Some old Poetry

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Some old Poetry

Postby Oodora Ryouko » Tue Sep 01, 2009 4:35 pm

I'll start from one then start to post more and more after i get some ideas so...here is the first one

Well of sadness and terrible memories,
Filled with negativity and sin,
Blood poured from the wounds of savage hatred and insanity,
Covering which hides something most dear to ones self.

The box, buried with tears of Friend and Foe,
Drowning within the blood of Angels and Devils,
The box screaming for freedom and from woe,
Muffled by it's deep imprisonment and ocean of chaos.

Tragic is the fate of this heart,
Knowing only how to feel lonely and broken,
Trying to hold back tears of anger and grief,
Only to let it fill up the watery and bloody grave this heart has been buried in.

Only those whom are closest can save this tragic heart,
Those who have been there and know the pain,
Alone they can dig out this box of negativity,
This box which holds nothing but shards of what was once happiness,
Only they can put this damaged gem back together and make it shine
like the star it once was...
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Re: Some old Poetry

Postby BeeAre » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:29 pm

primary issues with this are word choice and meter

your rhythm blows because you waste time with words that have too many syllables or are just fillers

the concepts here should be more readily conveyed a little bit more directly, or more cleverly arranged to create a neat punctuative rhythm
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Re: Some old Poetry

Postby liveevilgirl13666 » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:17 am

Heres one i've made
I can't bear my life
So i have this knife
A slit to the throat
like a perfect song note
my white dress now run red
and i know a am......
Image

I planned to wear this when we Live our lives together.
This is what I looked like when I Lost you.
Then You Came back and I wore it again but you Left me.
Now I mourn the day by wearing it like the day I fell in Love with you.
~Brittany.R.Richardson

I make friends and foes
Whereever i go
i am faint heart
and torn apart
i envey how strong others are
i feel writing my poems help me like playing a harp
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Re: Some old Poetry

Postby Princess » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:20 am

Bumping old threads. Wonderful.
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Tuor: You foolish fools, no one can tame the stuffaluffagus!
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Re: Some old Poetry

Postby liveevilgirl13666 » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:44 am

why are you talking to me i want to be left alone im expressing my poetry can't just STOP BEING A FUCKING BITCH oops i'm sorry i shuld'nt have said that :c it's just i'd perfer if you lay off
Last edited by liveevilgirl13666 on Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
Image

I planned to wear this when we Live our lives together.
This is what I looked like when I Lost you.
Then You Came back and I wore it again but you Left me.
Now I mourn the day by wearing it like the day I fell in Love with you.
~Brittany.R.Richardson

I make friends and foes
Whereever i go
i am faint heart
and torn apart
i envey how strong others are
i feel writing my poems help me like playing a harp
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:45 pm
Location: Behind U :O or under ur bed C: i stole ur left sock O:
Gender: None specified

Re: Some old Poetry

Postby liveevilgirl13666 » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:47 am

darkness awates within i'm not like my other kin
my heart is full of anguish and sin
happieness never lived within
~Brittany.R.Richardson
Image

I planned to wear this when we Live our lives together.
This is what I looked like when I Lost you.
Then You Came back and I wore it again but you Left me.
Now I mourn the day by wearing it like the day I fell in Love with you.
~Brittany.R.Richardson

I make friends and foes
Whereever i go
i am faint heart
and torn apart
i envey how strong others are
i feel writing my poems help me like playing a harp
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:45 pm
Location: Behind U :O or under ur bed C: i stole ur left sock O:
Gender: None specified

Re: Some old Poetry

Postby Princess » Sat Oct 24, 2009 2:55 am

You're reported. You're a troll and you're bumping a almost 2 month old thread. It's aganist the rules.
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Tuor: Stuff is our resident, hot mess, alcoholic.
Tuor: You foolish fools, no one can tame the stuffaluffagus!
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Re: Some old Poetry

Postby liveevilgirl13666 » Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:00 am

mhmmm....
Image

I planned to wear this when we Live our lives together.
This is what I looked like when I Lost you.
Then You Came back and I wore it again but you Left me.
Now I mourn the day by wearing it like the day I fell in Love with you.
~Brittany.R.Richardson

I make friends and foes
Whereever i go
i am faint heart
and torn apart
i envey how strong others are
i feel writing my poems help me like playing a harp
User avatar
offline
 
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Oct 14, 2009 9:45 pm
Location: Behind U :O or under ur bed C: i stole ur left sock O:
Gender: None specified

Re: Some old Poetry

Postby GridsNaranek » Sat Oct 24, 2009 3:34 am

Thread locked.

Mhmmmm....
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