TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

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TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Sun May 02, 2010 8:14 pm

Please rate each poem as follows:
Plain Toast- good
Jam Toast- excellent
Toast with Champagne- uber-awesome!
Poems will be posted daily.


Near Death

WHAM!

Darkness surrounds me.
Doors of Death open,
And I stood there, helpless.

What ever happened to the brave,
The mighty,
The astounding,
Di?

That question echoed,
Echoed,
Echoed,
Echoed.

I wanted to go,
But,
Darkness hissed,
It soothed,
It numbed.

Suddenly,
WHOOSH!

Bright lights.
White room.
Nobody there.
Just me.

I open my eyes and,
FLASH!

Everyone I know is there.
Smiles and cries are scattered.
Nobody is ever the same.

Even me.
I saw the Doors of Death,
And I hope to never see them again.

Never want to echo,
Echo,
Echo,
Echo,
Echo,
Ever again.

Darkness will not surround me.
Last edited by TripleMoon on Sat May 15, 2010 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby Alcas » Mon May 03, 2010 11:38 pm

jam toast.

I like the succinct and halting flow of the entire piece. It goes well with the topic of death. One thing I would definitely change is the action sound "WHOOSH" without whoosh it sounds much better, so in other words.

Suddenly,

Bright lights
White room

It goes well with the flow that you already have up to that point, but if that effect is important in some way I didn't notice by all means leave it.

Also another defect is the odd tense jumps. it starts off speaking past tense but changes to present tense, which isn't that big of a deal, but switches back to past tense. I can't tell if present or past would be better for the entire piece, but keeping tense would improve the quality of the poem, unless of course the tense change has its own intrinsic value.

I enjoyed the poem regardless of what I say though. I also apologize for the unrequested evaluation and critique of your poem. =P
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Wed May 05, 2010 7:44 pm

CURSE YOU MATH EXAMS MAY DOOM RAIN UPON YOU!!!!

World War II

BOOM!
Earth shakes,
Booms to
The marches
Of army men.

Quick to blame,
Many prisoned.
Betrayed by my brothers,
Forced to fight.

Whatever happened to the
"Land of Freedom"?
There is no freedom here.
Short on food,
Necessities compromised.

The innocent sent,
The guilty unharmed.
Lives of women
Shadowed by
Deaths of men.

They believe Armageddon has come.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Thu May 06, 2010 7:03 pm

Thanks.

Loneliness

Alone
Afraid
Isolated.

I live on my own desert isle
Without leaving home.
No contact
Not even a little smile.

I frown at home,
Looking over mementos
Of a past life.

Nobody really understands me,
They just put me away
When they are done,
Like a present toy.

At school,
I shuffle into random tables
As I (and others) please.
I am simply a shadow,
A Nobody,
A doppelganger,
A tramp surviving in the slums.

Emptiness fills my nights
As I long to be rid
Of this accursed spell.
Cries fill the empty halls,
But nobody notices.

The day will come soon.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Sun May 09, 2010 10:12 am

Night

When the sun sets
I get ready.

Birds retreat,
Dogs howl,
And cats prowl.

I take a seat.
Watch the sunset
See the moon rise.

I dress,
Ready for it.
I wait on the porch,
Eager and thrilled.

He comes.
Yay!

Soon music and
Boom boom of
Beating boomboxes
Enthrill my ear.
It is a serenade
Dancing and smiling.

I hope,
Always hope,
Never stop hoping,

That night will always come.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Mon May 10, 2010 6:53 pm

Emotionless

I frown
Looking over my shoulder.
Many people dying
See them on tv.

Look I know
That I write about it.
Yet they feel,
I don't.

I wish Tin Men
Were real
Cause I understand them.
My chest is empty like Pandora's box now.

When it is cold
My heart is still colder.
None dare to traverse
The tundra and permafrost
Which so replace my heart.

I wish every night
Hoping
Hoping
Hoping.

I wish I had a real heart.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Mon May 10, 2010 6:58 pm

Before one asks questions, I am feeling moody lately and I regret not crying when others do. This is a mini-poem to explain everything.

I look and see
People crying.

I look and see
People joyful.

I look and see
People in love.

I only feel numb.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby TripleMoon » Wed May 12, 2010 8:02 pm

Couldn't figure out a title for this one...

Waiting...
Waiting...
I stand there,
Looking for something.
That something I don't know...

Losing memory
Don't even know if it exists...
It happens
I see it
I'm reminded to never ever give up
Hope.

I wait again
Hoping to find it.
Memory fading
Going away...

Doors closing
One is forgotten.
Other is....
Somewhere
I don't know...

Wherever
Where that one is...
Hope it'll come back
And it'll come and we'll
Exchange memories.

