DoD Untitled work part 1

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DoD Untitled work part 1

Postby dragoonofdeath » Wed Jul 15, 2009 1:00 am

this is what I was working on for my webcomic. I have plans for this in introducing a few characters such as an Aged Danny Phantom and a few other mmore "Action" cartoon characters. So far it revolves around a young fellow who, after a mistake in a mind control surgery, has forgotten everything. Except for his initials, T.E.S.
Heres what I got so far (Havent worked much on it, real life, family matters, etc.) Currently im taking suggestions for a title, as I cannot think of one.

(The following includes character diologue and areas where the characters are. Im using small descriptions for now.)

part 1

Inside a military facilities interrogation chambers.
Captain: "So... your telling me we only captured one of them?"

Soldier: "Yes captain. Odd fellow this one, I'd suggest you watch your back captain."

Captain: "So your one of our little trouble makers. Your friends are most likely dead you know."

Tes: " SHUT UP! They're all alive. I know they are."

Captain: "We captured you alive. Sadly your girlfriend didn't make it however. Evidently her race is not bullet proof."

Tes: "..."

Captain: "Now then." *leans in and sticks Tes in the arm with a needle* "Your going ot tell us what we know. Or we'll force it from you."

Tes falls over on the table unconcious.

10 years later
Tes is just getting out of bed.
Tes: *Yawns and sits up in his bed*

Scientest: "Ah about time you woke up sleepy head. They need you in the experiment room pronto! Heres your breakfest you can eat it on the way there."

Tes: "Thanks Shiella, if i'm late those guys will hate me forever won't they?"

Shiella: "I'm sure they'd let it slip. It's only a few minutes if that long. But still hurry if you can!"

Tes: "Okay mom!"

Tes runs down the hallway with a piece of toast in his mouth.

Tes (Train of thought): "My name, is Tes. About 10 years ago I woke up in a white room with no memories. Of anything. All they told me was my name, and that they would do everything in their power to bring my memories back. I only hope I like what I remember."

Tes enters a door labeled Test chamber 001. The room is large but mostly empty. A lone chair sits in the center of the room.

Tes: "Sorry i'm a bit late guys. Overslept."

Scientist: "No problem kiddo. We're having problems with the equipment at the moment anyways so it would'nt have mattered.

Tes: "Really? whats wrong?"

Scientist: "The computers were hacked and wiped. all of our work deleted. Ten years of work, gone in a single morning."

Tes: "WHAT? Are you serious?"

The scientist slammed his head into the keyboard
Scientist: "Damn it all! Whoever this bastard is he just messd with the wrong team!"

If you see anything that needs to be fixed tell me. Im really looking forward to this being put in as a webcomic (By myself or a hired artist)
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dragoonofdeath wrote:Am I the only one here thats not a grammar nazi?

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Re: DoD Untitled work part 1

Postby Blood Lord » Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:44 pm

So this is more of a Military Science Fiction story.

Hmm... Title.
It really depends on the overall settings. You want a title that doesn't give anything big away, but still sums up the main theme.

"We captured you alive. Sadly your girlfriend didn't make it however. Evidently her race is not bullet proof."

ROFL

This made me chuckle.

It sounds like you have an idea, but I don't like your delivery style.

Script formats are... easy. Good, goes to the point, but it is limiting.
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Re: DoD Untitled work part 1

Postby dragoonofdeath » Wed Jul 15, 2009 6:57 pm

nah thats just the start. Dont want to give away any spoilers but if you must learn a few things PM me.

Im planning on having multiple themes and a few rather familiar faces appear in the next part.

And I agree i'm not an expert at writing and personally could'nt write a script properly to save my life.

Also on the bulletproof line I plan on having the captain hold up a picture of his girlfrined bloody, mangld and full of bulet holes. May do it but most likely not (Seeing how that would most likely offend a few people.)
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