SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

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SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Wed Aug 05, 2009 7:41 pm

PowerPuff Girls D

Enter: The Soul Reaper


IN AN UNKOWN PARALELL DIMENSION

A Tall, Brown-haired boy who looked to be about 16 was running for his life. He was wearing a black kimono with a white robe over it and he had a sword at his waist. He also wore glasses and was pretty tall. He also had a Small device attatched to his left shoulder that was strapped around his body. A large blue wing of flame was sprouting from it, but it was no ordinary flame. It was sucking energy from the area around him. A Reishi Wing.

But He was running for his life. Chasing him was a large python with what looked like a large white skull mask. The boy unsheathed his sword and called out a mantra:

"Fly into the Tempest! Hisan Hebi!!" [Flying Serpent]

With a spark of electricity, his katana transformed into a very large Serrated-edge katana.

He turned to his enemy and stood his ground. When the python went to strike, he held up his blade and held back the python's fangs. he then focused and his Reishi wing flared. He then threw the python back and launched himself into the air. he then pointed his blade and screamed his attack:

"KURASSHU NO RAIKOU!!!" [crash of lightning]

A Large Electric bolt flew from the tip of his blade and hit the python in the face. The boy was trying to buy time to find a way out of this dimension, Hueco Mundo.
He reflected on why he was running... Why this Hollow Followed him From the Soul Society and into Hueco Mundo....

He was trying to Perform Konso on a Man's soul that was about to turn, when the Man gave out a horrid scream and his mask began to form. He jumped back and watched the hole form in the man's chest and the white mask form. He knew he needed to run but he couldn't because his sword was still attatched to the chain of fate that still clung to the man's spirit. He Watched as the man's body disappeared and all that was left was the mask.

Until the spirit transformed....

So now he was being followed because this Hollow sensed his Spirit Energy and was hell=bent on Devouring it...

He then remembered how Hollows broke the barrier through Hueco Mundo..... They cut the area around them... So he cut a random hole in front of him and saw a small house..... two floor with only 3 windows. He jumped through the hole and landed in the front yard.

When he landed, he decided he should put his Gigai on to blend in. He looked the exact same... without the sword.... and he looked like a first grader...

He then went up and knocked on the door and was greeted by a girl with Black hair, Green eyes and wore green pajamas.

"Who the heck are you??"

"My name is Artemis Tyrax. I ran from home and need a place to stay. I've had no food for a day and need to rest...."

"Listen here bub. You can..."

"Buttercup? Who is it??" A man called from inside.

"Just some boy who ran from home and is trying to freeload."

"Let him in..."
So Buttercup stood aside and Artemis walked in, with a bag of clothes that just appeared and as she went to close the door, Buttercup thought she saw a black butterfly...

So Artemis met Professor Utonium and His three Girls: Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup. Artemis knew he was 16 but still felt atttracted to Buttercup, but then he saw something. Buttercup had a strange Aura about her. Using his Soul Reaper ability he Gauged That Buttercup had a very high Spiritual pressure and he saw a green Aura Surrounding her. Yet he also had a strange feeling in his gut.... A feeling that was only present when he looked at Buttercup.... He Decided it was nothing and continued talking to the professor...

So it was decided after a conversation that Artemis would stay. He slept in a guest room but lay awake... Soul reapers needed no sleep. He Lay there and thought about the day.

If that hollow wanted me so badly, why did it let me escape??

Why do i feel as if I'm near some type of unstoppable doom??

Why can't I stop thinking about Buttercup??


And once he thought the latter, at about midnight, he saw his door open.

He slowly started to grip the stone which released him from his body, but when he saw it was Buttercup, he relaxed. She came up and sat at the end of his bed.

"You Couldn't sleep miss??" He asked

"No, I wanted to talk to you.... I know you're not who you say you are.."

He was flabbergasted. Did she know his secret??

"You couldn't have run away from home or there would be an amber alert... and you wouldn't have been so calm... trust me, I know"

"Well, You are correct, but for the wrong reasons" He then sat up and grabbed his stone.
I still don't know why i feel like i do, but maybe doing this will help elucidate..

"Do not scream" And with that, he pressed the stone to his chest and Buttercup saw as a white orb came out of his back and grew.

Artemis stood before her in his true form.... Age and all.

Buttercup almost fainted when she saw him before her... She gasped when she saw his Zanpaku-to at his waist and his Reishi wing... But what she couldn't wrap her mind around was that he had gotten older...

"I'm really 16... or at least, I was"

"What do you mean 'was'??"

"I am a Soul Reaper. A captain of court guard company Z. And in order to be a soul reaper you need to either die or seperate from your life and make a new one. My old life, I was 16 so this is my spirit form, but now I am your age. That is who I am now."

"Wow...."

"Yes, A Soul Reaper is a person who Helps the spirits of people who have died to 'pass on'. But, some Souls are filled with emotions that carried on from their life and they become malignant souls. We call them Hollows because they always have a hole in their chests from where their heart used to be... But we are also dispatched to Assimilate these souls and send them to the soul Society."

"Oh..."

