SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> HELP!!!!!

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SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> HELP!!!!!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:24 pm

I took some advice about my previous work and completely restructured it. so, Here is my new Bleach fanfic:

###################

Bleach: the Unknown Arc

Chapter One

"When you give in to Insanity"

It had been a full 5 years since the Aizen incident, when Ichigo and his comrades defeated the Arrancars (Hollows that had gained Soul Reaper powers) And Ichigo had been living easy.

He only had to defeat hollows as they came into the world of the living and make sure Karakura Town was safe.

During that time, However, He had begun to lose control over his inner Hollow, and feared that things would get worse.

Also, during these 5 years, The Gotei 13, the Royal Court Guards of the Soul Society, had decided that Ichigo couldn't do it alone. They Reinstated a Secret Society known as the Royal Order of the Zanpaku-to ("Squad Z" for short), a sort of "Black-Ops" Force that monitored Spiritual activity in the World of the Living. It was disbanded after the First Captain decided to defect from the Soul Society.But now it was back after 10 years of being inactive with the former lieutenant, Tyrax Kabusawa, being the Captain.

Shortly after, Tyrax and Ichigo had become friends through the Soul Society and took pride in busting Hollows together. Soon, Tyrax was teaching Ichigo everything he knew, including a secret technique where a Zanpaku-to is released to become it's true hidden form. But Ichigo continued struggling with his inner Hollow and in many instances, his inner hollow lashed out against Tyrax......

But soon things got out of hand......

On a cool crisp November morning, Ichigo stood outside of Urahara Shoten, waiting for Tyrax's Arrival. He watched the leaves blow across the street as they were carried by the wind and he started to wonder how long it would take for the captain to arrive. And as he thought, his mind wandered into the deepest realm of his psyche and a Face flashed across the black backdrop.

He immediately gripped his head and dropped to his knees.

I.... will not.... let you win....

come on, King..... I know you're getting weak... Like i said, as soon as you show weakness.. I'll knock you from your horse... and crush your skull!!


"Ichigo!"

As soon as he heard the deep voice he turned his head toward the roof of Urahara Shoten. There, right on the edge, stood Captain Tyrax Kabusawa...

He stood at 6 feet tall and was a broad-shouldered man. He looked to be 16 (as he had told Ichigo) yet he seemed to have strength beyond that of any other Captain in the Gotei 13 twice his age. He had brown hair and wore full-rimmed glasses. He wore the traditional garb of a captain; Black Shihakusho under a white robe emblazoned with the symbol of his squad. He also had a red piece of cloth wrapped around his left arm, signifying that he was, in fact, a human. On his left shoulder he had a small device that had a large blue flame that looked like a wing spouting from it. Ichigo knew this was his Reishi Absorber, a device that absorbed spirit energy from around him to power up his soul. He used it because his soul was human, yet the power he was capable of was beyond the limits of a normal soul. And strapped at his waist was the staple of any Soul Reaper's existance.... His Zanpaku-To.

Ichigo remembered the lecture that Tyrax had given him about the Zanpaku-To and its abilities. He was told that each Zanpaku-To held a spirit within it and it also had a certain attribute...

##################################################################################

"For example, your Zanpaku-To is named Zangetsu. But we do not know his attribute yet. I believe that it may be darkness due to your Bankai..."

"Darkness?"

"Yes. In its Bankai form, 'Tensa Zangetsu', Your attack, Getsuga Tensho, becomes black... Am I correct?"

"Yeah.... But-"

"But... You also gain incredible speed. You may have a dual-attributed Zanpaku-To. Like mine..."

He then unsheathed his blade and displayed it to Ichigo.

"I have the normal Katana because, Unlike you, I must release my Blade's power.. Observe..

"FLY INTO THE TEMPEST! HISAN HEBI!!!"

In a flash of lightning that began from inside the hilt, the blade began to grow and fom. It became a large serrated katana that was about the length of Ichigo's Zanpaku-To but only half the width.

"This is my Shikai; Hisan Hebi, which means 'Flying Serpent'. It is a Lightning Zanpaku-To, as you may have guessed from the transformation.."

"But that's one attribute... You said it was a Double..."

"I did... My Bankai has two attributes.... Once again, observe... Bankai....."

When he said the word, a plume of Fire shot from the sky and surrounded Tyrax. He had his blade in the air and Ichigo saw the lightning fly from it. It almost looked like a storm was being created from it.. Ichigo then saw Tyrax rise higher up in the plume and saw the shadow of his upper torso, but his legs had vanished...

Tyrax Swung his blade through the flames, breaking them apart and Ichigo was staring down the blade....

It had grown to twice its normal size and had teeth in the rivets of the cutting edge. On each tooth, a lightning bolt was emblazoned and the blade had the imprint of a flame, looking almost as if it were painted on. And as Ichigo looked up, he saw that Tyrax's legs were replaced by a plume of fire...

"This is Hisan Kaenhoushkai Hebi... The Flying Flamethrower Serpent.."
##################################################################################

"Ichigo.."

Ichigo snapped from his flashback and returned to reality and gripped at his head once again and noticed that the mask was forming...

come on..... let me out King......

