Switch to full style
Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.
Post a reply

Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 11/24/2013

Fri Jul 12, 2013 3:49 pm

Nova Island Productions, simply producing stories. For now I'll be posting a few stories with help of various people. More will most likely be added in later. Also, a thanks to Blood Lord for helping me get everything together.

Newest add to Extra Tales - Caged Rat - viewtopic.php?p=3449677#p3449677

Sensitive Chaos
Minecraft based stories that all take place on the same world. Not everything will follow the (in)famous Minecraft Logic, but there are many key points that still make it Minecraft. The story itself will have a Middle Ages feel, but still maintain its Minecraft culture. Starting off in The Red Forest, the many characters must find a way to coexist, or blood will flow through their homes.

The Red Forest
Prologue I - viewtopic.php?f=7&t=55004&p=3415677#p3415677
Prologue II - viewtopic.php?p=3415792#p3415792
Prologue III - viewtopic.php?f=7&p=3417572#p3417572
Chapter I - viewtopic.php?p=3422660#p3422660

Bawub's Funhouse

The Order
My own stories that take place on Earth and another world of my own creation, Spirit.

The Order: Sides
Basic Info - viewtopic.php?p=3415868#p3415868

The Order: Outplayed
Basic Info - viewtopic.php?p=3415870#p3415870

The Order: Undefined
Basic Info - viewtopic.php?p=3415875#p3415875

Extra Info:
The Order(People) - viewtopic.php?p=3415879#p3415879
FIXING**The Order(Government) - viewtopic.php?p=3415855#p3415855
Rank System - viewtopic.php?p=3415854#p3415854
Powers and Abilities - viewtopic.php?p=3415851#p3415851
Powers and Abilities 2 - viewtopic.php?p=3415852#p3415852
FIXING**Stories and Characters - viewtopic.php?p=3415859#p3415859
Some problems - viewtopic.php?p=3415862#p3415862

Extra Tales
The Literature Contest got me thinking up of a lot of stories. I'll be adding more when I find time. :D
Annie - viewtopic.php?p=3441929#p3441929
**NEW** Caged Rat - viewtopic.php?p=3449677#p3449677

Edit: With the deletion of the old thread, I moved the more relevant information here.
Last edited by Tenshi Nova on Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:55 pm, edited 31 times in total.

Nova Island Productions

Sun Jul 14, 2013 1:22 pm

So I was delayed, I wanted to make it a bit longer, but decided I needed to think a few more details through. So for now, Enjoy!

The Red Forest - Minecraft based story
Prologue I: No Respawn
Editors: Bawub, Blood Lord, Murairy, WalrusM3

The Red Forest is an area many people of Minecraft dream to see. Oak trees, short and tall, make up the forest. Being over 500 kilo-blocks wide and long, its size is almost comparable to its beauty. Towards its north and northwest, it shares a border with the frigid forest, White Fir.

Two men journey on a path, heading to The Red Forest. The two have been traveling from their little village in White Fir towards their goal, for nearly a month. The two have been friends for as long as they could remember, and have survived countless hardships in the past. As they near their goal, they finally see the border where the snow begins to melt into grass, and where the spiky pines become comforting oaks.

"To think, Markus, this entire time was leading us to this moment. We've made it. We'll be rich for the rest of our lives."

Markus chuckles as he looks to his partner and responds, "We just entered The Red Forest, and you're already speaking of success. We still have 3 more days before we reach Spawn. Then Notch knows how many problems we'll run into. Especially since Spawn hasn't been introduced to you, Alex."

Alex, looks up with a giant grin on his face replies, "And you? You nearly fell into a pit the other night."
"You mean the one made from the Creeper explosion? The Creeper that followed you back to camp?", Markus retorts.

"I wish Percy was here to knock some sense into you." Alex says longingly.
"Me? You think just because he's your brother, he'd side with an idiot?" Markus responds.
"Coming from the one that couldn't remember how to craft a helmet?"
"Don't need a helmet when I'm smart enough to not to drink the green potion."

The two continue their conversation, as they travel into The Red Forest, and towards Spawn.
Spawn is one of the world's most famous cities, if not, then the most famous. Well known for only accepting the best of the best; whether it be seeds to armor, chickens to soldiers, all wish to be as quality as Spawn.

After some time, the friends notice two iron armored guards on the path in front of them.

As they closed the gap in between them, one of the guards steps forward and asks, "Why do you enter The Red Forest?"

Markus steps past Alex and answers, "We come to see the great city, Spawn."

"What business could you two bring from White Fir?", questions the guard.
As Markus begins to answer, Alex quickly interrupts, "We're merchants. Come to trade in Spawn."

The front guard looks back to his partner before turning back saying, "Merchants? With no donkey or mule? Either high quality goods or big hopes. As well as no armor while traveling?" The guard's tone slowly becomes more ridiculing as he finishes, "You two are either lucky idiots or talented fools."

The trees rustle as bowmen come out from behind the trunks and up above the leaves of the surrounding trees. Three archers walk out from behind Alex and block off their path. The two guards draw their swords, and the forward guard takes a step closer to Markus, now only 2 blocks away from him.

"Unfortunately you don't seem very lucky. As merchants though, I am sure you can offer us good trade. It would, of course, be bad manners if we don't respect formalities. My name is Lincoln, and we are The Hood of The Red Forest. I assure you that trading with us will prove more valuable than trading in Spawn."

Alex already having his sword drawn, stands back to back with Markus. Markus leaving his hand on his own sword's handle, yet to draw, looks Lincoln in the eye. Silence thickens the air around them.

Markus clears his throat, "We might not be lucky, but we're talented. We come with Cocoa Beans, as y-"
Alex angrily interrupts, "MARKUS, we're not trading with thieves."
Lincoln lowers his sword to the ground before interjecting, "Thieves? Here we are trying to be civil about this, and you call us thieves? Markus, I must say you may be talented, but your friend certainly doesn't live to such praise."

Markus chuckles a bit, before grabbing his sword and swinging it out at Lincoln. Lincoln blocks it, but is thrown back into a tree. The surrounding archers fire simultaneously at the two. Markus jumps up, and tosses bottles filled with greenish fluids at the archers on his left. Alex rolls towards the 3 archers blocking their path and swings at them, the archers jump back as they reach for more arrows. The archers on the top of the left side trees, splashed by the green fluids, fall from the tops, bubbles start to come from their bodies as they start coughing uncontrollably. Lincoln shouts, "AIM FOR THE BACK ONE!" as he runs at Markus.

The archers to the right side take aim and fire at Alex. Alex jumps to the side, and the three archers that were in front of him, shot straight past him. As Markus lands, Lincoln and his partner swing at him. Markus clashes against Lincoln, causing Lincoln to be knocked far away again. As Markus jumps from the other swordsman, the arrows shot past Alex, hits Markus in his right arm and leg. Markus trades his sword to his left hand and knocks away the other swordsman.

Markus drives his sword into the ground and takes out a light gray potion and tosses it at Alex's back.
"Seems fools don't trade with thieves", Markus contently mumbles. As the potion breaks, a single arrow shot by one of the side archers, hits Markus in the head.

Alex vanishes. The archers draw their arrows, confused as they search for their second target, who had just disappeared before their eyes. Lincoln's partner walks up, grabbing a bow and arrow from the closest archer.

Silence again fills the air. Lincoln holds his sword up scanning the area. His partner now holding a bow, sweeps his aim from the poisoned archers, to the other side of the path. Without hesitation, he fires at one of his own archers.

The arrow stops in mid air, short of the archer. Alex reappears as he falls to his knees. Alex tries to look back at the arrow that hit his back, as he drops his sword. "Heh, Markus. I should've listened to you, forgot the stupid bubbles." The swordsman picks up Alex's sword, and raises it above Alex. Alex looks at the archer that had shot the final arrow at Markus and says, "You'll be the first." His head bent forward, he turns to look up at his executioner and finishes, "and you the second."

Silence fills the air after Alex's body falls to the ground. Lincoln walks up and pats the swordsman on the shoulder.
"You know John, I don't know why you don't want to lead us. You fit the role so much better than I."
John smirks before answering, "You're better looking."

Some things to know, in case you're not sure about certain details.
Green potions are Poison Potions.
Light grey potions are Invisibility Potions. Anyone invisible, becomes visible again, upon death.
There's an enchantment named 'Knockback' for swords, making so when you hit an enemy with the sword, it sends them flying in the opposite direction. Whether you wish to believe Markus had Knockback on his sword or was so strong it seem that he did, is up to you.
Last edited by Tenshi Nova on Tue Aug 13, 2013 6:04 pm, edited 11 times in total.

