Well. I did like the fight, well worded, I could see the battle happening.
Just generally knowing Her and Grim Jr, I could picture the end as well.

What I didn't like is that it feels as if you are jumping around quite a bit.
I do understand that when you have multiple characters, and they are all spread across, doing sifferent things. I did have a hard time remembering what the hell was going on.
I think it might help if you put just a general, what-they-did-when-we-left-them sort of thing, that way it would be easier for the reader to keep track of the events happening.

It doesn't have to be like an intro, or anything seperte but more of a reminder of what was happening.

Like next time you go back to Edgar, and his son Will, mention something along the lines of, "It has been (blank long) since the training fight", or have Will thinking about what happend, and what was said. Just use small things to help the reader figure out where they are, and what previously happened.

_________________
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Mythrrinthael - Blood Lord, our local expert in interpretation of The Grim Tales from Down Below!
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
Snafu's Mercypostle.

I got caught up with the same thing actually. In PMs he had lines of __________ separating the parts where the place of action changed. But he dropped if for submission.

_________________
This post is intended for information only. Please do not reply to this message as responses cannot be read or acknowledged due to the stupidity of the user.

That might have been a bit of the sites fualt accatly. I'll see if I can't fix that when I can and see if that won't help things.

_________________
Paolini: Characters are born of necessity

Griddles: Well you know I am sadistic... I'll only kill a character when their purpose is served.

Got the lines in. Anything else BL?

_________________
Paolini: Characters are born of necessity

Griddles: Well you know I am sadistic... I'll only kill a character when their purpose is served.

Now he will say "duels on lightsabres".

_________________
This post is intended for information only. Please do not reply to this message as responses cannot be read or acknowledged due to the stupidity of the user.

Needs more Lightsaber duels.

Naw bob. That was really the only problem I could see.

_________________
Stufflikehearts - He is a Sith Lord. I love Blood Lord :3
Jeffffey - Blood, you look at the information someone says, look over what really happened, and reply in a way that makes them realize what they were really thinking.
Mythrrinthael - Blood Lord, our local expert in interpretation of The Grim Tales from Down Below!
Fievel - Numerous campaigns and conquests, countless bodies decaying after the abandonment of victorious battlefields. Such is the life of Blood Lord.
Dusk_Imp - Blood Lord is like a celebrity here. Everything he does is pure awesome. ALL HAIL BLOOD LORD
Doctress Who - Why couldn't there be a Blood Lord in every forum? It would make life so much easier.
Snafu's Mercypostle.