GodComplX Ch.2 Finished (3 on the way)

Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.

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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Fri Oct 16, 2009 6:52 pm

Oh yea! And another thing. If there are a couple of good artists out there. I was thinking of turning this into a comic. It'd look much better as a comic! =D I'm just saying if there are o.o; And if you want to. It'd be a fun project! :3
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Sun Oct 18, 2009 3:39 pm

Maybe you should finish the story first before you go to the whole comic idea.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:07 am

Shut up! I'm impaitient D= But >.> It's essentially what I'm doing here o.o, just without pictures :3
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:18 am

So its a story. Which IS what you are doing.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:35 am

Yes! =D What class are you in right now? x3 Btw o.o It could be like a manga or something I don't fuckin' know >.>
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:37 am

Just do the story for now. Intro into Egineering and design.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Super Grape » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:38 am

i hate this story mine is better mine is a cop living on the edge with nothing to gain and nothing to lose he fights for his dead bother who was killed by master cheif . he fight ninjas pirates robot ninjas and gay robot ninja pirates. lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:39 am

STFU PAUL! I'll do w/e I want with it! >=D And who do you have? Hansen or what?
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:40 am

SHUT UP GRAPE!
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Super Grape » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:41 am

your a toster! so stfu and get back and make some toast :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: :!:
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:42 am

If I could control my thread I would annihalate Grape's posts -_-
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:46 am

Just report him Kyo. Hopefully he'll shut up.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Blood Lord » Mon Oct 19, 2009 11:11 am

There is a limit to five smiles for each post.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:56 pm

Blood Lord wrote:There is a limit to five smiles for each post.


Really now? Where is that in the rules? I've never heard that one.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Blood Lord » Mon Oct 19, 2009 9:40 pm

You'll find the mods talking about it a lot to the new members in the News Section.

Can't remember where it is exactly.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Tue Oct 20, 2009 8:22 am

So it's not an acctual rule? But somethign that is pointed out to people as 'annoying'?
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby JinJoe » Tue Oct 20, 2009 9:31 am

Pretty much.
It's very similar to the "redundancy rule" only this one applies to smilies.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Wed Oct 21, 2009 8:01 pm

Update # 2 Lilium's Furry!

As I stood there fearing for my body, it began to move. It took a few slow steps which soon began to slothfuly escalate into a brisk pace. With each step, my fingers tapped the handle of the blade in order from pinky to index finger. As the next retreating vehicle approached, the tormented husk let out an eerie shriek. The shriek sounded like an dieing angry animal was letting its opponent know it was about to tear it to shreds. This cry was instantly followed by a spontaneous switch to a sprinting pace. The speed was remarkable and amazingly enough it was graceful as gazelle. This surprised me because I knew my body was still in horrible agony. While it ran towards the unsuspecting vehicle, I noticed that as my clothing rubbed against my skin it was singed to the touch. I was soon, however, distracted from this minor detail due to the fact that my body was cocking its right arm back into a swinging position. The vehicle passed. My arm swung. The blade sliced through the vehicle and the frightened men like a butter knife through butter. This fact aside, I was even more amazed at the pure force and power that the blade was swung with. The weapon was swiped with such speed and strength that the gust following it almost toppled the vehicle! This mass of metal, which easily weighed over two tons, was nearly toppled by air! The same scenario, that was applied to the first vehicle, was applied to this one. The sparks from contact ignited the fuel and blew the vehicle sky high. The flames burned a bright yellow-orange. Without warning, these flames were cut in two by yet another gust of air that was condensed into an invisible blade. This invisible blade of air sliced through the flames and cut into the neighboring vehicle and the one behind. These mobile machines did not explode; on the contrary, they were cut in half along with the men inside.

This rampage continued on for the next mile. My body would jump onto these cars, tear the men inside assunder within seconds, then leap to the next vehicle where it would do a range of things from destroying the vehicle with a slash of its sword to decapitating the men within from the outside. A strip of carnage a mile long was all that could be said for this line of death. Blood splattered on windshields, roofs torn off, cars decimated, dismembered limbs scattered, and flames jumping from the assimilated wrecks. Within just two and a half minutes my body had sprinted, not jogged, sprinted a full mile. (That's twenty-four mph which is just damn.) The mindless husk soon approached its real target, the giant death machine. This massive machine towered fifteen stories above my enraged body; yet, it still approached without any kind of fear whatsoever. As my body broke within a hundred meters of the "Gigas", it hurled its arched sword at the leg of the beast. Within seconds the blade returned to my container's right hand and the leg of the death machine was lopped off. The same sharp gust of wind, that followed the blade's swings, followed the blade as it was thrown and hacked off the other leg! And so the "Gigas" began to fall.

