Snafu Therapy Thread. *TRIGGER WARNINGS* This topic is under Mod protection

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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Fri Feb 08, 2013 1:00 am

*afraid to leave my Mother alone. Not cannot, but then again this may be my subconscious talking with that "typo".
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Whatis6times9 » Fri Feb 08, 2013 1:49 am

Unfortunately, you're going to have to do what's in your best interest and hope your mother makes the same choice. For her it's a case of leading a camel to water and it refusing to drink. The best option might be to 302 him, but now that you're in the burbs that might be harder to do than it is back in the city.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Panty Anarchy » Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:34 am

Stuff, your mother is grown woman, she'll see sense if she wants to. You should be more concerned for yourself at the moment since you, potentially, have an easier way out than she will.

I'm gonna take you guys up on this venting thing, but I don't really want to do it over Skype because I'm not really looking for an active conversation on this subject.

The fact that her and I are both too fucked up to be in a healthy and happy relationship sort of bothers me. I mean, we did the mature thing and talked and decided to hold off on romance until we're both sane, and that might be great because we'll have more time to be friends and to bond and blahdy blah, but I feel like it's going to be a bit hard for me. Being friends, that is. As it stands, I'm crazy about this girl, because we like the same shit and find the same stuff funny and I could just... see something in her eyes when we were together that makes this especially difficult. I know we did the right thing here and that everything's going to be fine eventually, but I can't help but regret it a bit. Which is inevitable, I suppose.

On the subject of why I'm fucked up, well... I don't particularly know how to go about fixing it. I have a difficult time trusting people IN GENERAL, because my ex... Ah shit, I'm sure a lot of you guys have heard the story before, but here goes.

I met her in the middle of summer, a little bit after school got out. First date, we went to the mall and just kinda putzed around (we were both 17 at the time, so there wasn't much that we could actually DO in town). Then we just kinda sat in the park and talked. For, like, a good three hours. It was great. The relationship lasted three months and it was awesome. I'm tellin' ya, there wasn't a single fight. Maybe some minor kerfuffles over dumb things, but that was the extent of it. Out of the blue (or what seemed to be out of the blue for me, i dunno how it went down from her perspective) she wanted a break. Which sucked. That had never happened to me until then, so I was kinda... Well, I was a bit pissed about it, and it showed. So, skipping all the messy details, we broke up.

A week later, she's dating a drug dealer (that did my ego some good, i'm tellin' ya).

So because of that, I have a hard time loving anyone and trusting people and just generally being a person in a relationship.

And I don't really know how I should go about fixing that.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Feb 08, 2013 3:56 am

The only way to fix it, in my mind, is to give people another chance. I know it can be hard, I went through a break up that was almsot the exact same scenario. I liked this girl a lot, and I thought every thing was fine, and then bam. It destroyed me. Not to be melodramatic, but it changed my outlook on love and relationships in some important ways. It took me like 2 years to get over her, and another several months after that before I wanted to be in a relationship again. Eventually, as hard as it can be, you just have to give people another shot. You have to take that risk, when you feel ready.

I re wrote this like 3 or 4 times trying to get it right. Hopefully something came across that helps.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Jasthn » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:01 am

Tuor stole my spotlight and made it even shorter. But I agree with him as well, but if what I wrote might help, go for it.

I think I can relate to some degree. My ex and I had the whole thing going on like you did. I was what, 17 and she was 15, almost 16. We had a great run, almost a year. She wanted a break and just like you, I was kind of confused and pissed and it showed. Eventually we both came to the agreement (more like she came to it, I had to just sit there and let it happen), and we pretty much broke up. She was and is very Christian and lives by it to the day. I personally, am not a very religious person and that's another story in itself. A week after we broke up, she found herself a nice Christian guy (go figure). Something about this just pissed me the hell off, something just stirred in me that I had never felt. I was hurt, broken, angry, the whole nine yards (I imagine you can relate?)

So some time later I still found myself in this same mind set. It literally took me about 5-6 months just to trust anyone, or let anyone near me. I had broken a few hearts on the way, sadly, as I've always tried to be a guy to make everyone smile. It took me another 2 months to even try and have another relationship. The fact of the matter is things happen, and as much as it hurts it can't be helped. Even if you know this yourself, it's a tough and painful experience. However, the best thing I figure is just to do the things you enjoy. Things like that are no quick fix, and the more you dwell on it, the longer it hurts.