Re: Nova Island Productions

Mon Jul 15, 2013 12:35 am

Ahh, what the fuck man. First it does it the other way and now this. Damn this. Hold on.

Fixed. The links now work and everything should be in order. Unlocking thread.

Re: Nova Island Productions

Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:42 am

Thanks to Blood Lord for fixing everything up. There will be one more prologue about Spawn, and I'll start going into the story. As of now, I'd appreciate some feedback on what I have so far. As for The Order: Sides, I'll try and get a post for it up after I release the last prologue for Sensitive Chaos.

The Red Forest
Prologue II: The Ugly. The Bad. And The Good?
Editor: Bawub

In the middle of a swamp, there is a small wooden hut. A woman walks out, an old witch. The witch has many bad qualities, but the most notable would be the large wart on her ugly nose. She breathes in the putrid swamp air, and looks over the boggy marsh. To her unpleasant surprise, she sees a figure coming out the greenish mist. Unlike the monsters she was used to, and preferred, it was a beautiful young woman.

The Red Forest, known for its beauty, isn't as perfect as many believe it to be. On the east side of the forest, there's a nasty little patch of muddy, smelly gunk. A swamp, within its borders. An eyesore to those unfortunate enough to run across it, with stench so foul, it could haunt your nightmares. If it wasn't repulsive enough, in the middle of the swamp, lives a witch.

The witch, Patricia, was shunned for her practice of black magic. Many believe her magic to be the reason monsters appear at night, and for that reason she was forced to find shelter in the middle of the swamp years ago. In Patricia's Swamp, intruders have been met with monsters of many different kinds, and have also been pelted with harmful potions of even more variety.

The young woman, walking through the mud, reaches the posts that hold Patricia's hut up. She looks up at Patricia and smiles. The young woman's brunette hair still seemed to radiate in the swamp's repulsive mist.

The beauty speaks, with a voice that seems to sing the words for her, "May you be The Witch of The Red Forest?"

Patricia snickers, and proceeds to mock the young beauty, "May I?". She clears her throat and continues in a mocking manner, "I rarely get visitors you know. Most run off after smelling the Slimes...girly adventurers. Tell me young whore, how did you get this far unscathed?"

"Whore?", asks the young woman, in a tone which shows true curiosity rather than anger.

Patricia throws vines down from her porch before continuing, "To answer your first question, yes, I am ONE of the witches of The Red Forest. Yes would also be the answer your second question." The young woman begins to speak, but Patricia continues. "Climb up here before, we continue our conversation, anyone that comes this far must have something important to say. Even if you are a harlot."

As the young woman climbs the vines, she also struggles to say, "My Name is Alexandra! I Am Not a Prostitute. I am one of the great thirteen sorceresses in the Circle." Alexandra climbs onto the porch and brushes herself off before continuing, "I was chosen as one of the strongest 13 witches by the coven. My mere presence caused the creatures of your swamp to clear a path for me. You would be wise to show me more respect"

Patricia's eyes widen as she motions Alexandra inside. They sit opposite of a small table, where Patricia pours them both a cup of what looks to be tea. Alexandra smirks as she looks at the cup and its contents. She takes a sip, and starts to cough. "What is this disgusting liquid?", Alexandra coughs.

Patricia takes a sip of her own cup and chuckles. Once Alexandra stopped coughing, Patricia answers, "This is mundane water with some of my own famous fermented spider eyes." Now smiling in content, she continues, "Also, let me enli-"
Alexandra furiously interrupts, "I was sent here to help YOU?, You rude and...and...ugly...BITCH! You make me climb into your 'den' and give me muck to drink. Have you no sense of decency? Up until this point I have never-"
Patricia places a finger on Alexandra's mouth and with her other hand, pushes her down into her seat.

Patricia smiles once again, before continuing, "Now then, I'll enlighten you to as why you are actually here 'princess'. A sorceress is one of the chosen witches that prove to be more powerful than any other young witch. The coven has chosen you and 12 others to grow into the next generation of witches. I was a sorceress. Sorry child, but you're as special as the grass that grows on dirt."
Alexandra attempts to interrupt again, but Patricia, raising her voice, continues, "You will be learning potion making and advanced magic from me. You will be living in this 'den', for any other village or city in The Red Forest that sees you will burn you and impale your head on a stick. Get used to the food, unless you want to go into the forest and back everyday to get your food, I'm too old to travel and hunt that much everyday. If you listen to me, you won't end up living in a swamp and you won't end up looking like me. I have never been a teacher before, but I remember being your age, and my old instructor. So, I'll be making rules, the first being, The beginning of your sentences are not allowed to interrupt the middle of my own. Break this rule, or any future rules set, and you'll be drinking swamp water for the rest of your time here. Do we have an understanding?"

Alexandra stares at her in bewilderment. Patricia takes out a teal colored bottle and places it in front of Alexandra. As Alexandra continues to stare in shock, Patricia reluctantly pours the contents into Alexandra's cup and explains, "This is a Swiftness Potion. Most believe that all it does is increase one's physical speed, but if you sit still long enough, you will realize that it also increases your comprehension abilities. It's a trick my teacher showed me, in order to get me to study more. Drink this and sit here until I return. Even you're not ignorant enough to be immune to the effects of a potion."

Alexandra stares at the cup, before reluctantly picking it up and drinking from it. This time she doesn't gag on the contents, but instead, seemed to enjoy the taste. She watches Patricia walk out to the porch of the hut before asking, "Where are you going?"

Patricia glances at her before looking back at the vines that hang from the porch and responds, "I...am going to the forest. There's a nice young lad, that for some reason enjoys leaving me a bag of apples. The boy has been doing this every month for years and neither him or I have missed a date." Alexandra tries to ask another question, but Patricia continues, as if anticipating the question, "I believe he does this because when he was barely able to lift up a sword, I gave him a Strength Potion, he has since learned how use a sword better than any other. At least that's what he told me. Even though the effect of the potion only lasted a few hours, he feels he owes me his life. Unfortunately, helping a witch won't go out well with his people." Patricia starts to climb down the vines before continuing, "So he asked me what can he do in return for 'starting' his life as a swordsman. I told him to bring me a bag of apples once a month for a year. After the year, he still continued, it's either he comes or I go. I may be a witch, but I didn't want to see the stupid boy get caught sneaking into the swamp."

Patricia starts walking away from the hut, and finishes her story with, "Age is a curse or a gift."

Alexandra watches Patricia walk into the thick, greenish mist, she begins to silently piece together all the information she has received with the information she had prior entering the swamp. Then she remembers something that she had forgotten to tell Patricia about. She gasps as she comes to a sudden realization. As she cleans the table she mutters to herself, "What's that crazy woman thinking?"

Patricia walks through the swamp silently. The Slimes and Creepers all move out her way, as if to clear a path for royalty. She eventually reaches the forest, where she looks up at the trees. As she moves through the trees, she notices it's only sunset. After a few minutes she reaches a small cave, hidden on the side of a hill. She lights a torch and enters the cave.

After a minute of walking through the twists and turns she yells out, "Nikolaus!" It echos through the caves, and when silence fell she says, "He should be here." Then a low moaning growl comes from behind her. She turns and sees a zombie reach out for her. She falls onto her back and grabs a dark blue potion from her bag. She drinks the contents of the bottle and slowly stands back up. In between the zombie and Patricia is an iron cage, sealing the zombie in a small room. The zombie also seems to be leashed to a post with a rope.
She stares at the zombie, who is attempting to reach past the bars and grab her. She rubs her eyes, trying to adjust to the Night Vision Potion she just drank. She slowly sat, as she watched its mindless behavior. She looks at the ceiling of the cave as she ignores the zombie's constant moans and growls. She then starts speaking.

"Nicky...you were too young. We both were. That month, when you didn't come...I thought you had finally listened to me."
"If only I didn't tell you to not come, that night you would've been with me." The zombie bangs on the bars. Patricia takes out rotting flesh and throws it in between the bars. As she watches it eat the carrion, a tear falls down her cheek. Now looking at the zombie, "If only there weren't any zombies that night. If only I hadn't told you to not come. If only I knew that...", unable to finish the sentence, she watches the zombie, what's left of Nikolaus, continue its banging on the walls of it's cage. Her silence seems to be louder than the moans that echo through the caves.

