Quotable quotes

Fan-fiction, short stories, screenplays, poems -- anything text-based really belongs here.

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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Fievel » Wed Feb 24, 2010 3:17 am

"I'd rather go ice fishing, which is the dumbest thing a man can do. You're sitting essentially in an out house and it's 30 below. You've cut a hole in the ice, and you're fishing for fish that you shouldn't eat, ‘cause any fish that is down there is fucking stupid." - Lewis Black

"She said, "Spell 'ant' ", and I wrote out the entire alphabet. She said, "That doesn't spell 'ant' ", and I said, "It's in there somewhere! There's the A, there's the N, there's the T – the rest are silent!"" - Eddie Izzard

"But you have one thing that may save you, and that is your youth. This is your great strength. It is also why I hate and fear you. Hear me out. It has been said that children are our future. But does that not also mean that we are their past? You are here to replace us. I don't understand why we're here helping and honoring them. You do not see union workers holding benefits for robots." - Stephen Colbert
Offended.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Doctress Who » Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:01 am

The Doctor: Like I said, once... There's a banana grove there now. I like bananas. Bananas are good.
[Later]
Jack: Nice switch.
The Doctor: Thanks. From the groves at Villengard. Thought it was appropriate.
Jack: There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard, and you did that?
The Doctor: Bananas are good.

The Doctor: Don't drop the banana!
Jack Harkness: Why not?
The Doctor: Good source of potassium!

The Doctor: Come on, assets, assets...
Jack Harkness: Well I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves...

Rose: What have you been doing?! Where have you been?
The Doctor: [Whilst pretending to be drunk] Well...among other things, I think I just invented the banana daiquiri a couple of centuries early. D'you know they hadn't even seen a banana before? Always take a banana to a party, Rose...Bananas are good.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Wed Feb 24, 2010 11:22 am

"Slab Bulkhead, Splint Chesthair, Crunch Buttsteak, Big Mclargehuge, Buff Drinklots, we put our faith in Blast Hardcheese, Punch Rockgroin, Bolt Vanderhuge, Thick Mcrunfast, Bob Johnson oh wait"-MST3K
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Crazyguylink » Wed Feb 24, 2010 12:30 pm

It's always good to have goals in life. I plan to live forever... So far so good...

Epitaph on tombstone: "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer"
Passerby: "Bloody hell!!! They buried two people in this one!!!"

"Multitasking" is the polite way of saying screwing up multiple things at the same time!!!

Max: "I'll create a distraction while you sneak past him!"
Sam: "No way, little buddy. Last time you did that you knocked out the powerr grid for the entire Eastern Hemisphere!"
Max: "You call it overzealous, I call it thorough!" - Sam and Max Episode 104
If at first you don't succeed, eliminate all witnesses and remove any evidence you were even there.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:59 pm

"Voila, in view a humble vaudeville veteran cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicisities of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity is a vestige of the vox populi now vacant and vanished. However, this valourous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish the venal and virulent vermin vangaurding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance, a vendetta held as a votive. Not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and virtuous. Verily, this vichysoise of verbiage veers most verbose so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."-V for vendetta
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Crazyguylink » Thu Feb 25, 2010 5:07 pm

First off... Love that movie!
And now...

Max: We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and the Chupacabra! Madre est dios!!! Hell kill us all!!!!

Sam: I don't think he's going to let us through.
Max: I know. And it would be a shame if something were to "happen" to him.
Sam: What do you mean?
Max: Well, it would be too bad if he were to have an "accident".
Sam: How do you do that? Put certain words in quotations when you speak?
Max: I've been "practicing".

Sam: Do you ever get lonely Max?
Max: No. I have the voices to keep me company!
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Tue Mar 02, 2010 3:48 pm

"'What the fuck!? Fuck this! Who the fuck!?How the fuck do you two fucking fucks FFFFFFFFFFUCK!'
'Well, that certainly illustrates the diversity of the word'"-Boondock saints.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Blood Lord » Tue Mar 02, 2010 3:51 pm

"There can be no 'quick fix' to global warming. Even if all emissions of greenhouse gases were to cease immediately, the temperature would continue to increase after 2100 because of the greenhouse gases already in the atmosphere" - NASA.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Gigafist » Tue Mar 02, 2010 9:10 pm

"If somethings worth doing it's worth dying for"- ANON until I can find whoever said this.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Crazyguylink » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:59 pm

Couple of random quotes from my rogues fan-fiction I'm working on (please keep in mind the characters are machines)

Axel (after getting hit by chunk of metal): Ouch... Anyone get the number of that truck?" *Finds license plate attached to debris* "Oh. Never mind."

Rock: "Where the hell are the others?"
Zero: "In the building across the street!" *Points to collapsed building*
Rock: *looking at rubble* "Not AGAIN!!!

