Well, it's um.. odd.

First of all, I'd do some formating on it. I'm not really a literary critic, but nothing screams poem to me more than a few nice blocks of text. Second of all, I don't quite get your poems purpose... It basically goes that you have some sort of a pain in your head (memories?) then you start going into masochism. I assume that the tongue on chest has something to do with that but am not sure what role 'percussion' has to do with it.

So, in other words, a jumble of words. Grats, you have the occasional brain fart just like me

It doesn't rhyme! WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU DEXY THATS NOT POETRY AT ALLL
EVERYLINE ISNT A NEW PARAGRAPH
THERE IS NO METAPHORS ABOUT LOVE BEING A RAINSTORM
READ MY POEM IT MUCH BETTER AND FORMATTED

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I love you
Like a rainstorm do

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booyakasha

ever heard of Haiku, That dosn't rhyme but it is still considered poetry.

(I was being completely sarcastic in order to make fun of insidetheasylum)

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booyakasha

Well, I realize that there are other types of poetic words that don't necessarily rhyme and all I was saying is that your poem in the format that it is presented in, hard to read.

And wasen't it so obvious. But I'd thought I would make a sencible post every now and then.

I'm sorry, but I'll need to say, "huh?"

I was replying to Troggles, not every single post is in perfect cronological order. Read around to find what the post is replying to.

Nope, still doesn't make much sense no matter how you look at it.

Damnit NetGhost, you're posts are formatted enough!!!!!!

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booyakasha

Oh such a pity, for I know not,
what the hell you people are going about on

I haven't been here in forever, and came back for this.



What sort of illiterate crap is that? Have you ever heard of E.E. Cummings? If not, go get a book of his poems from the public library. His "formatting" would blow your mind.



Poetry in any form, is an art. Art does not need, and often does not HAVE a purpose.



That line right there...is the most INSULTING and uneducated piece of criticism I have ever read outside of USA Today. You should try to get a job there.

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Bunch of savages in this town.

Don't think, just shoot.

Comics will break your heart. - Jack Kirby

But it is a jumble of words, the author himself so much as aknowledged it to be that much!

I'm fairly straight forward about my criticism and I didn't say this poem was shit, all I said was it was a jumble of words, which it is. Did I say it was a bad jumble? No, it's a jumble through which the author is trying to convey something and I have a glimmer of the emotion which it is trying to evoke.



You make sense of that, my friend

That is the challenge I am faced with as I read your posts actually....



Its a Good poem, you just cant comprehend the uber-leet skillz of it.

Well, so far I'm the only person to have given any sort of critique, no matter how vague, of this poem. How about someone else do one (saying "Good", "Bad', "Kewl" just doesn't cut it either)?

And Cali, your posts don't make much sense to me either at times

I think it is pretty decent. I'm used to poems having a set length on their lines and having a certain kind of rhyme scheme, but this also works. Your language doesn't need to be flowery or filled with allegories to be appealing.

Someone before said art doesn't have to have meaning. That's true, but a piece of art that is visually appealing, etc. and has a central meaning behind it is the best kind. Art that doesn't have any meaning, or art that looks like crap, tends to be worse. Although in my opinion, having meaning behind it is more important.
But to say there is no criteria to judge art by is a bad concept, which a lot of people seem to think nowadays. People have a right to say what they think art is, and if it is so ill-defined, we can literally spit in a napkin, think up a halfassed purpose, and say that it is good. Obviously this is much better than a wad of paper and spit, but my point is that people can say whether it is art, and whether it is good or bad because those conventions do exist.

Technically, calling it a "brain fart," while vaguely insulting, describes exactly the kind of "spontaneous overflow of emotion" William Wordsworth described. But then again, I doubt he would like to hear it called a "brain fart," even if it technically is an apt description.

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FUKKATSU

It's nice...but you could use well....idk....it's different from what i'm used too...eh, oh well...

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And I stood there on the edges of the world, and naught by chaos stood around me.
Gazing every which way towards the horizon, all I could see was smoke and plundering.
Oh why do such things happen? Why does blood flow so free and heavily?
The outcry is so great, it calls to me to heed this worthless slaughter,
But such is the nature of humanity, to loot, to burn, to kill.


I wouldn't go so far as to call that "art," but it goes to show that anyone can write something and call it whatever they want, but that doesn't exactly make it that. I would, however, call that a late night brain fart.

I like it...

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There was no thought in that poem, it was a total brain fart that took me no more than three minutes to write.

I do that....eh, or i'll just start saying words and it becomes my next poem...

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I'm just trying to illustrate that not all random scribbles are art

Heh, yeah well, i actually wrote a song one day, and i had to go to class, but during class i kept adding to the song...it was funny, i was trying to rememeber what i thought.

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I like it. Poems are like the beauty in art; it's in the eye of the beholder.

Critically, I'd focus on the word choices you used. This type of poem depends a lot on the delivery of it; if you don't say it right, then it gets messed up. Say it to yourself, and see if any words need changing. I wrote this one poem for English, and there's this one line in it that I didn't have time to change. I used the word "weathered" when the word I wanted to use was "weary". Bah. When you're saying a poem, a change likes that makes all the difference, making everything fit perfectly.

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-- Sketch Blog -- My Art Thread -- DeviantArt --

I don't know Inside. I can pretty easily tell that poem was crap. I wouldn't think that Octodexy's is that bad. The thing about it is that it does successfuly evoke an emotion without using big allegories, etc. which is difficult.

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FUKKATSU