I finally asked out another girl, and it's been great and I hope it stays that way. But the first thing you need to do is let go and enjoy some fun. Friends, midnight adventures through the town getting Taco Bell and playing video games, something you use to get away from stress. For me, aromatherapy, drawing, video games and especially skateboarding were my ways of doing this. It got my mind out off of her (everything else)
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Panty Anarchy » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:08 am

@Tuor: That's fairly hard for me, to be honest. I mean, there's maybe only one person (one of my roommates) that I actually open up and talk to and consider my best friend and that alone helps a bit, but that's not really...the point, I guess.

I have no trouble with making friends, given time, but I guess I don't really hang out with people much. I hang out in my room a lot and the 'risks' I take are fairly minimal. I feel like I should maybe get out there and start doing things with people?

@Jasthn: I feel like the situation is slightly different (with the Christian guy). The idea that a drug dealer is more appealing than I am just stung A LOT because I was a stand-up guy with an awesome job at the time.

I did go through a phase, however, where I would have week-long relationships that I just ended for little to no reason. I broke some hearts and once I realised what I was doing, I never really tried to have a relationship until I got together with this girl.

I had been making an effort to go out and hang out with friends and see movies (mostly by myself, because it helps me get away from stress and I seriously hate seeing movies with people) to try to make myself feel better, and it was actually starting to help, but then this break-up happened and all I feel like doing is moping, which is a normal reaction, I s'pose, and is completely warranted, and I'm going to try not to let it be like this for very long. Maybe play some games with friends and go do dumb things. I dunno. Going for walks and listening to tunes tends to help. *shrug*
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:22 am

The risk I was more talking about was in terms of getting into a relationship again. It's good that you make friends easily, I didn't have that advantage. Getting out more might help you. I mean, a moping period is definitely warranted, as you said. That's fine. Have a few days or a week, and start doing things that you enjoy again and get back out there. I really have no other advice than that. Learning to trust people again is tough and it's a slow process.
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Panty Anarchy » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:26 am

This honestly was my attempt at getting back into relationships. This was my risk and it didn't turn out particularly well. Though maybe I was just kind of hoping too big too soon. I should just look for something small and simple for now, I think.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Jasthn » Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:26 am

They may be different, but I suppose the whole other story I mentioned before is what makes them seem similar to me. In the sense that you had something good going for you is the best part, but to have her suddenly spending her time with a drug dealer is really no nice discovery yes. In my case, when I told my very christian parents I had no interest in going to church, participating in this religious practice, they nearly fell off their rockers. I was "grounded" but more kind of viewed upon as a kid who failed their parents and performed some sort of immoral act. Soon after, my parents talked to my grandparents and what they should do (my entire family is very close to their religion) and put me in a ton of summer bible schools, Christian programs and the likes to get me back into Christianity. This worked to no avail which not only irritated my parents, but my grandparents and so on.

So in the end, my parents were somewhat embarrassed. During the vacation bible schools though I had been bullied and harassed (Keep in mind this was when I was 12-13) and at one point the teacher and some sort of episode where she had called me out on being ignorant and lazy (I had to keep asking people for pages in the bible and so on, and I guess she found this annoying) so in the end, I was fed up with it all after all these small things built up. When I first started talking to my ex before we went out, I was a bit... hesitant on whether it would be a good idea. I decided I'd try it out though and it was good for the time being. But her reasons for leaving me in the end were because: "I feel like God is telling me to do this" and "If a man and a woman aren't both Christian blah blah blah", so it made me feel cheated and betrayed and pissed off. So when she went out with the christian boy I felt like I had only been pushed aside because of religion. In my eyes for you, I'm wondering if it was the same in the way that she was maybe more interesting in the drugs, or curious at the very least?

