(Fanfic/Art) Inhumanity by PR12187 w00t NOTE Inside

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(Fanfic/Art) Inhumanity by PR12187 w00t NOTE Inside

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sat Mar 18, 2006 3:23 pm

Hey, this is my first time in the boards, but I thought I could show you guys a fanfic I've been working on, let me know if there's areas I can improve on.

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A boy named Sage transfers to Megaville Elementary, but his past comes into question when he’s spotted with Brick! In a school where everyone has a secret, what is Sage’s secret?

The Powerpuff Girls was created by Craig McCracken and produced by Cartoon Network ©

The Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi is drawn by Vinzon Ngo a.k.a. “Bleedman” and hosted by Snafu Comics ©

> INHUMANITY

>> Chapter 1 – Transfer to Megaville Elementary

>>> Class 4-B – Megaville Elementary

“Man, can’t I just stay home and teach myself?”

“Well you could, but then you’d have the intelligence of a brick.”

“Funny…”

Inside the walls of Megaville Elementary, two people exited the Principal’s office and made their way down the halls towards the classrooms. One looked to be around 10, wearing black jeans tucked into a pair of dark gray boots. He had a dark blue shirt on and wore a dark gray windbreaker over it, zipped down halfway. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows to reveal a set of black fingerless gloves, which he was gripping tightly as he walked. His hair was an unruly mess of dark brown that reached to the back of his neck, but the most surprising thing about this child was his irises: they were gold.

His companion looked to be older than him, in his late teens most likely. He had the same features as the child, but they were older, more defined, but his eyes were a dark brown like his hair, which was long enough for a short ponytail. He was wearing a pair of black sneakers along with loose blue jeans, his wallet chained to one of the belt clips. He had a white shirt on with the chinese symbol for “Dragon” and wore a black hooded sweater over it, his hands tucked into his pockets.

The child had a look of hopelessness while the teenager had a look of annoyance.

“Look, just because Dad is an idiot, that doesn’t excuse you from an education.”

“But it’s stupid: no one gets along with me, not matter how nice I try to be, and even when someone does get along with me, they ignore me when they see something ‘off’.”

“Look, you’ll make friends, and the ones who don’t ignore you after they see these differences are your true friends. It’ll happen, Sage, trust me.”

Sage snorted and turned to look out the window the opposite way. “Yeah right…”

Both stopped in front of the door for Class 4-B, and with a heavy sigh, made their way inside the classroom, careful to not disrupt the teacher during her lesson.

The teacher turned to look at the newcomers, her long pink hair swishing behind her as her face lit up with realization. “Oh! You must be Mr. Walker and Sage, am I correct?”

The teenager cringed at the title given to his name. “Kage is fine… Mr. Walker is our dad.”

She nodded, her smile still plastered on her face. “Of course Kage, I’m Miss Meryl, and I assume this is Sage?” She took a look at the boy in question, but her smile faltered a bit at his choice of clothing. Kage noticed this and quickly went on the defensive about his brother’s lack of uniform.

“Don’t mind his clothing, he’s… adamant about wearing uniforms. He’ll come naked if he has to, but I’m sure no one wants that…” ‘Save the perverts maybe…’ Once again, Miss Meryl nodded and her smile returned with full force.

“Oh that’s quite alright, he’s quite the anti-conformist isn’t he?” Both of the Walkers noticed that her smile never faltered as she said that, throwing then on a loop considering she was the teacher…

She turned to the class with her hands in front of her long skirt, her smile still on her face, which was beginning to freak the Walkers out… “Class, I want you to welcome Sage Walker, our new transfer student from Nevada.”

The students did as told, their enthusiasm giving Sage the hope of some future friend-making as Kage prepared to leave.

“Sage, I’m going to work, so stay out of trouble and make some friends, alright?”

“But of course brother dearest!” The sarcasm was obvious to everyone who had ears.

Kage frowned, but after a sigh it was gone. He then turned to Miss Meryl. “Let me know if he gets in trouble, my cell phone number should be in his emergency contacts.”

“I’ll make sure to do that Kage.”

“Thanks, and don’t cause trouble Sage!”

“I got it, I got it.”

With a final wave, Kage left the classroom, leaving Sage standing in front of his class with Miss Meryl making her way to his side.