Machine general: *says maniacally* "Who do I cut-Cut-Cut first? HAHAHAHAHA!!!"
*Stone knocks machine's head off*
Jake tossing and catching baseball-sized a rock: "Wow... And to think that's their General..."
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Blood Lord » Thu Mar 04, 2010 3:58 pm

"I know a guy" - Anonymous
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Doctress Who » Thu Mar 04, 2010 4:27 pm

Caecilius: Who are you?
The Doctor: I am...Spartacus.
Donna: And so am I.
Caecilius: Mr. and Mrs. Spartacus?
The Doctor: Oh no no no. We're not married.
Donna: We're not together.
Caecilius: Oh! Brother and sister. Yes, of course. You look very much alike.
The Doctor and Donna: Really?

Donna: You fought her off...with a water pistol? I bloody love you!

Donna: The murderer is an alien.
The Doctor: Which means one of that lot is an alien in human form.
Donna: Yeah, but think about it. There's a murder, a mystery and Agatha Christie.
The Doctor: Happens to me all the time.
Donna: No. But isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders. Not really. I mean that's like meeting Charles Dickens and he's surrounded by ghosts. At Christmas.
The Doctor: Well...

The Doctor: ...With Martha, like I said, it got ... complicated. And that was all my fault. I just want a mate.
Donna: [mis-hearing] You just want to mate?!
The Doctor: I just want a mate!
Donna: You're not mating with me, sunshine!
The Doctor: A mate! I want a mate!
Donna: Well, just as well, cos I'm not having any of that nonsense! You're just a long streak of nothing!
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:33 am

What brought down Rome? The romans.
What will bring down America? The americans.-me
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Doctress Who » Fri Mar 05, 2010 11:49 am

Gwen: But those people, last night - the people in the car, who are they? What's Torchwood?
PC Andy: I dunno. Special Ops?
Gwen: Yeah, but what does that mean?
PC Andy:I'll bet you ten quid they're DNA specialists. It's all DNA these days. Like that CSI bollocks. CSI Cardiff, I'd like to see that. They'd be measuring the velocity of a kebab!

Jack: Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?
Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I’m a twat.

Tosh: All I'm saying is that once in a while I'd like to drive.
Owen: Yeah, and all I'm saying is no.
Tosh: Why not?
Owen: Look I've shared cars with women before, I know what'll happen, there's an emergency, all raring to go, I jump in, what do I find? Seat's in the wrong position, rear view mirrors out of line, steering wheel's in my crotch. By time I've sorted all that out, aliens will've taken Newport!

Owen: I hate the countryside. It's dirty, it's unhygienic. And what is that smell?
Gwen: That would be grass.
Owen: It's disgusting.

Gwen: I just feel... like there's something going on...
Owen: Marvellous. Thank you for that Disney moment.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Blood Lord » Sat Mar 06, 2010 3:19 pm

"Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi." - Unknown.
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Light10s - Blood Lord! Your avatars are becoming more epic. You make me feel like getting on all fours and submitting my loyalty and obedience to you.
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:31 am

(Invention of golf)
-scottish- Here's my idea for a fuckin' sport, I knock a ball in a gopher hole.

Oh sorta like pool.

Fuck off pool. Not with a straight stick, with a little fucked up stick.

Oh sorta like croquet.

Fuck croquet. I put the hole hundreds of yards away.

Oh sorta like a bowling thing.

Fuck no. Bowling's straight, I put shit in the way. Like trees and bushes and high grass and you're whackin' away with a fuckin' tire iron. And every time you miss, you feel like you're gonna have a stroke.Oi, that's it, that's what we'll call it, a stroke 'cause every time you miss, you feel like you're gonna fuckin' die. Oh, I've got another idea, this is brilliant. Near the end, I put a flat peice with a little flag to give you fuckin' hope. But I put in a pool and a sandbox to fuck with your ball again.

And you do this one time?

FUCK NO! EIGHTEEN FUCKIN' TIMES!-Robin Williams
I am the terror that flaps in the night. I'm the weirdo who sits next to you on the bus. I AM -SPLASH- ssoaked.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Doctress Who » Mon Mar 08, 2010 11:51 am

Hehe, I like that one.

Martha: Jack's right, these attacks are not random, they're clinical, professional. More like assassinations.
Gwen: Except Barry Leonard was a student. Who'd assassinate a student?
Martha: Student loans company?
Gwen: Yeah, I think you just cracked it.
[They both laugh.]

Jack: Oh, by the way, I found your diary.
Ianto: Ah, yes, I've been looking for that. [starts to walk away]
Jack: And for the record, measuring tapes never lie.
Ianto: [quietly] Fuck.

Jack: Have faith, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?
Ianto: He is dashing, you have to give him that.
Owen: And what if they can't stop it?
Tosh: They'll stop it.
Owen:Yeah, but if they can't?
Ianto: Then it's...all over.
Owen: [after a pause] Let's all have sex.
Ianto: [deadpan] And I thought the end of the world couldn't get any worse.

Tosh: No I can't just hook something up! The entire telephone network is down!
Owen: What about a mobile connection?
Tosh: [annoyed] The entire. Telephone. Network. Is down!
Ianto: Mobiles, landlines, tin cans with bits of string - everything, absolutely everything! No phones, phones all broken. [mimics telephone] Hello? Anyone there? [normal] No, 'cause the phones aren't working!
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Grey Silver » Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:25 am

I am the walrus. goo goo cachoo- John Lennon
My favourite Discordian quotes-
I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs and insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, I guess that makes me a humanitarian.
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
Lions: 5, Christians: 0.
That which does not kill me had better run pretty damn fast.
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down.
I'm not as think as you stoned I am.
Censorship? We don't have any censorship here. If we did, I couldn't say ---- or ------ ------!
Ban Censorship!

you can find more at http://www.kbuxton.com/discordia/discordianquotes.html
Guns don't kill people. Bullets do.
Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum:
I think I think, therefore I think I am.
Hail Eris!
Hail Bob!
Hail Stones!
All Hail Discordia.
ἀναρχίᾱ anarchíā
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Lord_Versi » Wed Mar 17, 2010 11:27 pm

"...And that's when I bought the horse a Prostitute."
-Rayne Summers- LICD
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Tragedy_and_Comedy » Fri Mar 19, 2010 1:04 am

Cheshire Cat: Doors have locks, locks need keys, which you don't have. Let's hope the Doors are open.
Alice: And if not, there may be more than one way to skin a cat, if you'll pardon the expression.
Cheshire Cat: Most unpleasant metaphor. Please avoid it in future.
~~~~~~~~~~
Alice: You've gone quite mangy, Cat. But your grin's a comfort.
~~~~~~~~~~
Mange-ridden to the core, he leads me through the fray. With the toss of a Jackbomb, I clear abominations from our way.
~~~~~~~~~~
Your hair wants cutting, and perhaps your neck could use a trim!
~~~~~~~~~~
"Mushrooms, poppies, sugar and spice, all those things are very nice. When combined, the proper mixture makes a getting small elixir." Hm. I don't really like sweets.

American McGee's Alice
You... you really don't get it... do you? I... I love him... I'd die with him. Or for him. That's what you do... how you feel when you love someone. - Impulse
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Crazyguylink » Fri Mar 19, 2010 10:13 am

Can't remember who said these, I just found them on avatars online while bored:

"If everything tastes like chicken, What does chicken taste like?"

"If one syncronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?"

"If sign makers go on strike, just how exactly does that work?"
o.O :roll: :unsure:
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Doctress Who » Fri Mar 19, 2010 11:33 am

To celebrate the return of my (2nd) favourite Tv show, it's time for some 'Ashes To Ashes'/'Life On Mars' quotes!

Alex Drake: You're taller than I imagined.
Gene Hunt: I'm bigger in every department.

Ryan Burns: I am the vine! You are the branches! John, Chapter 15, Verse 5!
Gene Hunt: You're nicked for the murder of Delphine Parks, the rape and attempted murder of Nina Akiboa. Anything you say will be taken down, ripped up and shoved down your scrawny little throat until you're choked to death. Gene Hunt, Chapter 1, Verse 2.

Gene Hunt: Right! How many birds does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two! One to run around screaming "What do I do?" and one to shag the electrician!

Gene Hunt: Today, my friend, your diary entry will read: took a prossie hostage, and was shot by three armed bastards.
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby numbuhAsharp » Fri Mar 19, 2010 2:59 pm

Only pop music can save us now!-The young ones
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby Crazyguylink » Sat Mar 20, 2010 11:33 am

Random quotes from my LOZ fanfic, soon to be posted @ http://crazyguylink.yolasite.com:

Saria: Are you telling me we ran into this mess without a PLAN?!?
Dark Link: Sounded like a good idea at the time!
Sheik: I bet this kind of thing never happens to Mario...

Dark Link gives Link healing potion:
Link: Ugh. That stuff is rancid! What is it?
D.L.: Chu Jelly Juice. Tastes awful, and it works.
Link: Sounds like a marketing ad. I'll stick to soup, thanks.

Sheik *tosses bomb into enemy armor* : Let's see you survive that!
*bomb goes off, damaging armor and angering the creature* : I was being sarcastic!!!
o.O :roll: :unsure:
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Re: Quotable quotes

Postby MQuinny1234 » Sun Mar 21, 2010 6:49 pm

If the Almighty were to rebuild the world and asked me for advice, I would have English Channels round every country. And the atmosphere would be such that anything which attempted to fly would be set on fire.
Winston Churchill

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
George Carlin

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
Mitch Hedberg

"How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?"

If your named Will and you are in the army do you get worried when people say fire at will?

"Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life." - Terry Pratchett.
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