"Ichigo! Don't let him win!!!"

hear that?? i am the key to half of your power and he doesn't want you to use me.... i think he just wants to teach you so he can kill you himself. He's afraid of what we can do... just LET ME OUT!!!!!

Ichigo screamed as the Hollow within him continued to try and break the wall that held him inside Ichigo's mind.. He then blacked out and found himself face-to-face with his inner Hollow, his Alter-Ego... ogihcI.*

hey King... gonna let me out??

why should I???

simple!! letting me out will unlock all your power!!! imagine, everything you know, all of that power, multiplied by 100!!!! we'd be unstoppable!!!!

and all you have to do is merge with me... we'd be the strongest Soul Reaper ever!!!!!


how?

you stupid boy!! how did you get your power?? that chick Rukia had to stab you!! so all we have to do is do the same and basically give each other our power.... you get it??

........

STAB ME AND GET ON WITH THIS BULLSHIT!!!!!


So they performed the ritual as ogihcI described and soon, things went to Hell....

Tyrax watched as Ichigo suddenly lost control. He stood in terror and watched as the Hollow mask formed on Ichigo's face...

He's becoming a Hollow.... This isn't happening...

"Aaah.... nothing like a little..... teamwork"

His voice sounded like Ichigo but it was paired with a strange, echoing tone.... And it sounded like pure insanity as he spoke...

He watched as Ichigo's mask finished forming, and then Ichigo lifted a hand and gripped the right side of the mask and ripped it off. Tyrax heard the mask actually give a high-pitched scream and saw it actually pulse and try to begin reforming.

The mask is trying to leech from Ichigo.... He's allowed the hollow to merge with him, but he won't let it take his appearance... almost like trying to mix water and oil.... they seperate.....

Tyrax had to end his thought as the newly "improved" Ichigo suddenly appeared in front of him and tried to strike. He noticed Zangetsu's blade and almost gasped... A substance like that of the mask was creating what seemed like veins along the face of the blade...

"Damn it! Stay still so I can KILL YOU!!!! AHAHAHAHA!!!!"

This won't be an easy fight.... I have to take him out.... but how?

As he thought this, a strange happening occured....

Ichigo stopped as a iron plate appeared over his heart and a chain flew from his limp body behind the dumpster of Urahara Shoten.

"NO!!!!!"

Perfect...

Tyrax sliced the chain as hard as he could and split it. Ichigo screamed as Tyrax then pointed his blade towards Ichigo's Limp body.

"Hado Number Six-Seventy-Five: Instant Decomposition!"

A green flash flew from the tip of his blade and Ichigo's human body became a rotten carcass within seconds and became dust even faster.

Red lightning began erupting from behind the plate on Ichigo's chest. He quickly called upon his Bankai and soon the plate exploded. But Ichigo stayed the same... His Bankai didn't even disappear...

And That's when Ichigo lost his mind..

He attacked Tyrax repeatedly, screaming obsenities, but Tyrax blocked most of them. A trail of tears actually began flowing from his human eye and leaked from the eyehole in the mask. The tears left black trails that imprinted into his face...

As Tyrax took hits from the amplified blade, He felt his will falter... He had failed Head Captain Yamamoto and the Gotei 13... Their choosen one had fallen from grace.... and it was his fault...

Ichigo lifted his Blade and landed a massive Getsuga Tensho upon Tyrax. As the blood began flowing from the wound, Ichigo finally spoke a fluent sentence...

"You...Bastard! I swear... I will DESTROY you... Just like you destroyed me..."

"Ichigo...."

"No! That was the name I had as a person. That name.... That life..... Died with my body... I'm now a Shadow....."

Just then he raised his hands to cry into and saw that the Hollow had manifested on the entire left side of his body... He then turned and slashed his left "Claw" against the air and ripped a hole in the barrier between the Land of the Living and Hueco Mundo. And, before leaving, he ripped off his mask and showed Tyrax the man that he destroyed.. The mask quickly reformed on the left side and Ichigo threw the old Mask to Tyrax... And he disappeared...

That night, Tyrax was back in the Seireitei. He had healed his wounds and stood at the gate to the Land of the Living, now wearing a new item on his right shoulder...

.....A Hollow's Mask.....

[b]TO BE CONTINUED IN CHAPTER 2


*It is written in the Tite Kubo manga that the Hollow within Ichigo is named ogihcI. Basically, it is Ichigo's name written backwards. for the Japanese writing is mirrored when displaying the Hollow's name*
Last edited by Soulreaper2011 on Sat Nov 28, 2009 7:50 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby k_money516 » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:32 pm

This is a real creative story, dude!
It's still a shame what happened to Ichigo, though.
The flashback and explanation of the Attributes was pretty cool, too.
Overall, it was a really good chapter.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:39 pm

k_money516 wrote:This is a real creative story, dude!
It's still a shame what happened to Ichigo, though.
The flashback and explanation of the Attributes was pretty cool, too.
Overall, it was a really good chapter.


