Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.

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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Sigment » Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:00 am

Or the Writer's Lounge.

Blood, glad to see the next MLP fanfic is up. I intend to read that and your "In Memoriam" work tomorrow.
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Birdofterror » Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:06 am

Tuor wrote:About why you feel the need to post your writing even though you don't care about people commenting on it?
You misunderstand me- I guess it wouldn't be hard to. It's really hard to explain.

I care for each and every comment more than anything, Havoc's constant PMs to me about my story have been a gigantic boon, and as I said, if it wasn't for him... my story would be a lot different by now. But I'm not doing it FOR the comments or FOR the attention. I'm writing to WRITE. You're mistaking me for some kind of douche that doesn't care about his readers, when in reality I'm just a writer writing.
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Tuor » Sat Jan 11, 2014 12:13 am

I don't feel like we're going to get anywhere with this.
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Blood Lord » Sat Jan 11, 2014 5:36 pm

Uhh, not what I was thinking, but I guess beggars can't be choosers. Don't really have anything to add to this.

I guess I'll go work on Legions or Wings of Stealth. Mix things up a little bit between the pony updates and the 1700-1800 hundreds mystery thingy.
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Comic Kitten » Thu Jan 16, 2014 3:12 am

I enjoyed your original work!! You have a great talent, I can see you put a lot of work and thought into your writing. I really enjoyed it!
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: ER 250th Update!

Postby Blood Lord » Fri Jan 17, 2014 7:38 pm

Thank you, CK. I'll try and get some of my more original work up.

But for now, another update on my story, Empress Rarity's 250th Birthday

This was a really fun chapter to write because it got a little bit out of the comedic side and into a more serious tone and path, which I'm more comfortable about writing. It's clocked at just about 8 K words, bringing the grand total up to a little past 25 K words. So its a bit of reading, but you hardly notice it.
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Re: Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Sun Mar 02, 2014 8:06 pm

....Awesome, just finished reading Legion of the Empire and yes, it's certainly a good read.

There's a few ups and downs, but it's certainly up. One thing that almost put me off was the attempt at being deep in the first paragraph. I normally don't like these, because it's people just trying, but when I half way through and gave it a chance I realized it wasn't trying... and was actually deep. I preferably loved the unexpected twist that pointed out that this was an interrogation. I'm right now imaging that this is the old fashion, made a big mistake and now I'm fecked and it gives a great visual.

The story then fell there a lot for me for sometime. The biggest issue is that you're telling us a story... within a story and it's you telling it... Not the story. You can do this, but it's much better if it's the story telling it, otherwise it's like you just sitting next to me on bench inside the park, when really you're suppose to be drawing us into this world. How I would've done it really is showing us the mysterious attack or having officers discuss it.

Another issue I have is that there is so much unnecessary description and while we're on the subject of writing, there's also a minor repetition, it's not that it's problem here... Well except here.

The room was large with the front containing a large shield of glass that overlooked the base


I think we can both agree that large isn't a very complementing word, so it isn't nice seeing it in the same sentence. You only really have on more repetition problem.

All three were elaborately embroidered in a brilliant gold in a brilliant gold


Yeah, common thing really, but it's the only time you do this repetition specifically. There are other annoying repetitions, but there not actually that bad and it would just be being fussy and picky and all that. But yeah there's also a fair amount of unnecessary descriptions that I wouldn't have here that slows down the story just as much.

It's hard to get into it with the medication I'm on, but moving a long from the writing as that can get boring, but I will say it's good at times and like how you tell things like 'Grey camouflage' as it describes the planet as well as the soldiers and generally just describing the uniforms at times. But one problem I also find is that I struggle to find who the main character is. Like you might have mentioned it in the OOC, but I forget about those or just didn't take it into account, either way, it took me a moment to realize this was in third person, but overall I didn't know which character we were suppose to be following, even when the main character arrived. Like I thought at first it was the person that was being interrogated, the girl and then back to the person who I assume is to be interrogated. So really, I think it would've been better if you had showed/hinted to us who we're suppose to focus on first just to give us an idea who the story's meant to revolve around.