As she gets up and leaves, she turns to mention one last thing, "Oh, and a young girl named Alexandra, is living with me now. I'll most likely die before I can teach her everything, but she is powerful, I feel it in my bones." She chuckles a little before continuing, "You and I both have passed our time." She shuts her eyes as she begins to walk out the cave. "I'm sorry to say, that this will be my last visit. I'm sorry to make you stay with me for so many years. But I hope you can forgive me, wherever you may go."
The banging and moans stops. He leans onto the bars, and lets a out a puff of air, almost a sigh.

As she walks away from the cave, she whispers, "Kma Shoofohj". After a few seconds she hears two faint explosions coming from it. She wipes away her tears as she heads back to the swamp, only the full moon illuminating the way.

Some things to know.
Mundane Potions brewed with Fermented Spider Eye, create Potions of Weakness. Though here, Patricia only give Alexandra water with fermented spider eye flavoring!
There's no magic in Minecraft(spells anyway), but to add to to the Witches bio, I added in some magic that will be showcased more in the future.
Potion effects normally last a few minutes or less, but the default Minecraft days last 15 minutes(I believe), so extending the days to hours would also extend the duration of potions.
Alexandra's realization was possible due to the effects of the Swiftness Potion's extra effect, I added in. On her way to the swamp she heard the zombie's moan, I didn't add her journey because I wanted the Nikolaus to be more of a surprise.
Last edited by Tenshi Nova on Wed Aug 21, 2013 12:02 am, edited 5 times in total.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:55 pm

Topics and some examples

Powers and the limitations. Telepathy in the story is the same as any other but it has a different feel and logic to it. The term 'thinking out loud' originated from Telepaths accidentally hearing other people's thoughts. If you're talking to yourself in your head, Telepaths can 'overhear' your thoughts, and if you think consciously 'out loud' they can speak to you via telepathy. Telepaths have to be careful when reading the thoughts of another Telepath, they can feel the 'strand' that's connecting the minds and follow it back. They push thoughts into minds, not directly control them, they can create illusions and such, all in the mind of course. When I say pushing thoughts into your minds, you won't know that they aren't you thoughts, like paranoia, you could ignore it and brush it off as nothing when thoughts are pushed into your mind, it differs from person to person. If a Telepath tries to dig into their target's mind for information, they usually receive feedback. Simply put, one effect that may occur from using a Telepath to read an enemies mind would be that the Telepath starts to feels and think like the target and might even join the enemy because of their 'epiphany'. I think I left some details out, but you get the jist of it.

The Order. The name of the story, I made the name up 6 years ago, and it was only 2 years ago that I realized, it make the perfect title for my story. The largest group of super powered people and commonly said to be the strongest. They took it upon themselves to preserve the species and wildlife of Earth by making sure no one reveals their powers. If people could fight with powers openly, the world would be a giant battleground, death every square kilometer. So they protect the weak and recruit the strong. I'll talk about it's structure and some history, their enemies and more. Enemy names, if you want specifics include Guillotine, I. Pacifists, Balance, and The Families. There's more, but they aren't as interesting or well thought out.

Pulse. Pulse is basically an energy that can temporarily cancel out powers. Anyone that knows about One Piece, it's similar to Haki, some time ago I had the idea of Pulse banging around my head for a while and about 2 months later, One Piece explained Haki, it was that point that I spent time refining Pulse and it was heavily influenced by Haki. Pulse is an energy that all beings have. The technique to use it is also called Pulse. I came up with the name after attempting to describe it's physics(I believe is the right word to use). Simply put the technique is like a heartbeat, it has 2 'beats', the initial and the response. The initial beat is the 1st beat, used to aim the response beat. The response beat differs from move to move, but normally is an attack of some kind. ie: You punch straight in front of you, where ever your fist stops is called the initial beat, and about half a second later, about the same time between heartbeats, the response beat occurs in the form of the impact being increased drastically. I got this specific image from the Impact Dial in One Piece, but you don't need to absorb energy prior. There are more forms of this, but not many of these techniques can actually hurt others, it feels like a strong push that can easily be resisted. Your body can build a resistance to Pulse, meaning that people that the effects are reduced and sometimes go unnoticed if the attacker wasn't strong enough. The physics differ greatly from Haki though, I'll go more in depth when the time comes.

Special Prodigy. The rare kinds of people with powers usually excelling in combat and anyone who applies play big roles in stories. This will probably be some fast explanations and dive into character profiles, of some people in my stories. Uniques have a power that no other living being has, they usually go about unnoticed, because they don't care, whereas some are very well known. Pulsers, 'Atlantians' with a power, and the power to excel in the use of Pulse, they are huge threats, for they can not only pass a normal person's ability to use Pulse, but go so far that it has been classified as its own power. A simple example being, an average super powered being can reach level 5 Pulse, and those who train their entire lives to it might reach level 10. Where as a Pulser without even trying can pass level 20! Novas, Hybrids, Halfbloods said to be as dangerous as Pulsers in terms of combat, but they have been treated far better. Many years ago Novas came together created Nova Island, a secret island where Novas gather, as long as you're a Nova you're free to go. Anyone else must be invited by a Nova, as long as another Nova isn't against it they may come. Young Novas are taken here where they train in safety, and then after they leave the Island they are showered with invitations by anyone on the outside, most join The Order. I'll go more in depth with any of these, secret organizations, rules, blah blah blah, etc, etc.

History. Time periods that I've completely made a story and world to, I'll share small summaries of the time period asked and might go more in depth if anyone's interested. The Atlantis Era, many years ago, a time when Pulse was unknown and everyone just went around killing each other, it ends when Atlantis sinks. Spirit, the discovery of Spirit and how humans integrated into it. 20th Century, The Order started up their own Science Division, and it slowly split into 2; Science Division and Hidden Division. Many of the enemies The Order have today, were created because of the stories and reports of their inhuman experiments, many even former guinea pigs. Modern day, I'd say roughly 1990-2010. Many on foreseen effects of 20th century experiment start many problems on Earth, and The Order decided on a drastic law, powered people both allies and enemies must go to Spirit, otherwise they must abide by all other laws they set. Any who stayed on Earth and still caused problems, no longer get sent to prisons, but are hunted down and killed asap. Many enemies of The Order, called it a bluff, so The Order had to send a message. After such events enemies that didn't go had moved and continue their wars there. My story takes place about 20-30 years after.

I'm sure some people might question some of what they read and say it's stupid, but I tell you now, post it. I haven't gone into detail with these topics, many things you questions and believe to be contradictory have explanations behind them that make perfect sense. If you don't believe so test this theory, I'd love to see a hole in my story so that I can fix it.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 4:58 pm

This post will focus on Spirit Weapons, Animility and Special Prodigies. If anyone doesn't like the sudden change of subjects again, feel free to ask questions and mention anything they want to know more about.

A fast review and maybe a few extra details I want to make sure was understood.
Purebloods have 1 power and are usually upper middle class and above. Their Special Prodigies are Uniques, Purebloods with a power that no other living human has but themselves.
Atlantians/Taintedbloods have 2 powers and are usually lower middle class and below. Their Special Prodigies are Pulsers, Altlantians have the Pulser power and a second power.
Halfbloods have 3 powers and are commonly in all social classes. Their Special Prodigies are Novas/Hybrids, Halfbloods that have 3 powers that develop extremely quickly.
Pulse is an energy and technique utilizing such energy to cancel out powers for a temporary amount of time. One can build resilience to Pulse, but not completely cancel out its negating effects unless they're a Pulser.
The Elders usually make big decisions in The Order and are seen as the leaders.

A 'Spirit Weapon(s)' is simply a weapon that has connected to one's powers. A spirit weapon can be achieved with consistent and controlled exposure to one's power(s), this process is known as 'feeding' one's weapon(s). There are many pros and cons to spirit weapons, many believing the pros far out weigh the cons.

-Spirit weapons become more resilient regardless of powers after a year of feeding. ie: after a wooden sword becomes one's spirit weapon and goes through a year of feeding, it can cut a normal steel sword.
-The materials the weapons are made of usually only affect power and speed, rather than dominant materials. ie: a wooden sword and a steel sword that have both become spirit weapons and gone through a year of feeding, can clash without the steel breaking the wood, but the steel is easier to control and has stronger blows, whereas the wood provides speed.
-Spirit weapons allow one to extend their powers and use more techniques.
-After only a few months of feeding, spirit weapons connect to their owner and starts to reject others, allies and enemies alike. Simply put, if you attempt to use a spirit weapon that's not your own, it can backfire and may even cause pain to the unwanted user.
-A spirit weapons can break normal weapons with relative ease.
-If one's spirit weapon has been connected long enough to the user, it may even change shape during Animility.

