Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 5.

Postby Jasthn » Thu Oct 22, 2009 11:07 am

Ill do my best to remind him lol

Because God and I both know I sometimes have trouble remebering things.
I GOT 'DEM HUMPS.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 5.

Postby Kyomen » Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:17 pm

That he does jasthn o.o That he does xD I do too o.o Like with the whole deidara conversation xD
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 5.

Postby Blood Lord » Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:50 pm

Bet some of you never thought this thread would come back.

Well. It did.

The Rating is pending on this.

I have two versions, one that is PG-13, and another that is R. I haven't decided which one I will use.


Here is the final part of Chapter 1.



She has been watching the fight rage below since it began. Her pitch black robes helped her blend into the darkness, and her ability to hide herself in the Force was just as remarkable. She stared down into the brawl with a boring look set on her face, but felt differently on the inside. It was interesting to see the fight progress, but this current aftermath was extremely disturbing. Maladen’s usage of the Shadow Fear Technique was offsetting, but Vaco’s current reaction made it even worse and more painful for her to bear.

Considering her options and the consequences of those actions, it soon became abruptly clear what she had to do. She leaped off of the platform and landed without a sound. Slowly she approached the flashing, twirling colors, lightsaber in hand. She knew her orders, and her commanders attack plan. But sometimes you have to disobey…

* * *

Maladen weaved a shield of green with his lightsaber, to protect himself from the barrage of attacks from Vaco. He attempted to angle the blade and impale Vaco right through the jaw, but he skillfully flicked the green blade away, and spun out of reach. The fighters glared at each other as they slowly circled, lightsabers held above their heads. Simultaneously they advanced and exchanged a brief set of blows before reaching the other side and resuming their circle. They did this a few more times, adding the Force, and vicious unexpected swipes to the legs or head.

Soon Maladen locked lightsabers with Vaco, and twisted his blade to try and disarm his opponent, but Vaco moved with the motion and slammed his foot into Maladen’s temple. Vaco kept moving with the motion, and swiped the older Jedi’s feet from underneath him; knocking him to the ground. Maladen barely rolled away in time as bright yellow blade impaled the ground where his head would have been. He answered his attacker back by repeating his opponent’s move by swinging his leg around and knocking Vaco to the ground. He kept the motion going and swung the lightsaber down at him, but he brought the lightsaber around just in time to catch the fatal blow.

“Vaco…” hissed Maladen, as he stood on top of the other boy. “I order you to stop now. You are deceiving yourself. Let me help you!”

“NO!” raged Vaco. He shoved the older man off of him with a quick burst in the Force. He watched as Maladen tumbled through the air, but gracefully landed at the last minute on some platform.

“Vaco!” yelled Maladen over the crashing thunder, and the steady fall of rain. “This is your last chance. Surrender… and let me help. Don’t make me destroy you…”

Vaco answered by switching his style into the more aggressive, reversed grip Shien lightsaber style. Shien was well known for its defensive application, particularly towards blasters. However the reversed grip, holding the light saber so it ran parallel with the arm, was known for its ability to rapidly switch from defense, to aggressive and graceful attacks. It was an unorthodox method of fighting, but worked wonders when done right. Vaco leaped at the distant figure, arm poised to deliver a quick slash that would end this fight. But an invisible force gripped him, and hurled him out of range of Maladen. The young Padawan was slammed him into the ground. His shoulder impacted first with a sickening pop, and his stolen lightsaber bounced away. Shaking his head sadly, Maladen used the grip he had on Vaco to raise him into the air. He then spread his fingers wide, causing Vaco’s limbs to stretch out, and his back to arc until it started to crack. When Vaco finally stopped screaming, Maladen tipped his head in amusement, and hurled Vaco into a nearby pillar.

Maladen strode casually to where Vaco was lying. The green blade still light in his hand, casting a hellish light on the surroundings. He stopped in front of the figure, and gestured with his free hand, picking the unconscious Vaco off of the ground with the Force. Lighting flashed overhead, illuminating the night sky, and the combatants. Rain continued to fall, but now in a heavy, but gentle flow. The drops that landed on the lightsaber evaporated with a quick hiss.

“You fought well… even in your current status,” spoke Maladen.” But you could have been so much more… poor boy.”

Maladen raised his lightsaber, and swung it at Vaco. But before the victorious blow could be delivered, he felt… cold, his limbs became unresponsive. His lightsaber rolled out of his hand, and Vaco fell to the floor. Surprised, he looked down, only to see with horror that a violet blade pierced his chest. He tried to speak, but could only draw sharp, useless gulps of air. He fell to his knees, and stared at the other boy. Then to add to his bewilderment, right before his eyes, Vaco disappear into the darkness.

He was alone now. His breath came in short, painful gasps as he struggled to remain conscious. He never imaged that it would end this way; betrayed … by her. He stared upwards into the cloudy night sky, wondering where he went wrong. Even with the minor setback with Vaco, he was still winning and victory was within his grasp. He felt cold, and was struggling to stay awake. His limbs suddenly went numb. Lighting flashed overhead one final time, and Maladen collapsed to the floor.
Last edited by Blood Lord on Fri Dec 04, 2009 7:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Spoopy Princess » Fri Dec 04, 2009 6:08 pm

:eek: Holy shit an update!
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Blood Lord » Fri Dec 04, 2009 6:16 pm

Inorite?
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 5.