I was concerned it was the female character however as there was very little characterization and already we're swing off the bat with her. We could've used some more characterization first rather than accepting that she's a bland female officer. The captain could've done with a bit more of a characterization as well.

But getting onto what I enjoyed most about this and enough of me being a... (Too tired to think) Whinner? Complainer? Negative person? Anyways, I assume Marris is the main character and that's what I'm finding awesome, this guy's suppose to be our main character, the hero and yet we just witnessed himself execute someone and he enjoyed it like a snob (well he almost killed someone like that... Well he got him to do it, but that technically would've been Marris passing it to him... overall I get the idea he would've enjoyed it). I do like anti-heroes but I'm really fussy what I come to them. But what I'm finding great is that were giving an introduced element that fits him so well. What I'm imagining that's going to happen is that this is a mystery that will involve deception, honour and morals and this guy has a clear thought over how he's going to go about it and that's going to be fun. Really his characterization is great, we get the sense that he's proud, calculated and privileged. These characters remind me of Lelouch from Code Geass and Kira from Death Note when they got to the point they were power abusive. That's probably complimenting him too much, but point is that these characters have become so seemingly invincible, you're convinced they are and if pushed to their limits you know someone's going to die.

So yes, Marris is what's made be love this and can't wait to see what other characters you have, but overall the story is good and can't wait to get more into it. Great work Guardian.
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Re: Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Postby Blood Lord » Sun Mar 02, 2014 10:20 pm

Thank you, Obsessive. Although I don't know when I'll be updating "Legions of the Empire" when I've been receiving such a great response with "Empress Rarity's 250th Birthday" on FiMFiction. Writing and posting your works on this site is defiantly a labor of love, but there, well. It's rewarding.

Some day, I probably will get the first chapter of LotE going and also "Wings of Stealth", I just don't know when that is going to be. I'll see what happens after I get ER 250th done.
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Re: Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Mon Mar 03, 2014 2:39 am

Wouldn't be surprised, I've had a tough time making it in FimFiction, no idea whys. I would come up with a lot of arrogant and jealous theories, but wouldn't change the fact that my stories seem to suck on Fimfiction.

But no problem if you don't have time to write the rest of Legions of the Empire. Like I said, I'm on medications at the moment and I strangely woke up this morning in a lot of heckish pain, so I probably wouldn't have a clear mind to read it anyways. But I'll get onto reading the rest of your work (Besides Empress Rarity's 250th Birthday, but that's because it's too much to read for me right now), it's bound to have as equally good characterization as Marris and the same sort of potential plot as I'm not a freak who likes to think things are just a 'one off' luck.
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

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The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Mon Mar 03, 2014 5:08 am

Okay, read over n Memoriam or at least I started reading it and then realized what it was. Again it was good characterization where you had a real good established character... But all it was was just you telling us about him... That's not really a story or in a traditional sense. Like I will admit that again it is deep and very philosophical, but that's not my thing so I can't really get into it. I'll accept it's good, but I would not want to read something like this again as I'm not into reading stories that is just you telling us about a man, no matter how much I'm into characterization.
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http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: Blood Studios Literature Division: In Memoriam

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Mar 27, 2014 9:27 pm

I have a new update for my MLP fanfiction story, Empress Rarity's 250th Birthday.

It's getting good reviews and scores lately, which is great. The series that it compliments with, also has a new story out as well.

I do want some opinions of what I have done so far with it. I've been getting good with grammar and stuff lately, but the dialogue puncuation has me a bit shaky.
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Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Blood Studios: Literature Division - ER 250th Update!

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:25 pm

And another chapter has been added to my MLP fanfic.

It's been really fun to write it, and it reflects a totally different writing style from what I've been doing here. If you're able to, go ahead and make a profile there and comment or vote on it (or if you already have a profile there). I'll even take critiques here if you don't want to there.

Always looking for improvement.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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