Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.

Moderator: Mod Squad

Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby GrimJrJim » Mon Jan 03, 2011 12:38 am

Why? Why do I love him? Why do I love my own brother, so I haveth said, so I haveth done. I wanted to kiss him, my lust was overpowering. And still is. I stare into the angelic moon, wondering, wishing that it was not true. Though I do not see why, I do. My Crime is unforgivable. Heaven would cat me in nothingness and let my sinful soul destroy itself. I deserve to be erased from everything. Only at night do I ever sleep peacefully. Where I can dream without my will to control it. My dreams are filled with love and my brother loves me as I do for him.

My brother....... my piece of heaven. Though My body has been destroyed by a devil worse than anything, my new one lets me walk, speak, see the world I love. And see the brother I love. If it wrong...... than why do I don't think it is.

Mother said to write in this journal, saying that girls like me do this sort of thing. Did she ever do it? Could I ask her about my problem? No, she would just make things worse for dear brother. I do not wish to see his head used as a soccer ball ever again. That was horrific. But back on subject. Is it wrong? Is it right? Maybe my brother is right about that therapy...... but can love be destroyed by something like that? Hmm........

Wait! I can talk to Brother about my sin! He could help me repent! I shall talk to him first thing in the rising radiance of light that is the sun. Now...... how do I end these? Ah well. See you later Diary.


---------------------------MiniMandy/Minnie


Author's Notes
Yeah I know I didn't put the old english that Minnie always talks in. But As a whole, I think it sums up her relationship with her brother. And I didn't mess with canon!(thank god) I think I got Minnie's character down, polite and stuff except when she goes demon....... I am out of here when she goes demon!

I hope you liked it and uh....... post your hatred or your like of the one shot..... but nothing to brutal, just did this one shot to try to get used to the characters
A shadow of a doubt can be your downfall---- Jay
I messed up because she wants to kiss me!----------Grim.JR
She lusts for you..... talk about incest------------Jay to Grim.JR
Uhhhh..... what?-------------------------------------------Grim.Jr to Jay.
Don't ask....................................................---------Jay tp Grim.JR

Jay is One of my fancharacters..................DA
OS
NK
T
offline
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:55 pm
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby GridsNaranek » Mon Jan 03, 2011 5:02 am

This is an alright start I suppose. If this was to become a continuous thing then it'd be good to update this.

If it's a diary, try and write it like a diary would be written. Not so many ellipses and so forth. Seems like you wanted to do her speech thing at the start, then sorta dropped it after that.

Not a bad way to begin. Come back with more when you can.
Bloodsguar Studios member

WE ARE ALL GRIDS
Moderator

User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 9696
Joined: Sat May 07, 2005 12:00 am
Location: I Have Always Been Here
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby Kusang_Manalo » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:06 am

'fanfiction.net" senses tingling!
Image
"Screw the social dogma of the intended demographic. If the show is for little girls then that makes me a bitch." - PanPizza
Not-an-animator
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 7709
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:03 pm
Location: ...
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby Bioshock 2 fan » Mon Jan 03, 2011 9:50 am

Hey, I know this out of topic but.... Kusang_Manalo, are you Filipino or something? and nice work GrimJrJim but it would've been better with minnie's old english way of talk.
Even though you're retarded, you're still my friend....my retarded friend....
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:57 pm
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby GrimJrJim » Mon Jan 03, 2011 3:57 pm

Thanks fro your honesty....... and fanfiction.net senses? I think it is a insult...... or something. That comment is to vague for me to comment on.
A shadow of a doubt can be your downfall---- Jay
I messed up because she wants to kiss me!----------Grim.JR
She lusts for you..... talk about incest------------Jay to Grim.JR
Uhhhh..... what?-------------------------------------------Grim.Jr to Jay.
Don't ask....................................................---------Jay tp Grim.JR

Jay is One of my fancharacters..................DA
OS
NK
T
offline
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:55 pm
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby Kusang_Manalo » Tue Jan 04, 2011 8:42 am

The format of your first post reminds of that site... Nothing bad.

@Bio, yes, I am.
Image
"Screw the social dogma of the intended demographic. If the show is for little girls then that makes me a bitch." - PanPizza
Not-an-animator
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 7709
Joined: Tue Aug 22, 2006 5:03 pm
Location: ...
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby GrimJrJim » Tue Jan 04, 2011 10:56 pm

Author's Notes
Since I'm bored..... I shall update a oneshot that was never to be updated.....

End Notes
This line divides the notes from the story!

Damn it! No seriously damn it! Mom caught me reading Minne's journal and now as a punishment I have to write in a journal too! Stupid immortal moms and their sub machine guns! The reason why I looked in Sis's journal was because she acted weird yesterday! SHe wanted to talk about what happned when Him was around and it got very awkward!

How was I supposed to help her? I mean, if she loves me that way then what am I supposed to do? She needs therapy! I need therapy! This whole god damned family needs therapy! Anyway, Journal I really don't want to write in you, but I don't want my head used as a soccer ball ever again. See ya Journal.

Grim.JR

This line divides the notes from the story!
Authors notes
Ah, Junior's apparent fear of his mother makes sense don't you think? Anyway, consider this one shot not a one shot no more....... okay?
A shadow of a doubt can be your downfall---- Jay
I messed up because she wants to kiss me!----------Grim.JR
She lusts for you..... talk about incest------------Jay to Grim.JR
Uhhhh..... what?-------------------------------------------Grim.Jr to Jay.
Don't ask....................................................---------Jay tp Grim.JR

Jay is One of my fancharacters..................DA
OS
NK
T
offline
 
Posts: 24
Joined: Sun Jan 02, 2011 11:55 pm
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby Bioshock 2 fan » Fri Jan 07, 2011 5:33 am

Kusang, where do you live? I have a friend whose in the Phil. right now and I might think of moving, so is it a dump or is it actually pretty good there?

And GrimJr nice work again, maybe you could make it longer next time :)
Even though you're retarded, you're still my friend....my retarded friend....
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 49
Joined: Sat Jan 01, 2011 12:57 pm
Gender: None specified

Re: Grim Tales One Shot: Why?

Postby Nox » Tue Jan 25, 2011 1:42 pm

Well, it is original for a fanfic I guess. All in all, it's cute. But do please check your spelling.
Also starting from "Mother said to write in this journal" the archaic-ness seems to dwindle. But other than that, I have good expectations.

Keep it up.
offline
 
Posts: 6031
Joined: Wed Jun 20, 2007 10:36 pm
Location: 7°30'N/126°E
Gender: None specified


Return to Literature

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest