The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

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The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

Postby RoZo » Fri Apr 29, 2011 12:38 pm

Image


Author's Note: So yeah, it's back... In better form, compared to my other crappy one... Just read the better versions... Updates are... Monthly[?] and Blah blah blah, just read this...


The Jacket
By: RoZo
Chapter 1: Ro


3. 2.1!


The school bell blurred like a siren, as I pried myself from my desk to escape the torture of school.

Finally, summer vacation! I can't wait to get away from this god damn forsaken place.

I thought as I looked around glaring at the teachers and fellow students. My names Roandy, my friends call me Ro for short. I’m a a typical 14 yr. old for nowadays, rather tall, slender built, athletic. I'm also pretty smart, least top in my school grade.

“Hey Ro, remember, this summer we have reading to do.”

One of my buddies nearby chimed in, I could tell he was pissed and tired at the same time.

“Wait, what the hell!?” I stopped and leered at him.

Seeing as how we had to read all summer long, that drove me through the roof, “Son of a bitch!” I stammered aloud, people passing by glanced at me.

“Yeah, it sucks.” my buddy sighed.

“So, what the hell are we reading?" I inquired

“Who gives a crap!” my friend blurted out.

“Holy shit dude, calm down!” I glared at my unhappy friend, “You don’t have to act so pissy ya know?”

“Right, right, sorry," he glanced down at his wristwatch, "ah... damn it, I gotta go, peace Ro.”

We fist bumped as we parted, I walked away from the crowd.
As I walked on, I noticed three odd looking guys each wearing a different colored jacket: one blue, one yellow, and the last red. All teenagers, probably usual troublemakers. The lead seemed to shine, his red jacket more flamboyant, he began barking orders to the other two bastards.

“Grab him, he’s the chosen one!” The Red jacket wearer blurted out.

Chosen one? What the hell?

Responding immediately to their orders, the Blue and Yellow Jacket punks grabbed my arms. Unfortunately for them, they didn’t know that I was good at wrestling.

I managed to writhe myself free and kick both of them in their groins, and then give them each a DDT.

“Ha, how do you like that!” I grinned.

However, me and my big mouth spoke too soon, as the two jokers reached to their feet and withdrew their tripped out weapons.

The yellow jacket wearer wielded a scythe, that started to hum almost like it was possessed by electricity, faint blue sparks scattered about its edges. While the blue jacket wearer wielded a sword, so translucent as if it possessed the property of water. I could see the blue bombers sinister grin in the reflection of sword, as their leader drew his weapon of choice. He cleaved the air with his monstrous double-edged ax, seemingly igniting the weapon itself in a hellish blaze that completely engulfed its edges.

The few people that were in the area scrambled to all corners and away as far as they could, while I froze in fear. As they would have it, they all came to attack me in unison.

Holy shit! I am going to die! I thought to myself as the hellish duo rushed me.

Suddenly, from out of nowhere a bluish sword streak deflected the trios attacks, saving me from certain doom. As the savior turned around, I was quite surprised to see that I was saved by a girl... a very pretty girl.

~End of Chapter 1~
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Re: The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:05 pm

Okay it was either you were on caffeine or I drank a lot of sugary drinks before reading this, because it was going really fast it seemed like I was watching a Mexican talkshow (Let's go for me being on a lot of sugar drinks).

Anyways I found your dialogue good, but its just that there was little description and just little else was. I don't know what advice I could give, other then you probably just need more practice (More!).

You did describe the attackers enough really, but you don't mind explaining what a DDT is.

Overall you do have a interesting story going on here with what looks like a promising main character. Though right now I'm just having troubles with how quick your style is (But again it maybe just because I drank a lot of fizzy drinks while reading this)
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

Postby RoZo » Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:42 pm

WalrusM3 wrote:Okay it was either you were on caffeine or I drank a lot of sugary drinks before reading this, because it was going really fast it seemed like I was watching a Mexican talkshow (Let's go for me being on a lot of sugar drinks).

Anyways I found your dialogue good, but its just that there was little description and just little else was. I don't know what advice I could give, other then you probably just need more practice (More!).

You did describe the attackers enough really, but you don't mind explaining what a DDT is.

Overall you do have a interesting story going on here with what looks like a promising main character. Though right now I'm just having troubles with how quick your style is (But again it maybe just because I drank a lot of fizzy drinks while reading this)


LOL... I actually never realized that...


I do need more practice, with the pace, and stuff...

Also, you had sugary drinks... and didn't offer me one?!?

:'(
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Re: The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

Postby Thy Obsessive Freak » Fri Apr 29, 2011 2:20 pm

Hey get you own! There mine!
Anyone want ta take look at my own comic?

http://walrusm3.deviantart.com/

The art's quite modest, but I'm told the story's fun.
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Re: The Jacket REDUX, [PG-13], Created By RoZo

Postby RoZo » Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:18 am

WalrusM3 wrote:Hey get your own! They're mine!


Oh you greedy little Walrus >w>
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