Poems to make you glad you're not me.

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Poems to make you glad you're not me.

Postby Igg8 » Sun Jun 05, 2005 9:16 am

I'm back twenty minutes and I found a place I like and have yet to see spam in... So horrible... Anyway:

"Why"
And so I ask the world why,
Why I am condemned to die?
Why I was not given heed?
Why they caused this evil deed?
Why must I bear the weight?
Why am I consumed by hate?
Why do they want to end my life?
Why not just finish it with a knife?
But good things come to those who wait,
and soon I will cause them a doomed fate.

"This and That"
Those people, those places,
those chants, those chases.
Those rocks, those games,
those jokes, those names.
Those rumors, those scares,
those threats, those tears.
That knife, that scream,
that blood, that fiend.
That siren, that racket,
this room, this jacket...

"The Deed"
Take the razor in my hand.
No one else would understand.
Rake the skin. Let it bleed.
Blood trickles down as I do the deed.
Once a day is what they say.
It helps to take the pain away.
Do it again or maybe twice.
Take the chance and roll the dice.
Doesn't matter if I die or live.
Cause its better to forget than forgive.

"Tomb of Insanity"
As I study this blasphemous tome,
I wonder if I really am alone.
I look around in surprise and fear,
as I view the horde of demons here.
I find it odd that I am not scared,
and acted more than I thought I dared.
I screamed and yelled and made such noise,
and continued this until I lost my voice.
Then some men took me to my doom,
to live my days in this yellow padded tomb.

"Those of Blame"
Death, destruction, murder and maim,
End all the lives of those who are of blame.
Massacre, mayhem, doom, and disdain,
Every single person who's called me insane.
Ram, rack, stalk, and strife,
Doom befalls all those who destroyed my life.
Strike, slice, remourse, and redice,
I'll laugh as the world learns its painful strife.
But I'll wait until such time as is right,
Patience will bring about their plight.

"The Jekyll to my Hyde"
Treat me nicely and you will see,
that kindness lurks inside of me.
Treat me badly and you will find,
that normally I don't really mind.
But keep it up and you will know,
why I have been plagued with woe.
For deep inside me is a curse,
that will unleash in sudden burst.
It is a thing in vain I try to hide,
For I am a Jekyll, and it my Hyde.

"Tree of Death"
I saw a tree, far from the best.
It beckoned me, to come and rest.
And so I layed down my head.
And it was there I joined the dead.

"Vyke"
It is finnaly the day of his return,
Vyke has come to make us burn.
He brings with him a view unseen,
something that is not what it seems.
He gives us all presents and gifts,
I see through this guile and glimpse his rift.
He takes his time and plots our doom,
he makes sure we don't follow his tune.
But I see through his web of lies,
and I alone know he wants us to die.

And now for the fun part, one of these is not mine, can you guess which?
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Postby gamingchick » Sun Jun 05, 2005 10:34 am

wow thats Grade a EMO CRAP! Horrable job igg8 Thats great big heaping pile of emotional Garbage!
XBOX 360 nuff said...
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Postby Loud mouth » Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:02 am

Get mental help and stop whining.
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Postby Dave » Sun Jun 05, 2005 11:12 am

Hey guys this isn't a place to flame constructive criticism or no criticism at all. Igg8 don't mind them.
WiNg0o wrote:To be honest I thought Dave just existed. In the beginning there was Dave.
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Postby QuickSilver » Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:52 pm

...Emo? Blah! There's no such thing as Emo! It's just a figment of your imagination. gamingchick, at least igg8 was brave enough to post his poems and I'd love to see you try writing one! (key word being try)
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Re: Poems to make you glad you're not me.

Postby Cascade » Sun Jun 05, 2005 12:52 pm

I'm not going to flame you, but I'll just say it outright: Thes poems really aren't very good. The first one is abyssimally bad. It's worse for me because I've read poetry that is just as menacing as some of yours, but so much better written.
Although I have to give you credit, The Jekyl to my Hyde is actually pretty decent. But a lot of your poems reflect an immature lack of perspective, making things seem ridiculously negative. And you even had a suicide poem in there. If there is anything useless in the world, that would be up in the top ten useless things.
Think about this: If the world is so depressing, why are you writing poems about it? Get the hell out there and do something about it, or shut up and close your eyes. This is actually advice, not a flame. You obviously aren't mature enough to realize that what probably sucks in your life couldn't possibly compare to the suffering of people who can't even afford to go on the internet at all.
As for whether you want to become a better poet, I'll give you advice, but I doubt you will improve, because to be frank, I don't see a lot of talent here.
1. Stop writing only depressing poetry. Get out there and have a life, and then you'll realize that there is too much of a diversity of experiences to characterize them all as negative.
2. Actually read some decent poetry, like William Blake or W. B. Yeats. Hopefully you learn something from it.
3. Learn to use less repetitive stanzas, more complex rhyme schemes, and how to put a deeper, less obvious meaning behind your poems other than "omgz the world sucks i r gonna kill myself." Your allegories are weak.
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