"Yes.." He then proceeded to tell her about his Attempt to outrun the Hollow and How he ended up at their house

"But, You have something strange about you... an aura..."

"Is that why you were staring??"

"Yes.... and no... I was also staring because you mesmirized me..."

Buttercup blushed and felt a warm, fuzzy feeling inside....

"Buttercup, I need you to grip this stone tightly.... I need to see why you have that aura..."

She gripped the stone and felt her soul seperate. And Artemis almost gasped as he saw a 16-year-old Buttercup wearing a Green Robe and Holding a large Hammer.

"Oh my God..... You... You have a seperated Soul..."

"What??"

"You are a Reincarnation...."

"Wow.... What is that??"

"You have a soul that is a type of "Copy" or Twin to a previous soul that has been assimilated. When Certain Souls assimilate into nothingness, they leave shards behind that manifest into newborns. In your Case, A shard manifested in you when you were created...."

"Cool...."

Buttercup then proceeded to Examine herself in her soul form, continually staring at her limb body, lying next to Artemis' Gigai. And Artemis Felt that feeling in his gut again as he looked at Buttercup...

"Hey, Can i ask you something?? ........."

MEANWHILE

A hollow ripped a hole through Hueco Mundo and a man stepped out into the universe of Black Eden.

Dr. X Watched as this man approached him.

"who are you? "

"i am the Shadow.... I Control the Hollows.."

"Hollows??"

"yes. creatures that have no feeling, no fear, just a killing instinct.... but i am here because i am hunting a soul reaper....."

"And how does this pertain to me??"

"it seems this soul reaper has fallen for someone you know very well. a girl by the name of buttercup..."

"Intriguing... But i still fail to see where i come in.."

" i am offering an army of malevolant souls, all i ask in return is that you help me get the hide of the soul reaper.... do we have a deal?? "

".......Yes...."

THE NEXT DAY

Artemis and the Girls were at school finally, Blossom went to Dexter and they Went off.... Bubbles found Mandy and they went to go play with Courage. Leaving Artemis and Buttercup alone in the courtyard.

After Returning to their Human Bodies, Artemis told Buttercup about the strange feeling he had and she told him that she felt the same. So they had agreed that they could try to create a relationship between them, but they were still not sure if it was right

They Lay on the grass and when Artemis put his hands down, his hand touched Buttercup's and she blushed a deep pink. So they stared into each other's eyes....

And Dr. X and Shadow saw this.....

"Enough... i feel my lunch returning...Mongrel, capture this girl and draw out the soul reaper"

So the Hollow disappeared and Dr. X asked the Shadow:

"Exactly who are you?"

Shadow smiled and then replied "I retired my name after my human body was destroyed by Mr. Tyrax.... I then lowered myself into my inner insanity and lost all hints of the old soul reaper i used to be. I did not become a hollow myself, but i gained control of them... and vowed my revenge on Artemis' soul"

"What was Your name?? "

Shadow turned to him and revealed his face. The Left Side was covered by a broken mask and he had yellow eyes embedded in black

"my name....was.. Ichigo Kurosaki..."


At this time, Just as Artemis and Buttercup were about to kiss, Mongrel appeared and snatched her away. leaving a note behind.

i am the shadow. i have taken your little pet to draw you to your doom. you are to come to black eden alone if you want her to live. if you bring reenforcements, she will have her soul devoured....

But he knew he needed Blossom, Bubbles, Dexter and all the help he could get.......

TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Soulreaper2011 on Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:44 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Wed Aug 05, 2009 8:31 pm

please comment if you like ^_^
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby BeeAre » Wed Aug 05, 2009 9:56 pm

Look, kid, this story is bad. It's not just not good, it is actually bad. I will lay it out for you.

In your haste to explain how cool your character (who is obviously YOU with everything you've ever wanted from Bleach and other anime) is to us, the audience, you make him look extremely silly.

You show us all of his strength and power all at once, to try and make us care about him. By showing us all this power, it makes YOU look too excited to write the story with an idea of how to make your character's powers and abilities worth something.

Not only that, but you believe somehow that making everything slightly more Japanese makes it cooler. It can, but USUALLY it does not. We don't need little bracketed English Translations, we don't even need Japanese names in the first place. We don't even need NAMED ATTACKS. You're telling us too much, and making it much too silly.

You spend too much time describing your character. You want us to know exactly how he looks because you love him so much as an idea (you love all of your neat powers for what you would have if you were in an anime, and want us to like you for it). We don't care about the character yet. All of his strength means nothing.

His name is silly. You picked two cool sounding things and put them together. Unfortunately, this just makes both of them together NOT cool. It's too much. That is your main problem. You want too much too fast.

You have the events where he interacts with our main characters move by quickly. The Professor and the Girls are minimized compared to the importance of your characters's wants. He does nothing wrong, and he has all the answers. The other characters look FAKE as a result.

Every time you get confused by an event, you skip over it, and move onto your character thinking about that event, and that pushes even MORE of your character, who is already bad and overwhelming onto us, the audience.

The only time you have Buttercup do something is to be intrigued by your character. Your character is the only motivation she has. And look! It's revealed she was all along, a part of YOUR character's story. Oh, that's good, now you've ruined one of the characters by making her basically a part of yours.

