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Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:16 pm

Interesting. Is the man who was punched talking about the special powers that were mentioned earlier? I'm finally staring to get a better feel for the main character too.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:20 pm

Yes, they are both linked. Now the truth of his powers will sort of unravel slowly.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Wed Dec 02, 2009 11:01 am

This is all good so far - the 'hell' world, or whatever it was supposed to be, was very vivid. I wonder who the guy in the black suit is...

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Sat Dec 05, 2009 7:26 pm


So I was about to post this, but when I decided to, Jon came in here. So I decided to post now.


It wasn’t long until the soldiers opened up the door, walking into the room slowly with their metal handcuffs and things to make sure I wouldn’t be going anywhere. The turned to me, asking me to get up slowly and walk to them slowly, and I did so, smiling at them politely. I turned around so that they could cuff me, tie me up, secure me, and escort me to the testing room for my daily test.

“You are no regular human! You are something much more important than those assholes!” Was what he said, and he was right. I am no regular human at any stand point anymore. My body can withstand more damage than any one else. I can be shot countless times in the body and live. I can be stabbed through the chest and live. I can be hit with a car and it would feel like a punch to the stomach. I have much, much more strength than the strongest human alive. I can leap higher, run faster, and move with more flexibility than any one else alive. My senses are unparallel to those who do not have my powers. Everything about me is unparallel to everyone around me.

“Mr.Tsubasa, how nice of you to come by my testing room. It’s so nice to be able to talk with you without you scolding me anymore. As a matter of fact, it’s quite nice to talk with you in general.” This man is the man who twisted my life even more than that blasted devil ever could. This man is the president of the United States himself.

“You’re walking on thin ice Mr. President. Even now, I still get angered by you…” I was quickly interrupted however.

“I’m very interested in your story you’ve been telling Ms. Lauren. I told her to get the information of your inner devil and angel, but she went a step further and asked for the story of your life. Brilliant if I may say so my self, but one thing still bothers me about your angel and demon powers. Why do you only loose control over your demon side?” He was looking down at me, about twenty feet about from a platform. He paced back and forth, holding the guard rail. “Please, take a seat on the bench over there. I know it may be uncomfortable, but I want to hear this as well.”

“And Ms. Lauren? Where is she?”

“She my friend is monitoring this conversation of ours in another room. She can see, and hear everything from there. So she won’t miss out on any of your story.” He turned his head to the soldier to my right, and nodded to him. And then looked at the one to the left and did the same. Both of them let go of my shoulders and began to focus their attention on something else. The soldier on the right threw his assault rifle over his shoulder and began to unlock my cuffs, and the one to the left pulled out several water bottles and handed them to me.

“Now Mr. Tsubasa, please continue where you left off.”

I began to laugh at this point. “Alright. whatever. It was sort of silly to pull be out of my cell just to have me out here if you ask me.” I walked over to the metal bench to my left and sat down, swaying the water bottle back and forth in between my legs.
“We had a good laugh about that as well, Ms. Lauren and I.” He began to chuckle and laugh with me, having his arms behind his back in a polite manner. “Where did you leave off last time?”

“If I remember it was…” I looked down at the bottle, diving into my memories again.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:26 pm

Good transition again. And the president is involved and listening to his story? Intriguing. I don't know why, but something smells fishy about that. I don't trust him...

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Mon Dec 07, 2009 4:51 pm

When the gruesome demon side of his comes out on his enemy Marc and his gang, then the rest of the story will sort of fall into place.

President has a bigger role in the story than you would think. :D

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.2

Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:47 am

Update! Finally… I hope this will be another good section as well.

Ch. 3 Hell’s Choir Begins to Sing.

“I’ve been listening to what you’ve had to say. But all I hear is a bunch of bullshit that doesn’t make any sense!” I pounded him against again, out of frustration. “Now I’m going to ask you one more time, where am I, and how do I get put of this hell hole!”

“Hell hole? My boy this is your hell hole! This is all inside of you. This is your soul!” He began to laugh hysterically like a hyena. “Listen my boy. You have the power to change the world, and as lame as that sounds, it’s true. With my powers at your aid, we can change everything!”

“Just tell me how to get out! I don’t give the slightest damn about your powers, or whatever you’re trying to sell me!” I was getting tired of the smell of burning flesh, and fumes of the blood and bodies. I was getting sick to the stomach of the place with every passing second. All I wanted to do was get out of there, make sure my sister was okay, and get back home.

