Tartaurus' The tales of Loto (ch 1 pt 1)

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Tartaurus' The tales of Loto (ch 1 pt 1)

Postby Tartaurus » Mon Apr 04, 2011 12:45 pm

I wrote this story once, years ago, but.... it absolutlely sucked. I'm re-writing it now I think. I may lose interest, but until then I'd love some critique. This is all I have thus far, part 1 of the first chapter.

The Tales of Loto
By [Tartaurus]


Chapter 1
Part 1

In the heat of war he was born, our hero of legend. His arrive brought no turn in the tide, nor did his cry echo across the battlefield. Nothing as spectacular as that; simply the miracle of life in the form of a blue eyed babe. His father bursting with a reserved pride, his mother weak but joyous, yet their cheer was short lived. The enemy’s latest charge had reached the medical tent. Before the tragedy that followed is to be explained, you the reader should know of the parents behind the legend.

The father, he who was known as Gadriel Faus. Elite warrior of the kingdom known as Entame; a hero in his own right, having led the charge in countless wars; Gadriel, wielder of six separate blades, defender of Entame, and now a father. He met the love of his life on the battlefield, though; there weren’t many events in his life that hadn’t occurred there. The reasons for this will be covered. He met this love when her life came into danger, and upon saving her, their fates were intertwined.

The mother, she thusly named Aria Faus. Medic by trade; greatest in her field throughout the kingdom. Strong-willed and steadfast, an open protester of war, but reasonable in this right, as she knew the wars they fought were not by choice. She was brave as any soldier on the battlefield beside her as she would rush to aid the wounded. It was during one such time that an enemy soldier decided she would make a fitting target. A decision he regretted as, before his attack could hit home, Gadriel intervened. With this act, and their following friendship, that love was born.

On to the matter of Entame, and the wars which ravaged it. Entame, a small but strong kingdom, began its life quite peacefully. The kingdom kept mostly to itself, though it’s relationships with the surrounding territories were friendly enough. However, seemingly right under their noses, things grew tense. Quite unexpectedly, the surrounding areas grew to hate Entame. It was believed commonly it was due to religion. Entame was alone in their Christian faith, shared by none of their neighbors. Whatever the reason, it began with simple attacks, an assault here or there. This, as violence tends to do, escalated until the first war broke out. Since then, Entame’s history has been little other than war after war.

We return then, to the medical tent as the enemy forces attacked. It had been a surprise to all, though Gadriel was still able to react with great speed. The fight was violent but quick, the tent collapsed and in tatters. However, as you the reader can likely foretell, the battle did not go smoothly. Aria had been struck by the enemy. Taken from Gadriel by the same action that had brought them together. A tragic irony yes, and was Gadriel’s heart in shambles like the tent? Of course. But he knew better than to cry just yet, he knew better than to lose his will and collapse right there. There was a much more important thing to do. The child, his son, his pride, needed to be made safe. The boy his beloved’s last words had named Loto. Gadriel the brokenhearted, Gadriel the alone, Gadriel the father scooped up his child in the tattered tent cloth and ran. Ran off the battlefield, out of the kingdom, away from those events that had occurred, and towards the only safe place he knew.

The safe place, hidden from war in the ice-capped mountains to the north. A place Gadriel had been many a time. A church, glorious in its simplicity, a true sanctuary for all, and now for the infant Loto. Gadriel was swift in his explanation to the head priest, a close friend who comforted the stricken warrior. The priest knew what he was to do. He accepted the infant, to care for in Gadriel’s stead. Entame, in Gadriel’s eyes, unfit for his child to grow. Yet, Entame still needed its hero. So with that, Gadriel released his child to the church, truly alone now, and returned, no more human now than the swords he wielded.
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