my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

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my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sat Oct 29, 2005 4:19 pm

here goes nothing,

"sora"...."SORA". Sora woke up to find himself surrounded by his friends. "Where the hell am I" he thought. "Phew, We almost thought you weren't coming back." said Donald. "wha-what happened?" asked Sora. "We were just fighting some o' dem heartless" said Wakka," and you collapsed." "Oh,"said Sora confused,"I...I remember a flash of light and then hideous laughing". "I figured as much"said Leon,"Ansem is back and even more powerful, he's got an apprentice named Velmort". "No problem"said Sora laughing" He cant be any tougher than that moron Ansem" "Dont be too sure Sora, this guy's got a keyblade too."said Riku
"Pah-Leeze"

meanwhile in Disney Kingdom

"Listen you cant make me take out a whole freakin army of those things" said a young man about 13 years old,"They're insane" "Stop complaining"said King Mickey," You will do it, I cant afford to have Sora killed in action." "Isnt that why he has the duck and that uh "dog" thing." The boy and Mickey were walking down the hall of Disney Castle. "Look I know I've been trained for stuff like this but that doesnt mean you can take advantage of my skills" "Look kid",said "This is your first big gig and i Know you've had jobs dealing with the Heartless before so this should be no problem right?" "Well..."said the boy,"Whats in it for me?". "You'll get to go back home to Halloween Town"said Mickey, "So will you do it?"
"...I guess"said the teen. " Chric Noon you are a smart boy" said Mickey cheerfully.

this is what i have so far, i'll post more later, tell me what you think
as quoted by AC/DC she's got me by the balls
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Postby Shadowed State of Mind » Sat Oct 29, 2005 4:32 pm

Um...why is everything underlined?
The Life and Times of Shad Staydamind PPG fic; finished. part 1/3
Dual Minds Think Alike PPGD fic, part 2/3; finished (trilogy is on an indefinite hiatus)
Hidden Angels Original, ongoing fiction. (also hiated. Stupid college!)
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yeah

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sat Oct 29, 2005 4:38 pm

it was an accident sry lol

so wat do ya think
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sat Oct 29, 2005 5:46 pm

Looks good so far. Keep it up this sounds good. ^_^
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 11:42 am

k here's the next part

we join Sora and Riku walking through the Deep Jungle searching for any sign of Ansem

"So what's with this Velmont guy"asked Sora. "Dunno, the only thing we do know about him is that he has a Keyblade like you" suddenly 50 shadow heartless surounded them. " Man, I could kill these things all day long"said Sora jokingly. after finishing of the last shadow 3 behemoths appeared out of nowhere." What the f-" Sora was then stomped on by a Behemoth. "whoa they've gotten tougher"said sora getting up and dodging another attack. after a long battle there was 1 behemoth left. " Sora you'd better heal yourself" said Riku suddenly realizing Sora's state.

meanwhile in behind a bunch of trees

" Dammit that kid is biting more than he can chew" Noon thought to himself " Well looks like I'm ganna have to save his butt sooner or later, and it seems its ganna have to be sooner." suddenly Chric started to change shape, growing large fangs and being covered in hair. "Lets do this"

In an instant a gigantic werewolf burst out of a grove of trees. " Holy crap!" sora exclaimed. with one bite of it's mightly jaw the behemoth disapeared into the darkness from with it came. with one look at sora the insane beast snorted at The Keyblade Master and ran off. " What was that" asked Riku. " I dunno" said Sora " But i have a feelin it aint friendly"

there's some more, i'll post more later, keep posting ur comments! ^_^
as quoted by AC/DC she's got me by the balls
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 11:57 am

Getting good dude. :snoogins:

Also here's a bit more on Velmont's attacks.

Legcicle: Shoots icicles at a rapid speed from his ankles. Activates when he cries out "IMPACT!" and swings his leg frontward.

Frozen Blast: Shoots a wave of extremely cold ice making his enemies either freeze up or is blinded by the thickness of the wave and Valmont will come in a cut you up with his double scythe.

Great Glacier: Summons up a gigantic iceberg and smashes it down on you. It's very heavy yet so light on top just by standing on it makes the weight 100 pounds more heavier.

Freeze Snake: Summons forth a ice thick snake that circles around Valmont and when commanded it can pursuit whatever target Valmont wants to attack or it will fire homing icicles that explode on touch.

