Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fan Fic

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Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fan Fic

Postby Megatron » Wed Jul 01, 2009 9:39 am

I wasn't able to put this in the title, but this fanfic may contain mild language and mild violence. but I'm not gonna go overboard on it. (mild violence may include but not limited to, explosions and fighting scenes, involving mystical powers and/or futuristic weaponry. :P)

All characters (other than my own) are owned by their respective original creators, and I have no intention of taking credit in anyway shape or form.

07/06/09-MAJOR REVAMP! I've decided to redo this into a more proper fanfic style. Thanks to BE for the peptalk.

PROLOGUE
The rain started falling harder as thunder clapped in the background. It was a dreary might for the Director of Chronopolis. He had not only endured a meeting nearly an hour long, but he had just recently lost someone important to him. Her death still haunted him, much like the death of another…but that was years ago. Suddenly he heard a knock on his office door, and a voice from the other side spoke to him, Director, Sir? There’s something I need to inform you about. A young woman, about 5ft 5 enters the room. She was wearing the traditional lab coat that most lab technicians of Chronopolis wear. She adjusted her glasses, as the Director turned to face her. What is it? He said. We’ve finally finished the project, she answered. We require your presence immediately, before we continue further. At those words he knew what this meant. Alright. I’m on my way. He followed her out of the office and towards an elevator.

On the way down, he looked at the lab technician and asked her, What are the results of the tests, Dr. Ashtear? She simply answered, We’ve managed to confirm that this project will indeed work. What’s more, the assistants that came back, also tested another invention of mine, and Professor Belthasar. It allowed them to remain unseen and unheard. Thus they were able to perform their studies without alerting anyone in that particular time period. Hmm, that could very well come in handy someday. Excellent work, Dr. Ashtear. Commented the Director, as the elevator came to a hault. The doors opened, and they both stepped out to a large room, full of computer panels flashing, machines humming and technicians mulling about.

Ah! Director, Sir! An older man approached both the Director and Dr. Ashtear. I trust you’ve been briefed already? Indeed I have, Professor Belthasar. And I wish to thank you for your help. Not only in this project, but in the creation of a more advanced time-cloaking device. That will most defentely come in handy someday. Belthasar and Ashtear both smiled. The Director certainly seemed pleased with their work. After all he had been in a bit of a slump lately…what with the death of his closest friend, earlier that week. They had feared he would be in a foul mood…and they both knew that the Director had a temper like no one else.

Let me know what you think.
Last edited by Megatron on Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:33 am, edited 6 times in total.
Megatron's Fan Fic check it out, and let me know what you think. ^_^ MAJOR REVAMP, Bear with me, as I do some rough editing and such. >.<

Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
International Operator: *bored* Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
Capt. Lennox: I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! *runs over to Epps* I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
Tech Sgt. Epps: Pocket!!
Capt. Lennox: Which pocket?!
Tech Sgt. Epps: MY BACK POCKET!!!
Capt. Lennox: You've got ten back pockets!!!
Tech Sgt. Epps: LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
Capt. Lennox: Okay, it's a Visa.
International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!

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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby irish blood » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:20 pm

:!: ;) ok i like it
If you live in side the darkness to long you will never see the light.

you know what man i get so bored sometimes that i see little people ...oh what thats the weed nevermind

I a'nt afraid of no ghost

BOO

AAAAAHHHHH it's a ghost

The only reasion where still friends is because your mom makes good pie.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby Megatron » Wed Jul 01, 2009 12:55 pm

If I should just add the chapters to the first post, let me know and I'll do just that. Otherwise I'll just add them as new posts.

CHAPTER I

The Director took a seat near a control panel, and spoke to the team. Alright…let’s commence Project. The technicians all stated in unison, Yes, sir as they went straight to work. Dr. Ashtear and Belthasar both took their respective seats observing the energy flow of the machine they had worked so hard on over the years. They had to make sure that absolutely nothing went wrong tonight.

But the Director sensed that something wasn’t right…he never could tell exactly what, but at least 90% of the time he was right. He was hoping this was one of those 10% moments. His original plan was to restore order to Crystal Tokyo. It was a shell of its former self, forever frozen in time. Back then he was young, and reckless...and he paid a price most dear. For his carelessness and inability to protect those that he loved, not only did his homeland suffer, but he too would suffer. He would never age again. Agelessness…a curse he often called it. But he also used it to his advantage. Because of his other “abilities” he was able to traverse the space/time borders to reach other worlds, and save innocent lives, and fight against evil. He swore to fight evil till the very end…but in a way, he too is also evil. He’s seen as a savior of worlds…yet he’s also seen as a destroyer of worlds.