Postby Fievel » Fri Dec 04, 2009 7:01 pm

I didn't know you cared about your adoring fans, Blood.

Blood Lord wrote:Maladen strode casually to where Vaco laid.

It just bothered me ever so much, always has, but that should be either lied or lie, I forget which. Laid is only used to refer to the act of placing an object, not the object's present position.

Also
Blood Lord wrote:She stared down into the brawl with a boring look set on her face, but felt differently on the inside. It was interesting to see the fight progress, but this current aftermath was extremely disturbing. Maladen’s usage of the Shadow Fear Technique was offsetting, but Vaco’s current reaction made it even worse and more painful for her to bear.

You wrote starred instead of stared, and the 'more' that was added just makes it sound structurally better.

Blood Lord wrote:Considering her options and the consequences of those actions, it soon became abruptly clear to what she had to do.

The to is unnecessary, and makes it seem as if the person needs to go somewhere, and had would be more grammatically correct.

Blood Lord wrote:Vaco leaped at the distant figure, arm poised to deliver a quick slash that would end this fight. But an invisible force gripped him, and hurled him out of range of Maladen. The young Padawan was slammed him into the ground.

You forgot a 'p.' 'him' is also an error.

Those were the only errors I saw, and for some reason, I felt like correcting them today. I like the story, though, and I will eagerly await the next update, which should be in another month, right?
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Blood Lord » Sat Dec 05, 2009 11:05 am

which should be in another month, right?

No.

I didn't know you cared about your adoring fans, Blood.

What fans?
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Fievel » Sat Dec 05, 2009 11:07 am

Blood Lord wrote:
which should be in another month, right?

No.

So... Longer? Sooner?

Blood Lord wrote:
I didn't know you cared about your adoring fans, Blood.

What fans?

You know... the worshipers.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Blood Lord » Sat Dec 05, 2009 11:09 am

So... Longer? Sooner?

Whenever I give a damn about it again.

You know... the worshipers.

I have none in here.
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Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Doctress Who » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:06 pm

Well, I don't care much for Star Wars, but your story telling ability is good. This is decent stuff - you've definitely got me interested. I'll be looking out for more updates from this in future.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: Chapter 1 Part 6.

Postby Blood Lord » Sat Dec 05, 2009 8:16 pm

This thread has now ended. I will no longer update it.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Mathias » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:26 am

lol

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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Doctress Who » Sun Dec 06, 2009 9:57 am

Damn you. We get interested in your story, and this is how you repay us?
:sosad: You are too cruel.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Fievel » Sun Dec 06, 2009 11:47 am

This is funny.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Blood Lord » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:00 pm

Glad you take humor out of this. Now just let me switch you from friend to foe'd.

Damn you. We get interested in your story, and this is how you repay us?

How many fucking people do I have interest in this?

There is no regulars, everyone is not a fan of the main idea, its a god damn nightmare for me to update, and just.... FUCK.
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Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Fievel » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:14 pm

Blood Lord wrote:Glad you take humor out of this. Now just let me switch you from friend to foe'd.

Nooos. I have done nothing wrong.

Blood Lord wrote:
Damn you. We get interested in your story, and this is how you repay us?

How many fucking people do I have interest in this?

There is no regulars, everyone is not a fan of the main idea, its a god damn nightmare for me to update, and just.... FUCK.

I suppose this anwers my question. Nevermind.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Blood Lord » Sun Dec 06, 2009 12:37 pm

I don't want this around any more.

Time to find a mod.
Last edited by Blood Lord on Sun Dec 06, 2009 2:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Q.U. » Sun Dec 06, 2009 1:25 pm

What a failure to be resolute... :>

Hey, BK, you know that I'm writing something too? You know that nobody else so far had been given the chance to read it? You know why? Because I'm writing things for myself, and I don't need any praise or fans to keep me going. The day I'm done I plan to show it to others, but no sooner. Why not? Because I wouldn't expect fans or praise. I'm not a professional writer with a fanbase that would keep on cheering on whatever I write. And neither are you. If you started this up just to get a fanbase, then you're just silly. It takes years of hard work and effort, hundreds of pages, millions of words to get anywhere in this business. If this is just about as far as you can get on your own before giving up then I do agree, drop this because it will never get you anywhere.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Blood Lord » Sun Dec 06, 2009 2:27 pm

Q.U, I don't need you to preach to me.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Doctress Who » Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:00 pm

Fair enough, Blood. It's your thread, so it's your call. If you don't think it's working out, then by all means delete it.
But I don't lie about these things - if I think something's rubbish/doesn't appeal to me, I won't lie about it and say I adored it. And I generally thought your story was good - even though the main subject didn't interest me in the slightest, that doesn't matter. The point is, the way you told the story was interesting enough to keep my attention and kept me reading all the way through. That takes some talent to do, and I admire your work for that. Sometimes it's not about what the story contains/what it is about, but it is the story telling itself that keeps the reader captivated/makes a good story. But I expect you already know that.
I know you are going to delete this thread - I'm not for a moment suggesting you shouldn't. But I wanted you to know before you do, that I for one enjoyed and apreciated the work and effort you put in here.
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Re: Blood Lord: Star Wars Knight Fall: DEAD

Postby Mirak's Mod Ghost » Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:07 pm

i used to rite sum poems an den i sed FUCK no 1 is gvn me prays!
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