Hoping to..
Find it wherever it is
So lost in the depths of
The Universe.

I give up.
Life goes on
Still I wait...
So many blank pictures...
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Sat May 15, 2010 11:30 am

Last poem, this poem, and the next has something to do with KH. KH fans should figure out their titles..


Torn apart in two
One in slumber,
The other a-roaming.
Entering chamber,
I awake.

Meet the other two,
They may be unusual.
Where are we?
Looks familiar,
Don't wanna go.

Looking over
To find friends.
After that,
I'll go back home
And to her.

Beyond the horizon we journey far.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Mon May 17, 2010 8:04 pm

Darn you figured the second one out!

???

To find a way
Yet I'm forced to
Use Darkness.
I'll do whatever it takes,
Even steal hearts.

Misguided and confronted,
Take two lives and live them out
As an impostor.
Unsure
Of my place.

The others are gone.
All blame me
They don't know
Correct my errors.
Still I see...

I'm all to blame.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Mon May 17, 2010 8:07 pm

-_- Suddenly I feel my signature is disgracing KH.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems

Postby Ronin » Tue May 18, 2010 2:57 am

At this rate, we're going to run out of champagne.

Great job.


TripleMoon wrote:Couldn't figure out a title for this one...

Waiting...
Waiting...
I stand there,
Looking for something.
That something I don't know...

Losing memory
Don't even know if it exists...
It happens
I see it
I'm reminded to never ever give up
Hope.

I wait again
Hoping to find it.
Memory fading
Going away...

Doors closing
One is forgotten.
Other is....
Somewhere
I don't know...

Wherever
Where that one is...
Hope it'll come back
And it'll come and we'll
Exchange memories.

Hoping to..
Find it wherever it is
So lost in the depths of
The Universe.

I give up.
Life goes on
Still I wait...
So many blank pictures...


How about "Alzheimers"? :3
Image
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Tue May 18, 2010 5:16 pm

Actually it was Kairi in Kingdom Hearts 2. XD
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby TripleMoon » Wed May 19, 2010 6:58 pm

I thought what the heck, while I'm at it...

Namine

Another side
Of a Princess.
A heart...or not?

A witch they say,
Manipulating memories,
Shattering them,
Putting them back together.

Everyone going back
Where they belong.
What about me?
Isolated for a year,
Following his orders.

After that, I'm rewarded.
Soon I'm whole,
Going back,
Looking through another's eyes.
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TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- (Original) (PG) chapter 1 up

Postby TripleMoon » Sat May 29, 2010 1:11 pm

M.A.G.G- Introduction

It began in the town of Havenwind. "What began?"You ask. Silly little- wait, what do you mean, you've never heard of M.A.G.G? The team of superheroes who save many lives? Seriously? -_- I'm sorry, we can't be friends anymore.
Well.....I suppose I could give you one more chance...All right, you're still my friend.
M.A.G.G began in the town of Havenwind. The town wasn't too special, really. It was a relatively small town, consisting of 750 residents living each in two-family houses, apartment buildings, or their own little house. Havenwind only had two schools: Havenwind Elementary and Lancings Junior High. Those two schools were part of the event that rocked M.A.G.G's world.
I guess I should introduce the members of M.A.G.G before we start. They are: Sky Pachanilopie, Gwendolyn Sita, and Kenny Smith.
Well, to explain the whole origin, I have to write a whole story, so here it is!
Last edited by TripleMoon on Sat May 29, 2010 8:06 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- a superhero story

Postby TripleMoon » Sat May 29, 2010 1:14 pm

Chapter 1 will be up soon.
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Re: TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- a superhero story

Postby TripleMoon » Sat May 29, 2010 2:14 pm

I just had to haVe a prologue!

Prologue

The week before school, mysterious circumstances approached Havenwind. First was the sudden, unannounced building of a mansion in the country surrounding the town.
The town newspaper's headlines were "MILLIONAIRE MANSION ABRUPTLY STARTED LAST NIGHT" and "MILLIONAIRE FAMILY AT HAVENWIND INN WAIT FOR MANSION TO BE BUILT." Since Havenwind was just a slow and steady town, residents were easily surprised and usually spread gossip.
Second, three days before the first school day, two ominous-looking strangers were spotted lurking around homes, looking in every window. They were gone the next morning.
Lastly, the day before school, there was a fire at Havenwind Elementary which destroyed four classrooms. Nobody was in the school at that time and firefighters detected no source of fire.
Who did they blame?
They blamed it on the rich Smiths, and some even prejudiced them by not only their money, also by the color of their skin.
Yes, racism had returned to Havenwind.
The night before school, Kenny Smith lay in her bed at the inn, worrying about tomorrow. "Daddy,"she asked, "what will I do tomorrow?" Mr. Smith, sat down on her bed, his comforting face reassuring her. "We'll be fine here, I promise. We'll be fine here." He left the room to his own, looking back to his dear Kenny as he exited. "We'll be fine."
Staring at the ceiling, she pondered the many trials middle school had to offer. I'll survive the planet, but will I survive middle school? She wondered, and slowly went to sleep.
(The next morning)
It's time, Kenny realized as the clock struck nine. "Bye, momma! Bye!"She waved to her mother looking out the window. Her brothers, Henry and Max, urged her to the school bus, shouting, "Hurry up, Kenny! Hurry up!"Kenny quickly boarded the bus, looking back at the inn, and sighed with relief.
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Re: TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- a superhero story

