Darkest of Night

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Darkest of Night

Postby Data » Thu May 07, 2009 10:52 pm

I don't mind critics, so bring it on!!! :twisted:

Darkest of Night

As the sun faded, so did the hope of light as the rays disappeared and was replaced by darkness. With the darkness would come a war, this war would decide the fate of Lenador. Sitting on the ledge of a grand castle, Dax watched the sunset with sadness in his eyes.

“Hoping for miracles again, Dax?” said a woman’s voice. Without turning to face her, Dax gave a discontented sigh. His lips parted and his canines were visible and glinting.

“I don’t want them leave. It’s too dangerous,” Dax answered to her question. The queen of the castle gave a small smile. White blonde hair flowed in the night wind, billowing around her like a yellow blanket. Queen Dyllia moved to stand beside him as he sat on the ledge.

“Unfortunately, such decisions do not lie upon your shoulders. The choice is mine, and we have waited this war out long enough. If we do not send away the keys and the guardians, our kingdom will die, and the world of Lenador with it,” Dyllia confessed, regret was evident in her voice.

“I give you the mission to take them there. I can get you to the port way but I cannot go with you. While you slip away under the cover of night, I will be readying myself for battle,” Dyllia told him. Dax turned to look at her, and crimson red eyes searched her face for any trace of a lie.

“Lord Seridan will kill you…” he finally said. Dyllia smiled at him.

“Then so it must be…when you return, I shall be gone, and you shall ready yourself for the coming of the heirs. Seridan will think he has won, and it will take a while for his Bounty Hunter to remember their scents when they return. I have faith in you,” Dyllia rested a hand on his shoulder. Dax bit his tongue and turned away from her. She turned away from the ledge and her footsteps head toward the archway inside. She paused at the opening, resting her hand against the frame.

“You must leave tonight and get through the port way to earth by midnight…for that is when our world’s connection will be at its strongest. Everything is strongest here…when it is the darkest of night…”
Last edited by Data on Fri May 08, 2009 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Darkest of Night

Postby Blood Lord » Fri May 08, 2009 10:10 am

Sounds very interesting.

However it would be a good idea to put spacing between when someone talks, and the continuing events.

All it does, is makes it look better and easier to read.

Like this.
As the sun faded, so did the hope of light as the rays disappeared and was replaced by darkness. With the darkness would come a war, this war would decide the fate of Lenador. Sitting on the ledge of a grand castle, Dax watched the sunset with sadness in his eyes.

“Hoping for miracles again, Dax?” said a woman’s voice. Without turning to face her, Dax gave a discontented sigh. His lips parted and his canines were visible and glinting.

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Re: Darkest of Night

Postby Data » Fri May 08, 2009 5:05 pm

Thanks for the tip, I appreciate it...I hope it's easier to read now
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Re: Darkest of Night

Postby Blood Lord » Fri May 08, 2009 5:51 pm

Yes much better.
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