-You can't lend others your spirit weapon.
-If you somehow lose your spirit weapon, attempting to make a new one will be more difficult than the previous ones, even if the weapons are the same kind/type.
-It's easy overfeeding(overcharging) a weapon in the beginning stages of feeding, meaning one should avoid using it in combat until it's ready.
-When connecting to one, it will reject new weapons the user try to use, meaning most people only have one. Attempting to make a second spirit weapon will also rapidly reverse the process of the original. Some are known to have 2 and it's rare to find people with anymore. The most spirit weapon a person can have at one time would be 5.

Animility is the name of an ability every super powered being can use. Animility is when one succumbs to their powers, and allow its energy to overflow their body and mind. Most can only go into a Half Animility State, imagine something like Naruto Uzimaki's single tail form. They are still conscious and gain a large amount of energy and power. Many people try not to use Animility because its aftereffects are extreme and in some cases cause death. Animility is also the point where a fight turns into an all out brawl, though one is still conscious they start acting more instinctively and react more reflexively. Many people see Animility the point of no return for conflicts and treated like a nuclear warhead; as long as you don't use it, we won't, no one wants to be the one to pull the trigger. Many younger and weaker people use Animility in fights until they realize exactly what it means in higher leveled conflicts. Animilty can be canceled out by Pulse, if the user isn't resistant enough that is. Animilty works differently for Pulsers.

Like the concept of Special Prodigies, each race has a Monstrous Animility that rarely occurs in people.
-Purebloods have Full-Body Animility. The user feels as though their inner beast is tugging on a leash they're holding on the inside. If they can't hold on, many just succumb to the beast and starts to hunt down its target without being able to differentiate between allies and enemies. If they can hold on, they must focus on staying in control as well as whatever conflict they are in, that had forced them to reach such a desperate state.
-Halfbloods have Reapers. The most notable thing about this Monstrous Animility is that the user's weapons(if any) become scythe-like and energy forming a skull appears around the user. The user can control themselves for a limited amount of time, but feels great bloodlust while doing so. They feel scared to the point where they are happy, and happy to the point they become more scared. If one were to lose control in this state, they'll attempt to kill any living creature around them. Reapers also have a specified kind of bloodlust. ie: most Reapers prefer to decapitate things when in such a state. There is usually one Nova/Reaper in every 2-3 hundred years.
-Atlantians have Complete Animility. The user sacrifices their body to their powers allowing it to rampage the area, leaving not a single insect or blade of grass alive It is commonly believed all Atlantians can use Complete Animility, but this theory can't be tested for anyone that tries either dies trying or dies succeeding.

Pulsers can't use Animility normally, but a few learned how to force it out. Instead of a bestial aura, it's a thin layer of energy, a slight glow effect. Most Pulsers rely on their own special powers for last resorts, rather than Animility.

Special Prodigies- a little bit more history for these people
-Uniques are usually leaders in history, both for and against The Order. They usually kill anyone they fight, so that their enemies can't share information about their power. Many Uniques don't bother with worldly affairs and those that do either have a power that isn't very abnormal or has a goal that requires them to. In recent times, a handful of Uniques volunteered to help in The Order's experiments to give powers, w/e the reason they each may have, The Order just wanted to take advantage of such an opportunity.
-Novas are the super soldiers of history, and rarely become leaders of their own. When a Nova does become a leader in history, they are usually against The Order. Most Novas are taken to Nova island, where they are trained and educated so that they may perform at their best. Many Novas join The Order, and this is a big reason for why The Order has lasted so long as a powerful force. In history, there were rarely more than 4 Novas against The Order at any given time. Howard at a young age was kicked out of Nova Island for breaking multiple important rules and traditions. Years later, many Novas that graduated from Nova Island sought out Howard and wanted to join him. Howard not wanting to outwardly go against The Order still remains a more neutral figure. Not going to give too much detail here.
-Pulsers. Most Pulsers don't know they're Pulsers until they are told by another Pulser, or accidentally tests out their Pulse ability. Many Pulsers go against The Order and are outcasts. They still live as peacefully as they can, until Alon. Alon was a powerful Pulser, and did not wish to go against The Order. He soon gained a reputation because of his close friendship with Ramzy. He found a small city to live, where he met many new friends and a love. After a few years he became close to many people in the city. But he was hiding who he was. The city finally discovered that he was Alon, friends with Ramzy and a dangerous enemy of The Order. They arrested him and he willingly entered a prison. Many of his friends had a change of heart and many of the city residents showed great hostility. His love, his wife was 4 months pregnant. The following events are a bit dark, so I won't post it unless I make a summary and character bio for Alon. The effects of the events left the city in ruins and all the residents dead. It was after this event, The Order took drastic measures. The had decided to hunt down all known Pulsers and execute them. Ozzy still being an Elder at the time and friends with Alon, made a secret deal. Ozzy had Alon capture his own kind, other Pulsers. Ozzy had these Pulsers brainwashed after a long a torturous procedure, the results...those Pulsers now have no memories of being Pulsers, and believe that they are Purebloods with a knack for Pulse. This information is secret, and was never revealed publicly.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:01 pm

Some interesting things to mention would be that the world is heavily effected by the people, npcs I've created and the few players that interacted with it. Example and important information to mention would be Elements. Elements are labels. The Order can vote a power to be labeled as an element if the Elders(leaders) agree to it with a >75% vote. The original elements being Air, Earth and Water. Current day elements are Air, Earth, Fire, Water, Lightning(Electricity), Thunder(Sound), Shadow, Light, Vegetation(Plants). The criteria to which the Elders argue is unknown.

A scale simply called the Combat Effectiveness Scale, more commonly known as Combat Rank or Power Level, the slang term more commonly used by people is 'Rank'. This scale is meant to measure one's physical and mental strength. By using multiple physical and mental tests, as well as including simulated and actual combat scenarios, the scale determines one's power level. The scale was meant as an accurate way of guessing who would win in battles. As it's accuracy is high, there are rare times where it is wrong. Anyone can be given a level and is said to be able to beat those of lower level or with in 5 levels above. The scale starts to lose its accuracy on anyone above 70. The scale as seen by the people, is categorized like so.
1-10 are know as anyone that's weak, or just has little to no real experience in any form of combat.
11-30 are known as anyone with some experience or has powers that have developed to a certain extent.
31-50 are known as anyone that have real experience or has a physique/abilities advantage through some form of development whether it be natural or trained.
51-60 are commonly seen as strong individuals with much combat experience and intelligence.
61-70 are usually based off of real combat and the opinions of The Holy Order(name given to the group of leaders).
71-90 are inaccurate and is placed by various tests and the accomplishments of the individual.
>90 is given to anyone that have proven to deserve such a level/rank and usually just refer to themselves as 95s, though many people still enjoy using w/e The Order ranks them.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:03 pm

Last edited by Tenshi Nova on Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:08 pm

I'll go into some minor details for my 3 stories, then let my thoughts go off on random characters and factions(I can't really think of another word). I've already told these summaries to friends over the past couple years, so I'm basically repeating it.

The 1st story, that my friends find the most interesting, is named 'The Order: Sides'. The main character, Edward, is part of an experiment named White Tulip(I got the name from Fringe, but the only connection there is, would be the treatment of test subjects). The White Tulip Experiment, was The Order's most recent attempt to create super soldiers. Test subjects are to be given an element power, the Pulser power, a power of a Unique, as well as to have those powers mature at the rate of a Nova. The successful experiments were introduced to each other and named the White Tulip Group. There are 5 members of the group are trained by The Order.
This story begins siding with The Order, all test subjects were volunteers that had an awful past, and wished to have their memories wiped, so that they can become new soldiers for The Order. It then later shows the darker side of The Order, by having the main characters meet Ramzy. Ramzy enlightens them on exactly what The Order has done, and that just because they were meant to be the strongest super soldier, doesn't mean they are.

