The beginning will be hard to catch up with, since it's slow, but you'll soon see why.
Triggers though, such as suicide, drug abuse and some more that I'll add on.
I was about 17 when I contemplated the thought of dying, it was barely my birthday but I no longer saw the reason to live.
My routine was useless, worthless. Everything I did was for nothing.
I has hoped to live a more exciting life where I didn't see fault in my actions, all my friends disappeared, right through my fingers. I may sound "emo" or "ungrateful" but it hurts, it really does.
What I was about to do, would probably be for the best of everyone who had known me.
When days merge into one, the reason soon decays. The mind bends and warps, just to keep up with reality. Life tied with a routine, restrictions which soon tire the body.
Kylie woke up to the sound of her alarm, which was set at exactly on 6:30 a.m. She sighed, and got ready for another day.
Soon become to realize that not every single human life is precious, you are the same.
Looking around for her toothbrush, Kylie proceeded through her normal routine, something was off, usually she would have everything ready, but for some reason, she had missed something.
The answer had soon made it's way into her head as soon as she was halfway down the street. My homework. Mere laziness prevented her from making her way back, she shook off the nagging voices. Maybe if I'm lucky enough, they'll push the due date to the next day.
She got on the bus like the routine had planned and continued, despite her head growing light from thinking of the consequences of not bringing her homework. To some people, this might seem something you shouldn't be fretting over too much, but it just wasn't right. All that work for nothing practically.
Going to school wasn't hard, but it was horrendously time-consuming. Everything Kylie did was either too much or too little, there was no in between. Her friends were okay, but sometimes Kylie felt as if they didn't actually care much about her, like she was their unwanted guest. Kylie was okay with that, it not like they minded.
The day was almost over, work, work, and more work. None of this seem to overwhelm Kylie at the slightest. All the kids groaned when the teacher announced more homework, and it was only Monday. The girl sat there, only listening to the instructor drone on and on about the lesson they were on.
Humans are amazing, they stay sane by following a plan, over and over. They never get tired of it. New experiences here and there, but they stay constant.
Pencils scratched against papers and the room was silent. Except for a couple of kids who Kylie identified to be Alexis and her little "gang". They never got their stuff done and when they do put effort, it end up in complete shit. They're loud and inconsiderate, Kylie would always cringe when they would do some audacious act against the teacher or other classmates.
Wood clattered on the floor.
Clare reached down to pick up her pencil, it seems like she does that every class. The familiar hollow patter as it rolled off her desk and onto the cold, white floor replayed in Kylie's head. She could hear it hit the floor in her head before the pencil actually hit the surface. Her murmurs were heard as she reached down to retrieve her pencil.
The end of the day flew by and Kylie was left to finish the rest of her day by sitting up in her room, drawing or whatever was in arms length away from her. Kylie was always making sure she could hear her mother, who constantly called to her when needed. Kylie soon grew annoyed because of it, she never got the time to sit down and relax. She loved her mom dearly, but the fact that she always needed her help was a little too much. Kylie already had work to do.
That Monday slowly merged into the next day, as Kylie woke up the next day to get ready for the day. Tuesday, Wednesday, the days seem to skip as Friday passed by alarmingly quick.
Some people see past their routine, they begin to realize how useless they are without it. Some begin to change.
Kylie didn't go to school for four days next week, a fever had striked her hard.
The routine had stopped. Days went by painfully slow. Due to her headaches, Kylie had not been able to sleep, she started to hallucinate. A figure went by Kylie's door, a blur. Too dizzy to move, Kylie had stayed where she was, eyelids soon fluttering closed. She could hear voices and she had a feeling someone was looming over her. Incoherent voices were heard, none were familiar. Ignoring them, she snoozed off.
If she wasn't going to be doing anything productive, she might as well give her body a rest.
As if time caught up with her, she went to school on Friday. It was all the same.
It was almost as if the same conversations had taken place, the same events occurred. Just as if she went back a week.
She hadn't missed anything.
At lunch Kylie sat down next to her "friend", Neil. He barely acknowledged her presence and had his back turned towards her. Not minding this at the slightest, Kylie started on eating. There are times when her and Neil would have something to say, but Neil's friends were there with him. They weren't really fond of Kylie, she would normally shrug them off, she thought she wouldn't have to worry about them.
They were having tons of fun sitting there, laughing at the stupid jokes Neil would come up with. A tingling sensation surged through her stomach, one that she had never experienced before. She stopped eating, getting up to throw away her tray, she then sat down, not by Neil, but on the other side of the cafeteria. Kylie peered over to the table she had previously sat at and seen that no one noticed. The tingling made it's way to her throat. Worry clouded her thought process.
Thinking about this, Kylie hadn't noticed that it was time to be dismissed to next period.
During seminar, grades had been passed out. When Kylie received hers, she felt nothing. It was the same, all A's. Kids around her hooted or complained about their grades. But Kylie sat there, not knowing how to feel. Should she feel great about listening to directions and doing her work? The same things that she had been doing since she first enrolled into school?
Alexis passed by her, eyes scanning her half sheet of paper. Snatching Kylie's grades, she snorted, taking the paper to show her friends. Kylie couldn't even watch, for she was deep in thought.
"This bitch got all A's, what a loser." After a couple minutes of snarky insults directed towards Kylie, Alexis had shoved the paper back in Kylie's hands before packing up for the bell. "Fuckin' nerd!" She spat. The kids around her giggled before walking out the room.
Kylie was the last one to leave, while she packed up, the paper had fallen out of her grasp. She was hesitant on picking it up since it didn't have much value to her. But she knew her mom would want to see it. Kylie gathered her belongings quickly before she left the room. She made sure she didn't forget anything this time.
However, this was the last day of Kylie's routine.