“Human child of mine, with my powers you shall see the world from every different view. Everything you thought you knew will be seen differently and you will know what it truly is!” He looked straight into my eyes, and as soon as he did he reached his hand out.

“What do you think you’re doing!?” I was going to shake him again, but I couldn’t move. I was like an action figure without the child moving my limbs. His hand landed on his face, and began pulling feeling his eyes.

“Listen boy, with these powers, you shall she through my eyes-” He plucked out both of his eyes at once. Blood began to flow out of his sockets, and showed no signs of stopping. “And I shall see,” he paused, reaching his hand to my eyes. I struggled to move, but it was no good, I couldn’t even blink. “Through yours, my beloved human child.” And gouged my eyes out as well, as the warm blood ran down my face. I could feel it running down my neck, down my chest and arms, and then everything was cold…

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:45 pm

Ooh, ominous and creepy. I love it

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Thu Dec 31, 2009 4:20 pm

That's... fairly disturbing. Nice work, as usual.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:56 pm

Ooooh...gorey. Great update.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:14 pm

Ahh, I love it!
Update soon, please.
Or I'll stalk you during schoooool:]
(You wouldn't mind that though, would you? ;])


Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:19 pm

Nah not really. ;D

But you should probably stop necroing dead threads ;P <3

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:28 pm

haha whoopsies.
I had your threads bookmarked so I would read them, and I had to reply:]
I'm sorweeeeeeee.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:31 pm

Don't worry, it's ok ;P

When I post next time though, that's when people can talk about it. Which reminds me, I should probably do that....

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sat Jan 09, 2010 10:33 pm

I love your writingg!
Almost as much as I love ticklingg youuu. :D;;;;;;

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:09 pm


How I love school. I cannot get time for anything. I'm still not a great editor and I feel like I didn't do too well, but I hope for a well given portion of the story again.

I woke up to sound of scurrying foot steps. Something was wrong, but my head made me forget about that. My brain was pounding against the inside of my head, my hand was in something cold and wreaked horribly, and I was lying on the ground.

“Powers. What a load of crap.” I began to chuckle. Chuckling went to laughing. The laughing then turned into a hysterical insane laugh until my stomach began to hurt. I began to vomit, still laughing however. It slowly went down my cheek, down the center of my throat, and down the sides. It felt strange, having something warm on my body that was cold. It sent chill down my spine.

I suddenly gagged however, forcing me to sit up straight and stop my insane, uncontrollable laughter. A few minutes of gazing around the room, I saw tables over turned, curtains ripped, and that the cold stuff on the floor my arm was in, was vomit probably from earlier. “This is going to scar me for life! I’m going to smell like shit for a few months from this.” I swung my arms, trying to get the vomit off my arms, and whipping it off of my body. I noticed shortly after, that I wasn’t in my normal clothes, something I hadn’t noticed before. I stood up, nearly falling over however, due to the vomiting which made me uneasy in my movements.

I spotted my clothes quickly after I stood up. They were lying on a chair across the bed behind me. I was trying to sort so many things out in my mind while I walked to my clothes and held them in my arm unscathed with vomit. Everyone was gone, I was on the floor, I had a strange dream of something that I don’t remember too much of anymore, and that I smelled like horribly bad. Slowly bending over, and picking up the clothes, also noticing no one paid attention to my insane laughter, which struck me odd. “Nurse?...” I called out, but I was still feeling weak and my call was no more than a whisper. I walked over to the door, fumbling within steps to find that several karts were turned over and that patients were on the floor, however I walked past them slowly and mindlessly while holding my head.

I wasn’t sure at the time why I had walked down the hospital stairs, or where I was headed. I was mindlessly walking somewhere bumping into walls as I went, being guided by someone’s hands like a puppet being controlled by strings. As I reached the ground floor however, my head ache got worse. Police sirens were sounding everywhere outside, yelling out to someone on megaphones.

-Was this event the trigger to my demented future?...-

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:33 pm


Never had time to work on this, and when I did I always forgot about it. Thought I'd spend a good chunk of time working on this. Hope my writing didn't get worse. Anyway, hope you enjoy.

When I opened up the door, the blaring sounds of sirens only got louder. Thankfully, no one occupying the first floor at all, however, the sirens probably had something to do with it.