And a cliché villain interaction to make Dr. X a part of your story, too. Who turns out to just be from Bleach.

And then you have Buttercup taken away with no effort, just her blushing as a response to your character. Her being taken away is just more room for your character to be great.

Your character! your character!

this isn't an IDEA for PpGD, this is you trying to take it over with what you think is a better idea. It's not. It's worse. And that's, as far as I am concerned, the primary reason that you have received so much negative criticism, as you have said in the other thread.

Bleedman chose me to write PpGD. I am the new writer for it. I am proud that you like Bleedman so much that you want to be a part of the comic, but you have no idea how to write a good story yet. Your efforts are embarrassing, and you need to learn basic story telling rules before you write anymore.
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最後の撃は。。。切ない。Puff Most Epic.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby PunkyChipsAhoy » Wed Aug 05, 2009 11:52 pm

BeeAre, only you would take so much time from your life to crush a little boy's dream. And for today, you are a god.
A Pimp Named Jeezy Creezy: Lasting all the way up to Valentine's.

And the Pimpeth lord sat amidst his real ballin' players, the Apostles, and raisingeth his cup of Cristal as they devoured the grapes and cheese from the finest bitches in town he said

"Sleepery Dee, Sleepery Doo.
Whoever betrays me tonight, I'll mo'fuckin' cap you!"
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Seiryuga » Thu Aug 06, 2009 2:20 am

Fuck BR. Medication makes you evily. Awesome! Now storyboard you bitch!

Ok to Soulreaper.

Just a reminder, from previous thread you made in bleed forum. WHen you lose confidence easily like what I see you did in that thread. You need to work on that more than your writing or drawing.

Online tutorials can help you draw, but speaking form my experience, actual classes on the fundementals of drawings helps a lot more. Same goes with writing. Dunno how old u are, but it's best to learn this stuff early.

Good luck.
copyrights are a bitch ain't it?
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby k_money516 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 10:42 am

Hey, personally, I thought it was pretty good.
That was also a big fucking twist near the end.
Ichigo turning out to be a Hollow...
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby PunkyChipsAhoy » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:06 pm

If the story he wrote was solely about his character, it'd be some very bad writing. But since the story involves his character being a badass while the rest of the people are set aside... it's really bad fan fiction.
A Pimp Named Jeezy Creezy: Lasting all the way up to Valentine's.

And the Pimpeth lord sat amidst his real ballin' players, the Apostles, and raisingeth his cup of Cristal as they devoured the grapes and cheese from the finest bitches in town he said

"Sleepery Dee, Sleepery Doo.
Whoever betrays me tonight, I'll mo'fuckin' cap you!"
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Mirak's Mod Ghost » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:17 pm

k_money516 wrote:Hey, personally, I thought it was pretty good.
That was also a big fucking twist near the end.
Ichigo turning out to be a Hollow...
You wear a default avatar, you suck by default, so saying this fanfiction is good is saying it sucks. Woah, some cunning shit here.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby PunkyChipsAhoy » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:27 pm

lol +1 on the internet.
A Pimp Named Jeezy Creezy: Lasting all the way up to Valentine's.

And the Pimpeth lord sat amidst his real ballin' players, the Apostles, and raisingeth his cup of Cristal as they devoured the grapes and cheese from the finest bitches in town he said

"Sleepery Dee, Sleepery Doo.
Whoever betrays me tonight, I'll mo'fuckin' cap you!"
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 12:44 pm

look, this is just a fucking idea.... So, You think i'm a bad writer, big whoop, i could care less if you try and push me out of an area that i have tried working on for 5 years. Yeah, i need to work on it And for the record, BR This was meant to introduce the Hero, all the other characters will be given bigger roles in the second chapter and so on. Second, every soul reaper in bleach calls out their attacks get used to it and the english translation is to elucidate the meaning of the Japanese name. Also, the name is just something i liked... I didn't want to spend 10 hours thinking of a name for my character. For those of you catching my drift, IT'S A STORY!!! I'm no Stephen King or Tite Kubo or Bleedman. I'm just a 16 year old guy trying to post his work so that hopefully, i can find somebody like K_Money who actually likes it. And Mir@k, avatars have absolutely nothing to do with somebody's opinion, he just liked the picture... Don't fucking hate people and their critiques just because of some stupid avata.

So, If you want to pride yourself in thinking that i'm hurt, i'm not.... I'm just motivated now to write my second chapter or possibly a rewrite even bettter than this.

Thank you, Case Closed.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Mirak's Mod Ghost » Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:03 pm

Soulreaper2011 wrote:an area that i have tried working on for 5 years.
LOL

Good thing this is just a fanfic with no traits of it becoming anything else by anyone else's hands.
And no fuck YOU MOTHERFUCKER THIS IS JUSTA MOTHERFUCKING OPINION FUCKING SWEARING MAKES ME LOOK COOL!

RISE AND SHINE! GAY RAINBOW KAWAIIDESUNE!
WATACHI MASHI BOSHI! *sends beams at u*
*cums*
OOMPF.