In saving lives he also destroys lives. Maybe that’s why he’s seen as a demon to some…and a saint to others. It never really bothered him before. He always told himself: “It’s divine justice.” Or: “They sought to end the peace that you’ve sworn to protect. You didn’t have any choice.” But he often wondered if it WAS possible to save them. That was until he encountered a force of evil that even he couldn’t defeat. The ones responsible for the death of his friends and loved ones. The Darkstar Council.

They were a group comprised of the most evil villains that ever existed, and to challenge them, would be in a way digging your own grave. There were some who would challenge this group. He was a friend and ally of those groups. But they all fell to the might of the Council. But he swore revenge, and now that his hard work has paid off, he may very well be one step closer to realizing that goal.

However due to the years of experience, he's grown more distant from others...afraid that if he grew too close to them, they'd suffer for his deeds. He never mentioned much of this to anyone...other than his closest friend, Kim Possible. Unfortunely she met her end at the hands of the Darkstar Counsel as well. Even his father and mother were killed. Despite them being the 3rd Race, they were suppose to be eternal...but the Counsel found a way to combat that ability. That was when he learned of a sword of untold might and power. He thought of searching it out...but often wondered if the price for such power would be too much for him to handle. Sure he's endured countless battles, has seen friends come and go over the last 3000 years, but this sword has always been on his mind. It's location was disclosed until last night. When he finally tracked it down. It was in the last place he ever wanted to go back to.

But he had no choice. The Counsel was making their move on a city called Megaville...which was just 5 miles south of Crystal Tokyo...the city forever frozen in time...the place he swore never to return to again...the home of the legendary sword of untold power...Frostbite.
Last edited by Megatron on Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:51 am, edited 2 times in total.
Megatron's Fan Fic check it out, and let me know what you think. ^_^ MAJOR REVAMP, Bear with me, as I do some rough editing and such. >.<

Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
International Operator: *bored* Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
Capt. Lennox: I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! *runs over to Epps* I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
Tech Sgt. Epps: Pocket!!
Capt. Lennox: Which pocket?!
Tech Sgt. Epps: MY BACK POCKET!!!
Capt. Lennox: You've got ten back pockets!!!
Tech Sgt. Epps: LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
Capt. Lennox: Okay, it's a Visa.
International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!

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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby irish blood » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:29 am

this is realy good man this is realy good :mrgreen:
If you live in side the darkness to long you will never see the light.

you know what man i get so bored sometimes that i see little people ...oh what thats the weed nevermind

I a'nt afraid of no ghost

BOO

AAAAAHHHHH it's a ghost

The only reasion where still friends is because your mom makes good pie.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby Grey » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:24 pm

this is not a fanfic this is a fanscript
Image
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby Megatron » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:32 pm

More to come soon...I've been playing WoW lately, so I've been...busy. :P
Last edited by Megatron on Mon Jul 13, 2009 8:53 am, edited 2 times in total.
Megatron's Fan Fic check it out, and let me know what you think. ^_^ MAJOR REVAMP, Bear with me, as I do some rough editing and such. >.<

Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
International Operator: *bored* Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
Capt. Lennox: I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! *runs over to Epps* I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
Tech Sgt. Epps: Pocket!!
Capt. Lennox: Which pocket?!
Tech Sgt. Epps: MY BACK POCKET!!!
Capt. Lennox: You've got ten back pockets!!!
Tech Sgt. Epps: LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
Capt. Lennox: Okay, it's a Visa.
International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!

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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanfic

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:32 pm

Its not bad, seems to follow the same style that Doujin uses. I don't really find it entertaining. I think if you followed a more book-like style, than a play style, you would have more control over the direction of the story, and the action scenes of it.

