arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

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arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

Postby arcon3 » Tue Aug 04, 2009 12:23 pm

This is just a poem that kind of came to me while I was bored in class a while back. I already posted it on my deviantart account, but decided to put it here too. I know it isn't great, but please tell me what you think. Thanks.

A relationship is like a CD. When you first buy a CD, you are normally rather excited to listen to it. All the songs are new and fresh and are rather enjoyable to listen to. Over time, things change though. For the most part you probably still enjoy the CD, but perhaps only one or two songs on it. Some of the songs, it may seem to a chore to listen to, a drudgery even. In some cases you listen to it, you may even wonder why you ever bought the darn thing in the first place. Of course though to have a negative, you must have also had it is opposite. On very rare occasions, perhaps once, maybe twice during your entire lifetime, you run across one that at least to you is absolute gold. No matter how many times you listen to it, it always makes you feel so alive. There may one or two little things that bug you hearing, but the overall feeling that you get makes those little things nearly unnoticeable. Those you tend to or should at least hang onto for as long as you can. Since unfortunately if you lose it or throw it away, it is gone. Of course there is always the chance that you might find it again, but there is, especially if it is old, there is a very good chance that indeed you will not. You can try, and perhaps succeed in finding a replacement for it with something else, but it will not be the same. Not the same sound, and most likely not the same feeling. Although that is kind of depressing, it can normally be avoided. Just a bit of attention, care and consideration will make it last. It as with everything will not last forever but that enjoyment that is given by it is most certainly worth it.
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Re: arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

Postby Blood Lord » Tue Aug 04, 2009 5:51 pm

... How is this a poem?

It contains no poetic structure, and again nothing rhymes or makes creative images.

This is more of a description of what it feels like to buy a CD.
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Re: arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

Postby arcon3 » Tue Aug 04, 2009 7:38 pm

You're correct I think. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to lable it as since it certainly wouldn't fall under what a story would be considered. It originally started as simply comparing CD's and personal relationships and it kind of snowballed into this. I will admit though may be a bit odd. Thanks for pointing out my mistake. Other than the error in classification, how did you like it?
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Re: arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

Postby Blood Lord » Tue Aug 04, 2009 9:49 pm

I agreed with it, but I don't buy CD's that much. I like individual tracks of bands, so iTunes is more convenient for me.

I do have the same way with video games.

The description itself isn't bad, but I think you need to look at some poetic structures and redo this. Also read some poems to get idea's of how to put them together, and things to write about. I suggest when you are writing one of your poems, to take examples and themes from your own life. Make them descriptive, use colorful words that gives like to the feeling/location/event/action.

You took this really well, and honestly I am surprised. Last time I did this the person did not like what I had to say and fought me about it. Thank you for accepting what I had to say, and not getting angry with me.

I encourage you to learn and to continue to post. Learning from example, and from your own mistakes will help the best. You have potential, that much I can see, but you must sharpen it.
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Re: arcon3: Relationship Poem: origianl work

Postby arcon3 » Tue Aug 04, 2009 10:06 pm

Thank you. You've given me some good things to look at as well as some suggestions. As far as the critisism is concerned, I really don't mind. At least you've actually given me legitamate reasons(or reasons period which is more than I can say for other supposed critiques I've gotten) I'm not an experianced writter and I know that. That being said, any advice that I can use to hone my abilities, the better. Thank you once again for the excellent response.
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