I walked out into the food court only to find it in the same condition as the other floor I was on before. Tables and chairs thrown down along with food and spilled beverages speckling the floor. That much was the same, but the differences were also visible. Smashed glass from the food counters, empty registers, and several bullet holes in the wall were the most obvious differences over all. Obviously a robbery, the reason I didn't know, but it must have been quick and recent given the police sirens. That didn't explain why my room was also destroyed if this was simply a robbery, and that was what bugged me.

I decided, given my already unappealing smell, to go throughout the crowd outside and leave the hospital to go home. I walked around and over tables and chairs to make my way to glass doors in front. The glass shined blue then red, on and off which irritated me. My head already hurt already, and my eyes, likewise, hurt just to blink. Blue, red, blue, red, blue, red, the colors continued to flash. The doors were automatic, and slid open quickly. Police cars were lined up against the front of the hospital, the crowd behind them stuck out though. Arms were thrown up into the air, angry voices polluted the air, and all chaos seemed about ready to break loose with me in their direction. Thankfully, no one was paying attention to me, sliding on by to wide of the building, moving on with my business.

It wasn't until l fumbled onto the sidewalk that I had realized the biggest problem I had. How do I get home by walking? Stupid me forgot that the hospital was a good thirty minutes from my house, and that was with the freeway. I groaned, slapping my head hard. Not only that, I didn't know where my sister was either. I would love to say she's at home, but I didn't know for sure. I dug into my pockets quickly, that I looked stupid, as if I was trying to reach down my pants to get some squirrel out of my pants or something. I pulled out my cell phone which was surprisingly in the same condition as it was before the car hitting me; the screen was not cracked in anyway at all.


"Take it yup called your family to pick you up, my boy?" The President looked down on me with a smile. I felt uneasy by it though, there was something that he was thinking, and I don't think I would like it at all.

"I called that man that lived in my house, yes. I wouldn't call him a parent though." The two soldiers next to me remained silent; I almost forgot they were there. "I'm telling you though, he was not happy when he came to pick me up."

"Was your sister home? How was she?" When he asked that, I looked down at the ground.

"She was alright thankfully. I guess she got out at the right time." My heart ached so much. My heart became swollen again and my voice weakened considerably as well.

"And your parents? How did they take the story of you being in the hospital?"

"They didn't care in at all. They just looked the other way muttering how much of a nuisance I am." I predicted the two drunkards would say that as well. Never in my life have I heard them say anything good about anyone, and because of that they never had a long lasting job.

"So does that basically cover up the beginning of the story?"

"Yep, that's pretty much it, at least until the next day..."
Last edited by Jasthn on Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.3

Sun Oct 10, 2010 7:38 pm


Thought I'd put two diffrent posts, one for the end of the last chapter, and one for this one. Again, hope you enjoy, and I hope my writing didn't get worse. I openly accept critisism as always.

Chapter 4: Hells Crescendo.

It never has been peaceful around our house during a weekend. Sleeping in at our house was not something we got often, and something we prized the most. It was eight o' clock when I heard my mother banging at my door. She was yelling at me for my dirty clothes the day before, smeared in my vomit and was certainly not the prettiest sight to be seen.

"Why the hell is this in the trash!? It's stinking up the garage, badly!"
She barbarically shouted. Her voices rattled my door to the hinges, and scared the birds outside on the trees.

"Where else am I going to put the ugly thing, in the laundry basket? You wouldn't like that one bit and you know it." I lay in my bed poorly wrapped in my blanket with a pillow over my head.

I didn't sleep well during the night, and I was being woken up early in the morning. Overall, it sucked. I had constant dreams during the night, the surroundings were similar to the one I had in the hospital, only I didn't see the man from before. Stranger yet, I remember all the details completely.

"You should put it in the big dumpster down by the stores then!" My mom blared again. "And I hope you don't get your dumb ass in trouble from that hospital story. If you end up getting sued or something, I'll defiantly get you." I could hear her walk down the hall, away from my room. Pots and pans hit each other in the kitchen down the hall, the stove hummed, the TV was on, and I could tell I wasn’t getting back to sleep.

The box of jewelry was on my nightstand, I hadn’t opened it up once since I was in the hospital. I had an extremely bad feeling about it and didn’t want to open it up, however, curiosity got me to do the opposite. I reached my hand to the nightstand next to my bed, dragging the box off of it onto my chest. I opened up the top and poured the necklace and ear rings and jewelry onto my stomach. Everything was still there, the necklaces, ear rings, rings, and bracelets. There were only two ear rings, both looked the same, but one had a ruby, while the other was a hazier white gem. All the jewelry was the same in some way. One ear ring and the only necklace had a hazy white gem, one bracelet and the other ear ring had a ruby red gem. The last bracelet was dramatically different in shape and design with a sapphire gem, while another ring had a sapphire in it. The last two rings held two a shiny, metallic, reflective stone in them. No more than two items had the same gem in them, and no two items had the same design or shape except the last two rings.

