no, it's not very good, there are rhymes that exist but poetry is more easily recognized to be inspired by a combination of the meter and imagery by word choices, rhymes are just sprinklings of a final rhythm to enhance the overall impact of those things (GENERALLY SPEAKING)
let's break it down in a linear fashion, as the poem happens to us:
In the hallway I see the most beautiful thing
first line so far so good it has a rhythm and a point but a lot of the words are just used in saying what happens which is for science papers not poetry unless I KNOW! He is using the number of syllables to establish a rhythm let's go on
So warm and full of care
oh no where did that bouncy rhythm from the first line go oh no, okay maybe the next line will bring back some sort of rhythm
It takes the chill out of the air
augh you just rhymed for the sake of rhyming and really, nothing else you could think of to describe temperature but the basic chilly and warm? where are we going with this, where's the hallway, maybe some colors?
Deep and devoid of fear
ugh that doesn't even rhyme and really this is what we're focusing on to show how the face is beautiful?? I don't get it what's DEEP have to do with being devoid of fear
It makes me want to jump in a happy cheer
oh I see you rhymed fear and cheer too bad the rhythm is horribly skewed at this point and this rolls off the tongue like a ball of glue-covered spikes not very good word choices at all
I wonder why sometimes people cant see what i see there
TOO MANY WORDS ARGGHGHHh and hey why can't they see it they are in a hallway too maybe??? where is the temperature or some sort of quality that enhances the beauty of the face??
Those beautiful eyes so full of care......
oh look there it is and it rhymes and there's almost a rhythm not a bad end but seriously
the theme here is just everywhere, it definitely needs some work to enhance the imagery of the face, if you want to go in the direction of hot and cold to accentuate the beauty, do so, but stick it to me man
Bleedcomics Staff Writer/Editor,
, and Keeper of the Jar Brain of Secret President. RIP Ku Ku Ku \(-^.^-)/ U Wuz A REAL N***A!!!!!!!"We're quite aware of this. BR is no happy rainbow face man. He is simply our neighborhood best fucking poster." ~ WarbearPuff Most Epic.