Beautiful

In the hallway I see the most beautiful thing
So warm and full of care
It takes the chill out of the air
Deep and devoid of fear
It makes me want to jump in a happy cheer
I wonder why sometimes people cant see what i see there

Those beautiful eyes so full of care......

I wrote that during school a few months ago.

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To Post or not to Post that is the Question.

Wow...That's really good.

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=Chex=



Cute and deadly...Yeah, I can be both.

no, it's not very good, there are rhymes that exist but poetry is more easily recognized to be inspired by a combination of the meter and imagery by word choices, rhymes are just sprinklings of a final rhythm to enhance the overall impact of those things (GENERALLY SPEAKING)

let's break it down in a linear fashion, as the poem happens to us:


first line so far so good it has a rhythm and a point but a lot of the words are just used in saying what happens which is for science papers not poetry unless I KNOW! He is using the number of syllables to establish a rhythm let's go on

oh no where did that bouncy rhythm from the first line go oh no, okay maybe the next line will bring back some sort of rhythm

augh you just rhymed for the sake of rhyming and really, nothing else you could think of to describe temperature but the basic chilly and warm? where are we going with this, where's the hallway, maybe some colors?

ugh that doesn't even rhyme and really this is what we're focusing on to show how the face is beautiful?? I don't get it what's DEEP have to do with being devoid of fear

oh I see you rhymed fear and cheer too bad the rhythm is horribly skewed at this point and this rolls off the tongue like a ball of glue-covered spikes not very good word choices at all

TOO MANY WORDS ARGGHGHHh and hey why can't they see it they are in a hallway too maybe??? where is the temperature or some sort of quality that enhances the beauty of the face??

oh look there it is and it rhymes and there's almost a rhythm not a bad end but seriously

the theme here is just everywhere, it definitely needs some work to enhance the imagery of the face, if you want to go in the direction of hot and cold to accentuate the beauty, do so, but stick it to me man

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Bleedcomics Staff Writer/Editor, , and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!
"We're quite aware of this. BR is no happy rainbow face man. He is simply our neighborhood best fucking poster." ~ Warbear
Puff Most Epic.

it was good i use to write poetry many times in a day but i lost my talent I have been tryin to get it back and I'm doin ok but anyway nice poem but not the best

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If i was something other than man I would be a reaper because my passion for death and desruction is frightning to many even my self the world hates me because they cant control me because I am my own being a being of depression death love passion and psychotic http://www.myspace.com/lilblazen and I love grim tales

Here Beeare, have a going at this one, you know you want to.

http://bbrtki.deviantart.com/art/Of-Los ... -122313834
A quick work with poor rhymes etc.

Doubtless some can do better, but I had it lying around anyhow.

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