Dysdaimon wrote:"Your characters are nothing but caricatures of emotions that no one in your intended audience can relate to because you focus too much on having an 'interesting' story rather than a relatable one, and when I say 'interesting' I mean 'incredibly boring.'"
Holy feck on a stick, that is harsh. Just shows how unadventurous I can be sometimes... Well except when I got a review that told me 'You should do the world a favour and stop writing altogether.' Though that was an opinion rather than a criticism. But could be that I'm rather emotional at the moment or that I am maybe a bit defensive about my characters that I wouldn't be able to take a comment like that. Did kind of once, but not like that jeez.
Probably rude to give a reply a comment like that on your literature topic, but wanted to express the shock I got when I read that.
So anyways, your stories were easy to read being short-short stories, though to warn, as I said, I'm suffering from a few things at the moment (Like cancer
), so yeah, I'll do my best because I love trying to help people with their work.
(Read Sunset Waltz, a moment later)
This is perhaps one of the most abruck and unnatural things I have ever read. It's not smooth and it's very slow. You could argue that I dislike this story because it's description filled, but no, one thing I like about this story is the description, there's good word choices and just generally what you choose to focus on. Problem is that I don't appreciate that stuff, I'm a fast-paced action writer, so I can't really explain why I really enjoy the descriptions. However I think it's fair to say how awkward your thing is to read and it's unpleasant.
I'm going to blame your writing classes on this. You've gathered knowledge of what readers want to read and what they're looking for, but it's technically not you writing it. It's like a machine with no love. You probably did enjoy writing this, but it wasn't a fun read. I don't know. I could show this to my friend I see every two-weeks on Tuesday (Depending on if I have chemo or not), whose a former English teacher and right now head of my Island's creative community and see why this wasn't fun to read.
(Read Misfortunate now)
This is somehow a lot better and a lot easier to read... And I have no idea why. I'm going to guess it was something you 'actually' wanted to write, where before I'm guessing you were trying to impress everyone or something, I don't know. The thing though that put me off reading this was that there was so much boring description and detail, I really liked it at first because it gives a great image of what it's like to have this Devil's eye and really enjoyed that, but then... Boring, meaningless at times and just dragged on information. There's a thing called telling the reader only what he wants to know. I didn't want to know so much about Carruga, because he doesn't amount to much in the story, he only plays a small part in this short-short story and so do we really need that much imagery about his exact height and weight? Should've just left it that he was a lightbuild and there, probably all you need because I would've liked to have just go on with the story, seriously.
Overall I didn't really like reading the story because all it was, was about a guy, who has this Devil's eye... and got his ass kicked in other to get ranked something or other. We didn't even get that much into the character, we just got into this world you spent so much time explaining about.
I'm going to have to say I hated this story, sorry if that's harsh, but you did just mention you can take it and I do want to be honest here... I really did hate this and I hate saying that. On the bright side, like I said, you did a good job with the description, especially when it showed how good the Devil's eye was.
I would certainly say keep writing, just try to have an actual story. Beginning, conflict and conclusion, three basic stages which can be found in every story. Introduce us the character, bring on the conflict and then show us what happens.
Hope that helps anyways and sorry if you disagree or feel I'm wrong or anything, but feel free to mention that as I'm a learner as well, but overall hopefully helping you is the main thing.