Well this thread just got wierd. Beeare merged some threads, so look down for poni

Edit: actually, this has gotten on Equestria daily, so just go here to read it. http://www.equestriadaily.com/2011/04/s ... apart.html

I'll keep the thread updated for anyone that wants to read.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

Keep goin

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

The paragraph format is the best. Ask BR or Grids for tips and pointers.

Oh good peice by the way. I look forward to reading.

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"Small muscles, big brain, the heart of a lion."
—Anthony DiNozzo on Timothy McGee

your almost there, just a bit more scrollin

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

Burned in a fire for being the rough draft

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

I would, in all due mindset; Avoid ponies and their fanbase at all cost, but I guess I need some Karma on my side.

Due to me also having made/making a fanfic myself- I can shed some useful feedback on the overall writing style you are using. No offense intended at all, but you are making a story that is intended for Ponies and Bronies, and not the general populous. I learned about what I was making shortly after starting as well.

I was (and still am) making not only a Fanfic on Powerpuff girls, but a Fanfic of a FANFIC of Powerpuff girls AND Dexter's lab. (Among other things) Needless to say if the general audience read it they would be lost, if they ever read it at all due to it being about Powerpuffs.

So I gotted smart with my learnings; and edited it down to where anyone can read it from the start, and suspect it wasn't PPG at all.

That, in my opinion, is what you need to do. Make it legible to people who have never watched it by providing obligatory backstory, but add enough details so bronies can enjoy it even more, (Which I would assume they will thus far) while adding your own twist to the universe.

The karma I am after is referring to, maybe if i post on another underdog's Fanfic, someone will post in mine. Apparently Ponies are more popular than Post-apocalyptic Powerpuffs. (In b4 Puff most Epic)

I would post something based on what you have actually written, but there doesn't seem to be much to go on though. Perhaps as it goes on I would be more enthralled.

Tl;Dr and Recap:

1: I know nothing of ponies, make it suitable to me and my kind as well which continuing to capture your intended audience.

2: Try ending tangents after the 2nd-4rth sentence and press 'Enter' twice to split the walls of text into manageable portions.

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"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."

The Chronometal Wars, a fan-fiction taking place in the PPGD Universe. Catastrophe is the only certainty.

so what your saying is basically "Hey, looks like you've got something good there, but I didnt read it because i dont like what its about, can you remake it so I can enjoy it?" Thats like saying "Hey Rowling, you got a good book there, but I dont like wizards, think you can remake it to where people who like Clancy books would enjoy it?" you can't write something that'll please everyone, it's impossible and you'll drive yourself up a wall tearing your story to shreds to add a "much needed fight scene" or a "Crazy car chase" or a cliche sex scene. I write various stories, from Zombies to ponies, and everythng in between, and I write each to appeal to the group that enjoys the subject. I have actually gotten a few people to enjoy zombies after reading some of my stories about them, and have enjoyed writing the tales of various characters in wacky and sometimes absurd settings. I'm a writer who dips his fingers in every field he can reach, and if you feel that you shouldn't post a story, or continue one because some people won't enjoy it, then thats your problem. If you feel that a simple paragraph is "To long to read", then you either have a reading disability, or didnt want to just come out and say that you didnt enjoy it. I have always avoided the "Wall of text" as I hate it myself, but a medium sized paragraph shouldn't be that difficult to read into.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

Dragoon, avoid Birdofterror. Write whatever the hell you want.

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Tuor: Stuff is our resident, hot mess, alcoholic.
Senel: Stuff is the patron saint of getting shitfaced. You replaced your organs with an engine that runs solely on alcohol.
RIP Lucky. I love you so much.

Lol, "4rth."

I've never seen the show, so I can't give decent feedback on the piece.

Hey woah, what the hell is going on here? I was trying to help the damn story!

I read it, I read it all, and provided my pointers as would help the story as a whole. I've only ever seen Episode one of the show itself, so I was hoping that it would be continued as something that everyone could enjoy.

I did not say remake it, and I certainly didn't say remake it for me, I said continue it for people who both HAVE and HAVE NOT seen MLP. Simply adding backstory, and not relying on people watching the show to know what is going on would do the trick. In fact, if it wasn't for me watching the first episode, I would not even know that one guy was a dragon.

What the hell is wrong with something everyone would like?!

I knew I should never of talked to a pony... Learned my damn lesson real quick.

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"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."

The Chronometal Wars, a fan-fiction taking place in the PPGD Universe. Catastrophe is the only certainty.

Because it's not meant for everyone.

That's why you have book critics.

So you are saying, FUCK making it for everyone, lets leave it to people AND ONLY to people who have seen every episode of My Little Pony? Fine whatever, keep your damn ponies. I was only trying to help anyway.

Ponies are assholes.

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"It's such a fine line between clever and stupid."

The Chronometal Wars, a fan-fiction taking place in the PPGD Universe. Catastrophe is the only certainty.

That's how fan-fiction works. It appeals to a niche audience. if you don't watch the show, then of course you wouldn't appreciate it. It's intended for an esoteric group.

all the random stuff aside, this was just a rough draft. I have since added more to it, (Up to chapter 4 and 3k words in, still seems way to thin to me ) I get to chapter 5 i'll edit out the draft I posted and repost the new stuff. Now then, before I get that far, I wanna know, how would you all rather read it here? Like in the OP or like this:


Twilight woke up screaming, sending Spike flying into the air and slamming into the ceiling. “Whoa! What’s wrong Twilight?”
Twilight pulled herself together, realizing it was just a dream. She shook her head, wiping the beads of sweat from her brow.
“It was just a bad dream Spike. Go back to sleep.” She looked out the window, seeing the sun slowly rising. “Or…not I guess.”
She got up and went downstairs, her eyes sleepily going from the door, to the pedestal she had left the book on. The book was opened, and her bookmark lay on the floor.
“Spike, were you up last night?” she asked, eyeing the book strangely.

The latter is how it's gonna be on my DA when it's completed, the paragraph form is mainly to save on the character limit per post.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

i don't care the subject of a story, but dragoon, please go research formatting techniques. it's insanely difficult to read even flash fiction pieces when they all look like blobs.

edit: pre-emptive apology to those looking for a PME update. We just brainstormed something fascinating, and it's a neat new direction. I'm not trying to troll, I swear.

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Bleedcomics Staff Writer/Editor, , and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!
"We're quite aware of this. BR is no happy rainbow face man. He is simply our neighborhood best fucking poster." ~ Warbear
Puff Most Epic.

revamped. Got tired of t "Eternal Darkness" story as I hit a preverbial wall 3 pages in. So kicked this one off, not paying attention and -BOOM- starting on page 6. I'll do some heavy formatting later when I get it further into the plot/have a few readers/am able to get it somewhere for the target demographic.

I feel like i'm selling lemonade in winter here.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

Lemonade is good year-round.

True, but it sells best in summer

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

saw that you had two threads, so i merged them. try to keep it all in one for all your work in the lit forum, dragoon

c:

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Bleedcomics Staff Writer/Editor, , and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!
"We're quite aware of this. BR is no happy rainbow face man. He is simply our neighborhood best fucking poster." ~ Warbear
Puff Most Epic.

No prob, was hoping the other would get deleted, but I can work with this.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE

Check first post for Equestria Daily link. Chapters Prologue to 3 are up, next update will be 4-6.

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PONIES, PONIES EVERYWHERE