“Now why don’t you tell us something about yourself Sage? Any of your hobbies, interests, or anything you’d like us to know…”

“Well, as you all know by now, my name’s Sage, although it’s the name my brother gave me. I’m no mechanic or engineer, but I like to tinker with thinks and take them apart and see what makes them tick. I like video games, running, and fighting, although my brother doesn’t like it when I get into fights; it gives me an adrenaline rush that lets me to go far, or so he says.”

“It sounds like your brother is the one who takes care of you.”

“He is.”

“He must care about you a lot.”

Sage let a smile grace his face and gave Miss Meryl a sideway glance. “He does, a lot.”

One of the students raised her hand, a blonde girl with pigtails wearing a blue version of the school uniform. “Your brother said you don’t like uniforms, how come? I think they look good.”

“I’m not saying the uniforms are bad, but wearing a uniform makes me feel constricted, like I’m bound to something… I don’t like feeling like that, it makes me feel like some kind of slave.”

“Oh…” Her mood faltered, taking a more somber turn.

Sage saw this and made a futile attempt to bring her spirits back up. “But it’s just my opinion, I mean a lot of people like the uniforms too, in fact the uniform looks cute on you!” It was when he heard the girl giggle and felt the eyes of the students upon him that he realized what he said. He flailed his arms in front of him desperately as he tried to save what little dignity he had left. “Wait, what I meant to say was that the uniform doesn’t look bad on you- wait, no, I mean-”

“It’s alright Sage, I know what you meant. Thanks for the compliment!” Her cheerful remark caused Sage’s cheeks to burn, a blush making its presence known on his face. He sheepishly scratched the back of his head as he tilted his head down to look at the floor. “Y-You’re welcome…”

Another student raised his hand, this one was wearing a white coat and the thickest glasses Sage had ever seen in his life. He had curly copper hair and wore purple gloves and black boots. “Greetings Sage, my name is Dexter. Now when you said that you like to take things apart, do you use the materials you gather to put together your own original creations?”

“No, like I said, I’m no mechanic or engineer, I just like to take things apart and see what they look like on the inside. I put it back together once I’m done tinkering. The last thing I took apart was my Gameboy.” This earned a chuckle from himself and some of his classmates.

Dexter adjusted his glasses and stared at Sage curiously. “I see, well thank you for your honesty.”

“No problem.”

Miss Meryl picked this moment to speak. “Well Sage, now that you’ve been properly introduced, why don’t you pick a seat and we’ll get started with today’s lesson.”

“Sure.”

Sage made his way to the back of the room, sitting a distance from a girl with black hair that wore a green version of the school uniform. ‘I guess those color-coded uniforms are the closest things to individuality here…’ He crossed his arms out on his desk and leaned his head forward, letting his chin rest on his arms as he looked at the blackboard, paying partial attention to the lesson that was being given.

‘I guess Kage was right, being in school should lower my chances of being in danger… well that and the fact that I don’t want to be as dumb as a brick.’

>>> Playground – Megaville Elementary

Sage made his way through the playground, watching as everyone had their fun. He was currently snacking on a sandwich that his brother made for him, watching the students interact. He saw the boy from earlier reading comics with a girl that had long smooth copper hair and wore a red version of the school uniform. ‘Dexter; his name is Dexter, right?’

Just as he finished his sandwich, he detected the presence of a power source; a very familiar power source.

He discreetly made his way to a small forest within the school grounds where he saw the source of the energy.

Inside the forest was a boy no different from himself. He was wearing a black uniform that consisted of a black long-sleeved windbreaker with red markings on the sleeves. He also had black fingerless gloves and his sleeves weren’t rolled up. His windbreaker was tucked into his black pants, which were hanging loosely over his black sneakers. What threw the uniform off through was the backwards red cap that he was wearing over his copper hair, which in turn was fashioned into a long flowing ponytail. His piercing crimson eyes were also subjected to the same effect.

The Double R’s in his windbreaker made it very present just who this boy was.

“Hey Brick, how’s Nevada?”

“Cut the small talk, you know that’s not why I’m here.”

Sage crossed his arms. “Of course, you guys aren’t that hard to figure out.”

Brick went straight to business, his crimson gaze piercing Sage’s golden eyes. “Why are you and Kage running, you were offered protection from the competition and compensation for your losses, you’re being foolish-”

“You’re just an experiment, you don’t know anything!”

Brick’s gaze turned into a glare. “At least I’m not property. You, on the other hand, are.”

“If I am, I’m my brother’s property.”

“Wrong.”