Look i described your fanfic im a cool kid now.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby PunkyChipsAhoy » Thu Aug 06, 2009 1:05 pm

If you don't learn to take constructive criticism like a man, you'll never turn into a better writer. What BeeAre said is 110 percent right on. And I don't need to defend Mir@k since you're new and haven't learned that more than half of the people here are total dicks.

I'll be looking forward to the next chapter, not because the story is interesting at all, but to simply critique it so it can be better. And who knows dude... maybe one day you could be in the same level as some of the good writers here. Which isn't saying much lol.

@Mir@k: you forgot to call his rainbow minions of cool Bleach powers and super duper awesomness that all the girls orgasm over.
A Pimp Named Jeezy Creezy: Lasting all the way up to Valentine's.

And the Pimpeth lord sat amidst his real ballin' players, the Apostles, and raisingeth his cup of Cristal as they devoured the grapes and cheese from the finest bitches in town he said

"Sleepery Dee, Sleepery Doo.
Whoever betrays me tonight, I'll mo'fuckin' cap you!"
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PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 2

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:24 pm

PpGD: Enter the Soul Reaper

Chapter 2

As Artemis stared helplessly at the note he kept rereading the last line:

"bring reinforcements and her soul will be devoured"

But i'm not gonna be able to beat him alone.... I may have all my powers but I'm not some God.... This "Shadow" has an army of Hollows. All I have is my Zanpaku-To....


Across the courtyard, Blossom, Bubbles and Dexter saw Artemis reading over the note.

"He looks worried... Wait, Bubbles? Didn't you say Buttercup was with him??" Blossom began fearing that something was wrong.

"Yeah, but I don't know where she could have gone..."

Dexter then interjected, "The only way to solve this is to ask him."

Blossom feared that Artemis had something to do with this so she decided she should be the one to ask him.

When she approached him, Artemis had a look of dread on his face..

"Umm... Artemis??" He jumped when he heard her voice and quickly hid the note behind his back.

"H..Hey Blossom...." He tried hiding the look of fear, but it was too late.

"Bubbles said she saw you with Buttercup earlier..." As soon as she said Buttercup's name, His face contorted into fear, dread and agony combined...

"Yes... But..." As he said this, Blossom noticed the note behind Artemis' Back.

"May I see that??"

"Oh, This?? Hehe it's just...a...Study Guide for a test!! Yeah!" But Blossom saw through his Ruse...

"We were told there wouldn't be another test until next Wednesday..." As she said this she snatched the note and began to read it.

Bubbles and Dexter watched as she read the note and almost fell backward from the force of her scream.

"WHAT!?!? WHAT IS THIS!? 'Her soul would be devoured'?!?!" She grabbed Artemis and pinned him against the tree they were under. "You have a lot of explaining to do and you need to do it NOW!!!"

Artemis knew there was no avoiding his fate. If he had any hope of getting help to save Buttercup, he needed to explain what happened.... and who he really was....

Meanwhile in Black Eden....

Buttercup slowly came into conciousness and as she looked around could not tell where she was. Was she still in Megaville? Had that Thing Dragged her to Hell?? She then noticed she was bound by chains and pinned against a wall.

She Started struggling against the chains, but her efforts proved futile, for the chains were made of some type of alien metal she couldn't break....

"Look at this... Our Litttle Damsel in Distress has finally awakened.." A Raspy voice sneered...

Buttercup looked up and saw a Figure in a Black Cloak coming down the flight of stairs ahead of her.

"Where am I??" She asked, rather pissed off

"You are in a place unknown to many.... Welcome... To Black Eden.." As he said this he threw his arms out as if showing off the place.

"Who the Heck are you and why are you doing this?!?" She screamed at him. She felt her heart begin to pound from the fear that settled upon her as the figure drew closer and she saw his face.

Bright orange Hair with half of his face covered in a mask that seemed to be alive and growing. He had yellow irises set in black eyes. As he spoke to her he picked pieces of the growing mask off of his face. She could swear she saw the thing quiver as he did so.

"Ah, All of your questions will be answered when your knight in shining armor comes to sacrifice himself to save you. For I have given him a choice, Give himself up or allow you to die.."

Buttercup's heart skipped a Beat. He's using me as bait?? To draw out Artemis??

"Why Me??" She asked as she surpressed tears from the thought of this.. thing.. killing Artemis.

"You... Why You??" He Sarcastically mocked her questioning tone, "I'll tell you why... You see, as i was observing you and the Soul Reaper I saw an unforseen drawback in my plan of just killing him myself... You."

Buttercup could only stare and listen as this man (if she could call him that) Rambled on in a type of poetic sense of sarcasm that showed his true insanity.

"See, With you as the Damsel in Distress, The Reaper will fly to the rescue, where i will reveal who it was all along who was hunting him in this game of cat and mouse. And when he sees you, His precious little pet, about to be killed, he will offer himself up and i will destroy him, Body and Soul!!!"

He then reared back his head let out a scream of laughter that mirrored the insanity hidden in his mind. When he returned his gaze to Buttercup, the mask had covered his face and he Broke it to it's original shape and the mask slowly tried to recover.