I think it would be wise if you used more detailed remarks about the actions that are occurring

Like this
*charging at Avalionis, she launches numerous punches, all of which were dodged with ease*


Should sound more like this. If only to allow the reader to imagine the events.
*Buttercup launched at Avalionis, each lighting fast punch was filled with burning rage. But her foe managed to dodge each of her well trained blows.*


Grey wrote:this is not a fanfic this is a fanscript

A surprising amount of PPGD themed fan stories, seem to follow that way.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby BeeAre » Thu Jul 02, 2009 8:41 pm

scripts are easier to follow

the reason they are easier to follow, however, is so they are more easily directed when pushed to a new medium

so using them just to be read passively is a waste of time and megatron you should probably stop and try to produce a coherent narrative format which is better for reading.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby irish blood » Fri Jul 03, 2009 5:23 pm

i somewhat believe in what blood is saying, whell hafe of it anyways.
and i must say you do have a great talint for this kind of thing :mrgreen: also let me tell you i have read good stories and meat great wrighters in my time and yours is good so keep wrighting man ;)
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby Megatron » Fri Jul 03, 2009 8:53 pm

BloodLord/BeeAre-I tend to stick with script form, cause like BA said, it's easier to follow. Secondly it helps me understand who's speaking, and it doesn't scrunch up lines mesilly.

Irish Blood-I doubt I'm the best out there...I just use basic ideas from games, and/or tv shows to give my story life. In other words, I just have a pretty vivid imagination.

I also believe in the old saying "You can't please everyone all the time, you can only please some of the people, some of the time." I respect the opinions of others, and I'm sure BL and BA have seen better fanfics/fanscripts out there.

Unfortunely this is really the best that I can do. Like I said I'm not entirely great at writing stuff, so I just stick with script formats.

edit: the next chapter will be added soon, I've been working the late shifts lately, so I haven't had much time to work on it. >.< I'm getting a better comp tomorrow, since the one I have is REALLY slowing down, and I've had nothing but problems with it thus far. (needed a faster comp to begin with anyway. ¬.¬) If I have time tomorrow, I'll work on the next chapter. I'm just suffering a bit of writers block at the moment. :P
Megatron's Fan Fic check it out, and let me know what you think. ^_^ MAJOR REVAMP, Bear with me, as I do some rough editing and such. >.<

Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
International Operator: *bored* Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
Capt. Lennox: I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! *runs over to Epps* I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
Tech Sgt. Epps: Pocket!!
Capt. Lennox: Which pocket?!
Tech Sgt. Epps: MY BACK POCKET!!!
Capt. Lennox: You've got ten back pockets!!!
Tech Sgt. Epps: LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
Capt. Lennox: Okay, it's a Visa.
International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!

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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby Blood Lord » Fri Jul 03, 2009 10:10 pm

I tend to stick with script form, cause like BR said, it's easier to follow. Secondly it helps me understand who's speaking, and it doesn't scrunch up lines mesilly.

Everybody has their method. Some prefer writing in script, others prefer writing in a more book format.

I just use basic ideas from games, and/or tv shows to give my story life. In other words, I just have a pretty vivid imagination.

That's why its a fan-fic/scrip.

Everybody takes their inspiration from somewhere. It helps them cultivate their story into something that is unique, that they love and are dearly proud of. However it is considerable difficult to perform, and mostly wasted, in scrips.

Get you inspiration, and bend it towards your will. Infuse it into your thought process, and your story will glow.
I also believe in the old saying "You can't please everyone all the time, you can only please some of the people, some of the time." I respect the opinions of others, and I'm sure BL and BA have seen better fanfics/fanscripts out there.

I understand the basics of that principle, although it is hard to keep in my mind, when my own fan-fic seems to be failing.

Just here. I've seem some good ones, and others that should be shot.

I have my own fan-fic. I understand what you are going through.
Last edited by Blood Lord on Sat Jul 04, 2009 6:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby irish blood » Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:15 am

cool i might try and find it. and megatron i have not read any other fan-fic or scrips on snafu yet but neatherless yours is still good so like i said keep on doin on what your doin :mrgreen:
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby BeeAre » Sat Jul 04, 2009 5:05 pm

Megatron wrote:BloodLord/BeeAre-I tend to stick with script form, cause like BA said, it's easier to follow. Secondly it helps me understand who's speaking, and it doesn't scrunch up lines mesilly.


So this is meant to be cheap and easy fiction, not meant to actually be finished so much as you inducing catharsis, expelling a huge ball of feelings from yourself.

Why post it here, then? It would do you more good to privately get the story out on your computer.

The only reason you need to be here is for the public discussion and deconstruction of your ideas, for your benefit. Thus the criticism to not do things the easy way.