Sage gritted his teeth and clenched both of his hands into fists, his knuckles going white under his gloves. “Don’t pretend to understand the situation.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“I’m not some kind of toy you can claim ownership on!”

Brick smirked. “That’s funny, I thought that was exactly what you where.”

Brick’s arrogance turned into surprise as Sage appeared in front of him at supersonic speeds, but his world was throw into pain as he felt Sage’s fist connect with his nose, sending him tumbling back from the sudden impact.

“I’m not property!”

Brick stumbled up from the ground, his feet quaking from supporting his weight after experiencing the sudden blow. He quickly regained his composure and spit out a small amount of blood from his mouth, keeping his glare on Sage.

“Tell Kage that we know where you both are, and I won’t hesitate to tell Brisbaine about your location. It doesn’t matter where you are, or who protects you, you’re under contract, and you don’t have the humanity to question it.”

Brick turned to leave but glanced over his shoulder to Sage. “Just be glad that I was the one who came out to investigate. Butch wouldn't have hesitated to incapacitate you and bring you back; you saw what he did to XJ9 during a combat simulation; you know what he’s capable of, what we’re capable of.”

And with that, he flew off.

And Sage broke down and cried.

He punched the ground repeatedly, his tears mixing in with the dirt and smudging his gloves as he kept extending the size of the mini-crater forming. After a few minutes of punching, he slowed his pace, and finally stopped, slumping over and holding himself up with his arms as his tears flowed freely now, his sobs ringing through the clearing.

“I’m not property… I’m not… property…”

Unfortunately, or fortunately depending on your point of view, he wasn’t alone. Towards the school side of the clearing, a certain boy genius was witnessing the event unfold, his eyes ablaze with curiosity as he watched the boy defend his worth.

His suspicions on this newcomer were slowly, but steadily, growing.

His mental warnings for Danger were going off when he laid his eyes on the uniformed child, but as soon as he flew off; his attention was once again fixated on the one called Sage. What he didn’t see however was that his companion earlier was also a witness to the event, and unlike Dexter, she did recognize the uniformed child.

“D-Dexter…”

He turned around, surprised, but shushed her and lowered his own voice to a whisper. “There’s something about this boy called Sage that I do not trust. I don’t know how to put it into words, but I don’t think he’s human, so to speak.”

“How can you say that? He’s done nothing to hurt us, and right now he’s crying! If anything, we should be helping him.” She made to stand up but was halted when Dexter gripped her wrist.

“Dexter, what are you-?”

“Let it play out, I don’t think he’s aware of our presence, and if he was, he won’t trust us after knowing we listened to his confrontation.”

Blossom gasped, remembering what she wanted to speak to Dexter about. “Dexter, about that boy-” It was during that moment that the bell rang and she sighed in frustration. “I’ll tell you the rest later, when we’re not in class.”

Both she and Dexter made to leave, taking a different path than Sage as to avoid a confrontation on his encounter with Brick. Sage continued wiping his tears, trying to clean himself up as he made his way back to the class. His mood was officially ruined until something else happened.

‘I’m not property…’

>> TO BE CONTINUED…

A/N: I decided to give my characters theme songs, since it’s always been a bad habit of mine. Just keep in mind that the songs aren’t mine… so don’t sue, or all you’ll get is a pair of fingerless gloves and a dog… so… yeah…

Sage – Show No Tears – NemesisTheory

NemesisTheory is a techno song writer in Newgrounds.com, his songs are based on games like DMC and Rockman, so I friggin love ‘em! You can go to the Audio Portal in Newgrounds.com and download his songs. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, Chapter Two is on its way, Ja ne!

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Well, like stated above, Chapter Two is on it's way, and please let me know if you like it or not... or if you don't wanna review, let me know if there's a format to posting fanfics of something... this is written in the same format I write fanfics for Fanfiction.net on. w00t Oh, btw, Kage Jaganshi is my penname in FF.net, it translates to Shadow Master of the Evil Eye ^_^
Last edited by PueRToRiCaN12187 on Sat Apr 08, 2006 4:30 pm, edited 16 times in total.
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" Chapter One

Postby Keeper » Sat Mar 18, 2006 3:58 pm

I have to be this a thumbs up! ^_^
You write very well and I find your character, Sage, a mystery. Just what I want to see in a character, nothing but secrets to be revealed as the story goes on. I really hope you continues this and not just drop it as it gets better.(happened before with this other great fanfic write I met) Overall, I basically have to say you have a great plot going on here and I'm looking forward to the rest.