Hey, I needed a villain for later. So i just corrupted the proverbial "Golden Child" of the Gotei 13 and viola!! exposition begins!! haha

but thanks for the compliment. i hope Ch2 comes soon. I'm going to    introduce a love intrest    to Tyrax, so keep an eye on it lol
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Thiamor » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:45 pm

Little thing to say;
I like stories. Yours seems decent with the structure, but, I hate Fan-fictions. I totally despise them. It shows no creativity. You're using what you know from what you've seen to create something different, yet still similar in more than one way. To me, it's as bad as when you see someone over in the Art Forum stealing Art. You need to create something new. Something interesting, that will grab, or to say...latch onto your reader and will start to pull them so deep into the story that they'll always want to read it and what's to come.
Fan-fictions are so non-creative. I will admit, I like Bleach. They could use your ideas for an 'Arc' but that's just it. It's based on IT. So all in all, it will always be Bleach and not just yours. Try something new. It feels better to create something all on your own. Like you're creating life.
Working on another story other than Hellfire, called Geistauge, which can be found here.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:52 pm

Thiamor wrote:Little thing to say;
I like stories. Yours seems decent with the structure, but, I hate Fan-fictions. I totally despise them. It shows no creativity. You're using what you know from what you've seen to create something different, yet still similar in more than one way. To me, it's as bad as when you see someone over in the Art Forum stealing Art. You need to create something new. Something interesting, that will grab, or to say...latch onto your reader and will start to pull them so deep into the story that they'll always want to read it and what's to come.
Fan-fictions are so non-creative. I will admit, I like Bleach. They could use your ideas for an 'Arc' but that's just it. It's based on IT. So all in all, it will always be Bleach and not just yours. Try something new. It feels better to create something all on your own. Like you're creating life.


I get what you mean. I've been trying to write my own story for a while now but this popped into my head one day while i was watching Bleach and it just... well, happened. This is my second attempt though. my first was an epic fail on my part of missing huge chunks of details so i filled in the blanks from my previous story. but this is actually what happens before my first attempt. but i'm still trying to come up with my own. it's just hard to keep it from latching to other.. "resources"
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Thiamor » Fri Aug 21, 2009 9:59 pm

Don't use anything that I've posted, but read mine ( Night) and try to see what I mean. Reading others' works to get a flow on things is definitely an okay thing to do :P
Working on another story other than Hellfire, called Geistauge, which can be found here.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Fri Aug 21, 2009 10:00 pm

okay :) Thanks
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Mathias » Fri Aug 21, 2009 11:35 pm

Merge plz mod.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby ChocolateHurricanex » Sat Aug 22, 2009 12:36 am

As much as I would want to go Bennett the Sage on steroids on this one, I'll pass up the opportunity since from the look's of it, this one might be decent. Admittedly, I only read like 1/8 of the entire story, but you at at least got a couple of the problems fixed, such as explaining a few things to us non-Bleach viewers, even though not everywhere. For example the Aizen incident. I cannot say if this is a canon or original event for the storyline, yet if it is the latter one, I can see the use of keeping it a mystery for a reveal later on when it can contain a greater impact. If the first, meh, we can get passed it since I'm guessing it's a minor detail.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby PunkyChipsAhoy » Sat Aug 22, 2009 11:29 am

I was expecting for CH to be all critic-like and say something along the lines of "here I am! Rock you like a hurricane!"
A Pimp Named Jeezy Creezy: Lasting all the way up to Valentine's.

And the Pimpeth lord sat amidst his real ballin' players, the Apostles, and raisingeth his cup of Cristal as they devoured the grapes and cheese from the finest bitches in town he said

"Sleepery Dee, Sleepery Doo.
Whoever betrays me tonight, I'll mo'fuckin' cap you!"
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby ChocolateHurricanex » Sat Aug 22, 2009 1:23 pm

I can still do it, but I'm too lazy right now to read everything. If it's craptastic once again, I'll start humming the scorpions for the rest of the day.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby ZhaneX » Sun Aug 23, 2009 1:49 am

It's definitly better than the last one. Far better.
It's still not that great, but this definitly shows improvement.
The story flow still seems to be pretty rushed, and things aren't examined as much as they could be, but you've got key details in place, which again shows improvement over the last one.
Keep writing, listen to critiques, and continue to improve, since you definitly seem to be based on comparing your last piece and this.
Make the world revolve around you, it's more fun to think that way.
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> CH1 Debut!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Sun Aug 23, 2009 11:03 am

thank you Zhane ^_^

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Okay CH 2 is in the works, and I'm actually revising everything from the "PpGD Idea" and allowing the great Trio to be a "Guest appearance" of Sorts... And Buttercup will be bad ass and nothing happens between her and Tyrax... But he does move on to greener pastures there in Megaville but i won't spoil everything for you guys
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Re: SR2011=>New Fanfic=>Bleach: The unknown Arc=> HELP!!

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Wed Nov 25, 2009 2:41 pm

Okay, I pretty much have the first half of Ch. 2 done Finally (Fucking homework for school kept getting in the way) But i'm stuck. I want to introduce a new female character who actually is unknowingly an antagonist but i'm stumped. So if anybody has any OCs with cool powers or somethin or wants to help me out please give me a name and description of her looks, personality and powers and i should have Ch. 2 up before Christmas ^_^
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