"But, The Glorious part is, before i knock the King from his horse and crush him, I will destroy his Queen so that he will be begging for death!!!"

Buttercup gasped. No matter what Artemis did, this Man was going to kill her....

Please Artemis....Save me...

Back at the Utonium abode, Artemis had Everyone he would need seated in the room. Blossom, Bubbles holding Courage, Dexter and Sensai Jack. But Jack seemed as if he Already knew what was going to happen....

Blossom was beginning to grow impatient... She sat glaring at Artemis... She was absolutely livid.... Never before had she ever been so angry at one single person...

"Alright, I know you're wondering why we're gathered here. Well, Buttercup is in Danger....and...it's my fault.... It's all because of who I am...."

"A first grader who ran away from home??" Bubbles asked

"No.... This.." He then pulled out his stone and placed it by his heart. Everyone gasped when they saw Him in his Soul Reaper Form.

"A Soul Reaper..." Jack stated. "It was written in the Heiroglyphics of Egypt that Anubis had Servants who would carry souls to him and also purify evil souls..."

Everyone could only stare at the Soul Reaper standing before them as Artemis began telling them his story. His attempt at Konso gone awry, Him being chased by Hollows, arriving here in Megaville, everything up to that point.

"So what you're saying," Jack began "Is that Buttercup was taken by this.... Shadow... and is being held hostage and if you don't fight this guy alone, she will die?"

"Yes....."

Bubbles stood up "Artemis, we can't let you fight this person alone....you'd die..."

Blossom remained silent....

"We can make a plan..." Dexter Began, But Artemis cut him off.

"You can only show up after he releases Buttercup.. Anytime Sooner and we'll all be in Jeapordy... Especially Blossom and Bubbles. Being her sisters, Shadow might have another trap to remove them if they come along..."

Blossom finally spoke, "If you think you're gonna make me sit out while you rescue Buttercup you're dead wrong. You caused this mess and drug us into it, so now, we're gonna be in it. Like it or not."

Everyone grew silent... And Blossom Turned to Dexter, Jack and Artemis.

"You three have brains, Battle Experience and Tactics combined... You make the plan.."

"Blossom...."

"Don't 'Blossom' me Dexter.... I know what happened to you after DeeDee died, I don't want that happening with my Sister..."

"Well, They wouldn't know about Artemis and Buttercup unless they had some sort of spy.." Bubbles said.

"Right. While you three come up with a plan, Bubbles and I will patrol around and take out any types of 'spies' or bugs"

"Agreed." Artemis said. And he caught Blossom before she walked out of the door and whispered in her ear "Thank you for trusting me..." She merely smirked and walked out.

TO BE CONTINUED
Last edited by Soulreaper2011 on Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 2

Postby GridsNaranek » Thu Aug 06, 2009 4:58 pm

Read the damn rules and keep your posts in ONE thread. Your threads have been merged.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:19 pm

oh.. Sorry, well anyway, Chapter two is up now..
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby ZhaneX » Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:35 pm

Soulreaper2011 wrote:look, this is just a fucking idea.... So, You think i'm a bad writer, big whoop, i could care less if you try and push me out of an area that i have tried working on for 5 years. Yeah, i need to work on it And for the record, BR This was meant to introduce the Hero, all the other characters will be given bigger roles in the second chapter and so on. Second, every soul reaper in bleach calls out their attacks get used to it and the english translation is to elucidate the meaning of the Japanese name. Also, the name is just something i liked... I didn't want to spend 10 hours thinking of a name for my character. For those of you catching my drift, IT'S A STORY!!! I'm no Stephen King or Tite Kubo or Bleedman. I'm just a 16 year old guy trying to post his work so that hopefully, i can find somebody like K_Money who actually likes it. And Mir@k, avatars have absolutely nothing to do with somebody's opinion, he just liked the picture... Don't fucking hate people and their critiques just because of some stupid avata.

So, If you want to pride yourself in thinking that i'm hurt, i'm not.... I'm just motivated now to write my second chapter or possibly a rewrite even bettter than this.

Thank you, Case Closed.

I feel the need to say that Bleach characters don't always call out the name of their attack, just their sword, and then the name of their attack the first time they use it, except Rukia who's attacks are used by vocal commands, and Ichigo who just does it for no reason.
Anyway, in regards to your story, it really isn't that good. BeeAre is right. He was a bit harsh, but right.
Look on the bright side, at least people here are reading and critisizing your story, allowing your to improve, as opposed to just ignoring it...
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper

Postby Soulreaper2011 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 5:39 pm

ya... Well I went ahead and put up Chapter 2 and I feel that i did at least a little better than chapter 1
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Guardian » Thu Aug 06, 2009 7:10 pm

Soulreaper2011 wrote:look, this is just a fucking idea.... So, You think i'm a bad writer, big whoop, i could care less if you try and push me out of an area that i have tried working on for 5 years. Yeah, i need to work on it And for the record, BR This was meant to introduce the Hero, all the other characters will be given bigger roles in the second chapter and so on. Second, every soul reaper in bleach calls out their attacks get used to it and the english translation is to elucidate the meaning of the Japanese name. Also, the name is just something i liked... I didn't want to spend 10 hours thinking of a name for my character. For those of you catching my drift, IT'S A STORY!!! I'm no Stephen King or Tite Kubo or Bleedman. I'm just a 16 year old guy trying to post his work so that hopefully, i can find somebody like K_Money who actually likes it. And Mir@k, avatars have absolutely nothing to do with somebody's opinion, he just liked the picture... Don't fucking hate people and their critiques just because of some stupid avata.