One other thing, if you enjoy reading fanfictions as much as writing them, I recommend reading Shadowed State of Mind's, Griddles', and even mine if you want. They both are about PPGD. Griddles takes after PPGD's Bell. Mine is a bit of mixture of KH, RE, PPGD, and some of my own original storylines. Shadowed State of Mind's is about his character's life, Shad, as he gets entwine with the PPGs. So if you feel interested to look just see the links below :) :

Griddles: The Perfect Little Girl Black and White Lifelines and Reunification
Force of warning too. Don't reply in The Perfect Little Girl or Black and White. The art forum moderator doesn't like old threads being revived. ^_^;
Also Griddles updates with paragraphs in his stories. So either you might want to have some great paitence to read through the comments or go to the DA link on his panel and read them there. :)

Shadowed State of Mind: The Life and Times of Shad Staydamind and Dual Minds Think Alike!

Myself: The True Road and Heretic Alignements
Note, mine is spread out in updates, so the chapters are a bit scattered in the thread and my first fanfiction wasn't really the gets in grammar or spelling, but the second is a bit better. ^^

Boy, I hope I didn't overflow you there. I just see potential here. ^^
Welcome to the forums also. :snoogins:
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Postby Akaine » Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:20 pm

I liked it a lot^^ Just one question- where's buttercup? she's my favorite character, so it's obvious why I ask where she is ^^ and very nicely written. Oh, and Keeper- I plan to put up a story that I am writing here...well the site leading to it, so far three chapters are up^^ They are nice and long, rated teen though...no lemons allowed ^^...so far. lol
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" Chapter One

Postby Keeper » Sat Mar 18, 2006 4:45 pm

True, I like to see more of the others too. Then again that's what new chapters are for. ^_^

Cool to hear Akaine. I'll check it out when you finish. :)

EDIT: Also you may want to put your name on your thread, unless you want the threat of it being locked by one of the moderators.^_^;
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" Chapter One

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sat Mar 18, 2006 5:33 pm

Well, it's not that I don't like Buttercup or anything, hell she's my tomboy-ish hero, but think about it: do you think she would care about some new student? Unless he was a fighting god, she wouldn't care. But I DID have her appear if only on one little scene... but it's sumthing. w00t
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Postby Shadowed State of Mind » Sat Mar 18, 2006 5:40 pm

AH! Greetings from the resident shadow. Excellent piece of work, but before I start up my mock critic comment(s), I'll introduce myself:

Shadowed State of Mind. Keeper explained a bit of my fanfics but he missed some slight details. Those I'll get to in a minute. He's in my buddy list. Those in my buddy list refer to me as Shad. Alas, it causes some slight confusion since as you know, one of my OCs has a name which happens to be an anagram of mine!

Now for my fic. You see, the first one happens to be a simple PPG fic. Also, like your character Sage there's more to Shad then most should...well, should never know. Only a select few know of it, and it leads back to the Global Defenders. That's all I'm saying, just read it for yourself to speculate and whatnot. Bit of a warning though, the early chapters suffer from spelling errors. But by going to my gallery at DA, those chapters have been fixed (though I fear some problems remain). And then there's the fact that nothing overly big happens until Dual Minds Think Alike. So yeah, the first part of the trilogy is tame (and somewhat cute) for the most part. Note: My favorite puff is Bubbles so yes, she probably has slightly more spotlight then her sisters. Oh, and it's the only active fic (as in, there's another fic in the mentioned format but it's been on a tourterusly long hiatus) in script format. And no I won't change it.:P

Now for your fic. You explain attire better then I do. Then again, I've never been so well in describing stuff but I'm getting better. Also, it takes place in the fourth grade. Hate to break it to ya, but Dual Minds Think Alike virtually ignores Bleedman's alteration of grades as it came up quite a while (last year actually) before then.

So there you have it. Heheh....just follow the links my pal Keeper gave ya. Surely you may not regret it.

PS: A few artists here take requests, but seeing as you're a new one I don't recommend asking so soon. But that's just me. It's your choice. Have fun at the Snafu Forums!!

This welcome post has been submited by Shadowed State of Mind. Any assistance on how things go around here, just PM me.
The Life and Times of Shad Staydamind PPG fic; finished. part 1/3
Dual Minds Think Alike PPGD fic, part 2/3; finished (trilogy is on an indefinite hiatus)
Hidden Angels Original, ongoing fiction. (also hiated. Stupid college!)
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Postby GridsNaranek » Sat Mar 18, 2006 6:48 pm

Great start to the fanfic! As Keeper said, feel free to look at some of the other works here on the art forum. As for my stuff, it's slowly being uploaded to deviantart so it may be easier to view it there.
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Fight!

