Well originally in another thread Haruhi5, I think is the name, asked me to see some of my literature, and since it's been a while I decided to make a descision and finally post in one here so tell me what you think.

Lost, lost like a needle in a haystack. Forever to roam in the every ending nightmare of the burning, eternal, flames of this endless place. Eternal darkness is all I see. For miles it's endless darkness, but the screams of the damned fill my ears. I see one man, being burned alive in the flames. His screams loud and crazy, his body seeming to burn to a crisp. His screams sounded as painful as those being crucified by romans. I just watched him in awe. My hands slowly reaching outward to him, wanting to stroke his burnt skin. And soon, I too felt myself burning in that eternal damnation of an inferno, the screams of the lost souls somehow echoing in my head and ears, and I felt the burden and shackles of hands slowly grabbing at my ankles. It was forever to be my punishment, to burn with the damned. To never see the light of day. I will lose my sanity, my place, my authority, and my purpose all in this place of flames and punishment, in this place called Hell.

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Dude, just stop. You're not even good.

You need to post at least a few paragraphs' worth of content so people understand a few things about your story if you want them to critique it. As this is, it seems like a piece cut out of a much larger story. Maybe start from the beginning, unless you planned to do an extended flashback story form (like was used in the first arc of Grim Tales) where you show a glimpse of the present, then rewind to show how things got that way.

Well, I wasn't really intending to make a whole book or chapter. It was just a sample or an idea I thought of.

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Dude, just stop. You're not even good.

Sorry if I post this too late but, can I use this? Its good, I will credit you and the website for it...

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MQuinny1234:You're prancing around with V's mask on, I thought you'd be happy with that.

Delia Surridge: You've come to kill me, haven't you?
V: Yes.
Delia Surridge: Thank God.

Oh and please read my first literature post. Feel free to bash me and whatnot...
http://www.snafu-comics.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=7&t=50149