Irish Blood-I doubt I'm the best out there...I just use basic ideas from games, and/or tv shows to give my story life. In other words, I just have a pretty vivid imagination.


Your imagination is not being demonstrated as very vivid if all you are doing is drawing single movements from the world around you, put into a script--I'm more interested in seeing your imagination in a story through a solid method of employment of literary technique.

It may seem like I'm asking a lot here, but it really isn't. I don't want you to be scared off from trying something that is at once challenging and new, so let me assure you: it's a first step to write things in a cohesive narrative.

Don't worry about the lines stringing together. You can structure a narrative similarly to a script, and in fact, on these forums, that's not a bad thing.

Notice the way I am writing my sections on this forum: paragraphs are divided into topics by a few taps of the enter button, so you can easily move from area of discussion to area of discussion--apply this to dialogue as well, and you have a decent narrative format for this board.

I also believe in the old saying "You can't please everyone all the time, you can only please some of the people, some of the time." I respect the opinions of others, and I'm sure BL and BA have seen better fanfics/fanscripts out there.


This is so unhealthy to use as your starting maxim. Assume instead that everyone will approach your story neutrally, with an intent to discover you in that writing without bias. NATURALLY this is not strictly going to be the case, but any replies you would be interested in, it WOULD BE.

We're critiquing you for your benefit, because we want to see you do something with all of your ideas. It doesn't matter that we might have seen something we think is better somewhere else (and I really can't say I have seen any specific fan SCRIPT that was simply better, the script format is defeatist when not being applied to a medium, that's the real crux of this criticism).

Unfortunely this is really the best that I can do. Like I said I'm not entirely great at writing stuff, so I just stick with script formats.


It is NOT the best you can do. You're better than that, damnit. You try harder to get that vivid imagination you've got written down. STUDY IT. SEE THE TECHNIQUES EMPLOYED. USE THEM! It will make EVERYONE better.

I'm just suffering a bit of writers block at the moment. :P


Might be because using a script format derides you of any sense of movement in the story and literally stops you dead every time someone SAYS something. This is practical when applying the technical precision of lines to a format where they need to be seperated for using those lines with the rest of the project you are applying the story, but not for JUST a story.

Script format is quite possibly one of the major factors in you having writer's block, I'd wager.
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby irish blood » Sun Jul 05, 2009 12:07 pm

i still think that this is good so like i keep on saying and saying over and over again good jobe man keep up with the good work ;) w00t
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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby Megatron » Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:32 pm

I'm thinking of editing the fan script...turning it into a fanFIC instead. (I.E. what BE said about me doing it in a coherent narrative format)

Might take me some time to do it...but I've got 3 days off coming soon...provided I'm not playing WoW. :P I'll see what I can do.

But I won't post it in a new thread...I'll just edit this thread, and take it from there.
Megatron's Fan Fic check it out, and let me know what you think. ^_^ MAJOR REVAMP, Bear with me, as I do some rough editing and such. >.<

Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T HAVE A CREDIT CARD!!
International Operator: *bored* Sir, the attitude isn't going to speed things up any bit at all. I'm going to ask you to speak into the mouthpiece very clearly.
Capt. Lennox: I'm in the middle of a WAR! This is friggin' ridiculous!! *runs over to Epps* I need a credit card! Epps, where's your wallet?
Tech Sgt. Epps: Pocket!!
Capt. Lennox: Which pocket?!
Tech Sgt. Epps: MY BACK POCKET!!!
Capt. Lennox: You've got ten back pockets!!!
Tech Sgt. Epps: LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!! LEFT CHEEK!!!
Capt. Lennox: Okay, it's a Visa.
International Operator: Also, sir, have you heard about our Premium Plus full service call package?
Capt. Lennox: NO, I DON'T WANT A PREMIUM PACKAGE!!!

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Re: Megatron-PPGDFF-All Ages-Fanscript

Postby irish blood » Sun Jul 05, 2009 5:33 pm

ok i respect that and dude if i could i would bye you a ho for the rest of the day
If you live in side the darkness to long you will never see the light.

you know what man i get so bored sometimes that i see little people ...oh what thats the weed nevermind

I a'nt afraid of no ghost

BOO

AAAAAHHHHH it's a ghost

The only reasion where still friends is because your mom makes good pie.
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