Infinite Serenade: The OoC (Dead Version!)

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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:54 am

Name: Andrew Xiu (pronounced Shoe)
-Gender: Male
-Age: 25
-Appearance: Well, lets get to the describing, shall we? Andrew likes clothes which have complete functionality yet elegant and beautiful. He wears simple wooden sandals that are white from stepping in various flowers, letting the pigment soak into the fibers of the wood. Matching white pants fan out from his waist into dress-like leggings with decorations of flowers on them. He wears no clothing over his torso as he has no money at all. Among Andrew's travels, he had chanced upon a clear, bright green armor which covers both shoulders to the fingers. The hundreds of joints which keep the plates together allow freedom of movement in the arm and fingers. Elegantly sharp, inward-facing crests peak from each of the plates on the forearms, fingers, and shoulders.
Now to Andrew's body. His face is comical, a charming smile set upon his lips. Andrew's eyes are bright green with white petal-like flecks that stretch from the pupil to the edge of the iris. They are eyes that take in and analyse every detail, small or big. His silver hair is extremely long in the back, tied into a ponytail and ending at Andrew's feet. In the front, his hair is brushed to the left side of his face, almost covering his left eye. Andrew's body is the body of a lithe and powerful animal. The muscles are lean and outlined in faint, but visible shadows. Andrew is always relaxed, but ready to pounce at any sign of hostility. If he is accepted, the guild tattoo will be placed in the middle of his back.

Personal Information
-Personality: Andrew is the clown, the jester, the one who makes everyone laugh. And as a result of this, he never seems really serious. Andrew is the one who is friends with everyone, and no one. He's modestly perverted. Well, okay, he's a pervert. When in a fight, his face transforms into something like madness, he is incessantly laughing and smiling.
-Hobbies: Traveling in the mountains and forests. Sleeping on grassy knolls and eating a lot. And I mean a lot. Girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, and food are what he likes.
-Brief History: Andrew was never the rich boy nor the priviledged one. He was always the one who had the hand-me-downs and the ragged shoes. Andrew wasn't born with any magical powers, and because of that, Andrew's parents left him on the streets to fend for himself. No one ever cared about him or had pity for him. When he was old enough to work at seven, he decided to make some money and travel the world. Andrew toiled over several years, and had made enough money to get some sandals and pants at 15 years of age. He told the kind man who had paid him generously to make food, take care of the house, wash the clothes, and clean the animals good bye, and with a hunting knife and some dried meat, he set off.
With his travels, he had gained intimate knowledge of the world and its beings. He had learned to take only what he needed and to make peace with the land. But also he had learned to hunt, where the weak spots were on different animals, how best to kill and leave no trace, and to leave no trace. Andrew then grew with boredom at having explored the entire width of the land when suddenly he had fallen into an old tunnel. It was illuminated with multitudes of glowing mushrooms and seemed to go on forever in winding, sharp turns, steep rises, sudden cliffs, and countless rock falls. Yet he still kept on going. After countless days, he finally found the end of the tunnel, and it was flushed with green plants and grass. And in the middle of this miniature jungle, was a skeleton of a man. And this man had on a strange green armor that covered only his arms. Andrew crept closer and touched the skeleton on the forehead. Suddenly, the bones turned into ash, the armor fell to the ground and the forest disappeared. The only source of light was the armor, which Andrew realized was for him. And donned the armor, and made his way back. He climbed out of the tunnel and left for Reis, and ultimately, the Infinite Serenade.

-Ability:
Hand to Hand combat: Because of his armor, he is very much able to throw a punch or kick with the power and speed of a super human without the worry of broken bones. The armor, though weak and ornamental looking, is able to withstand extreme temperatures and never break no matter what. When he is in combat, he succumbs to a trance of elegant and measured punches and kicks, and suddenly lashes out without warning.


Lightning blade: Andrew is normally, if needed, able to conjure lightning and mould it into a weapon made purely from pure energy. When he does this, he is able to move as fast as lightning. His favorite weapon is the Chain Scythe, which is two scythes connected by a chain of lightning. He is able to manipulate the weapon at will, sometimes lengthening it or throwing it and holding it by the chain. After he is finished, the weapon will disinigrate into nothing and he will eat anything in his sight and sleep depending on the length of time in battle. As of his experience right now, he is not able to sustain the weapon for more than 10 minutes before the weapon disinigrates.

Weakness: He will almost never fight. It is very, very hard to provoke Andrew into fighting Whether it be practice or real life, he will almost always refuse. (95% of the time)
He can't resist food. Most of the time you can get him to do what you want with food, except fighting.
Andrew will only fight if his loved ones lives' are at stake (and thats very rare given that he doesn't actually have any loved ones at all.) or his life is in danger, or a pretty girl is in danger.


Other Information
-Available Funds: 0
-Level Class: (I will assign this to your characters.)
-Experience Points: (Leave this blank for now.)
-RP Sample: None. Sorry, im new.

P.S. gimme sum input on how im doin here, i dun really care if i dun get in, but just give me some constructive critisism plz. TY ^.^
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Sun Sep 26, 2010 9:56 am

is it too late to submit :ooooooooooooooo
lol, epic fail if it is because i spent like a bajillion gajillion hours on mine.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Zelosse » Sun Sep 26, 2010 1:00 pm

Double post ftl.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Sun Sep 26, 2010 2:29 pm

Ahem. We are still accepting characters but there's a few things we need to go over.

1) Your armor. I don't like thw story behind it or the somewhat vague description. Why is it so tough? How can it withstand heat? More importantly how did it not rust and decay over time along with its master? After all it would take quite some time for a body to decompose to the point where its bones turned to ash just by touching them. Edit the story a bit and explain the material. Hell I'd accept that the armor was magically enchanted to ward off extreme temperatures but you have to explain it.

