Not really. I agree with you completely, honestly. If she's having difficulty choosing between me or some drug-addled kid, she's probably not worth it. It's just kind of a shame because this is the first girl I've met that I actually have stuff in common with.

I have played Donkey Kong Country with this girl.

It's definitely been helping.

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Soulchild: u thnk evry thng stupid.
DaCrum: Warbear, why did you suddenly become pretty cool? Stop it.

Don't make it a crutch, though, dude.

It's simply a tool. That's it.

Fuck.

I wish I could transfer my knowledge to you or some shit.

Seriously, you are in for a bumpy ride. But if you get through it, you'll be a better man.

A hivemind would be pretty useful.

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Soulchild: u thnk evry thng stupid.
DaCrum: Warbear, why did you suddenly become pretty cool? Stop it.

Oh, definitely.

But I gotta tell you.

Once you conquer these issues, there will be a clarity to life like no other.

Seriously, you will be utter peace. It's quite the prize.

Like I said though. Anytime you want to talk, I'm always open.

The worst part when it comes to this process, is going through it alone.

You should get Skype or something.

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Soulchild: u thnk evry thng stupid.
DaCrum: Warbear, why did you suddenly become pretty cool? Stop it.

Hrm.

Maybe.

One day.

I'm still trying to find a way to open communications with you guys more face to face.

That's what I'm hoping to do with the traveling thing.

Skype would be the easiest way.

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Escape will make me God.

It's an OCD thing of mine.

If I told you the reasons behind it, I swear, EVERY SINGLE PERSON on this forum would laugh.

This is not a negativity thing. I know for a fact something like that would happen.

That makes me more interested.

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Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Mythrrinthael - Blood Lord, our local expert in interpretation of The Grim Tales from Down Below!
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
Snafu's Mercypostle.

this is the most intelligent thing i've ever seen you post

as much of an advocate of marijuana as i am i must insist that no one allow themselves to become psychologically dependent upon it, as i am

i find it difficult to sleep without a joint

hence why i am awake at 5:45

usually i would've smoked myself to sleep by now

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I'm NORML and I VOTE
Soul Silver Friend Code: 0260-2900-0828

Oh hah.

I post things similar to that on a regular basis.

It's just not heeded.

Besides, I used to sell the stuff, dude. Of course I know the downsides to my own product.

Okay so about a year ago I was severely depressed going through a rough time and had to get therapy for it. It's been a year since then and i do feel like I've moved on but i feel hollow. It's just that i don't care anymore, i may have been depressed as fuck but at least i had emotion and felt alive now i don't feel anything about anything. I've also gotten lazy as hell, i can't even get up to do fun things like play video games, i got to work, come home have a nap and maybe go to my friends and have a fun time for a little while before i go home and sleep again. Fuck i remember how artistic and imaginative i was last year, every time i try to draw or paint i get frustrated as i haven't improved enough in my eyes. I know some would suggest getting a gf but the thing is I'm really not interested in anyone and even if i was being in a relationship wouldn't really cheer me up anyways, I'm fine being single for now. I just really need to stop being so lazy and make that leap to pursue my art and stuff

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Begone Dirty Whores!

It sounds like you moved from bipolar to unipolar depression. I think you should start getting therapy again.

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CAUTION: Would anyone tell me if I was getting stupider?

Yeah that does seem like a proper decision, but i'm going to have to hold it off until i can actually afford it, probably when my roomates friend moves in with us, that way i don't have to worry about the rent as much

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Begone Dirty Whores!

Just don't do anything drastic.

You don't seem like the type to consider suicide, but be wary.

Find stuff to make you happy.

Suicide or even considering it seems like a pretty large leap, from what they were describing.

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Fuck

I went from feeling lazy to feeling worthless to hating myself to considering car in the river

So no leap is large enough

I think your circumstances are way different, but all right

_________________

I just

Eh

I hope for the best, when it comes to everyone

So millo, I'm rooting for you

Your problems were added to by not having a good or steady support system/

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CAUTION: Would anyone tell me if I was getting stupider?

Ah

I never really figured out what the root of the issue was

But whatev

I just hope millo gets good

Well, I've dealt with bipolar and unipolar depression so I have somewhat of an understanding of what you're going through. The biggest advice I can give you is to communicate to others. There are thoughts going through your head, sometimes delusional, sometimes just reactionary, and it is important that you communicate these thoughts. The best thing someone can do for you is to be there to listen, not give advice, not try to steer your life but be willing to listen to you. No matter what you say.

