@ alopunk: Thanks

@ qwevictor: I'm not good at EL, and also the Old English
so sorry about that

Well, next page, this time, I draw with my pen, and color with Wacom

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

"What, you gotta date with him?", That also seems kinda weak in the whitey banter department.

_________________

Hey, this place hasn't gotten traffic in a while... maybe you want to change that.

@ Imosa: So I would change : "What? You gonna date with him" to ""What, you gotta date with him?"
really, I don't know what do you mean
(Sr, My EL is bad)

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

I kind of suggest that you drop using Bleed's style for this.
I don't mean stop the fan-comics. I mean do the comic, but using your style. You know, the art that you've done that is very detailed and inked well. In that style, you'd probably be able to quickly get a spot at the top for your comic if you tried. Not sure, but it'd help.

Your style with this fan-comic would beat the style that you're trying to do now. Try to do the next update in your style, and see what the people say.

_________________
Working on another story other than Hellfire, called Geistauge, which can be found here.

Actually, in a long time using this style, I randomly use it in this comic
really, now I don't TRY to draw in bleedman's style, just draw, and this is the result
there maybe bleedman's style, but I'll try to combine it with my style

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Ya.
I guess you should also change "Who is "He" you are talking about" to "Who is this "He" you are talking about".

Also upon looking more the word Rumble has too little impact. Everything else has this sketchy black outline but the word Rumble does not and that makes it look out of place.

_________________

Hey, this place hasn't gotten traffic in a while... maybe you want to change that.

@ Imosa: Got it!
I'll fix it later

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

No grammar mistakes here. Good job.
Only thing I can think of is writing "Slash" in a different font. Something like Chiller. Check out dafonts if you don't already know about the site.

_________________

Hey, this place hasn't gotten traffic in a while... maybe you want to change that.

Great comic so far really enjoyed reading it, looking forward to the next one! In this latest page, is he meant to say 'Cheese'?

_________________

My DeviantArt

Cheese*
Also, i agree completely with Mimeme

_________________
When i die, My tomestone will simply say

Respawn in 3...2...1...



http://littledrawingman.deviantart.com/#/d3jxrqi Check my DeviantArt out? It's new so..yeah, but I'm working on stuff.

ok
this page: no color, just black and white (Maybe I'll color it in the future)

P/S: I fixed page 12, too

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Whoa... nice.

I want to see it in full color later.

Grivous.

_________________
Grivous' DeviantArt Ask Roberto and Jim - Tumblr

Actually... I'm loving the black and white... i think it fits the mood perfectly.

_________________
Lord Soth: ^ That one does have a fascination in making people more sparkly.
Sable: And here I thought the sparkles you added to everything was cocaine.

There's a mis-spell.
'Behide' should be 'Behind'
Also 'anything of you' should be 'anything like you' I assume.
That's all the mistakes I could find.



...
Reminds me of those street punks in Ryu Ga Gotoku.
I hope that clone-dude-whatever-the-hell-he-is doesn't say "Your ass is mine!" or something like that in the future.

_________________
Memento mori

@ Grivous & Alopunk: well, because of my laziness, and loving black and white, I think I'll keep going with black and white )
but I'll color them if I have more time
@ Unlimited: actually, I really want to use "anything OF you" in this situation
and I fixed "behide" =) Thanks

well, another page:

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Fail page? XD

_________________
When i die, My tomestone will simply say

Respawn in 3...2...1...



http://littledrawingman.deviantart.com/#/d3jxrqi Check my DeviantArt out? It's new so..yeah, but I'm working on stuff.

oh, sorry
I have fixed it
enjoy!

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Awesome page. I'm pretty sure the other junior would be illuminated by the ball of energy, dramatic effect aside.
Also your last panel is astonishing. Mankind has been trying to master passing off a blank page as art for as long as art existed. I need the desktop version.

_________________

Hey, this place hasn't gotten traffic in a while... maybe you want to change that.

I think you should shade in things, now. Don't leave big white gaps in your Art. Anything white, try to grey it up, black it up, or shade it up. It'd add a cool effect to it.

Also do this. Add color to eyes, and blood. Maybe some color to parts of clothes. Say a light hits blood and you have it resonating, glowing in a sense, back onto the clothes. With this, in the Black and White style, it'd look fantastic.

_________________
Working on another story other than Hellfire, called Geistauge, which can be found here.

I am and did!!

_________________
When i die, My tomestone will simply say

Respawn in 3...2...1...



http://littledrawingman.deviantart.com/#/d3jxrqi Check my DeviantArt out? It's new so..yeah, but I'm working on stuff.

update new page after... 20 days after going military camp

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Nice. Grammar errors as far as I can see. This is coming along.

_________________

Hey, this place hasn't gotten traffic in a while... maybe you want to change that.

Very good. Loving Anti-Jr's evil face on panel 4.
Keep it up! C:

_________________
Lord Soth: ^ That one does have a fascination in making people more sparkly.
Sable: And here I thought the sparkles you added to everything was cocaine.

@ Imosa & Alopunk: Thank you thank you very much
well, here we go again
page 16 (lots of mistake, I know)


Enjoy!

_________________
Give me a paper, a pencil, an eraser and a pen, I will show you MY STYLE
viewtopic.php?f=5&t=45419
Anyways, I'm not good at English, so, if I make some mistakes, forgive me

Hm... What a weird guy.

About the mistakes, well, I can't help you so much with it... I am a foreigner. :P
But I think it's "Okay" in the second panel.

... "Nozone". That's a good one. lol

Grivous.

_________________
Grivous' DeviantArt Ask Roberto and Jim - Tumblr