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Back to Yor *A PPGD Fanfic story!!!*

Wed Jul 11, 2012 10:31 pm

Hi peoples, I'm still new to this, so please tell me what you think.
P.S. Sorry about my spelling. :unsure:

Prolong:
No One's Pov.

Four Men headed for mardarks lab to find it destroyed. Then they heard a noise above them. They looked up to see the Megas.

As they watched the Megas fly away from the destroyed lab, they heard a groan beneath them.
One of men pulls out his cell and said "We have found him ma’am."

"Good, ever good. Now bring him here, and make shur he STAYS ALIVE."
"Yes ma’am." As he hanged up, behind him the other three pulled Mardark out the ruble.
Dumdum dummm...

Mardark is still alive, who the mysteries person how wants him? Stay tuned, and I'll try to post it as soon as I can. And also...

Please Comment!

Re: Back to Yor *A PPGD Fanfic story!!!*

Thu Jul 12, 2012 7:12 pm

:eek:
Okay... where to start...
witchgirl951 wrote:mardarks
Mandark's. Gotta put the ' and Capitalize the first letter of his name.
witchgirl951 wrote:One of men pulls out his cell and said
It sounds pretty broken. A better line would be "One of the men pulls out their cell phone, and says:"
witchgirl951 wrote: shur
'sure'
witchgirl951 wrote: As he hanged up, behind him the other three pulled Mardark out the ruble.
A better line would be "As he hangs up, the other three behind him pull Mandark out of the rubble."

Rubble was also spelled incorrectly.

...

I don't want to sound mean, but you may want to proof-read your stuff a little better.

Re: Back to Yor *A PPGD Fanfic story!!!*

Thu Jul 12, 2012 11:12 pm

ok thanks :mrgreen:
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