....Awesome, just finished reading Legion of the Empire and yes, it's certainly a good read.
There's a few ups and downs, but it's certainly up. One thing that almost put me off was the attempt at being deep in the first paragraph. I normally don't like these, because it's people just trying, but when I half way through and gave it a chance I realized it wasn't trying... and was actually deep. I preferably loved the unexpected twist that pointed out that this was an interrogation. I'm right now imaging that this is the old fashion, made a big mistake and now I'm fecked and it gives a great visual.
The story then fell there a lot for me for sometime. The biggest issue is that you're telling us a story... within a story and it's you telling it... Not the story. You can do this, but it's much better if it's the story telling it, otherwise it's like you just sitting next to me on bench inside the park, when really you're suppose to be drawing us into this world. How I would've done it really is showing us the mysterious attack or having officers discuss it.
Another issue I have is that there is so much unnecessary description and while we're on the subject of writing, there's also a minor repetition, it's not that it's problem here... Well except here.
The room was large with the front containing a large shield of glass that overlooked the base
I think we can both agree that large isn't a very complementing word, so it isn't nice seeing it in the same sentence. You only really have on more repetition problem.
All three were elaborately embroidered in a brilliant gold in a brilliant gold
Yeah, common thing really, but it's the only time you do this repetition specifically. There are other annoying repetitions, but there not actually that bad and it would just be being fussy and picky and all that. But yeah there's also a fair amount of unnecessary descriptions that I wouldn't have here that slows down the story just as much.
It's hard to get into it with the medication I'm on, but moving a long from the writing as that can get boring, but I will say it's good at times and like how you tell things like 'Grey camouflage' as it describes the planet as well as the soldiers and generally just describing the uniforms at times. But one problem I also find is that I struggle to find who the main character is. Like you might have mentioned it in the OOC, but I forget about those or just didn't take it into account, either way, it took me a moment to realize this was in third person, but overall I didn't know which character we were suppose to be following, even when the main character arrived. Like I thought at first it was the person that was being interrogated, the girl and then back to the person who I assume is to be interrogated. So really, I think it would've been better if you had showed/hinted to us who we're suppose to focus on first just to give us an idea who the story's meant to revolve around.
I was concerned it was the female character however as there was very little characterization and already we're swing off the bat with her. We could've used some more characterization first rather than accepting that she's a bland female officer. The captain could've done with a bit more of a characterization as well.
But getting onto what I enjoyed most about this and enough of me being a... (Too tired to think) Whinner? Complainer? Negative person? Anyways, I assume Marris is the main character and that's what I'm finding awesome, this guy's suppose to be our main character, the hero and yet we just witnessed himself execute someone and he enjoyed it like a snob (well he almost killed someone like that... Well he got him to do it, but that technically would've been Marris passing it to him... overall I get the idea he would've enjoyed it). I do like anti-heroes but I'm really fussy what I come to them. But what I'm finding great is that were giving an introduced element that fits him so well. What I'm imagining that's going to happen is that this is a mystery that will involve deception, honour and morals and this guy has a clear thought over how he's going to go about it and that's going to be fun. Really his characterization is great, we get the sense that he's proud, calculated and privileged. These characters remind me of Lelouch from Code Geass and Kira from Death Note when they got to the point they were power abusive. That's probably complimenting him too much, but point is that these characters have become so seemingly invincible, you're convinced they are and if pushed to their limits you know someone's going to die.
So yes, Marris is what's made be love this and can't wait to see what other characters you have, but overall the story is good and can't wait to get more into it. Great work Guardian.