The 2nd story, that I enjoy the most in working on, is named 'The Order: Outplayed'. The main character, Sean Geer, is a member of a infamous family, known to be rich off the money of the poor. His father legally scams and steals money from the poor and also helps The Order in certain deals. Being the 5th of 7 children, he wishes to be like his older siblings, all who have joined The Order(Tattoo) and became relatively well known. Most of his siblings ran away from home and try to bring more honor to the family name by becoming important soldiers. Sean has also ran away from home, followed by 2 of his childhood friends, twin girls. I admit it, this story is harem, he starts off with only 2 girls but it becomes 4; or more depending on your point of view, only 4 travel with him, one being his younger sister AND no she's not a lo-li(maybe a little), but overall only 2 see him as a real love interest. Basic info on the twins, names: Martha and Paulina, Purebloods, powers: telekinetic and telepathy(respectively), Martha likes Sean, Paulina is only traveling with them to be sure Martha doesn't do anything stupid. Martha is an airhead that loves Sean; Paulina is a bookworm and cares for her sister more than she cares to admit. Sean is much weaker than normal Purebloods, while the twins are gifted and excel.
This story was originally meant as a common harem, that I never took too seriously. After watching To Aru Majutsu no Index and learning that not all harems are about mindless girls that all love a single boy, I refined the characters in this story to be more independent to themselves, instead of all just swooning over the main character. The story itself sides with The Order the majority of the time, showing all the terrible events caused by their enemies. The reason why I enjoy working on this story is because of the progress I made. It went from a mindless story to one that I believe to have the most moments that would make people laugh, cry, feel, and love. Plot twists that would make you question my sanity and make you want to find out where I live.

The 3rd story, that I have wanted to work on for the longest time, but always get stumped after a few minutes of thinking, is named 'The Order: Undefined'. The main character's name I still have yet to decide on, I was thinking Jenny, Alice or a couple other names, but I do know the main character will be a girl. The main character will be a Nova, that has experienced the new laws on Nova Island, she's part of the next generation of Novas that follow Howard's. I originally thought of a a school based kind of show, but she eventually leaves Nova Island for her own goals. She would travel all over learning the history of the world, many flashbacks to older times. The story would have a main plot revolving around the girl, but it will constantly be flashing back to the history she learns. It would tell countless stories, and have so many names there's no way you'd remember them all. It was a story that's meant to help enlighten people to The Order's history as well as Spirit's. The reason why I haven't went to far with this is because I can't keep the main plot interesting enough for people to care. Whenever I tell people the story, the mainly become focused on the many sub stories, which is what I wanted; but I also want people to care about the main character. Almost everyone I told couldn't care any less for the girl, and just pushes me to move on to the next story. This would be the most neutral side in my story, history would portray The Order in the good and bad light, people can see all sides to a conflict without being able to easily decide on who was right or wrong. The 'bad guys' are torturing a lovable character? It turns out that character isn't as amazing as you thought he was. Any antagonists would start to look like protagonists, and again, you'd feel torn between the different sides.

Different Characters now, they're all somewhere between 30-40ish, still not sure what age I want them to be. I'll only talk about characters created by players. I have heavily altered about half of them. Can you guess which characters were not altered? And can you guess which character is based off myself?

Last edited by Tenshi Nova on Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:10 pm

K, a few of my friends read the forums and they gave me a few suggestions I'll be taking into account for future posts. As to which story I plan to post, I'm still debating. Atm, I'm leaning towards The Order: Sides.

In The Order: Sides, my problems would be the overwhelming amount of information that I would need to carefully introduce. As Birdofterror has mentioned before, I can't just throw a textbook at someone and expect them to read it.

In The Order: Outplayed, my problem would be the lack of visuals. This particular story has specific and complicated fight scenes, that I'm not sure how to go about. An example being, a certain fight lasted 20 seconds, the amount of time it would take to describe what happened is such a fight might take 10 minutes to read, I think the effect wears off around halfway through. I'd rather a few visual pages than a wall of text, but my artistic skills (as well as my friends) stop at complex stick figures.

In The Order: Undefined, the problem is the backbone. I have many little stories, but nothing interesting enough to connect them altogether. My friends suggested to make into a book of short stories, but I honestly want that Main story on top of the little ones, that makes people want to hear both.

As for the secondary character side stories, it would be the same problem Birdofterror mentioned. No one really wants to hear an answer to a question they haven't asked yet.

The winging it story and role-play style story, are pretty much the same thing. This would involve other people. My friends suggested that I do this with something simpler before trying it with my story. I thought maybe making up a Minecraft based world and asking some people from the Minecraft forum if they were interested in putting in names and minor character bios. I've made a tiny part of a story based off of small details and some of my own imagination. 10 OC characters, 2 characters based off of friends and their MC account, Hiryu and electricviolin(I think Morpheus). All I know is that Hiryu seems to own the server(correct me if I'm wrong) and electricviolin offered me free stuff. So in the story, Hiryu is the King of Spawn and electric is part of a very wealthy family. Anyone else that wants in, pm me.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:29 pm

The Order: Sides

The White Tulip has 5 members. The 1st member, is unknown to the main characters for a long time, and so I'll leave it a mystery. The 2nd, 3rd and 4th members are named Edward(Main), Olivia, and Isaac. The last member is named Ushio, is seen as the greatest human weapon ever made and so The Order has taken her away from the other members of White Tulip to undergo special training. Each member has their own element powers, their own Unique power, and they all have the Pulser power. So they all have the Pulser power, I don't feel like typing it multiple times.
The members want to one day become respected members of The Order and serve to their fullest.
Edward's powers are Earth and Gravity. He learned directly to the Gravity Unique and excels in combat. He's hotheaded and doesn't always think thing through, this makes it relatively easy for him to be fooled by the simplest of things. He usually acts serious, but enjoys mocking those weaker than him in battle, and gets easily frustrated against those stronger than him.
Olivia's powers are Plant and Regeneration. Regeneration is considered the root of many different healing powers today, but none are as impressive as Regeneration. One of the side effects of having regenerative powers is that she passively removed the mental blocks telepaths used to block out her memories, being the only member of White Tulip to remember her entire past in detail. Olivia learns slowly, but once she understands something she can apply it quickly and creatively. She's energetic and has an uncontrollable curiosity to things. She doesn't enjoy battle, so she usually tries to end fights as quickly as possible. She hides her manipulative side, only using it to change subjects she's not comfortable discussing, such as her past.
Isaac's powers are Water and Body Link. A complex power, Body Link allows him to link his own physical body to a target, making any damage taken by one will be split and shared. He's weak, but intelligent. He isn't as strong as Edward, but can fight on equal terms due to Edward's direct and easy to read battle style compared to his own slower and strategic style. The Body Link Unique only supplied samples to the experiment and has no interest in Isaac.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:31 pm

In 'The Order Outplayed', Sean travels with 4 other girls. I'll only talk about the character 1st introduced though. A Taintedblood joins them later; one of his younger siblings joins him even further down the story. I wonder if that was a spoiler. Sean want's to be come as well known and respected as his late eldest brother, and the twins wish join along with him when he's ready int he hopes to be able to stick together in position.

Sean's power is Enhancement, usually a supportive power, anyone with Enhancement powers can use it to buff allies and debuff enemies. Sean's power develops slower than others and can't affect others with his powers enough for it to be useful in combat. He has learned how to affect himself, unable to apply it to others when he was young, he moved on and focused on improving himself. He learned a few forms of martial arts, and mainly relies on counter attacks in fights. He enhances his own senses and body to the point where he can keep up with a Speedster(Super Speed) in close combat, but he can't actually run any faster than his own normal speed. He's weak, but a genius in combat. He has never let his short comings get to him and always the optimist. In most fights, he is the underdog, but his extreme patience and good eye for openings surprises people time and time again.

