Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby Blood Lord » Wed May 06, 2009 9:04 pm

bob-dude wrote:Mind if I ask what you thought made it very nice? Or if you disliked anything for that matter?

Well. I did like the fight, well worded, I could see the battle happening.
Just generally knowing Her and Grim Jr, I could picture the end as well.

What I didn't like is that it feels as if you are jumping around quite a bit.
I do understand that when you have multiple characters, and they are all spread across, doing sifferent things. I did have a hard time remembering what the hell was going on.
I think it might help if you put just a general, what-they-did-when-we-left-them sort of thing, that way it would be easier for the reader to keep track of the events happening.

It doesn't have to be like an intro, or anything seperte but more of a reminder of what was happening.

Like next time you go back to Edgar, and his son Will, mention something along the lines of, "It has been (blank long) since the training fight", or have Will thinking about what happend, and what was said. Just use small things to help the reader figure out where they are, and what previously happened.
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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby Q.U. » Thu May 07, 2009 4:44 am

I think it might help if you put just a general, what-they-did-when-we-left-them sort of thing, that way it would be easier for the reader to keep track of the events happening.

I got caught up with the same thing actually. In PMs he had lines of __________ separating the parts where the place of action changed. But he dropped if for submission.
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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby bob-dude » Thu May 07, 2009 6:18 am

That might have been a bit of the sites fualt accatly. I'll see if I can't fix that when I can and see if that won't help things.
Paolini: Characters are born of necessity

Griddles: Well you know I am sadistic... I'll only kill a character when their purpose is served.
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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby bob-dude » Thu May 07, 2009 6:30 am

Got the lines in. Anything else BL?
Paolini: Characters are born of necessity

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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby Q.U. » Thu May 07, 2009 10:09 am

bob-dude wrote:Got the lines in. Anything else BL?

Now he will say "duels on lightsabres".
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Re: Bob-dude's Grim tales continuation: Reformation

Postby Blood Lord » Thu May 07, 2009 4:09 pm

Q.U. wrote:
bob-dude wrote:Got the lines in. Anything else BL?

Now he will say "duels on lightsabres".

Needs more Lightsaber duels. lol

Naw bob. That was really the only problem I could see.
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