At the very least, just let this whole thing works its way out of your system, it's not something you want to rush or try to get done as fast as you can. You'll know when you're ready to try and look for someone else and you'll have time between now and then to make friends and have fun. It's just something that has to work its way out.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Grey » Fri Feb 08, 2013 10:50 pm

i typically avoid this thread because it's depressing, but i checked it today.

stuff: you're a vibrant and brilliant young woman who is being crippled by your devotion to your mother. i know that's hard to take, but as much help as your mother needs you, you need to focus a significant majority of your attention on fixing your life. you need to get away and sort yourself and your goals out. find something to work towards and put all your attention in to that. i know that's much easier to say than to do, but it's the only way forward. you can't fix your family, you can only change your own outcome. my family's quite the same with the awfully ignorant and angry father paired with the forgiving, patient, doormat mother (although my father doesn't seem to be as prone to bursts of anger as yours, he has long continuous bursts of bitter and snide behaviour). focus on yourself rather than the horrible people and the poor people that chose to spend their lives with them.

warbear: bitches are bitches. there are chicks who have fucked with my perception of women and relationships in the way they've behaved and one of the hardest things to do is to learn that not all women are like that. it takes a long time and a lot of focus on what you need to do, but it soon becomes clear that not every woman is a heart-breaking whore. there aren't many people that i feel i can speak openly and honestly to, and i'm sure you feel the same. it's sometimes difficult to differentiate between women who are honestly being intimately friendly and those who are flirting and sometimes the girls doing it find it hard to tell which one they're currently subscribing to. just let things happen. let pieces fall into place and don't worry about jumping into any relationship at all. if it's gonna happen it will regardless of your intentions.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Blood Lord » Mon Feb 11, 2013 7:28 pm

Truer words have never been spoken.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby EagleMan » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:04 am

Anhedonia is boring.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mir@k » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:12 am

By definition, yes.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:19 am

bleh.

I'm taking my Mom away on a cruise in August, so I'm gonna try to talk to her without my Dad there as a distraction. I'm definitely planning on moving out, but I want to see if she can do something with herself.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Mir@k » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:23 am

Mmm.. If i asked my mother if she was going to be okay, she'd of course would say she'd be fine (even if it was a lie). And if your mother is "one of those women", wouldn't talking to her be... Pointless? I mean, i'm not sure what she could do, on her own, that would give you peace of mind. What possibilities are you thinking of?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:26 am

She doesn't really talk to me here, unless she's not around my Dad. When he's nowhere to be seen, she'll talk to me about everything. I'm hoping once I get her onto the cruise, and away for a week, we can actually talk about shit since we'll be alone and not have to worry about him walking through the door. I know she's pissed about everything going on, but she seems too scared to talk about anything due to him having a schedule that could have him walking into the door at any moment.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Tue Feb 12, 2013 2:27 am

I don't know exactly what I'm going to suggest to her, but I have mentioned to her that I don't know how she stays with a man like that. I mean, I'm here to protect her now, but I won't be when I'm out of here. But I'm pretty sure she understands that, because she gets upset when I talk to her about moving out. And today she said she felt like she was a prisoner in her own house, so I think she's finally starting to wake up.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:24 pm

Update:

She was just talking to me about leaving him, and getting an apartment with me.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:28 pm

This is a promising development! Yayyy!
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Princess » Tue Feb 12, 2013 4:30 pm

I'm actually really happy, because she's the one who came up to me and was saying she can't deal with this shit anymore. And I told her that we could always leave once I get money coming in, but it can't be too far from my work. And she said she was actually going to talk to me about that, because she's been sitting on that idea for a few days now.

Thank The Lord, she's sane.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby DaCrum » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:10 pm

5 minutes until I schedule my first informal disciplinary hearing. Yeah.
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Whatis6times9 » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:12 pm

What happened?
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby DaCrum » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:13 pm

Spring 2012 you allegedly pinched another student
Spring 2012 you allegedly threw a Water bottle at another student
February and March 2012 - you allegedly bit another student
March 2012 you allegedly burned another student
March 2012 you allegedly kicked another student
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby Tuor » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:15 pm

wow
"Suddenly Frodo noticed that a strange-looking weather-beaten man, sitting in the shadows near the wall, was also listening intently to the hobbit-talk. He had a tall tankard in front of him, and was smoking a long-stemmed pipe curiously carved. His legs were stretched out before him, showing high boots of supple leather that fitted him well, but had seen much wear and were now caked with mud. A travel-stained cloak of heavy dark-green cloth was drawn close about him, and in spite of the heat of the room he wore a hood that overshadowed his face; but the gleam of his eyes could be seen as he watched the hobbits."
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Re: Snafu Therapy Thread.

Postby DaCrum » Tue Feb 12, 2013 5:17 pm

To add to my stress, Dorner decided to start a shooting in my hometown today.
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