Martha and Paulina are twins, Martha a Telekinetic and Paulina a Telepath. They are both very skilled and are usually praised on first sight. The Order has attempted to recruit them a number of times, and each time they denied, for they wish to wait until Sean is strong enough to join. Martha is energetic, giddy and love Sean. Paulina is quiet and is usually reading her seemingly endless amounts of books. Martha is gifted with a knack for Telekinesis and uses is it constantly, by levitating most of their luggage effortlessly during their travels, Sean insists on carrying his own; Martha also constantly flings herself at Sean to hug and cling to him. Paulina cares for her sister and Sean's well-being; while she reads her books, she also constantly reading the minds of those around her and is very perceptive. Paulina has advanced as a Telepath to the point where she's a well known name that many other Telepaths wish to teach, not only to see how far she can go, but to also be known as the Telepath that helped her there. Paulina, though usually quiet, enjoys teasing people and is good at it too. :D Fights against either of them are usually short, and fights against the both of them are shorter.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:34 pm

I haven't worked on my 3rd story enough to really discuss any characters so I'll just mention stuff I have in mind. The main character will be based off Toph's personality from Last Airbender. Why? Because I love those types of characters, and I don't have one yet, so Woo! She'll have a friend that's also a Nova, relatively weak compared to the other Novas. I'm not sure if any more Novas will join, but I want at least 4 people in this group. If anyone has any character ideas, please share. Many of the characters I have were based off of other people's ideas. I'd say around 1/5 of the characters are still as the OC made them, 3/5 are altered to a notable extent and another 1/5 was a complete creation of my own. Ushio from White Tulip is being trained as the world's best assassin/fighter and I got her power set from a friend that had no interest in my story and just picked powers from the top of her head, I've changed a single power and added some the rest of the character, but she's now a very influential character. The list I have for people that made character(s) is still increasing, atm it's 43. This paragraph was supposed to be about the 3rd story xD, but this kind of shows you how little work I have on it.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Mon Jul 15, 2013 5:37 pm

The world made in the story is simply Earth and Spirit. Anything that's happened in real life has happened in this story. The story takes place a few decades in the future. Seeing as I can't accurately predict what the future of Earth will be like, I made Spirit. Spirit, is simply a second world bonded to Earth, the geography is similar but with notable differences, ie: the Atlantis in Spirit is in the middle of the Atlantic. Spirit's geography being similar to Earth's, humans that go to Spirit usually refer to locations as it's Earth counterpart and adding Spirit, ie: Spirit France. Spirit has species many people on Earth thought to be of myths and fairytales, most notable ones being vampires and werewolves. Spirit's history and limits, I have yet to decide. I once had so many different creatures, it made no sense that humans could so easily live there, at the moment it has considerably less, mainly because the stories I had in mind required the humans to have more free roam in Spirit. Spirit was based off of stories about a Spirit world, so I made a second world that can be traveled to, if certain conditions are met on Earth.


Before going into superpowers and such I want to make a quick example of power distribution. Say everyone has 30 energy. Someone with 1 power would have all 30 energy advancing that power. Someone with 2 would put 15 in each. Someone with 3 would put 10 in each. Quick example being, if we have 3 people, Person A with 1 power, Person B with 2, and Person C with 3. Person A has Super Strength. Person B has Super Strength and Super Speed. Person C has Super Strength, Super Speed and Fire. In a test of Strength Person A can beat both Person B and C combined; 30 > 15 + 10.

Simple humans don't have any powers. Simple.
Purebloods named themselves so because they believed they're descendants of angels. They have one power, and most develop quickly at young ages. In recent times, many stopped believing in religion and only use 'Pureblood' as a means of categorization
Taintedbloods named by the Purebloods in the past, were thought to have been greedy Purebloods that wanted more than the gifts given to them and were deemed to have been tainted by devils, most were enslaved, until equal rights and such. They have 2 powers, their powers don't mature as quickly as a Pureblood's and usually can't match up to them until late 50s. In recent times, many have adopted the name Atlantian, as many believe that their ancestors lived in Atlantis after being cast off by Purebloods.
Halfbloods named by Purebloods in the past, are a mix of the Pureblood and the Taintedblood. Many Purebloods in the past adopted their own Halfbloods, whether for love or becuase they believed their child could be redeemed, the reasons are uncertain. They have 3 powers and are weak throughout their entire lives, usually using their powers to help in their occupations. Unlike most halfbreeds in other cultures, Halfbloods were treated well by others.
Special Prodigies exist in each race. Purebloods have Uniques; Uniques are Purebloods that have a power that no other living human has but them, ie: Time. Taintedbloods have Pulsers; if you want more details on Pulsers and Pulse, I'll make another post when asked. Halfbloods have Novas; Novas are also known as Hybrids, their powers develop incredibly fast and are often known as the deciding factors in many battles.

The Order was created long ago, a Pureblood that had the power to see into the future, the first and believed the only Pureblood to have that power, and foresaw a world of endless war and death, many races of humans becoming extinct due to wars down to petty fights. The Order was formed from many smaller groups of Purebloods and made sure that anyone with powers, hides them from the simple humans. After many generations it became the way to do things. Those that broke rules were tracked and punished.

The powers are simple, almost any power you can think of is in my world. If you 'make' one that I haven't thought of, I'll find a way to add it, just because I want to, I think it helps my creative side. The races are limited from certain powers. Some examples. The power to control cheese exist in my world, it is a Unique power. If you doubt the power of cheese, I can also elaborate on how you shouldn't underestimate any power in my world, I believe my friends have challenged the Cheese Unique 6 times, and they had to make 6 new characters. :) I like to think I've thought out many of the limitation to certain powers well. The Time Unique can't go back in time and through the set up I made is very limited to the future he can see, which is also why it was believed the creator of The Order wasn't a Time Unique. They also act like genetics to a certain extent, Super Strength and Super Speed are dominant genes, so it appears the most frequent, compared to powers like controlling Fire and Water.

I have the world well thought out, with only a few specifics that need refining.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 5:54 pm

By lord on a stick! (Pretend that makes sense), I have never seen such inexperienced storytelling at it's finest :eek: The story just gags, I've never written a story before. Like ek, by no means it's terrible, it's just bad and I'm going to act like I'm superior than everyone for two minutes to assume you have not written or read many stories have you? Like just the first few sentences gag inexperience, but this is where it hits it.

"I wish Percy was here to knock some sense into you." -Alex
"Me? You think just because he's your brother, he'd side with an idiot?" -Markus
"Coming from the one that couldn't remember how to craft a helmet?" -Alex
"Don't need a helmet when I'm smart enough to know not to drink the green potion." -Markus

What's with these '-'? Are these things meant to be speech tags? Sorry for being hard on you for this, but gak, that is not a speech tag, normally you use 'said', 'asked', 'shouted' not this 'this. Look up online how ta do a speech tag.

Apologies again for being mean, but I am a cold-hearted person with no remorse, whose sole aim is to help people's writing by whatever means and I have found being a stuck up arrogant snob to be the most effective to getting writers to listen to me and hammer in what I'm saying. Again your writing isn't terrible. but gah, h-how often do you read books, did your English teachers ever help you or were they just bad as mine. Sorry but the speech tags, I'm going to beat you senselessly for it!
If you haven't ran away sobbing from the laptop anyways, I should probably get on with what's good (But seriously, the speech tags!). Although you only need a couple of amends and things hammered into you, I can read the story and the stories quite interesting. I only read the first prologue 'The red forest', have no idea if you mean the game minecraft though. But focusing, your characters were interesting I like how they react to their situation and seem to be just basic adventurers (Rather than people out for vengeance or to save their loved one, I've read too many of those now!), I liked the DND feel and it was worth getting into. It's also worth reading to see how your writing improves. Everyone starts off in the mud, but they slowly climb their way out and onto glory. I can help pull you out, but your going to need to learn to walk on two feet. I'd recommend reading published books, Skullduggery for example would be a good one (But I haven't read that many books either, so someone else maybe able to shout out a better example).

Hope this helps anyway and doesn't discourage you from writing (Extremely sensitive artists aren't worth my time after all).

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:08 pm

Don't take this too badly. He may sound like a dick, but he means well.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:18 pm

I get what he's saying. idk why, but I just felt weird repeating the word 'said' when I typed it, and also I couldn't think of a lot of extra words to fill it. I was really lazy when I wrote these parts. Also, it's true I haven't read a good book in years. I think my last one was The Host   , which I also want to add that I refuse to watch the movie since it'd probably destroy the book.   

I never take any form of criticism hard, but I do like listening to it. I already knew that my writing isn't that good(experienced, w/e). I'll try and proofread more in the future, as well as spending more time working on my vocabulary(which I've been attempting to do).

I'm just glad to see a response. Even better, advice.

Oh, and yeah, it's basically references the game.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:39 pm

Don't have to repeat the use of the word said, use sighed, replied, responded, mentioned, spoke because this '-' is not a speech tag! (Yes I'm still hitting you for it!). Sometimes you don't need a speech tag if you know whose talking, for example.

"I wish Percy was here to knock some sense into you." said Alex
"Me? You think just because he's your brother, he'd side with an idiot?" replied Markus
"Coming from the one that couldn't remember how to craft a helmet?"
"Don't need a helmet when I'm smart enough to know not to drink the green potion."