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:02 pm

Well thanks for your comments guys! ^_^ I feel so loved! Next chapter involves a fight, but I need a poll, should the PPG and/or Dexter show up? Or should it just be a test of Sage's (possible) fighting abilities? I won't say who the opponent is for the sake of not giving away spoilers, lol w00t
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Postby GridsNaranek » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:04 pm

You'll have to shrink your sig, I'm afraid.
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:09 pm

Test Sage's power. I'm most interested in what the boy can do. :)

Also yeah, you may want to shrink your sig. Something as big as mine or Griddles'.
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Postby Shadowed State of Mind » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:13 pm

Or mine. That sig is cool but by God! Back at the late Mustapha Land that'd be acceptable (no, really. Over there there was virtually no limit to sig or avi size) but here...well, you may want to find another that accomidates the minimum size.
The Life and Times of Shad Staydamind PPG fic; finished. part 1/3
Dual Minds Think Alike PPGD fic, part 2/3; finished (trilogy is on an indefinite hiatus)
Hidden Angels Original, ongoing fiction. (also hiated. Stupid college!)
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:42 pm

Well, I changed the sig, it's smaller and it features Axl! ..ok, so that's not really the greatest thing ever, but it's something... I mean he can transform and that counts for brownie points ^_^ Anyway, about the fight, I can have Sage fight, but Dexter and/or the PPG need to have seem some of that, but whether or not they join in as well is what I'm debating, so... yeah, throw in your pennies for your thoughts.
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sat Mar 18, 2006 11:46 pm

Tag team match. :)

Also it's still a bit too big. Just get rid of a few of those sentences it should be okay then. That or look at the rules for sizes of avi and sig.
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Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:05 am

You guys just like hassling the newbie dontcha?

Alright, I took out a few lines and made a smaller banner... with Vile! w00t As a bonus, I'll give you a hint to the opponents: RR
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Postby Skorri Siggeir » Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:17 am

The Powerpuff Girls Doujinshi is drawn by Vinzon Ngo a.k.a. “Bleedman” and hosted by Snafu Comics

lol , Bleedmans name is Vinzon Ngo? I didnt know that.. That makes me laugh.
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sun Mar 19, 2006 12:00 pm

Had a feeling it be the Rowdyruffs. ;)

And I who said we were hassling you? We're merely trying to keep you out of danger's way. Fanfic writers need to help other fanfic writers you know. :) (only if their story is good that is :P)
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Postby numbuw2011 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:04 pm

sweet fic i like it ^^ and id wannna see sage fight as keeper i am intreeged*sp?* by him lol well keep up the nice work ^^
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:23 pm

Fight as me!?! :shock:

I can't fight trust me! XD But my anime self in True Road can. :)
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:26 pm

Well, Buttercup fans should get a kick out of Chapter 2, I can guarantee it. I tried to write Buttercup in character, but really she sounds like Yusuke and Inuyasha combined... well, all Inuyasha contributes is his "Feh"

BTW, how do you liek my Danny icon? w00t And my Zero bobblehead? ^_^
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Postby numbuw2011 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:27 pm

lol maybe i put that wrong like u i want to see sage fight ^^ that sound good? and how ya like my icon
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:29 pm

I like them, Pure. :)

Heh, just try typing a bit better than Numb. XD j/k
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Postby numbuw2011 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:31 pm

actually i do bro Xd i kno i cant type lol
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby PueRToRiCaN12187 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:32 pm

Now the only thing that's bothering me is Boomer... just what exacly is Boomer like? I mean, I'm pretty sure he's not as hot-headed as Butch, but he's not as tactical as Brick is either... I can only throw a bone and guess he just likes the adrenaline rush when he's not daydreaming about a certain pigtailed blonde.
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Re: (PPGD Fanfic) "Inhumanity" by PueRToRiCaN12187

Postby Keeper » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:36 pm

He's a bit of the idiot really. Most of the time Boomer has his head in the clouds. And check this for some more help. ^^

http://www.rowdyruff.net/wguide.shtml
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Postby numbuw2011 » Sun Mar 19, 2006 2:37 pm

id help but i dont kno anything about boomer @.@
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