The foggy white jewelry caught my eye though. I was mesmerized, mentally drawn towards it in some way that I could not explain. I picked up both, putting the rest of the items back in the box, and observed both the necklace and ear ring. The ear ring looked to be made of iron in the shape of very small chains, eventually connecting itself to the baguette cut gem. The necklace had the same chain design, however, it used several small chains connecting to a flat, circle with the gem in the shape of a ball.

I put on the necklace without a word, and after the ear ring. Unfortunately, I had my ear pierced before hand, because if it wasn’t for that I would have had extra time to have a better life.

The day I put in that ear ring, the earth, the heavens, and hell sang a song of doom…

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.4

Thu Oct 14, 2010 9:58 pm

Great work. I wouldn't say your writing's got bad at all, in fact I'd say there's been a definite improvement. Only caught a couple of mistakes as I was reading through, but all of it was more than readable.
And good job on the second post; I now have a clear idea what his mother is like. Nice word usage there.

Hope you write more soon, I must say I've missed this story. Glad to see you're still writing it.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.4

Fri Oct 15, 2010 6:08 am

I'm sure I'll be yelled at by someone if I don't continue it haha. But I think I've been getting enough time to work in the story so...

It makes me feel better too that my writing didn't completely suck haha, thank you for the comment.

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.4

Wed Oct 27, 2010 10:41 pm

For some reason, and I didn't know why, I smiled happily. Something came over me, and a bright beaming smile radiated from my previously distraught face. I sat up in my bed, placing the box on my nightstand again, then looked at myself on the edge of the bed into a mirror. The necklace was quite nice. Detailed and beautiful yet, strange. The necklace was a different look on me, the jewel dangled off my left ear making the side of my head heavier than the other a bit. My clothes stood out though. The white tank top was all un-smooth and wrinkled, while the gray pants were getting holes. I truly looked like a hobo in every definition of the word.

I expected my sister to be awake already. She tends to leave the house on a walk when she wakes up on Saturday's and Sunday's, a way for her to get a breathe of fresh air. That thought made me remember it was in fact a Saturday, and with that in mind, I could find something to do with my unoccupied time. Perhaps something with my girlfriend.

My hair shagged in my eye as I stood up from the edge of the bed. A thin, messy, dark brown color, almost black hair. Though kept somewhat unkempt, it looked good in a sense, almost punk. Medium length, it could reach the bottom of my neck it straightened or combed. The mess covered my ears as well, making the sides of my neck hard to see. I soon picked out a white t-shirt, and a pair of ratty jeans, I left the room, heading to the kitchen.

As I expected, my sister was still outside, doing whatever she was doing. Her shoes were gone and she was no where to be found. The only living, moving things in this house were myself, and those 'things' called legal parents, sitting carelessly at the table. My mother never had much going for her. Her hair was so thin, it is like looking at a ghost. Her hair was a bleach blonde, long and straight, but her face and body were nothing worth mentioning about. Her face was sloppy with bags underneath her eyes. Her bags under her eyes even had bags, giving an extremely unappealing look to anyone, even a hobo whom she walked past. Her arms, like her hair, were extremely thin. It almost seemed to be that it was skin attached to her bones, no fat or muscle in-between, while her legs were the same way. That lady in the house, my mother, often wore hooded jackets and long pants. She often complained about things being too cold, but with the thin anorexic body she has, I could understand why she think that. How I was related to her, I dare not ask how.

My father, on the other hand, had something else going for him. Though his hair had been suffering in recent years, it was noticeable there had been something there before. His hair was black, curly, but thick. His face was enough to make a grown man cower in front of him. My fathers face was stern, rock hard, and well built. A square chin, a forehead flat as a stone, and a deep gaze from the back his head where his eyes dwelled, this man was not to be fooled with. He often wore jackets and plain color shirts with blue jeans, a common looking man to say the least. 

My father had his seat scooted back from the table, his back against the chair. His left leg hung out of the table while the other laid under the table. A sloppy way to sit i must say, but from a sloppy man, it was expected. He was reading the newspaper, obviously, since the paper was help up directly in front of his face. My mother, being the woman she is, was painting her dead, indecent nails, only giving me a cold stare as I walked past her. Likewise, I gave a cold stare back.