I won't beat for that bad for doing this as I made this mistake for at least 8yrs, but we know there's only two characters speaking, so there isn't even a need for speech tag. Over time you may not even need speech tags because their dialogue becomes distinctive.

Good that you'll proof-read it more though (I have a poor time doing that), but again it's just that you severely lack experience. It's good after all, your out a good start, just need to keep practicing, get passionate!

And glad you liked my advice, you have boosted my ego two-folds.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:59 pm

I did consider dropping the names through the conversation, but I felt compelled to put it there, I'm not sure why   (also considering the longevity of the convo/characters)   . The second Prologue, as I was typing it, I made sure to avoid doing that(which led me to change up some character personalities), remembering that I thought it was stupid myself. I'll end up rereading it later and editing it, including the fun little dashes. :D

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 7:05 pm

WalrusM3 wrote:Apologies again for being mean, but I am a cold-hearted person with no remorse

You ass. This is my job to be a mean, cold-hearted person with no remorse.


Lots of text. But let me work through the story aspects, because honestly I don't care too much about notes. The only notes I've ever read were the appendixes in the back of the Lord of the Rings, which was great, it just ruined it for me because he had wrapped up all of the books and basically the world in it when it could have kept going.

Anyways. Let me start with grammatical issues first.
Your editors are going to hate me after this.
Spelling issue
Grammar issue
Comments in normal color are going to be some criticisms, and my honest opinion and preference about things

Okay, first issue I have is that your usage of past and present tense is consistently being used and mixed up. You have to decide which one to roll with and stick with it. It's all over the place, So I'm going to be editing some of the sections, but not all of it. And by edit, I mean point them out, not get into the post and fix it myself. Let's look at the first post -

Tenshi Nova wrote:Two travelerswalked through the snow covered pine forest. They had just awoken from their night's rest, and were nearing the end of their journey. The two were old friends that grew up together in a little village deep in the frigid forest. They traveledtowards The Red Forest which was not only beautiful, but also said to be over 50 kilo-blocks long and wide! The Red Forest was named after the bright red apples that fell in abundance. It was a place that people from all over dreamed to see. Many people have created settlements in the forest, but none were as well known as Spawn.

1: Wait. They are walking through the snow covered forest, but they had just woken up? Now what might have worked better is to have them already walking and we ignore the "just woken up" part, or you have them wake up at their camp, preferably from the viewpoint of an individual. Like:

"Alex woke to the cold morning air. Their campsite was half hidden in the freshly fallen snow, but thanks to their sleeping bags and tents, the winter bitterness had been mostly shrugged off. Mostly. He turned over and glanced at his childhood best friend, Markus. The two had long been inseparable since they first met. But that was a long time ago. Alex laid there for a minute and considered the events that had lead them on their journey here..."

That way you can provide a bit of a background on a character, the events of how they got there, and a few more things you'd want the reader to know. It also gives you an opportunity to moment to single out what I like to call the focal main character. I know you explained to me that there are going to be 3 to 5 main characters, but there has to be the "leader" main character, or what I like to call, the focal main character. What sets this one apart from the others is that he/she is the reason the group is together.

2: You get going on the relationship between these two friends, but then you abruptly cut it off. You need to continue the explanation of the two, or mention it somewhere else. I think, especially with what you have going on right now, it would be best to drop any insight into the relationship until both of their names are mentioned. For example:

"Alex looked over at his friend as he chuckled at his comment. "We just entered The Red Forest, and you're already speaking of success." replied Markus, shaking his head. "We still have 3 more days before we reach Spawn. Then Notch knows how many problems we'll run into. Especially since Spawn hasn't been introduced to you, Alex." Alex couldn't help but grin at his childhood best friend. The two had grown up in a little village that was deep in the frigid Forrest. The two had always been..."

3: There also isn't much character description. I have no idea what people look like in this world, which is forcing me as a reader to design my own. I know a few writers that prefer to do this because it leaves it up to the read to decide what some things look like. But when they do this it is just the single main character and written in a first person perspective. This is done to keep the main character ambiguous or hidden so the reader can project themselves into the story. Some can pull it off quite well, others can't and this has nothing to do with your story.

Anyways, character description allows you to paint a world into the minds of the readers. Of course they are all a little bit different because readers experience different things. But the goal is to have a clear world created in the mind of the reader. Don't get so descriptive that it bogs the story down, but enough that it can ignite and guide the imagination of readers.

5: There is some comma abuse, just be careful for how often you use them.

Tenshi Nova wrote:"I wish Percy was here to knock some sense into you." -Alex
"Me? You think just because he's your brother, he'd side with an idiot?" -Markus
"Coming from the one that couldn't remember how to craft a helmet?" -Alex
"Don't need a helmet when I'm smart enough to know not to drink the green potion." -Markus

Alright. Nothing completely wrong with this, but there are some things that could be done better.

1:Who is Percy? A character was mentioned, but no indication of who he is. Something better could be
"I wish Percy was here to knock some sens into you," said Alex, breifly thinking to Markus' older brother who didn't tolerate such things."

2: I know it is a minecraft story and there should be some obvious things, it is still a good idea to provide a bit of description towards things like Crawlers and "green potion" for those that don't fully understand. Even Star Wars books have a brief explanation of what a lightsaber is, but it is a small barely distinguish description. I wouldn't consider this a completely necessary criticism, but just a note of future concerns.

3: This is what I did want to talk about. when you have two characters who are bantering back and forth, and they are the only to characters, you don't need to put who said what in there like you did. It isn't necessary.

Tenshi Nova wrote:Markus chuckled a bit, before grabbing his sword and swinging it out at Lincoln. Lincoln blocked it, but is the force of the blow threw him back into a tree. The elven archers fire simultaneously at the two. Markus jumped up, and tossed bottles filled with a greenish fluid at the archers on his left. Alex rolled forward towards the 3 archers blocking their path. He sung his sword (?) at them, but the archers jump back as they reach for more arrows. The archers on the top of the left side trees, splashed by the green fluids, fell from their positions. Bubbles started to come from their bodies as they began to cough uncontrollably. Lincoln shouted, "AIM FOR THE BACK ONE!" as he ran at Markus.

1: When you are writing numbers, it is best to stay as close to the word format as possible and not the numerical format. Even when you get up into larger numbers, like thousands, you can use descriptive words like "legion" or "division" instead of "2,189 troops". When you do this, you open yourself up to using a larger range of vocabulary than before. So 4 men become a unit or squad.

2: What did Alex swing at them with?

3: The action content is choppy, and again it suffers from lack of description and proper tense use.

This is about all that I'm going to focus on for right now.

The key things you need to work on is proper tense usage and description.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 7:50 pm

Sigh, I just walked out at starting it with another description loving git, now I've got to start with another, alright bring it on. I don't normally defend people's work, normally its people who defend others work from me. Yes your criticism is good Blood lord and I appreciate it personally as I see too few people, even on sites that promote the level of critism like this, but I'll start with how it's a bit overwhelming to someone I claim lacks experience, doesn't matter how many times you hit someone who lacks experience, your just well overwhelming him. I may be a cold-hearted git and is well known for it, but well I know when to stop.
But the real reason I'm pulling out my golf putt and starting with you, is because of your attack on Tenshi Nova's lack of description. I use to be a very-very descriptive writer, but I got reprogrammed to only use description when necessary and to target unnessecary amount of words.
So to begin my attack, you say that Tenshi Nova can't get into the idea of friends... right? There dialogue gives me enough depth, I get the idea that they're adventurers just adventuring, what's wrong with that and abruptly cutting it off please. Just this impact shows that its two friends out on an adventure, kicking ass.
Now to get onto your description. There's so far little need to world build, if you want to jump right into the world building, you have Tenshi's notes right there, besides that just follow the story. We know it's a sword and shield place, because we have bandits using bows, so we can get the idea that it's a medieval world we're in as its what most people associate with, that's called trusting the reader. As for the main character, there's probably nothing important, as I keep getting told about by one guy, there's supposedly an amazing book with absolutely no character description whatsoever, you have to immediately assume whose talking and you know a better way of actually building the world, through the story. Already we've got the king of spawns, eleven bandits and swords, I can imagine that our adventurers look like the adventurers we normally associate with, leather, sword and let's not forget dashing looks, don't need Tenshi going on all about that.
And what was Alex swing with, well his fist I guess, but then its mentioned he drew his sword so let's go with that, the fact that Tenshi trusted me to pick that up, I'm impressed. One thing that's more impressive is his lack of description in the action scene. I was on a competition recently and everyone was criticizing the action in everyone's story asking why is it that writers fill their action scenes with so much description and make it so slow-paced. The fact that Tenshi isn't doing that shows he's already overcoming a common issue. There is a 'lot' of stuff I could cut out in his action scenes to make it more smoother and fast paced. For example I don't need to know which leg he was hit unless it comes up in the story.