So, If you want to pride yourself in thinking that i'm hurt, i'm not.... I'm just motivated now to write my second chapter or possibly a rewrite even bettter than this.

Thank you, Case Closed.


I dunno, after reading how you take to criticism, which you kind of ask for by putting this in a public place, and putting this on:
Soulreaper2011 wrote:please comment if you like ^_^


I really don't care about you story anymore. I was hoping that when you fixed it from its quick version, that it would have more depth and story to it. But as I read it, I agree with BR.

It is rushed. I do not connect with characters, and frankly it sucks. You introduced way to fast, and instead of setting up a background story, like a broad picture you give it to us piece by piece. Which is frustrating. As the reader, I want information and veiws on each character. The PPG was a simple intro.

You focused way, way to much on your main character. You call this a PpGD Fan fiction, yet it is horrible. You do not even touch the main PpGD characters. YOU BRUSHED THEM. By foucusing to much on your main character, you left the rest out of their main purpose.
That is not the way Buttercup acts. SHE'S A BAD ASS MOTHER FUCKER AND YOU COMPLETELY RUINED HER.

Some of your word description is interesting, but overall it is very BLAH.

You also need to re-read it, and have others re-read it. Never mind, they might kill themselves. Because there is a lot of spelling, and grammar errors.

I do not believe you have been studying English, or Writing for five years. If you did, you would be doing a lot better.
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Re: SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

Postby ChocolateHurricanex » Thu Aug 06, 2009 7:53 pm

I hate it when I'm late to the party, but fuck it. I got nothing better to do right now anyhow.



Soulreaper2011 wrote:IN AN UNKOWN PARALELL DIMENSION


Gee! That's fucking narrows it down! You could at least say if it's on Earth #62 or something.

Soulreaper2011 wrote: A Tall, Brown-haired boy who looked to be about 16 was running for his life. He was wearing a black kimono with a white robe over it and he had a sword at his waist. He also wore glasses and was pretty tall. He also had a Small device attached to his left shoulder that was strapped around his body. A large blue wing of flame was sprouting from it, but it was no ordinary flame. It was sucking energy from the area around him.


For the love of God, try not to explain two things then fucking pause! Try to use a continuity, explaining his appearance from bottom-to-top or vice versa. This does not only make it a tad easier to imagine the character, but also allows you to improve upon his appearances on stages. The lower half, the Torso and the freaking head, without having to skim through dozen of updates and paragraphs in order to revise said work and improve upon it in the later stages. Also, "Tall, brown haired boy"? Gee, I'll be sure to be on the lookout for a tall boy that's 16 of which I know not any facial features or such. I'm sure I don't even need to know the lenght of his hair or volume or shit to figure it out it's him!

Soulreaper2011 wrote:A Reishi Wing.


A Reishi Wing? What the fuck is that? What is it's purpose? What does it look like? I don't care if it's from Bleach, you have to explain the specific characteristics of this anime to the people who don't watch it so they won't be confused out of their mind.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:With a spark of electricity, his katana transformed into a very large Serrated-edge katana.


A spark of Elictricity from what? And why the fuck transform a Katana's blade into one which is common on small knives and scissors? What's the point?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:He turned to his enemy and stood his ground. When the python went to strike, he held up his blade and held back the python's fangs. he then focused and his Reishi wing flared.


Lolwut?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:He then threw the python back and launched himself into the air. he then pointed his blade and screamed his attack


How the fuck do you throw a giant ass python back? From what I saw of Bleach the monsters are 4 stories high and usually very powerful. He ain't the fricking Hulk from your description of him and the python could of swallowed him whole. I mean, it's fucking giant. It has a mouth bigger then his body from what I presume so what could of worked here would of been him pushing the blade through the top of his mouth, not bear-wrestle with his teeth.



Soulreaper2011 wrote:Hueco Mundo.


"It can only be accessed by tearing the dimensional fabric separating the worlds, which allows Hollows to travel to any other dimension at will." He pissed off the Godfather of Soul Society, why would he even be there?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:He was trying to Perform Konso


Send him to Ethiopia? And I'm going to abstain from using Mehico jokes on this one.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:on a Man's soul that was about to turn, when the Man gave out a horrid scream and his mask began to form. He jumped back and watched the hole form in the man's chest and the white mask form. He knew he needed to run but he couldn't because his sword was still attatched to the chain of fate that still clung to the man's spirit. He Watched as the man's body disappeared and all that was left was the mask.


I repeat, explain to us non-bleach viewers.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Until the spirit transformed....

He was touched by Satan?