I heard the tv in the background. The news without a doubt had been on. News reporters were talking, music was playing at the switch of each stories, announcers explaining new stories. As I expected however, the hospital came up, talking about the attack I was in.

"Like any other person, I take it you watched it?" The President eyes gazed down upon me, staring through me again, peering into my thoughts. "Is this why you attacked Marc, and his gang?" 

"No. It was later that day, he took my sister from me. Because of him, she couldn't look me in the eyes for a week, maybe even longer, I can't remember. I was so mad at him... I..." I choked on my words again. It wasn't horrible to see, it was gruesome to see, both what he did to my sister, but what ended up being painted on the walls of the old warehouse they took her to was just as sickening. 

"And this is why you shot at my men, days after the incident?" He seemed to be somewhat joyous. "It was because of your actions, shooting my men to be specific, that you brought this future on yourself."

I was enraged. Not only did he slander my name on American tv's and radios, slaughtering all self dignity and whatever credibility I had left, he continued to lie in front of my face. I clenched my fists, my uncut fingernails dug into my palms. My heart became heavy, my head felt light, my vision blurred, my blood pumped. I stood up quickly, roaring at the President. "I myself, did not kill your men! You can lie to your people, but you will not lie to me! I now what happened that day and I can tell you I did not kill them!"

"Then who did? They were full of bullet wounds you twit!"

"You can't even compare them to my gun! Besides that, I wasn't the only one with a gun, so did those poorly trained agents!" I thrusted my arm up, pointing at him. Like lighting and thunder, my voice boomed when I began to holler at him. The two soldiers next to me, gripped me tightly, forcefully throwing me down onto the chair I sat in before. One held a gun at my face, the other still has his hand firmly gripped around my arm. My blood boiled, my face stung with anger, my thoughts stirred and with the blink of an eye, I smacked the side of the gun with my hand, the pulling my arm away from the grip of the other. I extended both my hands to my left and right, blasting the two with a strong burst of air, sending the two away from me, then pushing them toward me again, blasting them in the back the same way. With my still extended arms, I grabbed the two by the head as they flew back towards me and threw them into the ground. 

Two swords materialized in the air, ominously hovering above the two with the tip of the blade above their heads, both looked exactly the same. One was pitch black from the handle to the blade. A black Satan star dangled by some threads of the handle, emitting vile feelings from it. The second sword seemed to glow radiantly and with angelic voices ringing silently from it. The sword was a heavenly white color from the handle to the tip of the blade as well, with a cross dangling from the handle in the same way as the other sword. The soldiers were either unconscious or stunned, still trying to process everything that had just happened.

"I will not go back on my word of not killing you, but please, watch what you say. your buddies here my pay not be as lucky." I stood coldly between the two men on the ground. My heart was still beating quickly, my hands still wanted to smash something in but I sat instead. "You know, with me staying here and all, I really have benefited from coming here." my words were emotionless, confidence however, was strong in the words. "Because of my stay here, you've actually govern me more time to conquer my powers. Mr. President, do you know how many people you have here exactly at this very moment?"

"Yes, why do you ask?" The President seemed angry, more so at the soldiers than myself. He looked down, to his left, to his right, never laying an eye on me. "There are..."

"A little over three hundred and twenty, correct?" I cut him off, mid sentence. I knew perfectly well how many there were. With my ability to control the air around me, I learned to use it like a sensor of sort. Where ever the air hit, I could make out the basic outline and shape of everything. "And with the snap of a finger, those three hundred lives could end in a single breathe, an explosion of fun will happen then." I ranted on without any emotion still. The same tone, gray and dull, serious and deadly. 

I raised my hands to my two swords, and made them disappear. The two blades seemed to vanish like dust in the wind, dissolving from the top to the bottom. As the two swords disappeared just as they mysteriously appeared before, I sat back in my seat with the water bottle in hand. My arms stretched out, resting on the top of the bench., and my legs slouching down to the ground. 

"Shall I continue my story again?" 

Re: Ebony. ~The Dissonance of Heaven and Hell~ Ch.4

Thu Oct 28, 2010 2:04 pm

Ooh, that is interesting.
And yes, please do continue the story, Lol ;D

I like the detail you've put into this, and I couldn't see any mistakes as I was reading though it :3 good work.
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