I'll have history up soon after your update. ^_^
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Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:01 pm

thanks man that is very important info ^_^
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:05 pm

Yep. Also did I forget to mention he can carry a scythe in both hands. No two handers here. :snoogins:

You can just give him this scythe.
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Postby Lord and Master » Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:19 pm

Use better puncuation, but other than that it's pretty darn good.
Shockro wrote:Theme song
Lord and Master, he's such a bastard but when a girl's in trouble he'll be there on the double.
Lord and Master, he's the one! Who will be shunned in the great land of fun.
Repeat**
Lord and Master, he's such a bastard but when a girl's in trouble he will be there on the double
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:33 pm

next part

we join Mickey and Noon in Disney castle

" Well, your majesty, I gatta hand it to ya' this is ganna be one tough gig" said Chric relaxing in an arm chair." I think you should train him a little first before i go fighting his battles for him, it's kinda painful to transform." " Well maybe." said Mickey thoughtfully. suddenly the door opened and in walked a strange young man with orange hair, two black wings and weilding a double sided sythe."Which one of you is Mickey?" said the boy with a feirce tone. " Me"said Mickey," What do you want?" " I want to kill you."said the boy his sythe glowing," And I dont have alot of time so it be easier if you just give in." " Nice try punk." said Mickey weilding his golden Keyblade. Suddenly the boy lunged shooting a wave of ice, consuming Mickey, also making him frozen solid. "You did not want to do that" said Chric, re-energized and ready to fight. "Oh, I think I did." said the boy summoning a snake made of ice shooting millions of icicles exploding as they hit the adolesent Werewolf. " That's it" said Chric transforming into his inner monster."I dont have time for this" said the boy in a bored tone. And with a sudden flash the boy and King Mickey were gone, leaving only the werewolf and a shit-load of ice.
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 12:41 pm

Wow. You did Velmont really good. Just note he can be the gentleman sometimes. ^_^
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:43 pm

here comes the next part

we join the oranged haired boy and Ansem inside of Kingdom Hearts

"Here he is master,"said Velmont, pushing the glacier that remained of Mickey Mouse."he didn't come willingly so I had to use a little...force" "Very well,"said Ansem," It looks like we'll have to conduct our...experiments later. Send two heartless to work on un-freezing him."
Velmont raised his hands and from within the ground two shadow heartless. "Get on it"said Velmont nodding towards the frozen rodent. " I have another task for you my apprentice" said Ansem," I need you to go to the seventh princess and bring her to me" " Kairi?" asked Velmont smiling," No problem"

at Destiny Islands

"When will Sora get back?" Kairi thought to herself. "Daydreaming I see" said a voice behind her. "Who are you?!" asked Kairi frightened. "No one who will harm you" said the voice laughing. Out behind some trees walked Velmont towards Kairi. " What do you want?" asked Kairi not letting her guard down. "Nothing special" said Velmont advancing towards her. "Just wanted to know what you were looking around for." Kairi suddenly remembered the task at hand, that she was looking for any sign of Ansem or the Heartless. " Just looking for something that I'd like to forget" said Kairi. Velmont opened his mouth to speak but sundenly a large hearless appeared (known as Darkside). "Wait here!" said Velmont weilding his custom sythe. Velmont ran up to the Menacing darkness. Suddenly icicles appeared around his ankle, he swung his leg towards the beast and yelled, "IMPACT" and all of the crystals of ice shot directly at the Darkside. The hearless fell back and looked around dizzily.
Then Velmont swung his sythe in series of complicated combinations. The Heartless exploded instanly in a burst of darkness. " Wow" said Kairi not knowing what to say. "You're, I mean that was amazing" said Kairi blushing. "Perfect" thought Velmont smirking. " So, I was wondering if you'd like to come with me to Kingdom Hearts, I found something that might intrest you" said Velmont smiling. " Um, ok" said Kairi, not realizing what she was about to go through when she reached the Door of Darkness.

i'll post more later, please tell me what you think
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Postby LinkG07 » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:45 pm

Keep it going, I love Kingdom Hearts w00t!!
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 6:47 pm

Very good my friend, very good.^_^

Can't wait for the next part. :snoogins:
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:42 pm

