Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

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Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:34 pm

Anyways, I have a poem and would like people to tell me what they think of it, blah blah blah. You know the story already. And also, tell me if this is considered emo, because I'm not emo, and thus that would be...bad.

Worn Away

I remember when I was young
Unburdened by doubt, unfettered by thought
Swiftly, to my fate I did run
That purpose which by my soft hands was wrought
A cherubic face, a Arcadian place
To look back on it within the prospect of time
What seemed a century is merely years

Skin upon the cold glass, tempered and polished
What once was a soft hand is much the same
What once was a young face, only a few years further
Eyes not washed over with the dullness of age
Sight worn but not taken completely from before me

And yet how shriveled a presence, a dreaded wight
Does the mirror reflect in the form of my visage!
A tired, aimless, broken cadaver gazes back at me,
Aged below the serene surface, time passing
Outside of time. Within, furious hurricanes
Of sand and vapor, tempestuous rages of
Bitter feeling and aching, wore away
At the soft, frail walls of flesh.
Naught is left but the hollow husk.
The venerable oak, silent.
No mention of its passing.

Added after 1 hours:

Wow, I didn't think it was that bad. XD
I don't consider myself much of a poet.
Last edited by Cascade on Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby NetGhost (IYM) » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:38 pm

I thought it was good, but I'm not sure if I got the meaning behind it right.
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Postby Mr. Noia » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:49 pm

because I don't know if my words mean anything I hate to be posting so early thus making a stand and exposing myself to the many readers of the first few responses, but I think I can make a comment.

it's literally about aging, the passing of time and the fact that all will come to an end, eventually leaving no trail of ever having existed, isn't it?
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Re: Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:53 pm

Well, you're half right. It's about internally aging.
Like, you're still physically young, you still have an unblemished face and good skin. But underneath, the person is so worn away by emotion and constantly having to feel something that he becomes essentially an old man inside.
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Postby Mr. Noia » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:56 pm

is it just a poem, or is this also an attempt to implicitly express a feeling?

if so, I once knew what you are going through.
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Postby NetGhost (IYM) » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:57 pm

Well then, I did get it right. I just wasn't sure if it was eather physical aging or internal aging.

it is pritty good eather way.
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Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 4:57 pm

It's not angst, if that's what you're suggesting. It's just being tired and worn out from a great deal of emotional stress.
And most of the best poetry tries to convey some sort of meaning or feeling.
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Postby Mr. Noia » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:06 pm

Cascade wrote:It's not angst, if that's what you're suggesting. It's just being tired and worn out from a great deal of emotional stress.
And most of the best poetry tries to convey some sort of meaning or feeling.


what I am suggesting is what you were saying, namely feeling like an old person in a young body. I had that. I don't know how I came over it, but I did. not much of a help here, I know, just letting you know that I once knew the feeling, thus sharing it to perhaps lighten the burden.
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Re: Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:16 pm

Hmm, well I wouldn't exactly call it a burden. It's really just a different way to live that people like me have to live with. For example, I never went through the idealistic stage of young kids. So I jumped right into being jaded and cynical before middle school.
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Postby Jay » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:23 pm

I always feel older then my friends...
They're all listening to rap, staring older girls talking about strange things like OMG HOT and shit like that.
While I just sit there and maybe partake in the occasional video game debate, along with going on the computer straight after school. But unlike the others who do the same, I don't play CS or GuildWars, instead I go to a forum, RP, talk about politics occasionally etc.
That and because I type properly.
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Re: Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:33 pm

I recognize a difference between maturity and feeling older. I don't think I am mature. If I were to presume that, I would be arrogant.
But being cynical, jaded and bitter are things that people associate with being older, and so most people agree with me; I'm like an old man on the inside.
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Postby Deena » Sat Jun 04, 2005 5:48 pm

I think it works well. It has a sort of Victorian feel to it, and I understood it was about aging, though I didn't understand it was about psychological aging until I read it a second time when my brain was ready to understand it.XD Skip the "and 'lo", though. It kills the flow of it.

Egads, I rhymed!XD
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Re: Normally I don't do this but...(My poem.)

Postby Cascade » Sat Jun 04, 2005 6:00 pm

You have a good point. (Edits.)
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