Oh, holy fucking CRAP. You're sixteen? Man, I wrote better than this when I was twelve, and I can prove it!
...yeah. "Nostalgia" and "shame" come to mind.
But dude, seriously. SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. If I could offer one piece of advice for you it would be to reduce the pace at which you advance the plot.
Plan it out in your head, or even on a sheet of paper first.
For example, with my story (Puff Most Epic), the process for writing it is roughly the following:
-Plotting the main ideas on paper, including themes involved
-Writing a basic run-through of the events
-Expounding on those events
-Removing that which does not fit the theme (either of the paragraph or of the story)
-Replacing outright bad with good (including grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc)
-Revising areas that need more work
-Touch-ups (minor details in the story)
You are not restricted to what you can post on these forums. Some places have a limiter, which will generate an error, telling you to cut down your post. But, as far as I know, that is not here.
Work on your story a little more, take some time, and MAYBE you'll be even as good as me, some day.
So modesty isn't a strong point for me. Whaddaya gonna do, take me to Mast?