Soulreaper2011 wrote:He then remembered how Hollows broke the barrier through Hueco Mundo..... They cut the area around them... So he cut a random hole in front of him and saw a small house..... two floor with only 3 windows. He jumped through the hole and landed in the front yard.


........................ Ok, fuck it. Bleach logic has no place in this universe.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:He then went up and knocked on the door and was greeted by a girl with Black hair, Green eyes and wore green pajamas.


Green Pajamas? Who wears pajamas in the middle of the day? Wait, now that I mention it, what time of the day is it? Night, day, morning, sunset?


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"My name is Artemis Tyrax. I ran from home and need a place to stay. I've had no food for a day and need to rest...."


You didn't even try to make him sound like a kid. All that's left for him to do is a Chally-hoo my good sport gig. And I ain't buying that shit story that hes matured at, what, 6?


Soulreaper2011 wrote:Buttercup thought she saw a black butterfly...


'Scuse me? Lemme qoute Bleach wiki on this:
"Hell Butterflies, like the Shinigami themselves, are only visible to spiritually aware beings"
I can already see how this is going towards the "tragic" death of your OP, Buttercup kicking some Gotei 13th ass then admitting his love over him as he gives his last breath. Been there, read that.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Artemis knew he was 16 but still felt attracted to Buttercup


It ain't even worth the hassle to do pedobear jokes on this one.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:but then he saw something. Buttercup had a strange Aura about her. Using his Soul Reaper ability he Gauged That Buttercup had a very high Spiritual pressure and he saw a green Aura Surrounding her. Yet he also had a strange feeling in his gut.... A feeling that was only present when he looked at Buttercup.... He Decided it was nothing and continued talking to the professor...


You fucking discover somebody with high Spiritual bullshit and an aura. How the fuck do you let it be? Also, Green aura? All that's left is to bring in Eduardo and Otto and do a Captain Planet reference. Also, who the fuck calls his ability to detect auras and spiritual pressures Soul Reaper. That like calling handing money to the poor extortion.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:[i]If that hollow wanted me so badly, why did it let me escape??


Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you zapped it's ass to kingdom come? Also, more question mark's don't make your question more philosophical.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:He slowly started to grip the stone which released him from his body, but when he saw it was Buttercup, he relaxed. She came up and sat at the end of his bed.


FUCK NO! Buttercup kicks mother fucking ass, she ain't no Japanese bitch that likes to call strangers onii-chan and fucking cuddle with them in bed ten minutes after meting them.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"No, I wanted to talk to you.... I know you're not who you say you are.."


That's Blossom's line you media whore.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:grabbed his stone.


What the fuck are those stones anyway? Michael Jackson's ball's?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Buttercup almost fainted when she saw him before her...


Why must you make her a fucking pussy?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:She gasped when she saw his Zanpaku-to at his waist and his Reishi wing


Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:"I'm really 16... or at least, I was"


No shit Einstein, I thought you were 80.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"I am a Soul Reaper. A captain of court guard company Z. And in order to be a soul reaper you need to either die or seperate from your life and make a new one. My old life, I was 16 so this is my spirit form, but now I am your age. That is who I am now."


"Yes, A Soul Reaper is a person who Helps the spirits of people who have died to 'pass on'. But, some Souls are filled with emotions that carried on from their life and they become malignant souls. We call them Hollows because they always have a hole in their chests from where their heart used to be... But we are also dispatched to Assimilate these souls and send them to the soul Society."


"Long story short, I'm a badass. Now suck my incredible huge dick"


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"But, You have something strange about you... an aura..."
"Is that why you were staring??"
"Yes.... and no... I was also staring because you mesmirized me..."


Good save

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Buttercup blushed and felt a warm, fuzzy feeling inside....


PUSSY!


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"Oh my God..... You... You have a seperated Soul..."


Well GEE! You gave me the exact same stone which you used to separate your own soul (?), I wonder why!


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"You are a Reincarnation...."

"Wow.... What is that??"


For someone meting the equivalent of Death, she seems bored out of her mind.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:"You have a soul that is a type of "Copy" or Twin to a previous soul that has been assimilated. When Certain Souls assimilate into nothingness, they leave shards behind that manifest into newborns. In your Case, A shard manifested in you when you were created...."


Wait, wait, wait.....What?


Soulreaper2011 wrote:Buttercup then proceeded to Examine herself in her soul form, continually staring at her limb body, lying next to Artemis' Gigai. And Artemis Felt that feeling in his gut again as he looked at Buttercup...

"Hey, Can i ask you something?? ........."


Que porno music


Soulreaper2011 wrote:Dr. X Watched as this man approached him.

"who are you? "

"i am the Shadow.... I Control the Hollows.."

"Hollows??"

"yes. creatures that have no feeling, no fear, just a killing instinct.... but i am here because i am hunting a soul reaper....."

"And how does this pertain to me??"


Explain why X dosn't start kicking his ass right away. I'm pretty sure if I had a giant ass monster in my cave, I'd go batshit crazy on it's ass.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:"it seems this soul reaper has fallen for someone you know very well. a girl by the name of buttercup..."

"Intriguing... But i still fail to see where i come in.."

