Don't buy her shit about wanting to be with you, be friends if you want but go find someone else to date.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Warbear » Sun Feb 17, 2013 9:09 pm

“Never allow loneliness to drive you into the arms of someone you know you don’t belong with.”
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Sun Feb 17, 2013 10:11 pm

Mr. Sefrol wrote:Well yeah. It was pretty hard on me to try and persue her, so I did drop trying to for the longest time. But then she pops up again all saying she missed me so much and calling me and texting me and facebooking and dropping by my place all at the same time it feels like she wants me back even though I never thought we would be together again. That's what's so upsetting about it. She just came back with so much energy and lust it was out of left field.

Also, I have indeed. For 8 years I've been there for her giving her advice whenever she asked and helped her through rough patches whenever I was available even when we weren't together. I'd hate myself to just "stop". And it's not overall draining to talk to her about her problems. It's what I always do for everyone around me. It's natural for me to try and be helpful to those that need an ear.

It's not even about it being draining, it's about the opportunity cost. She is basically keeping you off the market while not actually being with you. As Whatis said, you're basically the back up option. No one should relegate themselves to that. If she's open to being your girlfriend then you can do it again, but you need to have a serious talk about your relationship and how she can't keep doing this to you. Or if you don't want to have that talk, then you just need to end all relations with her if she breaks it off again. She seems like she's just using you as a rebound until she finds another guy.


You might hate yourself to just "stop" but you'll also hate yourself when you're 30 and wondering why you're alone and why you wasted so much time on a person that didn't give back nowhere near as much you gave her.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:38 am

This is an issue that's gotten worse for me over the years. Everything is boring. There's no emotion to be felt in anything. There's no point to work, or to school - money has never mattered to me. I'm just going through the motions of life, but as the responsibilities start to pile up as a child must grow away from their parents, I find myself not caring for these responsibilities. The benefits that come with them mean nothing. This is not to sound spoiled, that I want to be taken care of forever or anything like that. I would not demand that from anyone, and I paid for this college semester myself outright with money saved that I never spent a dime of besides on necessary costs (e.g. gas). I have tried many interests over the years and nothing has ever sparked a passion. I have had a wide variety of friends, introverts, extroverts and the whole range of friendship, and it's never done anything for me, or changed me, as people would say for a more reserved person like myself to "get out of their shell". I tested that, and it did nothing for me. People have always had nothing but good things to say about me (so far as I've heard, of course), and I was always deemed a great friend. Recreational drugs might be good for me, but the risk of addiction is too great, because if they do offer me a fantastical release, then that might be enough of a reason to completely stop caring about everything else.

It is difficult to explain this without coming off the wrong way. I've never really met another person like me, and that's not a good thing. It is not depression. Life just offers nothing. And neither does death. Both are equally pointless. So suicide's not an option, since one day I could change and then life would be better, or if I was really driven to the point of suicide, abandoning my life as is would be more appealing.

There is a bit of partial identification that I have with Patrick Bateman as the following quote reads:
“...there is an idea of a Patrick Bateman, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory, and though I can hide my cold gaze and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable: I simply am not there.”

Has anyone felt like this or perhaps known someone like that? I've felt this way mostly my whole life, but the detachment just keeps growing greater, and I've never found a way to ground myself.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:42 am

Have you ever sought any kind of professional advice about this?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Mon Feb 18, 2013 12:53 pm

I'm in love with a girl in my home town but im sorta in a distance "relationship" with someone else. And i put quotations over relationship because I don't really count it as a relationship but she does.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Morpheus » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:09 pm

EagleMan, do you have any goals?
Anything that you would like to work towards?
In the mean time I would consider seeing someone about this.

Millo, you should have made it clear to the first girl that you had no interest in a relationship anymore.
And by in love do you mean that you two are dating?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Mon Feb 18, 2013 4:50 pm

No not dating, just talking. Hell I don't even know if she has a boyfriend or not, i'm too afraid to ask because i might not like the answer. And it's not like i was expecting this, i enjoy talking to the other girl but any mention of us not in a relationship will just result to no more talking. Even though i'm not doing anything i still feel guilty
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Morpheus » Mon Feb 18, 2013 5:24 pm

Just make it clear that you aren't.
If she continues to lend a deaf ear it's her fault.
And tell the other girl how you feel.
Even if you don't like the answer you won't find out any other way.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Millo » Mon Feb 18, 2013 7:34 pm

i suppose thats true
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:33 pm

EM.

I have had a similar experience as you're having now.

It feels like its not even worth it to get out of bed anymore, right?

Nothing feels real, or even matters, because in the end, nothing you do will really feel fulfilling.

I'd like to suggest something,

Get a puppy. I know it sounds weird, but think about it this way. To have a creature love you unconditionally, to entirely depend on you, will give your life some semblance of meaning, yes?

I personally felt like this before I made an effort at improving my life.

Remember when I was extremely cynical? That happened after I reached the end of the path that you're on.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Warbear » Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:37 pm

SO!

I mentioned in the Vahallentine's Day thread that I hung out with this girl and played Mario and etc.

So last night I asked our mutual friend if she was, in fact, single. She kinda laughed and said that she (Jen) had asked the same thing about me WHICH IS WEIRD.

And today Jen comes into the theater I work at and says to me "yes, i am single" and that is ALSO WEIRD because I am incredibly NOT used to women being that forward with me. She told me that she had nothing to do all week and that we should hang out.

So that's not really an issue at all, but the potentially troubling thing is that she used to date one of the managers at the theater and that might cause a bit of conflict between him and I.

Other than that though, this is kind of a cool situation?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Yog » Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:40 pm

Yes, that is a kickass situation.

Go for it.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Morpheus » Mon Feb 18, 2013 9:52 pm

If he fires you because of that then he takes things way to personally.
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