Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

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Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby midnighter » Wed Sep 08, 2010 2:46 pm

First ever post on Snafu so I thought I'd put one of my favorites. It's about the holocaust so it might be a bit graphic for jews. I acknowledge the tragedy and send my deepest condolences to those who might have had relations to it. This was made for a poetry competition at my school. I placed in the top 5 but I'm not telling where I placed :grin:

"Orphans"

The night sky was furious.

shrieks and screams corroded the air,

black snow fell from everywhere,

the streets were marinated in blood.

They lined us up

and I waited my turn

Watching.

Children’s cries begged for mercy

that Nazi laughter forbad.

There was no fun in killing captives

so they let them run

fast as they could

But bullets were faster.

In horror I turned away,

but I didn’t cry

No one cries for orphans.
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Re: Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby midnighter » Fri Sep 10, 2010 4:12 pm

Feedback would be appreciated... yes I'm a noob so I'm not sure how this works (even though I read the rules)
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Midnighter:Our Souls find rest in the sky:PG:OG work:Poem

Postby midnighter » Sun Sep 19, 2010 10:26 am

This was just a little something written for black history month; It was like a moment of silence type thing.

“Our Soul’s Find Rest in the Sky”

No Tears are left to cry

The pain slowly slips away

Our souls find rest in the sky.

Sweating till thy skin is dry

The sun beats down with each ray

No tears are left to cry.

Sing loud, oh brethren by and by

Thy voice shall lead the way

Our souls find rest in the sky.

Beaton down, with heads held high

Skin ripped and torn away

No tears are left to cry.

Riding on wind, our spirits fly

Father, lead us not astray

Our souls find rest in the sky.

Walking in faith till we die

Together we’ll be someday

When No tears are left to cry,

Our souls find rest in the sky.
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Poems and poets, stories and writers

Postby midnighter » Sun Sep 19, 2010 8:59 pm

I was presented with these analogies in my AP Lang class and I found them very interesting so I thought i'd share them. I'm curious about other people's thoughts on them. A little food for thought is always good for more than the mind :grin:.

"Ideas for poems are like flowers and poets are constantly searching as though through a field for the most beautiful ones. One day they might pick one up, carry it around in a basket for awhile but then get tired of it and throw it back to the earth. Their favorites are the ones they take home to grow into full poems and put in display pots for all to see. Now, stories are like trees. When they are just ideas, they are little seed thrown out with the hope that they fall on good soil to grow on, the soil being that natural groove that writer and even poets feel when writing a good piece of literature. When they fall on good ground, the writer then take time growing it, watering it and making sure its healthy and strong with good roots. Some trees take less time to grow than other but they all need a little trimming when they're done. After a few trims here and a few branches there, you've got a story worth reading and a tree worth climbing."
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Re: Midnighter:Our Souls find rest in the sky:PG:OG work:Poem

Postby Nox » Tue May 31, 2011 9:16 am

First off, LOVE the poem dude. Seriously, nice piece of ass you got there.

Just one suggestion though. I noticed that one space pattern you have and maybe that's your intention, I dunno. But I copypasta'd it to my notepad and read it like this and I found it a lot sweeter to orate:
No Tears are left to cry
The pain slowly slips away

Our souls find rest in the sky.
Sweating till thy skin is dry
The sun beats down with each ray

No tears are left to cry.
Sing loud, oh brethren by and by
Thy voice shall lead the way

Our souls find rest in the sky.
Beaton down, with heads held high
Skin ripped and torn away

No tears are left to cry.
Riding on wind, our spirits fly
Father, lead us not astray

Our souls find rest in the sky.
Walking in faith till we die
Together we’ll be someday

When No tears are left to cry,
Our souls find rest in the sky.





"Ideas for poems are like flowers and poets are constantly searching as though through a field for the most beautiful ones. One day they might pick one up, carry it around in a basket for awhile but then get tired of it and throw it back to the earth. Their favorites are the ones they take home to grow into full poems and put in display pots for all to see. Now, stories are like trees. When they are just ideas, they are little seed thrown out with the hope that they fall on good soil to grow on, the soil being that natural groove that writer and even poets feel when writing a good piece of literature. When they fall on good ground, the writer then take time growing it, watering it and making sure its healthy and strong with good roots. Some trees take less time to grow than other but they all need a little trimming when they're done. After a few trims here and a few branches there, you've got a story worth reading and a tree worth climbing."

That's a very interesting way to look at it. Although personally, I'd like to think of stories as gardens and the writer is practically cultivating his own world into whatever form or shape he wants it to look. The flowers thing I can relate, added that we also admire the flowers of others and from them we find ways to improve our ways in cultivating them.
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Re: Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby Nox » Tue May 31, 2011 9:31 am

Protip, not allowed to make more than one thread. Loved the other thread so hoping this gets merged or some shit.

"Orphans"

The night sky was furious.

shrieks and screams corroded the air,

black snow fell from everywhere,

the streets were marinated in blood.

They lined us up

and I waited my turn

Watching.

Children’s cries begged for mercy

that Nazi laughter forbad.

There was no fun in killing captives

so they let them run

fast as they could

But bullets were faster.

In horror I turned away,

but I didn’t cry

No one cries for orphans.

Poem looks sturdy, couldn't get much rhythm in it, but yea it's a blank verse so go figure. I could definitely feel an aura of noir in there, so a pat in the back for ya :3
Last edited by Nox on Fri Jun 17, 2011 1:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby Unlimited » Tue May 31, 2011 10:09 am

Even better pro-tip, don't bring back dead threads.
Memento mori
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Re: Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby Nox » Tue May 31, 2011 10:18 am

Cast doubt upon me if you must but I believe this section is not a place of discussion. This place is a collection of literature.
And I will do as I please to read whichever I wish.
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Re: Midnighter: Orphans: PG-13: Original work: Poem

Postby Mathias » Tue May 31, 2011 10:31 am

I agree with Nox. Unlimited is just an idjit.
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