" i am offering an army of malevolent souls, all i ask in return is that you help me get the hide of the soul reaper.... do we have a deal?? "

".......Yes...."


How the hell does he know what a soul reaper is? Why does he believe that thing can procure him an army of spirits? Why isn't he least bit interested the above?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:After Returning to their Human Bodies, Artemis told Buttercup about the strange feeling he had and she told him that she felt the same. So they had agreed that they could try to create a relationship between them, but they were still not sure if it was right


........................

Image

Soulreaper2011 wrote:They Lay on the grass and when Artemis put his hands down, his hand touched Buttercup's and she blushed a deep pink. So they stared into each other's eyes....


Oh for the love of God. Please God let Jack come by to end this bullshit.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Mongrel, capture this girl and draw out the soul reaper. So the Hollow disappeared


Who, what where?

Soulreaper2011 wrote:"Exactly who are you?"


Finally! Somebody with a brain cell!

Soulreaper2011 wrote:I did not become a hollow myself, but i gained control of them

If I wouldn't be tired for bullshit explanation I might actually be inclined to listen to this.


Soulreaper2011 wrote:"my name....was.. Ichigo Kurosaki..."


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT! Ichigo has the mask? Good, I can buy him being insane but isn't that thing a real world object? If he got killed, it should of fell off his spirit or something, not hang in there like a leach. Although this is Bleach so god knows what makes sense anymore. Also, Ichi-fucking-go? Where the fuck is Rukia?


At this time, Just as Artemis and Buttercup were about to kiss


Pussy, Media-whore, Moronic and willing to fuck anybody. Good job mate.

Soulreaper2011 wrote:Dexter


He didn't even fucking meet Dexter!

And to make your story as short as possible :

The step-brother of My Immortal in the PPGD universe.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby k_money516 » Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:09 pm

Mir@k wrote:
k_money516 wrote:Hey, personally, I thought it was pretty good.
That was also a big fucking twist near the end.
Ichigo turning out to be a Hollow...
You wear a default avatar, you suck by default, so saying this fanfiction is good is saying it sucks. Woah, some cunning shit here.

Fuck you, bitch!
I couldn't get a personal avatar, so hop off my dick!
P.S. Ch. 2 is good.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby ZhaneX » Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:12 pm

k_money516 wrote:
Mir@k wrote:
k_money516 wrote:Hey, personally, I thought it was pretty good.
That was also a big fucking twist near the end.
Ichigo turning out to be a Hollow...
You wear a default avatar, you suck by default, so saying this fanfiction is good is saying it sucks. Woah, some cunning shit here.

Fuck you, bitch!
I couldn't get a personal avatar, so hop off my dick!
P.S. Ch. 2 is good.


I feel the need to say this:
Do not encourage him like that.
Just saying Ch.2 is good is useless.
Not only is it encouraging him to continue writing in his current style, thus making it impossible for him to improve, but you're not even saying why you thought it was good, making it further impossible for improvement by not saying what parts you liked that he might be able to improve on.
Make the world revolve around you, it's more fun to think that way.
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Re: PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper Chapter 1

Postby Seiryuga » Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:28 pm

Soulreaper2011 wrote:look, this is just a fucking idea.... So, You think i'm a bad writer, big whoop, i could care less if you try and push me out of an area that i have tried working on for 5 years. Yeah, i need to work on it And for the record, BR This was meant to introduce the Hero, all the other characters will be given bigger roles in the second chapter and so on. Second, every soul reaper in bleach calls out their attacks get used to it and the english translation is to elucidate the meaning of the Japanese name. Also, the name is just something i liked... I didn't want to spend 10 hours thinking of a name for my character. For those of you catching my drift, IT'S A STORY!!! I'm no Stephen King or Tite Kubo or Bleedman. I'm just a 16 year old guy trying to post his work so that hopefully, i can find somebody like K_Money who actually likes it. And Mir@k, avatars have absolutely nothing to do with somebody's opinion, he just liked the picture... Don't fucking hate people and their critiques just because of some stupid avata.

So, If you want to pride yourself in thinking that i'm hurt, i'm not.... I'm just motivated now to write my second chapter or possibly a rewrite even bettter than this.

Thank you, Case Closed.


LOL...bleedman can't write for shit either that's why he got writers now.

So you didn't want to think a new name for a character, and so you just pretty much took someone else's name. That is mediocrity at its core.

2nd of all, you pretty much ignored everything Beer have told you, and you went and still continue into chapter 2. Continuing something that was bad isn't going to make it better. REDO.
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Re: SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

Postby Mathias » Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:56 pm

Btw, BeeAre is Bleedman's writer, so you should take his criticism. Unless you're one of those "writers" who only wants cheap praise. If that's the case, you insult me, a true aspiring writer.
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Re: SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

Postby ChocolateHurricanex » Thu Aug 06, 2009 8:59 pm

Wait, I thought Calek was the aspiring writer.
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Re: SoulReaper2011=>PPGD: Enter the Soul Reaper=>Chapter 2 is Up

Postby Guardian » Thu Aug 06, 2009 9:06 pm

O.O

Holy shit. that's one hell of a post Chocolate.
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