Millo wrote:Ah I see what you mean, I was afraid I'd make them too outlandish. Alright I'll take your advice to heart, expect them to be a lot more believable in the future .
I'm going to take this as an unofficial promise that there will be more in the future and that posting in this thread is still okay.
I don't know how applicable it is for this screenplay (which I'm loving, by the way, because you've made characters that I really want to wring the life out of--that this screenplay induced heart-pounding anger at your characters is commendable), but if you need an example of really effective dialogue use that does everything right (imho) I'd recommend reading Ernest Hemingway's short story "Hills Like White Elephants" which is almost completely dialogue. It also presents the topic of conflict without ever directly naming the topic. Great stuff.
Here's a link to a full text in case you're interested: "Hills Like White Elephants" by Ernest Hemingway
Not that I dislike your style, but I like to think people in stories
never have true conversations. Everyone's always jumping for a chance to speak. They interrupt, they misunderstand, they speak cryptically, and when you have two characters who have misunderstood each other conversing in a tense situation--man, that shit gives me conflict boners. There's a lot of waiting on turns to speak between Shelia and Ben, and I think there should be less of that if they're this stupid as people. Of course, moderation in everything, right? Up to you as the writer in the end.