Even before the legs fell off to the side and the body began to plummet towards the ground, my mindless body lept an INSANE two and a half stories onto the slowly crumbling left leg of the Gigas. It climbed in leaps and bounds propelling itself upward, feet at a time, with my arms. Within moments the legs fell off and my body had reached the torso, which to my body was falling at an incredibly slow rate due to the fact that it was scaling this immense machine within seconds before it fell. On the torso, this monstrosity that I call a body began to dismember the death machine's arms. First, starting with the right arm, the blade within my right hand hacked off the right arm of the Gigas. The massive machine's head turned to examine its right arm and spotted my body. Only two words ran through my mind at that time; "Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh shit!". That was all I could think of to say. Right as the Gigas noticed my body it had hit the ground with an ear punishing crack.

The machine's left arm still took aim at my body. Despite its position, the Gigas began firing off a flurry of rounds from its massive weapon. The rounds of ammunition would have pierced straight through the machine's very own body. This was the end... or so I thought.

(Probably not my best couple paragraphs, I'll probably revise them later. I was too lazy to send it through word and make the required changes. Again o.o Comment on this section! :3)
Last edited by Kyomen on Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:57 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Thiamor » Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:12 am

Wow, sure was a lot of nonsense posts before another story post.... -_-


Kyomen wrote: I don't need a "Hook" at the begining of my story because the back-cover-summary does that for me.


It may be a little old from when this part was posted, but you need more of a hook than what you've used.

You can like what you write and say it can hook in the readers, but a writer needs to write for the people and not for them-self. If all writers did that, then no book would ever be sold the way that it should be.

Books are based on a person to person basis; meaning it's more the opinion of each differing person. If you could try to make a better hook that hooks more than just you and a few friends, then you'll get a better outcome and you’d have a better chance of not getting flamed for using your good hooks. From what I’ve read and also seen from others’ posts, you’re just more-so of a beginner type of writer. You’ve a longer way to go to hook your audience if you’re to continue to write only for yourself. Books usually are meant for the audience; to entertain them, or inform them. Hooks are everything.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Thu Oct 22, 2009 5:42 pm

:up: What'd I tell you Kyo. Have I proven my point yet?
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:37 pm

Well o.o I made that hook up on a dime. I didn't put time and effort into it >.> I put it in to start me off somewhere. It's actually the least of muh problems right now. So I put it there to start it off. It'll suffice for now.
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:38 pm

Jasthn >_> I agreed with you already. *Smacks* Shut up :3
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Kyomen » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:00 pm

*Riddle* Ok.. o.o So, A man must decide which of these two children he must kill. Who is this man and who are these children? And why must one die?
A forum post should be like a skirt. Long enough to cover the subject material, but short enough to keep things interesting
-Kyo
When someone hits rock bottom, they usually say "No where to go but up". Right? Wrong! If you hit rock bottom hard enough you'll fall right into the mantle. If you live through that you'll hit the inner mantle. And through that the outter core. And still after that the inner core, but what comes next? You come out the other side. Those who hit rock bottom and act like they had it hard are just oblivious to the trip past that little safety net.
-Kyo
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Jasthn » Fri Oct 23, 2009 8:09 am

Stop doing multiple posts Kyo. Just edit the first post you made.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
Doctress Who:You can be my Brony bitch ;D
Droctress Who:Jas, would you like me to make you a sandwich?
JesusChrist: Well if you insist Jasthn I'll use it with you. Spread them cheeks

Tragedy_and_Comedy: Jas is about as dangerous as a kitten.
Blood Lord:I hit your dog with mah truck. :3
Lenore Celestalis:*jumps on your back* weee~
That guy.
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Re: Avion: The Two Faced War

Postby Thiamor » Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:32 am

It's not as bad when you do it in your own thread. I do that sometimes for bumps. But if you've nothing new, a bump doesn't need to be used. Also you post so many posts (Kyomen)
in a matter of, what, hours and/ or minutes; I wait days - more or less.

Go read the rules for this Forum, at-least then you may know how to post correctly.
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