Postby TripleMoon » Sat May 29, 2010 6:25 pm

Opening: Me Muero- Utada
Ending: Dearly Beloved- Yoko Shimomura

Chapter 1:

Gwen opened the heavy metal door that led to a stairway leading up to the main floor. Good. She was the first one there to bask in her victory of surviving her first year at Lancings. She hurried up the stairs, taking off her newsboy cap, and went over to her locker.
"Come on, it's gotta be in here somewhere," Gwen muttered as she scoured her locker. "Oh!" She brought out a spare lock and key, kneeled down to the locker below, and unlocked it with a strand of hair instead of figuring out the combination lock. She then replaced the lock with a regular one and unlocked it.
"There," she congratulated herself, and opened the locker to reveal a treasure trove of luxuries such as candy, makeup, hair products, and more hair products. Gwen squirted some hair gel onto her brown hair, hands ready with a brush and comb, and styled her hair into fashionable curls. Looking into a mirror, she smiled, admiring her pleasant reflection. Then she loaded her regular locker with her school supplies, closed it, and continued grooming her hair, occasionally popping a piece of mint into her mouth.
A half hour later, students steadily swarmed into the school, greeting (or pounding) the newbies, reuniting with missed friends, and just hanging around. Sky stood at the entrance of the school, reading a book. She was waiting for her boyfriend, Eagle . How Sky adored Eagle; his sweet face, his wind-swept blond hair gleaming in the light, and he loved Sky also.
Like Sky, Eagle was also a Native American, so that made them the perfect couple. When it was fairly certain that Eagle would be late, Sky went over to her locker across the hall from Gwen's, still reading her book as she unlocked it. "Hey," she said to Gwen, but she ignored her. "Hey," she repeated. "HEY!" But Gwen was too Narcissist to even give a friendly response.
As usual, Sky ignored her back. Before, she and Gwen had been best friends, but since Eagle, their friendship was crumbling. So Sky loaded her locker and after that, read her book. She had nothing else to do, after all.
Another half hour later, Kenny was at Lancings, searching for her locker. When it was almost time for class, she found her locker, looking back and forth from the locker to a post-it to confirm the correct number.
"Uh, hello,"Kenny greeted both Gwen and Sky. "My name is Kenny. What is yours?"
The two quickly whispered to each other at the mention of her strange name. "My name's Sky," Sky said first, quickly followed by Gwen's greeting: "My name's Gwendolyn Sita, but it's Gwen for short."
The bell suddenly rang, and everyone, including Sky and Gwen, rushed to their classes, except Kenny. She stood there, flabbergasted. She hadn't loaded her locker yet.
"Damn it,"Kenny muttered as she put in her books, saving the necessities for her first class.
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Re: TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- (Original) (PG) chapter 1 up

Postby Guardian » Tue Jun 01, 2010 3:32 pm

K. The biggest problem I see so far is the organization of the story. For example, I don't see coherence paragraphs, and a space to show indication that there is a new paragraph.

Such as this.

So far, the organization is preventing me from fully reading it.
“Salvation comes with a cost. Judge us not by our methods, but by what we seek to accomplish.”

"To punish and enslave..."
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Re: TripleMoon: M.A.G.G- (Original) (PG) chapter 1 up

Postby TripleMoon » Tue Jun 01, 2010 5:24 pm

Note to self:

Stop writing in Memo.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby Nox » Thu Jun 23, 2011 12:58 pm

Jam Toast for all the poems.

As for your story, just try to fix the structure to make it more readable.
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Re: TripleMoon: Toast!- A Collection of Poems new poem each day

Postby Birdofterror » Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:14 am

But 3, 3 old to very old threads brought back from the dead. 2 of em were FAIRLY recent, but one was truly unacceptable, but I'll leave the mods to their jobs; it's really not my place.

(Continued from 2 previous threads.)

(22 days)
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