Before you read, read this. A good starting sentence is: Don't do this.Part 1: Punctuation and other helpful hints for writing.Rule 1) Chatroom it ain't.
A forum is different from a chatroom. Chatrooms are more real-time, making time the essence. A forum is not very real-time. You don't have to post in as short a time as possible. That means there is no real excuse for poor written works, unless English isn't your first language, then you're partially excused.
Lol, omg, tahts so kewl.
Translated this is:
Haha, that is cool.
The Haha part may be exchanged for a smiley, or in some circumstances, Lol may be left alone. Rule 2) The comma.
The comma is a nifty little tool allowing us to indicate a brief pause, yet not a complete stop. It also let's us form a list more easily. See the following example.
I see birds trees flowers dogs cats and lots of other things.
Wow, where does one find some breath? Let's give it a comma treatment!
I see birds, trees, flowers, dogs, cats and lots of other things.
Wow, four extra characters but look how much neater it looks! Remember, if you can't read it, it's obviously not important. Rule 3) The period or full stop.
The period is a godsend, as it signifies a stop, allowing us to catch a breath. Nothing overly fancy but excellent nonetheless. Let's see what would happen in a world without periods...
One day I was walking down the street I saw a dog and the dog followed me home and then the dog licked me I gave it some food and it was really happy Then as I was getting some more food for myself the dog barked It barked because it was scared of the postman that was coming
Wow, this guy obviously doesn't need oxygen! Now one more time but with periods!
One day I was walking down the street. I saw a dog, and the dog followed me home, and then the dog licked me. I gave it some food, and it was really happy. Then as I was getting some more food for myself, the dog barked. It barked because it was scared of the postman that was coming.
Yay, now you look like a more presentable tosser! Rule 4) The space.
Taken for granted the space is one of the most important things in literature. This humble little nothing shows us when words begin and end. Imagine a word without spaces...
Wow, what a load of crap, hey? Let's translate this thing.
Welcome, my name is Yoshi and I am glad you are here today.
Amazing, that sentence went from crap to legible with the help of the humble space.
The space is also useful to help signify pauses or stops and is the comma's and period's best friend. Here's a sentence with a list. Let's see the difference.
I see eggs,pie,waffles,a sea and some stuff.
Not exactly the clearest but don't worry, space to the rescue!
I see eggs, pie, waffles, a sea and some stuff.
Now, that's much easier to read, is it not? Rule 5) Miscellaneous tips and wrapping it up.
There are a variety of helpful hints you should take in order to become a welcomed member of this community. Some helpful hints are to start sentences with capital letters, although this isn't required.
Oh some helpful links are:http://www.dictionary.com/http://www.grammarbook.com/
I'll be skipping the grammar lecture because the only thing to remember is: ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER! SPEAK IT! As long as it's readable it doesn't have to be perfect.Part 2: The order and hierarchy.Rule 1) Respect the elders and newbies alike.
I've noticed some people come in and act like they own the place. Wrong. If you ever think you own the place, write down your address and I'll be over with a quick order of "Kick-in-the-balls". Heh, my cat's sleepy. Anyway, before saying something you know will offend take a look at their join date. If it's higher, you're out. Certain exceptions are when someone's being a complete moron and seems to be breaking a stupidity barrier. If that's the case then give them one for me. You'll know when this happens because EVERYONE will notice. Don't take it upon yourself to conduct a crusade on someone you think is being an idiot. Seriously. Apologies if I'm not being too (double O's if it refers to an excess) clear about this but the general rule is:
Don't be a douche bag. Respect others opinions, especially if they joined earlier than you. However, if they are a true moron that defies logic, then have at them. Rule 2) Mods = Ownage.
Mods own you, your family and your pets. Hell, they even own your dead relatives. They rock just that hard. Having said that they're a lot fucking nicer than me. If you ever, EVER think you're being abused tell a mod. They'll actually give a fuck, unlike me. Don't sit there whining about how you're being abused. If you do whine I encourage mods do their lock thang. Also mods have been chosen for a reason. They are respected, exceptional members and hence earned their modship. Do not beg to be a mod. Do not whine about not being a mod. I don't care if you were the mod of another forum. No-one gives a fuck. I, personally, don't care if you were a mod at every major website and forum ever created. This is not your forum. This is a new world and until you learn the ropes the mods are your gurus and gods and you are their bitch. In fact if there are any vets you are their bitch too. Part 3: Communication is always nice
"It is better to be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt".
Yeah. The title gives a rough idea of what this part is about. For those slow ones out there, just in case it didn't click, I'll explain. You see when you make a post or a thread it is generally useful to have a reason. See, we have what you call "brain cells". This means we can understand considerably more complex situations, hypothetical or otherwise, than on your average "lol i r smart" forum. See we like to see posts we meaning. Posts with meaning make us happy. Posts without meaning make baby Jesus cry and then flambé you.
And for all you smartarses out there thinking "lol ill just say spam means have fun
", well, you are so fucking imbecilic it isn't funny any more. Come to think of it, it wasn't funny in the first place. We want a good meaning. One that required a thought process more complex than breathing, which happens on the sub-conscious level nonetheless. "Random" threads and posts, post labelled "Entertain me" or something similar equal a nice large label of "You're A Fucking Moron". Suffice to say, don't do it. Here's a small list of things acceptable and things that aren't.
