I don't want to be a downer or anything like that, but I think it's against the rules to have two separate threads in the literature forum, especially if the other one is still on the front page.
Also do you think you could split your story into paragraphs instead of one giant block of words? That would make it infinitely easier to read.
"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."
The Chronometal Wars, a fan-fiction taking place in the PPGD Universe. Catastrophe is the only certainty.