bob-dude wrote:Mind if I ask what you thought made it very nice? Or if you disliked anything for that matter?
Well. I did like the fight, well worded, I could see the battle happening.
Just generally knowing Her and Grim Jr, I could picture the end as well.
What I didn't like is that it feels as if you are jumping around quite a bit.
I do understand that when you have multiple characters, and they are all spread across, doing sifferent things. I did have a hard time remembering what the hell was going on.
I think it might help if you put just a general, what-they-did-when-we-left-them sort of thing, that way it would be easier for the reader to keep track of the events happening.
It doesn't have to be like an intro, or anything seperte but more of a reminder of what was happening.
Like next time you go back to Edgar, and his son Will, mention something along the lines of, "It has been (blank long) since the training fight", or have Will thinking about what happend, and what was said. Just use small things to help the reader figure out where they are, and what previously happened.