- Do think about what you're writing.
- Do check that you're writing something intelligible and informed.
- Do respect others opinions.
- Do see that what you're posting is relevant.
- Do not make a thread for something "random" you cared to show. We don't care.
- Do not make a thread for spamming. We tolerate moderate amounts but Jesus; you're just flogging a dead horse.
- Do not use an irrelevant title.
- If you're asking for help do not title it "Help plz" or similar. Label it relevantly so we can go in with knowledge on our side.
That's it for communication I guess. Oh yeah, check the forum rules you non-entities. Part 4: Images and "other tools" (Read: You).
Right, so here I am writing another part to this guide. Why? Because some of you people need to learn a few things more, particularly about media. So let's kick this thing off, mmmkay?Rule 1) Signatures. For the love of god, signatures.
Right, let me make something very clear. I do not hate sigs. In fact, I encourage them. However some of you dumbarses need a lesson or two about them. First is first, if you have a link to a site in your sig then let it stay there. If it really does sound interesting (Which is extremely rare due to the fact some of you people have taste equivalent to that of a dead rabbit) then we'll click it on our own will. Don't try to ram it down our metaphorical throats.
Second, keep your sigs to a reasonable size. By reasonable size, I mean reasonable by our standards, not yours. Get rid of any excess crap that isn't necessary. Gigantic images are a no-no and so is lots of text. Both combined and I encourage banning because you're just that stupid. If I see one more person with a giant image (Or several smaller ones) combined with a unholy amount of text it's getting removed. End of story.
Excellent set of rules can be found, well, just above this post, actually. Seriously, go read and absorb Spike's post on sigs. Do it now.Rule 2) People don't have 38" monitors.
I think the title explains it pretty well. I see people posting humongous pictures every now and again, and it pisses me off. Believe it or not, some people still have small monitors (Think 15' to 17') or small resolutions in the realm of 800x600. Even if they didn't. do you know how annoying it is to half half your screen real estate taken up by a single shitty macro image?
Keep it to a reasonable size, guys. No-one cares enough about your witty/deep/artistic/creative/whatever picture to enjoy a high resolution version pop up on their screen. So, knock it off.Rule 3) Your text burns my eyes.
There's a reason the default text colour is so plain and boring, and it's because it is easy to read. That's it. We like to read things without straining our eyes, and feeling like they were just injected with acid.
Using a different colour (Often red, yellow, blue or pink) doesn't make you look special, or unique. It just makes you look like an attention whoring jackarse that's out to piss us off. Every time I see you post in an alternate colour I skip that post. You could be saying the wittiest thing in the world, but no-one cares, because you've gone out of your way to do something that annoys people.
No-one likes attention-whores, no-one cares how special you are, just leave the default colour, damn it.Part 5: Your Post ItselfRule 1) Roleplaying goes in the Roleplaying forum.
Continuing on from our theme of "you aren't as special as you think" can we cut the roleplaying crap? If you want to roleplay then there's a forum et up specifically for it.
No, you won't appreciate it if you do those stupid *Does action* things in your posts. No, we won't appreciate it if you say everything in quotes. We certainly won't like it if you add that annoying as fuck "desu" shit after every sentence. It does not make you different, because we've seen this shit a hundred times before. Just stop it.Rule 2) No, you are not crazy.
Saying that you're insane or crazy, or anything else like that in a post just makes you look like an idiot. If everyone was to be believed then precisely 100% of the internet is genuinely crazy. And that fact was made up.
Honestly though, don't come in and say, "Yeah, I'm sooooo crazy and my friends agree that I'm random too! Woozle wazzle!" and expect us to coo, "Wow, you're so unique and different, will you be my best friend?"
There was a hilarious person floating around on DeviantArt at one stage, who believed she was married to Sephiroth from Final Fantasy Seven. Not only did she genuinely believe it, she felt that everyone else that said the same thing was lying, or posing. Do you see the connection?
I'm not saying you should be a drone, but, you know, just don't think you're all that special.Rule 3) The internet is a wonderful veil.
You know, every now and again we get one of those "internet tough guys" you hear about. Only, we seem to get the stupidest of them. Instead of the usual "I can kick your arse" posters, our idiots seem to outdo themselves each time.
Now, getting a fourteen year old "lord of the darkness" is pretty typical shit. Yeah, we've heard it all before. You live in the darkness, or you're really a vampire, or some shit. Once again, no-one cares. The only people that fear the darkness are small children or people with irrational fears. So, no, you aren't scaring anyone.
You also don't scare anyone when you make e-threats. Threatening to shoot someone over the internet or something? Boring. It's honestly surprising how many people expect us to believe them, as if they could honestly do anything at all. Fact of the matter is, majority of people can't and if you're posting in a forum dedicated to Bleedman, well, your hacking credibility just isn't very good.
People will act like dicks, people will act like they can hack everything, and so on, but the beauty of the internet is that they're going to get called on it. Seriously, think about how plausible what you're saying is. Chances are, it isn't, and we aren't going to be fooled. Save all of us some time, and you some dignity, and just cut the crap.