2) Your magic......... I'm not sure if you've read fairy tail or not but electromancy doesn't usually give one lightning speed. Luxus, the "dragon slayer" couldn't do it either if I recall. Also your powers sound like requip magic sense you're more or less summoning weapons. I'd let it slide if this were ice you were using but it would be extrmely difficult to pull this off with lightning. Not that you couldn't eventually but your character is young and doesn't like fighting so I don't see him putting that much effort into his magic. So in short change it to something else or use more traditional electromancy.

3) This isn't so much a problem as it is a way to make your work look more professional. Never speak to the audience in your writing. Do character sheets like a police repor but with more detail.

Make those changes and we'll talk about you being accepted. Other than that, welcome.

Note: you don't really have to do the third part that's for any future CS's you make but the other two are required.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Akaine » Sun Sep 26, 2010 3:07 pm

I agree with Bolts on this, but here's my two cents. Oh and this is meant to be taken as constructive criticism, we just want to help you adjust to what the rp forum is used to. It'll do wonders for your writing skills.

Here's a question: If he's so poor, then why are the few clothes he owns white? Wouldn't they be at least a bit dirty? That and the comment about the sandals turning white from stepping in flowers makes no sense. Even white flowers leave some discoloration.

And there's a lot of grammar problems and sentences that don't flow well/make sense.
how best to kill and leave no trace, and to leave no trace.

I'm mentioning this as a fellow reader and rper and as a writer: It's difficult to concentrate on what you're trying to get across when there's a lot of errors in a post.

In the history of your character, what I'd like to know is how he found out about Infinite Serenade, and why he's considering joining.

Hmm, and his weaknesses: he won't fight at all? Not even in his own self-defense? That's just counter
self-preservation.

Bolts got most of the rest of the stuff. If you'd like further assistance, let me know via pm or in here, alright?
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Mon Sep 27, 2010 1:22 am

mhm, i see. ok, ill try and correct my mistakes over the next few days. TY for the comments! :D
but first lemme read/watch the animeXD
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:13 am

Cheesiestmac wrote:mhm, i see. ok, ill try and correct my mistakes over the next few days. TY for the comments! :D
but first lemme read/watch the animeXD


Given how many episodes there are in the anime right now, you might be better off reading the manga if you want to learn more about the series.

-You know what, I take that back. You WILL be better off reading the manga.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Mon Sep 27, 2010 2:35 am

i cee, i cee
ok, ill start reading then/
thanks mate
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Akaine » Mon Sep 27, 2010 12:26 pm

:D I was worried that we had scared you off! I'm glad you're sticking with us~
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Mon Sep 27, 2010 7:00 pm

Just a heads up, I'm going to be out of town from Thursday to Sunday. I'll still check on the topics from my phone but until then, not much will be coming from me.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:30 pm

wow, that is a lot of episodes........
hey, can i say that my guy's armor has like, TONS of magic stored inside of it? so thats why it doesnt break easily and stuffs?
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Mon Sep 27, 2010 10:41 pm

Tons of magic isn't necessary. A simple enchantment is fine. :unsure:
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:08 pm

hmm....okay
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:42 pm

The only thing with enchantment magic is that it would have to be rare/difficult to find someone who could use it. Otherwise everyone would be walking about with fireproof tee-shirts and underwear.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Mon Sep 27, 2010 11:50 pm

How bout this
the skeleton guy was a really powerful mage, and over time, he had weaved several enchantment spells over the armor and while it was made. but he died after making the last enchantment and his bones turned into dust
sorry for bothering u bolts and akaine
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:10 am

Again, it wouldn't have to be several and he doesn't have to die immediately after enchanting it. As long as there are enchantments to prevent rusting, and ward off temperature you're fine. All you have to do is write that into the description of the armor.

Also, don't worry about bothering us. GM's are there to be bothered. Seriously it's in the job description in fine print under the part that says Akaine must give Bolts five dollars any time he asks.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Cheesiestmac » Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:18 am

Haha! Well ok then, thanks for the help too Bolts. I really appreciate it! lol
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:22 am

Not a problem. In the interest of not further cluttering the topic though I would ask that you forward any more questions you have towards a joint PM to Akaine and myself.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Akaine » Thu Sep 30, 2010 12:16 am

Sorry about the day or two that I wasn't here. Life attack XD But I'll have a post up in the next few days, so get your posts in before I move on! (Except for those of you who are waiting for a response from me...sorry about that!)
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Bolts » Thu Sep 30, 2010 3:18 am

Akaine wrote:Sorry about the day or two that I wasn't here. Life attack XD But I'll have a post up in the next few days, so get your posts in before I move on! (Except for those of you who are waiting for a response from me...sorry about that!)


"Life attack"

Is that what you kids call it now, Akaine? =3
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Karo » Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:36 pm

We've called it that all along Bolts.
Zath: Behold, Karo: The only woman in existence who can make Fenix shut the fuck up.
Redsnow: That, and, frankly, if Karo doesn't like you that much, your character is probably going to die soon after his acceptance anyway.
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Zelosse: I don't usually laugh at blatant attitude, but when I do. It usually involves Karo.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Zelosse » Thu Sep 30, 2010 8:50 pm

Damn kids not knowin' terminology.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Akaine » Mon Oct 04, 2010 10:53 pm

Haha call it a life attack or a boyfriend, whatever you like. :D
But yeah, I'll be posting more regularly now, so sorry for the wait guys and thanks a shit-ton for your patience <3 It means a tooooon~
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Soul » Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:31 pm

Sorry for that takin so long. I've been havin some issues of my own.
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Re: Infinite Serenade: The OoC

Postby Akaine » Mon Oct 18, 2010 1:22 pm

It's okay, it happens, dude.
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