But I agree with your other points, but I was trusting Tenshi to learn that through experience before hitting him for it. I should critise one of your pieces shortly though Blood lord and explain to you how a action scene works ;) . Again appreciate you helping Tenshi here, but felt it was too much for him for now and wanted to strongly explain why I abandoned the reliance on description. I can come up with a better argument if you want me to tomorrow, but for now I need some sleep.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:33 pm

WalrusM3 wrote:igh, I just walked out at starting it with another description loving git, now I've got to start with another, alright bring it on. I don't normally defend people's work, normally its people who defend others work from me

If this is the reason why you are posting, you need to stop.

You really aren't a mean person either if this is how you conduct yourself. So stop acting like something you aren't.

WalrusM3 wrote:the real reason I'm pulling out my golf putt and starting with you,

One of the worst things you can do on here, but okay. Let's see what you got.

WalrusM3 wrote:'ll start with how it's a bit overwhelming to someone I claim lacks experience, doesn't matter how many times you hit someone who lacks experience, your just well overwhelming him

Friend, I am one of his editors and helping out with this. Though I will confess that I have no had an opportunity outside of this thread to revise the work thus far. I'm working closely with him, and frankly I don't care if it is overwhelming or not. If you fuck up I'm going to tell you where and what can be done to fix it. The amount of errors is large, but they are quite simple to fix.

Add a little bit more description into this and stick with a tense.

It wouldn't have mattered if he gave this to me in public or private, he would have gotten the same response. Probably longer in private though.

WalrusM3 wrote:your attack on Tenshi Nova's lack of description. I use to be a very-very descriptive writer, but I got reprogrammed to only use description when necessary and to target unnessecary amount of words.

Yes. but you have to use descriptive words when it comes to writing a story in order to create the world. Of course you can abuse it, just like anything else, that's common sense. Other then that, good for you. Seriously. It's a problem that I had for a while and is still challenging to overcome in my works as well.

WalrusM3 wrote:So to begin my attack, you say that Tenshi Nova can't get into the idea of friends... right?

I didn't say this anywhere. But I have a feeling that I know where you are coming from.

I made two references in here towards the idea of description. The first is the relationship and some background knowledge of the two characters. That isn't properly explained here, nor well organized, and can be expounded upon further to help the reader see a link between the two and also a relationship with them as well. You want your characters to be relatable to the reader. How can you do that when your characters lack depth and a physical description?

The second is describing the surroundings and individuals. Which is needed.

WalrusM3 wrote:what's wrong with that and abruptly cutting it off

Besides the fact that it abruptly cuts off? Or that it can be further developed and better arranged?

Why don't you try telling me what is good about it, because I've already explained why not.
And this:
WalrusM3 wrote:Just this impact shows that its two friends out on an adventure, kicking ass.

Doesn't count.

I want the... what is the proper word... "Writing" reason/rule on why its a beneficial factor in this.

WalrusM3 wrote:Tenshi's notes right there, besides that just follow the story.

Those belong to a different project, for starters. It doesn't relate to this...
As for the ones that he leaves at the bottom of each update, they are exactly the most helpful.

WalrusM3 wrote:sword and shield place, because we have bandits using bows, so we can get the idea that it's a medieval world we're in as its what most people associate with

But can you tell me what they look like? Can you tell me what kind of sword, shield, or how the bandits are dressed? Can you hand this over to an artist and they can reproduce what you had in your head to a passable degree? No.

Furthermore, can you tell that this takes place in the world of Minecraft?

You assume too much on the reader. You can't force feed them everything, but you can't expect them to be in tune with the same line of thinking and experience you've had in order to make your story.

WalrusM3 wrote:I should critise one of your pieces shortly though Blood lord and explain to you how a action scene works ;) .

I'll just delete your comment. You've pissed me off today and got onto my black list. You assume way too much. Your remark here and if you ever make one on my thread, was just a signalling for what you feel to be appropriate vengeance on something that isn't a problem. Knowing that background and possible motive, I can turn you teasing remark into a justifiable excuses to delete any of your posts in my thread at least as harassment. Will I? Maybe.

This is how I help people. I tell them what they did wrong, and what can be fixed; I don't sugar coat things, I don't leave things out. If you have a problem with it, then sorry. This is who I am.

I showed him what can be done and offered my opinion. You could have approached this better too. Instead of attacking a person and pissing them off, you could have had a intelligent discussion with a person on the merits of using description and possibly gained a friend. It would have been better if you suggested the problems and implications of being too overly descriptive. That would have been better if you did that. then we wouldn't be having this long conversion.

WalrusM3 wrote:Again appreciate you helping Tenshi here, but felt it was too much for him for now and wanted to strongly explain why I abandoned the reliance on description. I can come up with a better argument if you want me to tomorrow, but for now I need some sleep.

I really don't care. You don't need to attack a person like this. You pushed it to the point where any more discussion on this is going to pointless because I'm not going to yield, and neither are you. So you can continue if you wish, but there isn't much to discuss since this is just a defense post. I already pointed out that I agree that too much description is a bad thing, but you aren't going to get me to back down from the fact that it still needs it.

For one, it distracts from the purpose of the thread; Tenshi's works.
Second, as I pointed out it pisses people off.

You are good at this, and we do have some differing opinions on things. I've edited this post many times expounding and limiting somethings. I'm not pissed off by the time you get to this line, but I understand you might be. So I apologize for coming across strongly to you, and for the comments above with my threat of post deletion. I am leaving it there for you to understand how much it irritated me that you decided to come after a person instead of a principle they felt was right. I want you to understand that I do respect you and the comments you have made. I just wish you had done so differently so there wouldn't be contention between us. I hope there isn't, and that we can make some sort of effort to still be friends.

I don't disagree with you about the abuse of description, but I do feel that it is strongly needed in stories.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 8:38 pm

Im sorry for being a bad Headitor, everyone. I did a rush job of it and will be sure to take more time to edit. Thanks!

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:39 pm


Walrus and Blood Lord, just going to help clear a couple things.

It's hard overwhelm me, and if I ever do, I'll find my way through it, so no worries.

I need to work on my ordering of thoughts as well as expanding my vocabulary to the point where I can think of better words to use. My grammar needs work too.

As for visuals, SPOILER WARNING! if you haven't read both prologues currently posted, I suggest doing so now, the post will still be here, when you're done.
I did want the visuals to be a bit more on the reader's side, but I've noticed that not everything went out the way I wanted it to. Some may imagine more towards Minecraft and others may imagine more towards a more realistic view. I'm trying to get across the more realistic view, but I personally still imagine half of it in Minecraft's cube view. I'm trying to think of better ways to describe the scenery, without creating too much text.
As for character details, I neglected to mention certain details, that I'll edit in afterwards. Examples include Lincoln and John at the end of the first prologue. Better example being, Alexandra in the second prologue, all I mentioned was that she was beautiful. Forgot to mention a lot of important details, like hair color probably being a big one.
The only 2 characters that I wanted to leave to pure imagination was Markus and Alex, because I felt leaving their image to the reader would impact them more when they died, than if I were to spend too much time describing them.

Only way I can fix my problem of inexperience is through criticism and help from people. I only have a single EDITOR, atm. So the process will be long and filled with mistakes until then. Not to mention my mind is mostly on my own fully created story, rather than the Minecraft story. As you can see with the abundance of notes, I'm not completely ready to share it. I'll probably push that back even further. Blood Lord gave me some suggestions that I'll try out before forcing myself to post it. So for now, enjoy the Minecraft goodness.

Re: Nova Island Productions: Last Update: 7/15/2013

Tue Jul 16, 2013 11:18 pm

Personally, with writing, I think it is hard to (or rather ill advised) to critique someone's style. When I critique I tend to do it strictly for grammar and spelling and for pointing out sentences or phrases that feel awkward, other than that I leave it up to the author. Everyone's writing style is bound to be a bit different, it seems silly to try and and instruct someone to write one way or another.
Post a reply