" It was a weird canine like animal" said Sora explaining his situation to Yuffy in Hollow Bastion. " Sounds like Chric Noon, a famous werewolf assaisin."said Yuffy " What's his deal?" Sora asked. "Well he has a complicated past, and now isnt the time to mention it." Yuffy explained. "Well any assaisin can't be good news" stated Sora

at Kingdom Hearts

"Here we are" said Velmont climbing out of assiting Kairi out of his ship. "Well show me what you need to fast, I don't have good memories from this place" said Kairi shuddering. "It's just beyond the door" said Velmont pointing towards the entrance. The two walked across the oasis of nothingness towards the door. Velmont knocked 3 times and the door opened. "Shall we?" Velmont asked leading Kairi inside. " Welcome" said an all too familiar voice." I'm glad you could make it" Kairi screamed with horror as she saw Mickey's frozen body. "Who are you people?" Kairi asked. " Just call us, The Bad Guys." said Velmont the Door of Darkness closing behind them.

sorry short entry but i'm kinda tired, keep postin! ^_^

Added after 57 seconds:

" It was a weird canine like animal" said Sora explaining his situation to Yuffy in Hollow Bastion. " Sounds like Chric Noon, a famous werewolf assaisin."said Yuffy " What's his deal?" Sora asked. "Well he has a complicated past, and now isnt the time to mention it." Yuffy explained. "Well any assaisin can't be good news" stated Sora

at Kingdom Hearts

"Here we are" said Velmont climbing out of assiting Kairi out of his ship. "Well show me what you need to fast, I don't have good memories from this place" said Kairi shuddering. "It's just beyond the door" said Velmont pointing towards the entrance. The two walked across the oasis of nothingness towards the door. Velmont knocked 3 times and the door opened. "Shall we?" Velmont asked leading Kairi inside. " Welcome" said an all too familiar voice." I'm glad you could make it" Kairi screamed with horror as she saw Mickey's frozen body. "Who are you people?" Kairi asked. " Just call us, The Bad Guys." said Velmont the Door of Darkness closing behind them.

sorry short entry but i'm kinda tired, keep postin! ^_^
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:45 pm

Double posted dude. ^_^; Anyways good update. :snoogins:
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Postby LinkG07 » Sun Oct 30, 2005 7:47 pm

Heh heh, good...
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Postby Unknown_Sora » Sun Oct 30, 2005 8:32 pm

crap
sorry i didnt know wat was happening
my compy was geting all weird.
so yeah, thanks
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Keeper » Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:18 pm

Keep it on rollen dude. ^_^
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Re: my first fanfiction it's about Kingdom Hearts

Postby Unknown_Sora » Mon Oct 31, 2005 4:40 pm

next part

"Dammit!" said Noon," How could I let that happen?!" Chric was in the middle of the castle hallway pacing back and forth. "How could that punk get away from me?!" he screamed."ARRGH" "Mr.Noon?"asked a voice farther down the hallway"I have a message for you" "Well what the hell is it?"he asked not caring about manners anymore. "Um, well you are wanted by the Queen to come down to the throne room right away."said a messanger coming closer to him. "Dammit"he thought to himself as he made his way towards the throne room.

Traverse Town

"So were to next?" Sora asked. "Well"said Yuffy," We might as well check around End of the World, Kingdom Hearts area and such"

after Sora and Yuffy arrived at Kingdom Hearts

"Oh man,"said Sora"My head" "What's the matter?" Yuffy asked. "Dunno, my head just feels like its about to explode" "Well we don't really have time for that" Yuffy replied. As sora and Yuffy reach for the door, several Invisible's appear. " Ugh, I hate these things" Sora said reaching for his Keyblade.

several keyblade combo's and a very injured Sora later

"There"sora said, finishing off the last Invisible. suddenly 5 darksides appeared. "Um, not good, Yuffy?" "Sorry Sora I left my ninja stars back at Traverse Town" Yuffy said shrugging. Then, the same giant werewolf appeared out of nowhere. "What the f-"sora started to say and then the werewolf pushed him out of the way and literally tore apart all of the darksides. " I don't need your help" Sora said getting up. The creature just stared at him will it's bloodshot eyes. "Fine then" Sora said jumping towards the beast.

more later, keep on a postin ^_^
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