This is the prologe of a book I'm wrighting. I could use some advice on how to improve it.
Running to home
We are trapped here on this sunless planet. Where the due drops fall on our heads like rain. The forest I now spend most of my time in sits on the edge of a valley where our ship has crashed. I sit here on this branch a defeated warrior among so many defeated soldiers, but we will repair and regroup our forces so we can get back to Solaria. There we will show our true strength over this galaxy; we who have nourished it and taken the fruit of our labor to the peaks of ripeness. Now wishing to turn all that against us, the legions of hell worshipers have taken over our galaxy, our home.
As I sit here on this branch up high. I wonder how I have come to be here. The many people we have met. The many places we have seen. All of that we have lost. This is what I can recall of that time before the demons took over.
* * * * *
My birth was like so many others. During the month of 3rd light my mother and father conserved me. When I was but an early embryo a breeder came to my place of rest and saw my poetical. It enhanced me, changing my genes to unlock my fullest strength. Then linking with the breeder network, it found my companion and proclaimed me to join the ranks of Samurai. The leader of legions and masters of war.
I was born in a birthing facility in deep-space with my wife. We were sent to the training facility on Alpha Centauri. This is where we spent the first fifty years of my life. In that time my wife and I rose in the ranks to true Samurai. We were transported to Solaria. A great honor for all in the Milky-way galaxy. Only direct hyperspace lanes lead to Solaria and these are few and far between. Solaria was built around our ancient sun which gave birth to Earth. The Exterior is a massive steal sphere that is shielded. The inside is populated by Hyperspace lanes that stretch from the outer sphere to the Middle sphere or Military sphere as it is called, this is built around the orbit of Mars. The Capital city is sphere built around Earths original orbit. The city is the most beautiful thing you can ever see in you four-hundred year lifetime. Tall towers made of crystal cover the inside. Massive lakes surrounded by forests sprout up randomly around the inner shell. And the sun is always right above your head.
The Senate is the most massive building in the whole sphere. It is a large oval room filled with floating platforms for Senators to voice there opinions and concerns. In the center platform stood three pillars for the Emissary of the Prophets and the two war masters; one from both the Peace keepers and the Samurai. The two war masters would delegate maters of war. The Emissary who shared a direct mental link to the Prophets would make the final decision on all matters based on what the prophets predicted, including decisions made by the war masters.
It was here in this building that the first war in many centuries was declared. One of our closest allies, The Magnonians had rebelled. Soon after-words Hana and I were joining the battle fleet sent to the home world Magnon. This was only the beginning of a long and bloody war that stretched across the galaxy.