It is hard to find motivation. Sometimes the only motivation you need is to "just get it over with". I say start small. Personally, I started using a web app to help me improve as well, if you'd like to use that. What it does is give me goals and actions, many of which are easily achievable. It gives you choices for things that inspire you, pictures, quotes, and music. I think it is helping me stay accountable to self-improvement.

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Escape will make me God.

Has anything changed from then to now?

Also an important thing to keep in mind is that pretty much everyone hates their initial creative work, exactly because they're starting out and it's difficult or impossible to put what you're imagining in your mind on paper. Unfortunately the only way to get through this is to just power through it, because it's not like you'll suddenly become technically proficient over night, you have to gradually get better such as through exercise. But if depression is interfering with that then yeah that bit of thinking doesn't help much, but I'm usually pretty glad I did the stuff I did when I'm feeling unmotivated. I can draw something today and that may be a pain but by tomorrow it won't matter either way. If I didn't do it though, then yesterday is already gone and past when I could've had that drawing today.

Your future self won't care that past you had to force yourself to do something, your future self will only reap all the benefits while no longer experiencing any of the drawbacks. This tends to be a good philosophy for pretty much anything if you can knock yourself into that mindset. To your present self a nap or sleeping in sounds nice, but future you will only regret having slept in and not doing something else with that time.

Hmmm....

Have I really bounced all the way back here?
Well, it does seem like it. I wonder if it has been long over due. To me anyhow.
But why did I land so far back? So it was that I was going down memory lane. Accidentally I might add.
And came across my old account here. It has been a deplorable year for me. Add the last month to the list and you have a nervous breakdown. And I crossed paths with this here wonderful thread.

I do remember that once upon a time in ages of old, I knew I could find some solace, whatever little, in this place.

Running out of options, I have come on bloody knees back here.

The last year has been by far the worst chapter in my book. A summary: I no longer have papers, so I can't leave this country. Every single attempt my friends in Mexico have made to visit me after almost 3 years of not seeing them has failed. I can't get a legal job, so I'm stuck at my minimum wage job with less than 15 hours a week to pay for tuition. I couldn't pay for school one semester so I had to skip it. Every time I check back to my case status to get back my paper work, the process seems delayed another 2-3 months. The only relationship I have been able to achieve in 4 years was a long distance one. One which was ended at the beginning of November. My one moral and emotional support is gone. And on top of it all, she lied to me at the very end. Or rather, a lie by omission. I have been so depressed I have suffered numerous breakdowns over the last 2 weeks alone. I have lost interest in every single thing I once held dear or fun.

I know for a "summary" it can be lengthy, but that's the mere surface of my entire year.

But the one and only thing I knew would break me to the core. My one and only fear. Came to fruition right in front of my eyes.

My ex always held me as the better of 2 options she had at the beginning of the relationship. But not because I was BETTER in some one or another. But because I was available. According to her, she couldn't go out with the other guy because even though they liked each other, either she had a boyfriend or he a girlfriend. That bore into my skull during our entire relationship. That at any moment I stopped being the better option and still was an option in the end. She told me there was no one else when she broke up with me. That there was no one else at that moment. I caught that "moment" part. I didn't care much that she would go out with other random dudes. People I didn't know. But I know her all too well. Even before she broke with me, she was giving indications as to what was brewing with her other option. She tried so hard to convince me about how good I was, how much she had loved me and that nothing had or was happening at that moment. Not a month had been past, not 2 weeks and she was already starting her courtship. Mind that she told me she felt "so bad, she didn't want to know anything about anyone new. She didn't want to start a relationship anytime soon" I just couldn't take it anymore. How much fucking sugar she put into all that amount of bullshit and still try to call it a cake. I have severed all contact or possibility of contact.

And sorry for not mentioning this before. I had known this girl for almost 9 years. And I had loved her like no other person.


All I want now. Is someone to make me forget. Not a replacement. Someone entirely new. Someone who wouldn't just consider me an option.

Funny enough, hypocritical more like, she shared a picture lately. It said about how one doesn't choose whom their love is. Or how, or when, or where.

If she holds that true, all her "love" to me was a blatant lie. If she doesn't hold it true and chose her other lover after me. Well, she's just a fucking hypocrite.

I have given my 2 cents. I feel the need to apologize for coming here out of the blue asking for an ear to hear me. But like I said. I'm running out of options. Unlike her. I didn't have a back up.